#gamzee log

[circuitousgrievance]

KANKRI: -Its been a lot. Everything. Everything ever has been a lot and Kankri isnt quite sure he knows what he feels right now as he sits outside right near the entrance of the ship. Ideally maybe the air would clear his head and he could think a little better about what it is he should be doing now that this whole nightmare is over.-

GAMZEE: =Whitenoise, all of it. His head has been worse for the duration of this experience. All emotions and thoughts he can't get a hold of, arrange in any kind of comprehensible fashion, or simply allow to settle. It's been a stupor of anger and helplessness, and he's struggling to cope. With himself and everything around. With everyone around. He's been out walking again, more or less in a daze trying to outspeed the hazy flickering at the back of his mind seeping into the corners of his vision. It's frizzing even now as he spots Kankri sitting outside.= 

GAMZEE: =Ultimately, after just watching for a little, he walks on over to him to plop down by his side. He doesn't look at him, instead trying to catch what Kankri might be looking at out in the air.= mind trailing on the breeze?

KANKRI: -He is not quite looking at anything in particular, probably that rock several yards away. He doesnt much react when Gamzee sits down next to him, but he does briefly glance at him.- Yes. 

KANKRI: Very much s9.

KANKRI: H9w are y9u?

GAMZEE: =A very interesting rock then, since they are both looking at it. He shrugs a shoulder.= LIKELY AS FINE AS ANY OTHER MOTHER FUCKER LEFT AFTER THIS HORROR SHOW. 

GAMZEE: regardless ain't me what i be of concern on now. =Looks at him finally (guess the rock wasn't that interesting after all). Instead of asking if he's okay, a stupid and pointless question, he wraps one arm around his shoulders in a one armed hug.=

KANKRI: -He thinks an interesting rock, in fact boy that rock is damn awe inspiring just look at how his eyes start to water a little when Gamzee wraps an arm around him, all for that rock, boy.- 

KANKRI: -He does briefly tense up during the initial embrace but only for a moment before his muscles relax and he leans against Gamzee.-

GAMZEE: =The rock is truly an inspiration to us all... He simply holds his arm on him in a loose drape while Kankri tenses, only pulling him in against him once he's relaxed and leaning. Fingers rub against Kankri's shoulder in slow steady motions, his cheek resting against the top of Kankri's head. He's never been good with words, not even after the supor left his system. They're caught in his chest, and for now he doesn't know if he's capable of fishing it out. Instead he speaks with a gentle squeeze to Kankri's shoulders, giving what comfort he could.=

KANKRI: -The silence is really appreciated, more and more lately Kankri found himself not wanting to spend the energy on the words he usually gushed out. Simple was fine, simple was better. And after a minute or so of this, and a few silently shed tears, Kankri slowly straightens himself up and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand.- 

KANKRI: I'm fine. Its 9kay.

GAMZEE: =The tight grip on him loosens somewhat once he straightens, letting him move as he liked. Gamzee watches him wipe his tears, turning more towards him to let his free hand touch his cheek. Thumb swiping below his eye, catching tears.= YOU AIN'T. 

 GAMZEE: but ain't no crime in having youself be so.

KANKRI: -No, his cheek is gross with the wetness of his weakness.- 

KANKRI: -But still thats a really sweet gesture and he reaches his hand up to take Gamzee's and hold it.- Well I'm g9ing t9 6e fine. 

 KANKRI: Its just a matter 9f waiting it 9ut, which I will d9. In the mean time I can f9cus 9n h9w thankful I am that this is 9ver and I w9nt 6e l9sing any9ne else.

GAMZEE: =Crying isn't weakness, but whatever floats his boat. He twines their fingers together, not saying anything straight away as his words swirl around in his pan. The whitenoise is more insistant. He has to wet his lips before speaking, gaze flitting off just to the side of Kankri's face then back again.= 

GAMZEE: DOUBT HE NEEDING ON HAVING ME TELL HIM THAT SIMPLE WAIT WITH FEELINGS UNPROCESSED AND ADRESSED AIN'T HOW A MOTHER FUCKER BEST HANDLE HIM SHIT. 

GAMZEE: requires work, adressin', have a real time to break apart then build back on up anew.

KANKRI: Perhaps that is true, 6ut currently my moirail is unc9nci9us and s9 at the very least Im just g9ing t9 have t9 wait until I get t9 adressing any 9f it. -Its a good excuse.-

GAMZEE: =Squeezes his hand.= CANNOT LET THEM FEELS FESTER WITH LINGERING CLAWS, BROTHER. 

GAMZEE: find on ways to give release elsewise while john rest.

GAMZEE: =He scoots closer, eyes firmly set on his.= WAYS OF ESCAPING-- RETREATIN', FIND SOME PLACE WHERE ALL AIN'T SO MUCH WHAT IT BE. 

GAMZEE: for a time, not always, until it good.

KANKRI: -Turns to meet his deep purple gaze with his own duller red, and he listens to him and tries to grasp the concept of those words.- 

KANKRI: Are y9u suggesting t9 me attempts 9f meditiati9n?

GAMZEE: =It's frustrating how he can't seem to make people understand, much less himself. The idea was already there, he knew, but all this time he'd been teethering. Unsure whether to do one thing or the next. He had never made true desicions for himself, where to go, other than... Ones that lead him to other people, make connections he so longed for. This time it was nothing like that, a desicion that would lead to more loneliness he had thought, but maybe it didn't have to.= ESCAPE IT BE WHAT I SUGGEST, PHYSICAL AS BE SPIRITUAL. 

GAMZEE: have a way aways from here, noise and mofos suffering louder than what they dare speak, than what they dare spill from headspace feeling on too heavy for themselves. 

GAMZEE: AS OF PATH WE NOW DO TRAVEL, TIME WILL COME WHEN A MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT KEEP HIS STEPS, AS WHAT WICKED NOISE ROLLS IN HIM FEELS AND MIND BE TOO PIERCING.

KANKRI: -His eyebrows knit together in confusion as he hears out the idea, and then it hits him what Gamzee is proposing and suddenly his stomach is swirling and it feels like up and down might be switched.- 

KANKRI: .....Leaving. -He needs to say it just in his own voice, for clarity. And he briefly flashes back to his last sugar high and all the rambling about living on Avalon and finally escaping the misery that followed this ship. It was still such an intoxicating thought and dream, but without the drug jacking up his heart rate and erasing the emotional and responsibility tethers he had here... Kankri found the idea a gut churning bitter sweet.-

KANKRI: I... Leaving the ship. Leaving every9ne else.

KANKRI: I d9n't think that I...can. J9hn will never leave and. 

KANKRI: And then there is Porrim, and Horuss, and-- -He swallows.-

KANKRI: I kn9w I'm n9t much use t9 this crew 6ut we've c9me this far while I d9nt really 6elieve t99 hard it fate I still feel like there is reas9n t9 stay, t9 keep seeing where it leads.

GAMZEE: =His eyes are searching, confused, even after Kankri is done explaining. His knuckles whitening at how tightly he is holding his hand, then easing the grip once he realises how tightly he'd hold the hand resting in his. It wasn't a surprising answer. He'd expected it frankly, but there had still been that brief flash of hope that he didn't have to start over. That someone would be with him. It's a selfish request, he knew it deep down. One that couldn't be done. Still, apart from his desire to not be alone, he did want for Kankri to be happy. To find some peace. He laughs airly, shaking his head.= ain't useless, all peeps got some use in them for one or other. 

GAMZEE: DON'T SUGGEST ON LEAVING FOREVER, AIN'T WHAT-- MOTHER FUCK. 

GAMZEE: ain't what i'm saying at yous, or... what it be i is suggest. 

GAMZEE: JUST 'TIL ON AIN'T HURT NO MORE. 

GAMZEE: 'tils you don't cry or feel like you ain't you and none is right.

KANKRI: -He did wince a little from the strength of the grip, but since Gamzee stopped soon enough he didnt say anything or pull his hand away.-  

KANKRI: -He does need to look away though, feeling the tightness in his stomach rapidly crawling up into his chest at the flashes of upset he can see in Gamzee's face.- As great as that s9unds, (fuck) as amazing and h9pefull as that s9unds. Leaving isnt g9ing t9 make me feel 6etter, Gamzee. 

 KANKRI: I already tried leaving my pr96lems 9nce, and thats h9w I ended up 9n this ship in the first place. I just-- -He pauses a moment to take a breath and force himself to look at Gamzee again, just really take in the sight of this troll sitting next to him, being there for him, pestering and pushing him to get better.- I can't leave. I d9nt want t9.

GAMZEE: =It hurts hearing that, and it hurts more feeling how he's getting angry about it. Angry that Kankri is saying no, that he has so little hold on his temper, angry that his wistful fantasies so rarely come true. He knows it isn't right to demand it, to expect it, nor to get angry over him telling him no. The whitenoise is overpowering, and he swallows. He wonders if he is doing the same thing, that when presented with the option to "take a break to heal" by Tavros he wasn't actually going to do so. That he was just finding another way of escapism. Gamzee's jaw sets tightly, as if he wants  to yell (and he wants to), something stinging painfully at his eyes and then... His expression falls, tension gone, but with apathy in it's place. The one safespace he had left.= 

GAMZEE: KNOW YOU BEST, THAT HOW IT FALL IN THE END OF ALL THINGS. 

GAMZEE: ain't forcin' you to do none what you don't wish, can't push mine careless shit so far. 

GAMZEE: =He swipes a thumb over Kankri's knuckles slowly, then lets go of his hand all together to wrap his arms around his own knees. Eyes back to the rock over yonder.= 

 GAMZEE: =The rock holds no answers to his thoughts, of what might be right, instead he spills the truth as it is. Harsh and all.= 

 GAMZEE: ONCE WE ALLS MORE SKYBOUND, A TRASHASS CLOWN WILL BE NONE MORE.

KANKRI: -That split moment of anger in Gamzee is shocking, it threw Kankri off to see it but at the very least its ebbing away and so Kankri can release the breath of anxiety he didnt know he was holding onto. However when Gamzee releases his hand he almost tries to grab it back, but no, he hesitates and then lowers it.- 

KANKRI: .................... -It was what he had been starting to fear over the course of this conversation. Obviously he couldn't stop Gamzee from leaving anymore then he could convince him against staying. And it sucked. It actually physically hurt and suddenly Kankri feels extremely winded and like his entire body is burning and there isnt any real way to stop it. He wont cry though, hes not going to cry now. He just swallows it down a dry throat, and turns his gaze forward again.- 

KANKRI: If thats what y9u want then 9kay. 

KANKRI: ...I will miss y9u.

GAMZEE: =His fists clench as he sits there. Only briefly as the nonsensical swill of grief and anger rises in his throat, only to be pushed down again. He keeps his eyes focused on the rock to keep from going back on what he's saying. What he is going to do.= 

GAMZEE: =He laughs, humorless.= ain't what i want. 

GAMZEE: BUT IS WHAT I IS NEEDING. 

GAMZEE: can't go on up and witnessing these sickening displays, have them what matter torn apart while own pan make none sense. 

GAMZEE: SPEAK OF USELESS THEN IF THERE BE ONE HE NEED LOOK NONE FURTHER THAN HERE. =Taps a finger to his temple.= 

GAMZEE: more in the now than before, be what i is slow to realise. 

GAMZEE: BRING ON MY OWN ASS UNDONE, TO CONTINUE THIS HERE PATH WHICH I TAKE. 

GAMZEE: thus bring on all else what mattering to me. 

GAMZEE: =Sighs shakily, swallowing thickly.= SO IT MUST BE, THAT I STRAY. GAMZEE: =His voice shakes now, angry and upset.= but never don't come at me like that. 

GAMZEE: THINKING IT SOME SHIT I GONE UP CRAVE AND WANT. GAMZEE: for none less true. 

GAMZEE: =Rubs his face, turning to Kankri with his voice more level.= YOUS MATTER, STILL DO, WON'T STOP. 

GAMZEE: don't think i ain't true in that.

KANKRI: Right. N9, I kn9w. -He still doesnt look at him and keeps turned away.- 

 KANKRI: We are 69th d9ing what we need t9. I hate that circumstances are what they are and that every day its wearing d9wn every9ne that much m9re. 6ut I understand y9u want-- needing t9 leave. 

 KANKRI: I w9uldnt want y9u t9 stay and risk y9urself anym9re then I w9uld h9pe y9u w9uld feel if the r9les were reversed.

KANKRI: I'm angry. I d9nt like it. 6ut that has n9thing t9 d9 with y9u, and it w9uld 6e selfish 9f me t9 h9ld any anam9sity t9wards y9u f9r it. S9 I d9n't.

GAMZEE: RATHER YOU UP AND SPILL WHAT FURIOSITY YOU GOT AT A CLOWN. 

GAMZEE: than keep it on inside with the rest.

KANKRI: -He finally looks at him again and when he does Gamzee can see his face is red and he scowls and snaps.- I just t9ld y9u I d9nt!!

KANKRI: ........have any. -Takes a deep breath and tries to settle himself.-

GAMZEE: =He's watching him, the whitenoise overpowering and the apathy fully settled.= 

 GAMZEE: AND IF SHIT BE TRUTH, THEN SKIES BE GREEN AND GRASS BLUE.

KANKRI: UGH! D9 y9u want me t9 6e angry with y9u?? T9 6e upset and yell? What g99d w9uld that h9nestly d9 f9r either 9f us right n9w!

GAMZEE: to let it go.

KANKRI: May6e I d9nt want t9! 9r at the very least end it all with us screaming at each 9ther.

GAMZEE: GOT ALL RIGHTS TO BE ANGRY, WON'T UP AND TELL ON YOU TO BE ELSEWISE. 

GAMZEE: only have none want to know i leave when words are unsaid. GAMZEE: FILL ON NOTHING BUT REGRET.

KANKRI: 9kay fine. Then I'll say it. -He huffs and folds his arms tightly.- KANKRI: I am angry. Furi9us. At y9u f9r saying y9ure g9ing t9 leave, and its stupid and childish 6ut it feels like y9u are leaving just me and- 

 KANKRI: And it hurts! It hurts 6ecause it makes me wish we never g9t inv9lved 6ecause then I w9uldn't 6e feeling like calling y9u a c9ward 9r 9ther h9rri6le things purely 9ut 9f pers9nal spite. 6ecause as much as I want t9 reas9n with myself that y9u getting away fr9m all this is the 6est p9ssi6le thing f9r y9u I can't help 6ut feel resentment t9wards y9u and its n9t fair t9 either 9f us and that just manages t9 get me even m9re angry a69ut the wh9le thing!!

GAMZEE: =In one way apathy really hurts, it makes you numb and nothing... Nothing matters or feels remotely real, but at the same time it can serve as a comfort. A protection against things that are too much. It's the latter now, a comfort as he simply takes it. Takes the anger Kankri is spilling over him.= GAMZEE: cannot blame you on your feels, brother. 

GAMZEE: IF ROLES WERE IN REVERSE, KNOW WELL ON HAVE HIMSELF THE SIMILAR STIRRINGS IN MINESELF. 

GAMZEE: feel anger on mine own ass as were, that i ain't more right in the pan. 

GAMZEE: STRONGER OR BETTER, MORE KNOWING ON ALLS THIS SHIT WHAT SPILL. 

GAMZEE: but i ain't, and that what i hate. 

GAMZEE: THAT WHAT I NEED. 

GAMZEE: to figure on out. 

GAMZEE: SO CAN BE SOMEONE I AIN'T HATE, THAT CAN BE SOMEONE WHO KNOW MORE HOW TO BE OF ASSIST TO THOSE WHAT MATTER TO ME. 

GAMZEE: so can feel more like i is normal.

KANKRI: -He knows this, he understands it, and hell he even agrees with it. But it still does nothing to settle the swirl of horrible emotions inside of his chest and mind.- 

KANKRI: (I kn9w.) -He hisses out through gritted teeth and then wills himself to calm again, he said his piece, there is no more reason to continue to throw that anger when it will do nothing to solve the problem.- 

 KANKRI: I want y9u t9 get 6etter. And then perhaps when y9u are, tell me.

GAMZEE: =Watches him hiss, then looks away.= 

GAMZEE: STILL PLAN ON GIVING PESTERS. 

GAMZEE: tell on how i do, how you do, for ain't much crueler thing i can be think of than leave all in silence. 

GAMZEE: UNLESS SO HE WISH OF ME.

KANKRI: N9. I w9uldnt wish that 9f y9u. 

KANKRI: 6ut. I need time t9 reflect 9n this and 9ther things....

GAMZEE: so i realise. =Looks back to him, an extended pause before speaking.=

 GAMZEE: STILL. TIME DO REMAIN IN SPACE BETWEEN HERE AND NOT. 

GAMZEE: don't need be "see you later" just on yet, as i remain. 

GAMZEE: BUT IT IS FOR YOUR FEELS TO DECIDE ON. 

GAMZEE: whatever picked, clown do comply.

KANKRI: -He simply nods.- Right. 

KANKRI I'll 6e keeping y9u updated then. 

 KANKRI: -And with that he risks touching their shoulders together, leaning into him. Even if he is angry, and hurting and sad, Kankri wont let it ruin this one last moment where he can have that comfort.-

GAMZEE: =Again, the hope comes creeping, and he hopes that they will be able to have good... Or at least civil days, without bitterness and anger, until the day comes for his departure. A fake hollow sense of peace maybe, knowing that it's coming to an end, but better than the alternative he thinks. With Kankri leaning, he leans back, arm coming back around him carefully. Hand hovering above his shoulder, hesitating, before placing it on him.=

[circuitousgrievance]

=During the middle of the night, or day, whichever applies for when most people would be sleeping, there's a firm insistant rapping at Kankri's block door. It sounds like someone is both knocking and kicking at it. At least it has some strange rythm to it.=

KANKRI: =Well if THAT isn't slightly intriguing/alerting/concerning/ what else would be? Kankri had been sleeping up until this point where he had been awoken by whatever it was causing the noise at his block's door, and after going through the motions of confusion and be arisen from sleep at a god awful hour, he moves to slip on a robe over his pjs (Concealing them) and go to the door, still listening to whoever could be making this rythem at this hour.= KANKRI: =He is stifling a yawn when he opens it, not sure what he was expecting to see on the other side.=

GAMZEE: =The youngest clown troll is on the other side, and while nonsense like knocking on someone's door during sleep hours isn't out of character for his whimsical nature... Something seems off. His eyes are no longer half lidded, instead wide and alert like most concious people. His grin is wide and toothy, though the relaxed nature is gone entierly. The knocking stops as the door opens, and Gamzee slams one hand to the corner of the doorway to assure that the door would not slide closed on him.= 

GAMZEE: SALU-FUCKING-TATIONS MY BROTHER CRIMSON. 

GAMZEE: =Eyes him, now amused.= see i have stirred you all up from those sweet slumberings. 

GAMZEE: BUT A MOTHERFUCKER OUGHT TO MAKE HIMSELF SWIFT WHEN IT COMES TO MANNERS OF GIVING THANKS.

KANKRI: =He was drowsy and not quite sure what he was looking at until a hand came to land hard on the doorframe besides him, blocking any possible way of closing it swiftly in the near future. Now Kankri was much more awake and taking note of the strange... way Gamzee had about him. Stranger then their last run in even. It was because of this that he didn't quite ease down from his startle yet.= 

KANKRI: Y-Yes, well. =He stumbled over words as he was starting to become alert and awake again.= Im certain s9mething like that c9uld have p9ssi6ly waited an9ther few preci9us h9urs 9f sleep later. 

KANKRI: . . .6ut. Uh. What is it... that y9u are thanking me f9r?

GAMZEE: =Stares at Kankri for a few seconds then...= GAMZEE: hahahaha!!! GAMZEE: =Smacks at the doorframe for emphasis as he laughs.= GAMZEE: WHAT BE YOU THANKING ME FOR HE ASKS! 

 GAMZEE: ain't never heard such a good joke. =Big smiles, staring down at him and he gently raises his free hand to poke Kankri's forehead. Except he doesn't touch him, instead simply having the finger hover an inch from said forehead.= 

 GAMZEE: IT ALL CAME STRAIGHT FROM YOUR DUPLICITOUS PAN. GAMZEE: setting them wheels into motion to have me go through alla this shit. GAMZEE: BUT THEN HAVING IT ALL BE CLEARER THAN WHAT I HAVE EVER BEEN.

KANKRI: =Kankri scowls as his door frame is smacked AGAIN. And his super frown intensifies when a long finger enters his personal space bubble to the point where its so close he cant see it anymore. Kankri instinctively leans back away from the almost touch, and his door the moment after it happens.= KANKRI: L99k I am unsure whether 9r n9t it is 6ecause 9f the time 9f h9ur, 9r simply 6ecause y9u are still 6eing rather vague, 6ut I have n9 idea what y9u are trying t9 hint at. 

KANKRI: Als9 if y9u w9uld please /maintain/ that am9unt 9f pers9nal space we talked a69ut, and st9pped /6anging/ y9ur /hand/ 9n my d99rway I w9uld immensely appreciate it.

GAMZEE: =The scowl seems to be the source for much amusement for Gamzee, because his smile simply broadens. He leans in further as Kankri leans away, but he is still not actually touching him. He twirls the finger in front of Kankri's face.= don't get your all bothersome lecture on. 

GAMZEE: AIN'T EVEN CLOSE TO BE TOUCHING YOU NONE. =Big grins.= GAMZEE: lack of sleep must have gotten your head on all crooked. 

GAMZEE: NO USE IN TRYING TO KEEP ME OUT OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN BREWING IN YOUR FUCKING NUG NO MORE. 

GAMZEE: know all that you did. 

GAMZEE: TELLING WORDS AT ME WHEN I WAS MORE FOOL THAN TROLL. 

GAMZEE: words you find backed up with wise sister blue. 

 GAMZEE: TO SEND ME OFF INTO THEM FUCKING HELLSCAPES. GAMZEE: head full of illusions and needles. 

 GAMZEE: BUT SO IT WAS NOT ALL FOR NAUGHT. 

GAMZEE: for brother, you have cleared it all. =Moves his hand away from Kankri's face to tap at his own temple, still grinning.=

KANKRI: =Kankri is so busy glaring intently at that finger that is so close to his face that he misses almost all but some of what Gamzee is actually saying.= KANKRI: What? 

KANKRI: Even if I wasn't in s9me state 9f lack 9f sleep, which y9u have and are currently causing mind y9u 6y keeping me up at the d99r when I sh9uld 6e asleep, I still w9uldn't have the faintest inkling as t9 wh9 "Sister 6lue" is. If y9u want me t9 understand y9u are g9ing t9 have t9 6e m9re clear 9r- =He is interrupted by his own treacherous yawn.= Augh. 6e m9re clear 9r c9me 6ack later. =He then reaches forward out into the doorway, now that the threat of the finger had been removed, to inch  the door a bit more closed before stopping so hopefully Gamzee would get the message and move his hand.=

GAMZEE: =Now his expression is as far away from amused as it gets, slouching and giving Kankri a stink eye. Why was he still pretending? It was pretty fucking clear wasn't it? He had ignored it, supressed it, or otherwise simply not understood his feelings while on that green sludge, but it was pretty obvious now. They both hated each other, or at least Gamzee did. Surely Kankri telling him to go off the sopor had been an elaborate plan with pitch undertones. Have him suffer for weeks and near months on end, but grow as a person from having his mind cleared. He glares, stepping closer rather insistantly rather than backing off as the door got inched.=

 GAMZEE: MOTHERFUCKER SOUND LIKE HE BE THE ONE FEASTING ON THE GREEN TOXIC. 

GAMZEE: of all the little things that i got thinking of you. 

GAMZEE: LEAST THOUGHT YOU HAD SOME MANNER OF CELLS LOCATED IN YOUR BRAIN SPONGE.

GAMZEE: =He looks down at Kankri, frustrated.= gots to spell it out for you brother. 

GAMZEE: ALL ON THE TABLE WHERE YOUR FEEBLE MIND CAN BE GETTING A GRASP ON IT. 

GAMZEE: =Speaks slowly, half leaning in and over Kankri.= hate, brother. GAMZEE: LET ME MOTHER FUCKIN TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE MINE EYES FIRST GOT A SIGHT OF YOU. 

GAMZEE: 37.2 trillion of cells making up all our bodies homie. 

GAMZEE: AND YET BE THE WORD HATE CARVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF FUCKIN MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT. 

GAMZEE: it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate i feel for your own self at this micro-instant.(edited)

KANKRI: =Kankris move with the door was not getting its intended results and that was ABUNDANTLY clear in this very moment where Gamzee was so close to him that Kankri had to crane his neck upwards to look at his face. Which was... getting closer when the highblood bent over him like that and caused Kankri to shrink down a little from the sheer power of that stink eye he was receiving. This all just felt very surreal, and it was very likely that feeling stemmed from it being the middle of what should be Kankri's normal sleep cycle, so at first much of anything Gamzee was ranting on was going over Kankri's head but he would have to be some sort of moron not to grasp how many times the word "Hate" was said.= 

KANKRI: Y9u... 

KANKRI: Y9u are... 

 KANKRI: =Gears are grinding in his head and the shell shocked look of a dear caught in headlights is lost and Kankri is squinting instead.= 

 KANKRI: Are y9u actually waxing pitch f9r me?

GAMZEE: =If there had been a camera somewhere he would be staring at it, but instead he keeps glaring down at Kankri. Fingers gripping tighter around the doorframe. Was he fucking with him? Or maybe he'd not been clear enough. He exhales through his nose in an unamused snort, shrugging one shoulder.= 

 GAMZEE: USE WHAT YOU HAVE OF LITTLE MIND BITS. 

GAMZEE: and you tell me.

KANKRI: Well. 

KANKRI: Then yes! 

KANKRI: I am fairly certain y9u are! Judging fr9m the wh9le am9unt 9f what y9u just said t9 me! 

KANKRI: =He straightens up a little now, that snort managing to kick him into gear as far as stirring him up a little goes. Enough so that he could stand there with his shoulders squared and his tone more firm.= 

KANKRI: 6ut there is very little I can d9 t9 reply t9 such c9nfessi9ns, if that is what it is, 6ecause as I have inf9rmed 9ther pe9ple 6ut I supp9se n9t y9urself, I have sw9rn a v9w 9f cele6acy. This v9w which I have kept prohibits any s9rt 9f r9mantic and slash 9r sexual intenti9ns, th9ughts, c9uplings, 9r la6led activities with 9thers, and I have n9 intenti9n 9f 6reaking it as I did give my w9rd. S9, I am s9rry 6ut as flattering as y9ur feelings are, there is really n9thing I can d9 in resp9nce. =He sounds almost proud, despite the red flush that has been growing in his cheeks since starting talking.=

GAMZEE: =Just giving Kankri a rather dry look as he speaks.= FUNNY. =Very much says it like he means the opposite.= 

GAMZEE: =Raises a brow.= that why you keep finding yourself around a clown all up finding new ways to rustle me? 

GAMZEE: ALL THE WHILE YOUR MOUTH GO FLAPPING ON HOW A MOTHERFUCKER SHOULD BE THE ONE KEEPING HIMSELF AWAY? GAMZEE: giving hells of mixed signals on that front brother mine.

KANKRI: =He huffs up at the taller troll and tugs his robe a little more tightly around himself= 

KANKRI: I am n9t giving any s9rt 9f mixed signals. I did just explain t9 y9u that I d9 n9t engaged in any s9rt 9f quadrant, and I am certain I said it very clearly. I w9uld never risk tainting my v9w 9r its integrity.

GAMZEE: =Another long stare.= 

GAMZEE: HAHAHA!!! 

GAMZEE: little red really not be getting anything. 

 GAMZEE: GOT LESS UNDERSTAND ON THAN A FUCKER FILLED UP WITH POISON. 

GAMZEE: but so he speaks. 

 GAMZEE: AND SO IT IS. 

GAMZEE: =Leans away and out of the door, letting go of it.= have said mine piece, and that be it.

KANKRI: =He is still rather low key flustered. And tired. And just all over confused and riled up at the same time but when Gamzee leans back Kankri claims more footing and reaches for the door again.= Well if y9u w9uld like t9 g9 int9 further and great ela69rative detail 9n all 9f this, at a m9re reas9na6le h9ur, then may6e we can discuss my answer 6etter. 

 KANKRI: 6ut f9r n9w, if that is all, I might like t9 get 6ack t9 6ed. =His face is still endless shades of bright red.=

GAMZEE: =He is clearly frustrated (and embarrassed, thank the messiahses on high for the makeup), and Kankri's words doesn't help.= AIN'T NO MORE TO GO INTO IS THERE? 

GAMZEE: got your answer delivered onto me. 

 GAMZEE: BUT KEEP ON BEING YOUR OWN UNCLEAR FUCKING SELF. GAMZEE: got no more words on this for you. 

 GAMZEE: NOT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR SHIT ALL IN A ROW PROPER LIKE. GAMZEE: then mayhaps the words will come. if ever a red little thing would figure his own self out. =He eyes him, and turns to leave.=

KANKRI: Yes. Well. Enj9y the rest 9f... whatever it is y9u are planing 9n d9ing n9w. =Kankri awkward lets the door shut in front of himself, and then proceeds to stand there for a solid minute before absentmindedly returning to his bed and sitting down on it. Does he sleep? No. He spends the rest of the next several hours trying to put several pieces of puzzle together after all of this just happened, and trying to sort out what he must have dreamt up, and what was real.*

[circuitousgrievance]

KANKRI: -he is on his way for a walk around, and even thinking about extending his stroll outside a bit if he gets the chance and it isn't raining. But for now Kankri is just shuffling through the hallways of the ship.-

GAMZEE: =He's been feeling a little better these past two days. No longer throwing up everything he eats and the sweating none too obvious Gamzee decided to go for a little walk. It had felt like the walls of Rufioh's block had been closing in on him, and certainly had looked that way as well. He'd see shapes in the corner of his eyes sometimes, dancing just out of reach and gnawing at his pan. It wasn't easy trying to downplay the side effects of him going off the slime, and so taking some time away from Rufioh all together might be the best way to go about it.= 

GAMZEE: =Gamzee is in one of the common rooms, sitting cross legged on the floor in front of a wall. His usually braided and (relatively) tidy hair is a mess, simply held back and out of his face with a headband. The one ear of his that happens to be janked up is currently in his mouth, and he chews on it absent mindedly. His fingers trace the wall in front of him, leaving smears of paint behind in their wake, his hands are shaking and so the strokes aren't as confident as they used to be. Still he makes idle shapes, his mind far away from himself.=

KANKRI: -Well if Kankri was interested in going out to explore the planet, he was going to have to turn at the end of the hallway he was currently in and cut through one of the common rooms in order to reach the right pathway to the cargo bay. It so happened that the one he passed through was the one where gamzee was finding solace and rest in. Now, Kankri does not ever see Gamzee enough to know when something is wrong with him, so baring whiteness to the purple blood in the state that they are does nothing to ring any alarm bells.- 

KANKRI: -What DOES ring bells though is seeing Gamzee chew on his own ear and desecrate the public walls of the common room with paint in such a careless manner. Eugh. A frown etches it's way deeply into his expression, and after a moment of even trying to decide if it is worth it or not, Kankri approaches the seated Gamzee on the other side of the room.- KANKRI: Do you have any intention of cleaning that up once you are finished dirtying the walls?  I understand expressing yourself is important but this particular brand of creativity can be akin to vandalism of public property.

GAMZEE: =There is no response from the clown, because he is currently not there. To him there is some vague sounds happening somewhere, but he never had much mind of knowing whether or not they were actually there or not. On sopor or not, he always had these moments when he didn't feel like he was actually there in the real world. Just outside of himself and watching everything through some hazy filter. He keeps tracing the wall with wet paint, the shapes abstract and colors harsh on the eyes.=

KANKRI: =Is he being IGNORED? Kankris frown grows even bigger as he folds his arms sharply over his chest, and waits for a response while tapping his foot firmly next to the clown= 

KANKRI: ...........Hello?? Excuse me.

GAMZEE: =He's not ignored. The clown is simply not in right now. However as Gamzee lowers his head to dip his fingers back in the paint left on the floor in front of him Kankri's tapping foot seems to grab his attention. He raises his head slowly while his head turns, and while his eyes appear distant they slowly raise from the tapping leg up to Kankri's face.= 

GAMZEE: =He doesn't exactly snap back to reality, more slipping closer to it, or that the haze seems less thick. The clown lets his floppy ear go, and with a mild shake of the head he smiles faintly.= SaLuTaTiOnS HoMiE =His eyes already grow distant, head half turning away from Kankri.= WhAt mIgHt a mOtHeRfUcKeR Do yOu fOr?

KANKRI: =he doesn't answer Gamzee right away, giving him a similar silent treatment to what Kankri had been receiving before. Kankri just stares angrily down at the troll sitting at his feet and then points at the mess on the walls in front of them.= 

KANKRI: I highly doubt that painting on the walls of public areas like this are not prohibited.

GAMZEE: =Silence is alright. At least when he's like this. It's all cool. He drifts again as the quiet continues, then slips back into some semi level of awareness. His moment halts for a moment, and for the first time there might have been a flicker of annoyance on Gamzee's face before it faded. He spreads his fingers on the hand he'd been painting with, and now uses his whole palm instead.= 

 GAMZEE: =Despite the possible sass his actions gave, his voice remains friendly as it ever was.= DoN'T HaVe nO IdEaS Of wHaT YoU Is sAyInG At mE GAMZEE: =Shrugs one shoulder.= NoT LiKe wAs gOiNg tO Be kEePiNg wHaT ImAgEs i bE CoNjUrInG Up oN ThEsE HeRe wAlLs fOr aLl eYeS To bE LoOkInG At

KANKRI: =he finds Gamzee even worse then usual lack of interest even more frustrating, and Kankri huffs quite loudly as the clown spreads a paint covered hand all over the wall= 

KANKRI: well if you had the intention of removing it then why didn't you respond to my original inquiry about whether or not you were going to clean it when you were done. And are you even certain that paint will fully wash off of the surface of the wall?

GAMZEE: =No more silence then, and so Gamzee was forced back to this plane of existance. Sometimes a relief,  other times not. This time it was the latter. He's now painting the wall with both his palms, dragging it out in a wide sweeping motion. The wall is his focus, even as he speaks.= WaS NoT LiStEnInG To nOnE WhIcH WaS HeRe bEfOrE, nOw tHaT It bE WhAt i aM DoInG 

GAMZEE: UsE PaInTs wHiCh cAn bE ClEaNsEd bY ThE WaTeRs =He exhales shakily, and he turns halfway to stare at Kankri, his blank expression in stark contast to his harsher tone.= FoR I AiN'T FuCkInG StUpId

KANKRI: =to kankri, the continuation of the painting of the walls felt like the biggest insult. And he was already steaming by the time Gamzee got around to saying how he was not listening to a word Kankri said earlier. There was hardly anything Kankri hated more then being obviously tuned out or dismissed and to him it felt as though Gamzee was doing both.= 

 KANKRI: Well perhaps you may consider paying attention when someone addresses you in the future so that they don't feel as though you- =he had tried to start on some rant when Gamzee exhaled, but the snappish tone cut him off and actually left the short troll a little short of words. A non-friendly tone from Gamzee makara Was certainly new to hear.=

GAMZEE: =It would seem the two trolls were simply to stare at each other in silence for a few moments, for Gamzee had nothing more to add. He slowly turns his head back to the wall, using a different color now to slide over the colorful base he'd left in his act of rebellion.= MaYhApS ThEm wHo sO EnJoY HeArInG ThEiR OwN GaB FlAp oUgHt tO HaVe tHeMsElVeS ThOrOuGhLy mOtHeRfUcKiNg cHeCkEd bEfOrE LeAvInG ThEm wOrDs uPoN A BrOtHeR GAMZEE: =Shrugs.= Or sO A ThOuGhT MaY Go

KANKRI: Well- You know I was just-- Perhaps if you--- =He started and stopped a handful of times, trying to come up with an excellent retort to being fed a bit of his "Check yourself" bullshit. It was certainly a struggle.= 

KANKRI: Be it true or not if I enjoy the own sound of my voice has nothing to do with anything in regards to you painting on the walls, when I am quite certain there is paper or some other surface you could have started on. After all if your only intention was to wash it off, then of all places why would you pick one of the common rooms to preform this activity in.

GAMZEE: =Gamzee appears to be painting Kankri's face on the wall now, complete with angrily knitted eyebrows and nervous sweating.= 

GAMZEE: =There's a prolonged pause after Kankri's ramble before he speaks again.= WaS NaUgHt qUiZzIn oF WhEtHeR Or nOt a mOtHeRfUcKeR Be iNfAtUaTeD WiTh hIm oWn vOiCe aS ShIt bE ApPaReNt aS AlL HeLl GAMZEE: =Works on Kankri's hair while he speaks.= MiNe wOnDeR WaS AbOuT YoUr oWn fUcKiNg sElF AlL Up aNd sPeWiN AnD TeLlIn pEoPlE HoW To bE AnD LiVe, ExPeCt tHeM AlL To fOlLoW WhAtEvEr wIcKeD WhImSy yOu hAvE StIrRiN RoUnD In yOuR PaN =Taps a finger to his own temple for emphasis, then uses his palm to smear out the face of the Kankri he'd painted.= 

GAMZEE: ThEn tHrOw a bItChFiT MoSt pRiCeLeSs wHeN NoBoDy dOeS WhAt yOu aRe dEmAnDiN ThEm tO, wHeN YoU YoUrSeLf nEvEr oPeN YoUr mInDsPaCe fOr aNyOnE BuT YoUr oWn dAmN SeLf

KANKRI: I do not "Throw bitch fits", excuse my french, and I also do not just instruct people to do and act as I think they should, but rather behave in a manner that is most productive and safe for both themselves and those around them. Am I perhaps a bit harsh at times? Maybe. But it normally never escalates to a point of confrontation so long as the other party is respectful and at least open to the ideas of bettering themselves in ways they didn't see as possible or important before. 

KANKRI: =He also huffs at the angry troll painting being smeared on the wall.= Was that supposed to resemble me?

GAMZEE: =Drags his hand down from the smeared Kankri face all the way to the floor.= AnD PrAy tElL My bRoThEr cRiMsOn GAMZEE: HoW OfT DoEs yOuRsElF Be oPeN FoR OtHeR IdEaS ThAn tHe oNeS AlReAdY ImPrInTeD In yOuR PaN? GAMZEE: WhY Be yOu aSkInG Of mE To aLwAyS Be tHe oNe lIsTeNiNg wHeN MoThErFuCkEr nEvEr dO ThIs oN HiS OwN? GAMZEE: ThIeF Is wHaT YoU Is fOr aLl wHaT YoU Do iS TaKe fRoM AlL ElSe, ThEn dAnCe aNd sTrInG WoRdS To cOnTrArY WhEn wHaT YoUr eArS GeT Is nOt wHaT YoUr mInD WaNt GAMZEE: YoU AiN'T WaNtInG To mAkE ThInGs gOoD FoR WhAt vIbEs bE So yOu fInD YoUrSeLf pRoDdInG To bItS AnD PiEcEs tO NoThInG Be lEfT =Turns to face him again with an irritated look, but smiles anyway.= YeAh

KANKRI: -This is. ..Certainly not what he was expecting or wanting to be hearing from Gamzee. Whatever was going on with him, Kankri was not sure, but he didn't really want a part of it. Here Gamzee was calling him out on his shit and by this point Kankri had nothing else to argue because the other was straight on the money.- 

KANKRI: ..... I am picking up subtle hints that perhaps you are not in a mood to chat. -He glances once more at the smeared paint depiction of himself.- And as long as you intend to clean this up, I will leave you as you were.

 KANKRI: -He then moves rather quickly away from the scene and out of the common room, feeling rather flustered and off put by having his own rotten motives exposed to himself.-

[arcadiantruant]

-- temulentCachinnation [TC] began trolling arcadianTruant [AT] at 14:34 --

[02:34] TC: *Despite telling Feferi he was going to nap, what he actually did was the exact opposite. It wasn't like he was going to be able to fall asleep with all of these crazy thoughts all buzzing around in his mind, anyway. What he /had/ been doing was a lot of screaming, breathing exercises, feeling sorry for himself and smashing corn. But no matter how much he did this, the fact of the matters didn't change. He had to tell Tavros the truth, from his own cake hole, if he were to have the tiniest of hopes that their friendship wouldn't be thrown to the curb. And then stomped on. Repeatedly. Sharply sucking in air through his teeth, he calmed down enough to keep his hands from trembling. He pulled out the tiny communication device from his pocket and simply stared at it for a long while, before shoving it back into his pocket. This wasn't something that could be told over instant messaging (unfortunately). *

[02:34] TC: *He stood in the field for a few more minutes, trying to steady his breathing and his nerves, although to no avail. It seemed this was as ready as he would ever be. With a bitter sigh, he turned and headed toward the game exit. The time between heading out from Cornland to the point where he stood in front of the dial door was a blur. He had been too wrapped up in his own thoughts, his body going auto pilot toward his goal. Standing there however, he realized he had no idea how to go about this. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to say it? Would he even be able to, once he was in there with him? He bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to throw up. He raised his hand, slowly, turning the dial to Tavros' symbol. Gamzee stood there, his hand still on the dial as he stared at his own feet. Time to bite the fucking bullet, Makara.*

[02:35] TC: TAVROS. *He began, talking from the other side of the door. He couldn't bring himself to call him "Bro" at this point. After this, they probably wouldn't be, so he might as well get used to it, no matter how much it made his insides twist.* I KNOW YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT ALL COOL WITH YAKKING WITH ME AFTER YOU GOT THOSE LURID DETAILS ABOUT MY PERSON. *He paused, looking up at the door now, his hand trembling on the dial.* AND AFTER THAT NOT SO FRESH CONVO OVER THE MOTHERFUCKING TEXTIES. *Another sharp intake of air, his voice wavering.* but i need to spring some truths at you, and i'm not in a position where i can take "no" for an answer. *He waits for a response either way. Truth be told, he wanted nothing more than turning around and hightailing it out of there. Simply saying what he have done now had been like pulling teeth.*

[02:59] AT: *Tavros had spent a considerable amount of time sleeping since Vriska's visit. That was how he spent most of his time, anyway, but somehow he managed to become even more drained after that encounter. He knew he should feel optimistic, knowing that soon he'd be able to move around again, and he wouldn't have to lay here day in and day out. But part of him didn't want mobility again. These limitations provided a form of escapism that he was familiar with, comfortable with. And knowing that close quarters with people he couldn't trust, and people he feared he couldn't trust anymore, are what awaited him outside made him all the more apprehensive. At least in dreams, he wouldn't have to think about what was to come. But as yet another knock, accompanied by a voice, caused him to stir, he considered pretending that he was still asleep. There was a tightness in his chest while Gamzee's words registered in his mind that formed from the disappointment he now felt. Gamzee had always been a strange fellow, and he had always done uncomfortable things, but Tavors never before dreaded speaking to his friend. It hurt that one of his closest friends was now someone who he no longer understood, and Gamzee's words only promised more confusion.*

[02:59] AT: cOME ON IN THEN, iF SPEAKING TO ME ABOUT THESE THINGS, iS SO DIRE,

[03:10] TC: *Hearing Tavros' voice from the other side of the door made it all suddently feel all too real, his stomach feeling like it was going to turn itself inside out as all blood drained from Gamzee's face. There was no going back now, there was no way he could try to play this off as some kind of practical joke, at least no jokes came to him. Taking a deep breath, he braced himself and shoved the door open. As he slinked into the room, he looked pretty much anywhere but Tavros, eyes flicking from the floor to the ceiling to his own feet. He kept himself rooted in front of the, now shut, door. He wasn't sure how to begin. He wasn't really sure he would be able to form words at all, as his throat felt dry and his mind was working a mile a minute.* IT IS PRETTY MOTHER FUCKING DIRE, YEAH. BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU NEED TO HEAR, FROM ME, AND NOT SOMEONE ELSE. *He fidgited, tugging on the sleeve of his t-shirt.* as you are my friend, you always have been, and you deserve to be in the know of the things that went down after you... *He trails off, he doesn't like thinking about that particular thing. He exhaled deeply.* AFTER YOU QUIT BEING AROUND.

[03:23] AT: *Tavros at least made the effort to sit up, but looking at Gamzee as well was far more difficult than it should have been. He remained staring at the foot of his bed as Gamzee spoke. Right, there was plenty Tavros wasn't wise to after he had passed. He kind of liked to keep it that way, as he was at least knowledgable of the fact that shit hit the whirly cooling device. The details he wanted to remain blissfully ignorant to, but in the face of reality, he knew he couldn't live like that much longer.* wHAT IS IT, *he kept it short and sweet. No use dragging it out, really. Tavros hated to make things complicated, if they truly had to happen. And he was far too exhausted to be anything but brief.*

[03:42] TC: *Gamzee's mind was racing, trying to find some clue as to where to begin. His eyes still flickering around the room, as if some distraction would magically materialize somewhere. No distraction came, however. He let his arms fall to his sides.* after you ceased to be, shit started hitting other shit and flying in every direction. *His voice was shaky, he clearly had trouble deciding on what to say .* YOU PROBABLY KNOW SOME OF THE DETAILS, I'M WILLING TO ASSUME THAT YOU DO, ANYWAY. ALTHOUGH THE DETAILS I AM ABOUT TO SHARE YOU MOST LIKELY DO NOT KNOW OF. *A nervous click of his tounge escaped him, peeking up at Tavros for a split second. He wasn't looking. If he was in his position he probably wouldn't, either.* those details being of my own henious activities. *He wasn't sure if he should explain why he did it, as there really wasn't any excuse for what he did at this point. All he had was "it made sense at the time" and that wouldn't really help any. He remembered Feferi's words about being straight with Tavros about what went down. He should beat around the metaphorical bush as little as possible. He clenched his fists, nails digging deep into his skin.* THE FACTS, ABOUT ME, IS THAT I JOINED IN THE FUCKING HORROR SHOW SHITSTORM THAT WENT DOWN. MUCH OF SAID SHITSTORM NOISE CAUSED BY THIS CLOWN HERE. *His jaw tightened, and he ground his teeth together, his eyes locked at his own feet once more. He spoke through his teeth.* i killed two people. *There it was. K-bomb had been dropped. He couldn't bring himself to say their names. He tried focusing on the pain in his palms, digging his nails in further to distract himself from the absolute chaos in his head.*

[04:02] AT: *This knowledge hit him harder than anything he'd felt in a very long time. He opened his mouth to respond, but there was hardly even anything going on in his mind to form words in the first place. How was he supposed to respond? What was he supposed to think? He should be angry. He should feel betrayed. Shouldn't he? Alternia was a terrible place. Killing was normal, because it was necessary. But in no way could he imagine why it was necessary on the meteor. Then again, Tavros didn't have much room to talk, considering he attacked Vriska himself out of what he perceived to be necessity... Even if that didn't turn out in his favor. This fact was what he grabbed ahold of. It was the only rationale he had that wouldn't make this whole situation absolutely horrible.* wHY, wHO, wHAT HAPPENED?

[04:02] AT: i DON'T, uNDERSTAND,

[04:18] TC: *He didn't look up, and he was quiet for a while after Tavros spoke. He wasn't sure what the answers to those questions were. Rather, he did, but he didn't want to say it. To admit it. The fact that he couldn't properly figure out his own thoughts, or emotions, or anything right now, only served to make him turn to the one thing he always would default into when faced with difficulty. He felt anger bubble up inside him, and he had to swallow hard to keep his voice steady.* THE WHYS AIN'T WORTH SHIT. THEY WON'T CHANGE WHAT I DID. *One shaky hand went to rub at his face. He wasn't making things better.* there were a lot of whys involved. i was proper grieving over getting some blasphemic shit thrown my direction. i had quit eating the green shit. puppets and lords with sicknasty words that made sense at the time. losing someone important. *He said it all in a flat voice, listing it like this made it easier for him to vocalize.* THEY ALL FACTORED INTO THE WHY THIS SICKENING SACK OF SHIT MOTHERFUCKING FLIPPED IN ALL OF THE DIRECTIONS. *His hand fell from his face, the next words were some of the most difficult to say.* equius, and nepeta. i killed them. *Was the details that important? Did they even matter? Probably not. He hoped not.*

[04:44] AT: *Tavros tried to understand, because by all means did he want to. But Equius and Nepeta? Nepeta was his good friend... He didn't care too much for Equius, to be certain, but he had provided him with robotic legs, something he'd always be grateful for. They always seemed like such a harmless pair. They were harmless. And everything Gamzee had told him only led him to believe that the violence against them was completely senseless. Tavros was now staring right at Gamzee, eyes wide with bewilderment. He didn't know what to think.* tHAT,,, wELL, oKAY THAT IS A LOT, fOR ME TO HAVE TO TAKE IN,

[04:44] AT: oN TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE, tHAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND LATELY, aND UHH,

[04:44] AT: aS SUCH, i HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS THAT i'M THINKING, oR FEELING,

[05:01] TC: *Gamzee didn't know what else to say. Was there anything else that needed to be said about the past, really? Should he mention that he was the one that prototyped him and Vriska together? Or that he had hung onto the bodies of his friends in the first place? He frowned deeply, only feeling angry with himself. They probably didn't. What he had just let out was a pretty big fucking deal in on it's own, everyone has a limit, and Tavros had reached his, from the sound of it. He took a deep breath, fully looking up at Tavros' face for the first time since he came in. The look he saw on his face only made his stomach churn. Although, the look he had envisioned he would'a given him had been a lot worse. He kept his head up, but his eyes gazed off to the side, looking nowhere in particular.* I TOTALLY FUCKING GET THAT. IT WASN'T REALLY COOL, NOR FAIR OF ME TO MOTHERFUCKIN' DROP THIS ON YOU, ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE THAT IS GOING DOWN. *He shifts his weight from one leg to another, looking at Tavros again.* i still thought you should know. and i wanted you to hear it straight from me, and not someone else. *His eyes was filled with grief and regret as the corners of his mouth turned upwards ever so lightly. If he ever needed a brave face, it was now.* SO THAT, ONCE YOU PUT YOUR THOUGHTS ALL INTO PLACE, IT WILL BE YOUR OWN OPINION. AND NOT BASED OFF OF WHAT ANYONE ELSE HAS BEAMED AT YOU. THIS GUY IS BEING PROPER SELFISH, I WOULD HAVE WAITED FOR A BETTER TIME AND PLACE TO TELL YOU, BUT I WAS ALL UP WITH BEING AFRAID OF SOMEONE ELSE GETTING THE NEWS TO YOU FIRST.

[05:17] AT: y,,, yEAH THAT MAKES SENSE, tHAT YOU WOULD PREFER THAT, aND i THINK i WOULD TOO, sO i GUESS THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME,

[05:17] AT: tHOUGHT IT ISN'T REALLY, nEWS i AM THANKFUL TO HEAR,

[05:17] AT: *he didn't realize it, but there was a sting at the corner of his eyes as small beads of tears formed there. It wasn't until they rolled down his cheeks that he realized what was happening. He was shocked by it, but mostly because he hadn't cried at all since they had all shown up here. Tavros wasn't exactly a crybaby, but he wasn't the type to contain his anguish either. It occurred to him that everything that had happened so far was only slowly eating away at him. Like every instance of terrible news had been too stunning of a blow for him to truly register it. Hell, even his body had reacted before he knew how to react. Now that the tears had started to spill, it'd be hard to get them to stop, but he rubbed them away all the same, glancing down in embarassment and frustration.*

[05:17] AT: i THINK THAT, yOU SHOULD GO AWAY NOW, GAMZEE,

[05:29] TC: yeah, i don't think i would have been that keen on that type of no-... *He froze up as he saw the tears beading at Tavros' eyes, and his brave face disappeared instantly. It felt like he had been thrown into a pool of ice cold water, and that he was just floating in cold nothingness. Tavros was crying, and it was because of him. The thought had certainly gone through his head that he might, but nothing could have prepared him for those brown tears. He took a step forward, not really registering doing so.* TAVROS, SHIT, I'M SO SORRY, I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU, I... *He bit down hard on his lip, and he felt something push against the back of his own eyes. He nodded. Staying around, not listening to what he wanted, would only make things worse, no matter how much he wanted to somehow make those tears go away. He turned on his heel, his hand going to the dial, turning it to his own symbol. With a voice close to cracking, he managed just two more words.* i'm sorry. *He opened the door, and gone he was.*

[arcadiantruant]

[05:27] -- temulentCachinnation [TC] began trolling arcadianTruant [AT] at 17:27 --

[05:27] TC: yo, my most wicked of brothers, are you all with the being awake thing?

[05:28] AT: oH,

[05:28] AT: uHHH, yEAH i SUPPOSE,

[05:28] TC: JUST THOUGHT I SHOULD CHECK HOW YOU ARE HOLDING UP, SINCE WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO BE ALL CONVERSING AND SHIT IN A WHILE.

[05:29] TC: also i kind of left you there on the bed, not a cool move, a dude should not sleep and leave like some elusive and mysterious shadowguy.

[05:30] AT: yEAH, tHAT WAS CERTAINLY A THING, tHAT HAPPENED,

[05:30] AT: bUT WASN'T REALLY ANY ISSUE, oR ANYTHING,

[05:33] TC: RIGHT. I'M FEELING THE MOST ELATED AND GLAD FEELINGS IN THE DEEPEST CREVICES OF MY BLOODPUSHER, THAT YOU DID NOT HAVE AN ISSUE WITH MY INAPPROPRIATE LEAVING BEHAVIORS.

[05:35] AT: tHERE ARE WORSE THINGS, tHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE, mAYBE,

[05:36] AT: pROBABLY,

[05:36] AT: i GUESS,

[05:37] TC: i would say there are few things that are as bad as that there which i did.

[05:37] TC: IT WAS A PRETTY FUCKING RUDE THING TO DO.

[05:37] TC: but i'm all for making it up to you, somehow.

[05:38] TC: I HAVE ALL THIS FUCKING CORN IN THIS SITUATION HERE, MIGHT BE I COULD GET SOME OF THAT CORN OVER IN YOUR SITUATION.

[05:39] TC: if you know what i am beaming at you. corn is what i am beaming.

[05:40] AT: uHH, cORN? nO, tHAT'S FINE,

[05:40] AT: i DON'T REALLY WANT THAT, oR ANYTHING REALLY,

[05:40] AT: iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL,

[05:42] TC: YOU SURE YOU'RE FEELING ALL FINE? WHAT KIND OF GUY IN THE ALRIGHT ZONE OF THINGS WOULD NOT WANT ANYTHING?

[05:42] TC: a guy who is not okay, that is who.

[05:42] TC: I TOLD YOU I WAS HERE IF YOU NEEDED TO RELEASE SOME WORDS INTO THE WORLD, THAT STATEMENT STILL STANDS AS FAR AS I AM MOTHERFUCKING AWARE.

[05:42] TC: so lay it on me.

[05:43] AT: i'M JUST NOT FEELING PARTICULARLY OKAY, wITH THE PROSPECT OF ACCEPTING YOUR GIFTS,

[05:43] AT: bECAUSE ACCEPTING YOUR KINDNESS, fEELS SORT OF WRONG,

[05:43] AT: wHEN i KNOW,,,

[05:43] AT: uHH,

[05:43] AT: uGH,

[05:43] AT: tHIS IS WEIRD,

[05:45] TC: THAT MOTHERFUCKING SO? WELL I AM ALL EARS TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT THIS KIND OF THING IT IS THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS HERE GUY THAT MAKES YOU NOT ALL CHILL WITH SAID GUY BEING ALL FUCKING NICE AND FRIENDLY LIKE.

[05:47] TC: is this about the thing with the roxy chick because that has been setteled.

[05:47] AT: wHAT, sETTLED?

[05:47] TC: ALL IN THE PAST OF THINGS THAT HAS BEEN SETTELED AND IS COMPLETELY OKAY WITH EVERYONE.

[05:47] TC: settled as in i apologized for that mess.

[05:47] AT: oH,

[05:48] TC: AND SHE SEEMED PRETTY FUCKING ALRIGHT AND CHILL WITH IT, IF A GUY MIGHT BE ALLOWED TO MAKE A STATEMENT ABOUT HIS OWN MESSES.

[05:49] TC: so there is absolutely no reason to be all feeling the awkwards for that, nada, nope, not a thing.

[05:49] AT: oH, eR,

[05:49] AT: oKAY,

[05:50] AT: iF YOU SAY SO,

[05:50] TC: I DO INDEED FUCKING SAY SO WITH THE MOST SAYING OF SOS I HAVE EVER GIVEN.

[05:51] TC: so if that is everything you currently have on your plate of things that you do not dig when it comes to me then that should not be there anymore.

[05:51] TC: THE THING YOU DO NOT DIG.

[05:52] AT: aN APOLOGY WAS, dEFINITELY A NECESSARY ACTION FOR YOU TO TAKE, aND i'M GLAD THAT IT WAS,

[05:52] AT: tAKEN, tHAT IS,

[05:52] AT: bUT i STILL HAVE SOME RESERVATIONS, aBOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION,

[05:53] TC: of course it was i am all for apologies and giving them out left and right for every single little thing i have done with my life and actions at all times.

[05:54] TC: WHAT RESERVATIONS WOULD THAT EVEN BE? THIS WAS NOT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED BETWEEN THESE HERE BROTHERS SO HOW WOULD IT EVEN MAKE YOU FEEL ALL DIFFERENT WITH THAT EXACT SITUATION?

[05:54] TC: when said situation has nothing to do with you.

[05:55] AT: iT'S JUST,

[05:55] AT: i'VE NEVER KNOWN YOU TO ACT VIOLENTLY, aT ALL, tOWARDS ANYBODY,

[05:55] AT: fOR ANY REASON,

[05:55] AT: sO i GUESS IT'S SORT OF A SHOCK TO ME,

[05:55] AT: aND ALSO VERY CONFUSING,

[05:55] AT: bECAUSE i WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION, tHAT i KNEW YOU RATHER WELL,

[06:00] TC: WELL OF COURSE IT FUCKING WOULD BE. AS YOU SAID, I AM NOT THE KIND OF GUY TO FLIP HIS SHIT IN EVERY DIRECTION OVER SOMETHING AS SMALL AND SILLY AS SOME MADE UP NUMBERS ABOUT MY INTELLIGENCE.

[06:01] AT: bUT, yOU DID, dIDN'T YOU?

[06:02] TC: well, okay, so maybe i did, you got me there, but it doesn't mean that i'm not still the guy you knew.

[06:03] TC: I'M NOT THE FUCKING MONSTER THAT EVERYONE MAKES ME OUT TO BE. I'M STILL ALL WITH THE BEING CHILL AND THE MIRACLES AND THE RANDOM OBSCURE METAPHORES.

[06:03] TC: i mean you make me out to be.

[06:04] TC: GETTING ALL INTO THIS CONVERSATION MAKING THESE TYPIOS.

[06:04] AT: i NEVER SAID THAT YOU WERE A MONSTER,

[06:04] AT: nOR DID i THINK THAT, eVEN THOUGH i WAS UPSET,

[06:04] AT: bUT i GUESS i SORT OF, dON'T EXACTLY KNOW WHAT TO THINK,

[06:04] AT: i MEAN, yOU ARE STILL MY FRIEND BUT,

[06:04] AT: i DON'T KNOW,

[06:04] TC: no, no, of course you wouldn't, that was fucking stupid of me to say just scratch it from your memory.

[06:05] TC: REPLACE IT WITH SOME MAJESTIC PAINTING OF A BEAUTIFUL FAIRY LADY WITH HER SKIRTS ALL BLOWING IN THE WIND.

[06:05] TC: ok, so i totally understand the whole not knowing thing, that's alright, no worries.

[06:06] TC: AS LONG AS WE ARE STILL FRIENDS, THEN THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS TO THIS CLOWN HERE.

[06:08] AT: yEAH,,,

[06:08] AT: wE'RE STILL FRIENDS,

[06:10] TC: alright, okay, that's good. of course we are, why would i even put that shit into question in the first place.

[06:10] TC: IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING MYSTERY.

[06:10] TC: so i guess we are cool then, you got all that stuff off your chest.

[06:11] TC: WHICH SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN PLACED ON YOUR CHEST IN THE FIRST PLACE, SO IT IS GOOD IT CAME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF.

[06:11] AT: yEAH, tHAT WOULD BE THE LOGICAL CONCLUSION, tO THIS CONVERSATION,

[06:14] TC: yeah, i'm glad we both reached this logical conclusion from this here chattytalk.

[06:15] TC: I CAN STILL GET MY UNDERSTANDING ON ABOUT YOU FEELING NOT COMPLETELY FREAKING FINE ABOUT ME ANYTIME SOON.

[06:15] TC: as it was pretty shocking, for every party involved or not involved.

[06:25] AT: i WOULD SAY SO,

[06:26] AT: aND ER, cOMPLETELY UNRELATED TO SUCH SHOCKS, uHH,

[06:26] AT: i THINK, i SHOULD PROBABLY GO NOW,

[06:26] AT: i WOULD LIKE TO LAY DOWN FOR A NAP,

[06:26] AT: i MEAN, i'M ALREADY LAYING,

[06:27] AT: bUT, tHE SLEEPING PART, hAS YET TO OCCUR, bECAUSE i AM CHATTING,

[06:27] TC: A REST SOUNDS LIKE IT WOULD BE PRETTY FUCKING SWELL FOR ME TOO, NOW THAT YOU MENTIONED IT.

[06:27] TC: i'll cease bugging you then, with all of these purple wordy things, so that you can get with the sleeping.

[06:30] AT: aLRIGHT, tHEN i WILL PROBABLY, aT SOME POINT RELATIVELY SOON, tALK TO YOU AGAIN,

[06:30] AT: i'LL SEE YOU AROUND, gAMZEE,

[06:31] TC: AND I'LL BE WAITING WITH THE MOST BATED OF BREATHS FOR SAID RELATIVELY POINT IN TIME.

[06:31] TC: sleep well, tavros.

[06:32] -- arcadianTruant [AT] gave up trolling temulentCachinnation [TC] at 18:32 --

[arcadiantruant]

[07:16] TC: *Gamzee had been walking aimlessly around the are common room for some time. Although, he had not really registered doing so, as he was having trouble focusing. This whole situation was proper fucked, to say the least, and he wasn't entirely sure what to do with himself. Besides, being out in the open like this made him feel especially uncomfortable, as he might bump into people he didn't want to see, much less converse with. His eyes finally landed on that big dial door. Perhaps Tavros wanted some company. It sure as fuck was better than just walking around like this without no propose, besides, he was worried about him. He sauntered over to the door, turning the dial to Tavros' symbol. He moved his hand up, as if to knock, then hesitated. That shit would be so rude. It wasn't like he was in any condition to actually come up and answer the door. How could this motherfucker even be so insensitive? He gave the door one sharp knock, then cracked the door open just a little.* hey, tavros, it's me. can i come in?

[07:19] AT: *Tavros had considered rolling back over to sleep after the girls had left him, but before he could even consider it, it seemed, there was yet another visitor. He wasn't used to being such a popular guy. He blinked, registering who it even was that was there and nodded at him, emphasising his answer with a gesture to come on inside.* yEAH, oF COURSE,

[07:24] TC: *Gamzee slinks into the room, shutting the door behind him.* THANKS BRO. KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU ON BEING ALL INVITING AND SHIT. *He chuckles, walking toward the bed. Then flops onto it, because what is personal space.* so... *He turns his head to face Tavros.* how are you holding up? THIS SHIT IS SO WACK, THAT I CAN BARELY WRAP MY FUCKING THINK PAN AROUND IT.

[07:29] AT: *he let out a deep breath, as if he had been holding it this entire time* i'M UH WELL, lESS THAN SATISFACTORY, i WILL SAY, *it was nice to have gamzee around. tavros had quite a few friends he felt he could be honest with, but gamzee was definitely one he felt most comfortable around.* iN ALL HONESTY, i THINK i PREFERED THINGS, aS THEY WERE BEFORE, bECAUSE IN THE DREAM BUBBLES, i COULD WALK AND FLY, aS WELL, aND IT WAS SO EASY, tO KEEP TO MYSELF, iF i WANTED TO, *looks down at his lap* bUT NOW, i'M GOING TO BE SWEPT UP IN WHAT IS LIKELY TO BE, mORE UNFUN "games" AND RESPONSIBILITIES, tHAT i NEVER WANTED INTHE FIRST PLACE,

[07:38] TC: *He watches Tavros attentively as he speaks, despite wanting to just doze off. He always got his motherfucking chill on around him, it seemed, even in some kind of messed up new session in the middle of fucking nowhere.* yeah, i hear you, brother. things were pretty gosh dang fine and dandy the way they were, although... *He turns his head, looking at the ceiling.* I CAN'T BE ALL LYING IN THIS BITCH AND SAY THAT I AM NOT HAPPY TO SEE YOU ALL ALIVE AND AROUND AGAIN. *He glances at him, smiling sheepishly. Maybe he shouldn't have come around, if Tavros wanted to keep to himself for a bit. OH WELL.* despite the messed up circumstances. and it is messed up. really fucking messed up. but i'm sure we can put our heads together and get our shit unmessed.

[07:45] AT: *smiles back gamzee, one that's much more sincere than what he had been dispensing to everyone else he encountered, though he had been making the effort all the while* i'M SURE, yOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, aND UH,,, *fiddles with the computer he was still holding in his lap* iT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN TOO, eSPECIALLY CONSIDERING, i NEVER SAW ANY ITERATION OF YOU, iN THE DREAM BUBBLES, eR, sAVE FOR MAYBE ONCE, *tries not to think about that particular instance too much* iT WAS A LITTLE PECULLIAR, aND DISAPPOINTING,,

[07:59] TC: *Chuckles lightly, propping himself up on his elbows so that he can look at him properly.* "PROBABLY RIGHT"? BRO, I AM SO RIGHT THAT ALL RIGHTEOUS HEROES OF TRUTHINESS COME TO MY DOORSTEP AND BOW IN THE FUCKING DUST. BEGGING TO LEARN MY WICKED SECRETS OF THE TRUTH KNOWING. *He laughs again, trying a reassuring smile.* we will be fine, you will be fine, it's fine. *His smile widens at Tavros' comment, then quickly fades all together. He lies back down on the bed.* YEAH, I KNOW. I WAS NOT EXACTLY... *He trails off.* yeah, i guess i wasn't being my old friendly motherfucking self, at that point. i'll make it up to you though. turn the gamzee up to eleven. *He is noticibly uncomfortable, but he lets out a laugh all the same, trying to lighten the situation. No need for Tavros to know about that whole buisness. And he would keep it that way for as long as he could.*

[08:10] AT: *tilts his head at the very visable change in gamzee's demeanor. it seemed that something must have happened during the time that they were apart. that wasn't too surprising. something had happened to just about everybody, but the thought of gamzee getting caught up in something uncomfortable or traumatic just seemed like such a foreign idea to him. he wouldn't pry, though. if there was one person who wanted to avoid his past, it was tavros... too bad it seemed like his past wasn't going to avoid him, though.* yOU'RE RIGHT, yEAH, yOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, aBOUT HOW THINGS WILL BE, aND REALLY, iT SHOULDN'T MATTER HOW THINGS WERE, eITHER, *he smiles, though his chest tightened in a confusing way. he had a feeling he wasn't being entirely honest to himself, there, but that too he would ignore.*

[08:19] TC: *He sits up on the bed, running a hand through his hair, well. More attempting to do so and getting his hand stuck in the tangles. He lets his hand stay there, as getting his hand stuck was totally what he tried to do. He smiles crookedly at Tavros.* YOU FUCKING THINK SO? I DON'T THINK MOST OF OUR LOVELY MOTHER FUCKING CREW HAS THE SAME OPINION, WHEN IT COMES TO THE PAST TIMEY SHIT. *He tries yanking his hand out as nonchalantly as possible.* not that i disagree with you, i am all for letting the past be in the past and moving our bods in a forwards motion towards our new goal. *He decides to just lie back down, leaning on his elbow, as if he is resting his head in his hand. Smooth.*

[08:29] AT: *tavros might be mostly clueless, but he caught that smooth move. and now he was grinning at his goofy friend. he sure was glad to have this guy around to make him laugh and smile again.* wELL, nOT ALL OF OUR FRIENDS, aRE TOO TERRIBLY REASONABLE,, *he frowns again, worrying about what sort of hitches he will encounter in his journey /this/ time*

[08:34] TC: *Aww hell yes. Taking the smoothness to a whole different level. He grins back.* THAT'S PROBABLY THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE AGES. HOPEFULLY THEY WILL GET THEIR EYEGLOBES OPENED UP AND REALIZE WE CAN'T ALL GO AROUND AND BE ALL BITTER AND WHINY ABOUT SHIT. THAT WON'T GET US ANYWHERE. *He sighs deeply. Honestly, some trolls can be such grubs. Gamzee tilts his head as Tavros' smile is turned upside down.* hey, talk to me, what'cha got all going on in that mind of yours?

[09:00] AT: oH, i'M JUST,,, *laughs, looking rather sheepish* i'M IRONICALLY, fOCUSING ON PAST EVENTS AGAIN, aND LETTING THEM CAUSE ME CONCERN FOR FUTURE ENDEAVORS, *sighs* sGRUB WAS JUST, sUCH A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE, aND i WORRY THAT IF i HAVE TO GO ADVENTURING WITH, eRR, cERTAIN PEOPLE AGAIN, eVEN WORSE THINGS MIGHT HAPPEN,,

[09:16] TC: *Gamzee smiles crookedly, his brows furrowed in sympathy. He hated seeing him all bummed out.* THAT IS PRETTY GOSH DARN IRONIC, ALTHOUGH IT IS TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. IT'S NOT EASY TO LET EVERYTHING JUST SLIP OUT OF YOUR MIND LIKE THAT. STUFF STAINS THE INSIDES OF ONE'S HEAD LIKE THE MOST PERSISTENT GRUBSAUCE STAINS UPON THE FINEST OF SHIRTS. *He starts scooting up on the bed, his hand still stuck in his hair, him looking like some kind of overgrown inchworm. He manages to get up to Tavros' side and bops his forehead against his shoulder reassuringly. Goat things.* i can see that, i certainly have spesific individuals i would like to stay clear of, myself. i don't think any of us /have/ to do jack shit, but if some poor sod tries getting all up in your adventuring situation, then i am all for adventure blocking them. THAT IS TO SAY, WE COULD TEAM UP AND JUST GIVE THE WORLD THE MOST GIANT OF FLIPPED BIRDS. *He grins again. He is not the greatest at being all reassuring and shit, but he is genuinely trying his best to cheer him up.*

[09:27] AT: *as gamzee encroached even closer into his personal space, he tensed the slightest bit. since he hadn't exactly invited it, he was apprehensive of the touch. he had very few kind encounters with others in the flesh like this, so it was just a natural reflex. but as his head bumped against his shoulder, he couldn't help but smile a most contented smile down at the little clown.* rIGHT, hEH, wE WOULD MAKE THE MOST WICKED PAIR, aS YOU WOULD SAY, fOR TELLING ALL OTHERS TO RIGHTFULLY AND KINDLY, fUCK RIGHT OFF, *he laughs a bit before shifting himself up against what little backboard there is of his cot and reaching his hands out to hover over gamzee's hair* hEY, i KNOW YOUR HAND IS STUCK, yOU GOOF,,, dO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU?

[09:48] TC: *As he was busy trying to wriggle his way towards Tavros, he hadn't really noticed him tensing up. If he had, he would most likely have stopped and tried playing it off as something else. He seemed pretty pleased with himself for getting Tavros to smile again, grinning up at him.* the most wicked pair there is, complete with the sickest rhymes and the power of being the most amazing sassmasters. THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN POSSIBLY BE TAMED. AS WE RIDE INTO THE NIGHT, DELIVERING SICK BURNS TO EACH AND ALL. *He fidgits a bit, clearing his throat.* stuck? what, i have absolutely no clue of what you speak of. if my hand was stuck, would i be able to do this? *He forcibly tries yanking his hand out once more, only resulting in him cringing in pain and letting out a distressed "honk".* OKAY, SO MAYBE I AM A LITTLE STUCK HERE. JUST A TINY BIT.

[09:52] AT: *tavros laughs more heartily, shaking his head* gEEZ, oKAY, i'VE GOT YOU, tHEN, *very carefully, he took Gamzee's wrist in his hand and used the other to start pulling the knots away gingerly* aRADIA USED TO GET STUFF STUCK IN HER HAIR, aLLL THE TIME TOO, sO YOU COULD SAY, i'M A BIT ACCUSTOMED TO REMOVING FOREIGN OBJECTS, fROM TANGLED MESSES, hEHE,

[10:07] TC: *Perhaps he should get stuck in his own hair more often, as it has seemingly lifted Tavros' spirits. He made a mental note of never combing his hair ever again.* thanks bro, i just don't know what happened. it's like. the one moment i was all chill and stuff, and the next i am all caught up in my own dang self. it is like a metaphor or something. *Unlike Tavros, he seems almost overly alright with getting touched. His hair is an absolute mess though, more knots than anything else. He leans his head against Tavros' hands, shutting his eyes.* PRETTY MOTHERFUCKING SURE THAT MAKES YOU BONAFIDE TANGLE DOCTOR. *He looks up at him, giving another reassuring smile.* we will find a way to fix her messed up situation, too. *He keeps looking at him for a little while, then turns his gaze back down. He wanted to be there and all emotionally supportive and all that, but he hadn't slept and this here situation was relaxing as all fuck.*

-- temulentCachinnation [TC] changed their mood to RELAXED  --

[10:30] AT: *his smile almost faltered at the mention of aradia, but his blood pumper ached enough to make up for the lack of emoting.* yEAH, i WONT GIVE UP HOPE, bECAUSE i KNOW THAT SHE WOULDN'T WANT ME TOO, *swallowing the lump in his throat, he made that last effort to get gamzee untangled, and it was a success, though he continued to hold onto gamzee's hand. he clutched it even tighter, in fact* tHERE YOU GO,

[10:39] TC: *He is almost dozing off at this point, blinking every now and then to stay awake. A low content rumbling coming from the back of his throat.* YEAH, THAT'S THE SPIRIT, NEVER GIVE UP THE HOPE IN YOUR BLOOD PUSHER. *He mutters, his eyelids feeling quite heavy. Letting out a soft sigh as he felt his hand getting freed from his hair.* thanks, tavros, i owe you one hair fixing session, or... *He trails off, looking to Tavros' hand holding his own, then to Tavros' face and back again. A doofy smile playing on his lips as he squeezes Tavros' hand lightly.*

[10:48] AT: oR? *suddenly, that silly look he's receiving makes a certain memory flood back to him... a memory of make-out solicitation and all at once tavros is frozen in this very position, still smiling a stunned smile, but eyes gradually growing wider. he wondered if gamzee still felt that way... and he still wasn't too sure how /he/ felt, himself... so maybe he should just keep ignore it. he starts to laugh nervously.* oR,,, nOTHING, bECAUSE YOU DON'T OWE ME ANYTHING, uHHH, tHAT IS TO SAY, yOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL, iNDEBTED TO ME, oVER SUCH A TINY FAVOR,

[10:58] TC: OOOOORRRRR... *He drags the word out, then looks off to the side and smiles awkwardly to himself. Shit, alright, play it cool Gamzee, for the love of fuck. He turned his head back to Tavros, about to say something, but he stopped himself as he saw how wide his eyes had gotten.* uh, yeah, right. *He clears his throat a little, looking away again. Of course he shouldn't get his hopes up like that, besides, going emotionally all out was just a douchy thing to do to someone who is going through shit, right? The last person he wanted to wear his douchepants in front of was Tavros.* NO, I JUST FELT LIKE, THAT WAS SOMETHING IN WHICH WAS FUCKING APPROPRIATE, AS I DID TAKE AWAY FROM YOUR TIME WITH MY DUMBASS ANTICS. *He laughed lightly, slowly starting to let go of Tavros' hand. He didn't want to screw over the only friendship he had left, so he swallowed his emotions and put it to the back of his mind for now.*

[11:08] AT: *as gamzee's grip began to loosen, tavros felt a sinking in his stomach, as if something was suddenly amiss that he couldn't quite pinpoint. was it disappointment? regret? yearning to hold his hand again? he'd hung out with gamzee plenty of times during sgrub and on the meteor... was this really the first time they'd been close like this? tavros was never good with his emotions. he was good at repressing them, but that never seemed to get him anywhere before. the trouble was, he had no idea how he was feeling right now, and therefore had no idea how to react. he clears out another lump in his throat with a breathy laugh.* iT'S NOT AS IF, i HAVE ANY PLACE TO BE, sO i DON'T ENTIRELY SEE HOW HELPING YOU OUT, wOULD BE A WASTE OF TIME AT ALL,

[11:26] TC: *He felt himself hesitate as he was about to slide his hand out of his. A knot had formed in his stomach, and it did a flip. There was a good chance he wouldn't get another opportunity like this ever again. He swallowed, looking up at Tavros, just watching him for a few moments, trying to add everything to memory. The sensation of feeling his hand, his smile and his laugh, and the agonizing pain in his own chest. He let go of his hand.* well, i suppose, but i still feel like said time could be used more efficiently and with less, yes, antics. *He was rambling. Awesome.* AAANYWAY, YEAH, I'M HERE FOR YOU, YOU KNOW? ALL HERE TO PROVIDE SUPPORTIVE WORDS AND SHIT, SO DON'T HESITATE TO BE ALL CALLING FOR ME TO COME AROUND? *He had no idea what he was talking about at this point, so he just wrapped his arms around Tavros. Hugging him and giving his back a few pats. No matesprit, bruh.*

[11:40] AT: *as tiny clowny arms enclosed around him, tavros felt himself relaxing again, but something still seemed amiss. he returned the hug, giving gamzee a tight, grateful squeeze.* tHANK YOU, fOR THAT SENTIMENT, aND FOR ALWAYS BEING SUCH A GREAT FRIEND, *his cheek fit rather nicely against gamzee's head. surprising, as he expected the horns to get in the way, but he was able to avoid them. he sighs against the fluffy hair, reluctant to pull away now that he had him this close again.*

[11:57] TC: *Well, ok, so this didn't backfire at all. Gamzee's stomach did a fucking majestic flip as Tavros hugged him back, feeling his face heat up like a ... like a... Fuuuck. Too flustered to make a proper simile.* there is no reason to get your thank on for that. *He muttered, his face resting against Tavros' chest. Hugging like this was probably the most wicked miraculous thing ever, and he once more felt how heavy his eyelids were. He muttered something to himself, before dozing off. His body slumping somewhat once he was fully asleep, however, his arms still wrapped around Tavros just the same.*

[12:04] AT: hEH, oF COURSE THERE IS, *his smile is content as neither of them bothers to let go from the hug... until he feels gamzee go limp and he's then sticken with panic. he glances down, wide eyed, only to see that gamzee was fast asleep. oh shit.* gAMZEE? *should he wake him up? should he leave him that way? tavros himself couldn't very well move... and if anybody busted in again, he'd be caught in a very compromising postion. still, he's being given the perfect opportunity to keep somebody - and somebody very important - close while he was feeling so low. with a gulp, he shifts to lay himself down more fully, readjusting gamzee so he's still resting comfortably on his chest. maybe all that movement would make him up... but if he doesn't, now tavros was feeling drowsey again and much more comfortable than when he was alone. his eyelids were getting heavy and his mind hazy. it'd only be a matter of time before he drifted off himself.*

[nestletrollhouse]

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OKAY BLOOD SWAP NEPETA VOICE HEADING YOUR WAY.-INDIGO BLOOD-READING THE PART WHERE GAMZEE GOES INSANE.

p.s. terrible picture i know