6ef9re we 6egin I w9uld like t9 set d9wn s9me guidelines,...

Closed Kankri rp blog for tumut

[circuitousgrievance]

KANKRI: -He wasn't sure what he was doing. These last several hours felt like a whirlwind of wasted time and blurred out faces (Or the few that he's seen.) Kankri had tried to just sit with it all on his own, to get through the worst of the heaviness in his chest with himself as the only witness so that he wouldn't risk lashing out at anyone, but it wasn't working. Sitting with it all didnt help him feel any less angry at Gamzee, any less devastated about the loss of his mother, any less anxious about what is to come next, and it was souring what little comfort had been brought by actually winning the fight this last month had been leading up to. It was too overwhelming to deal with. John was out cold, he couldnt speak with him and frankly it would be too much to dump on him right now. Gamzee was no longer an option for him to take out his frustrations. Porrim?? Horuss? No, they deserved to rest, not be flooded with his mess of personal problems and inadequacies. But Kankri couldnt stay feeling like this anymore, he needed to find an outlet one way or another, and more importantly he had reached past the point of caring how he might beat himself up later for it.- 

KANKRI: -There was one option he was leaning towards now, something he knew had a chance of at the very least getting his mind off everything.- KANKRI: -And he's knocking on the door of where Rufioh is staying, and wont leave until he has an answer for his question.-

RUFIOH: -Things were quieting down for him. Emilet was visiting the grub nursery and Gamzee... he had gone to do his own thing again. It was a distinct thing to know they weren't going to rely on each other so much anymore. But at the same time? A huge fucking relief. Imagine being cool with a troll you loved... it's a crazy concept.- 

RUFIOH: -In any case, he's sitting around his temporary, mostly empty room. Watching The Animes on husktop and enjoying some dins on his bed. Mushroom pot stickers he made himself. Yum.-

RUFIOH: -at the sound of the knock, Ruf can't help but wonder if it's Gamzee again. He rolls out of bed to answer, already preparing himself but. Pretty actually baffled to see Kankri standing at his door.- ...kankr1?

KANKRI: -When the door opens he stiffens, because he is quickly approaching the threshold of no backing out.- S9rry I am 69thering y9u. Can I c9me in.

RUFIOH: uh... yeah. shoot. -steps aside to let him indoors. Eyebrows are definitely furrowed with concern.- 

RUFIOH: you aren't bother1ng. 1 was just... watch1ng some stuff to relax. RUFIOH: d1nner. 

RUFIOH: yeah...

KANKRI: -He steps in and briefly looks around the room, but its somewhat obviously faked interest.- Then I ap9l9gize f9r interrupting, n9t 69thering.

RUFIOH: -it's cause enough for Rufioh to squint.- mmm, r1ght... 

RUFIOH: ... 

RUFIOH: so. cur1ous, 1 guess... and concerned too. 

RUFIOH: what are you do1ng here?

KANKRI: Right I sh9uld get right t9 it, sh9uldn't I. -He inhales through his nose and exhales before turning to face Rufioh.- I have a questi9n, and y9u really just have t9 answer yes 9r n9 t9 it n9 explinati9n required. 

KANKRI: 6ut. 

KANKRI: Well, -Hes a little hesitant now that he is here face to face with him, but Kankri swallows down that nervousness and reminds himself to say "fuck it."- 6ack in that t9wn, 6ef9re we g9t t9 Minnes9ta, in the tree. 

 KANKRI: D9... d9 y9u think y9u c9uld d9 that again 6ut s96er.

RUFIOH: -flashbacks to the Tree Incident back in Minnesota are pretty vivid in Rufioh's mind. And he won't lie... at any other time, he wouldn't be pausing to think about this so much. Shit. If all his problems could be solved with vigorous make outs, that's all Rufioh would be committing himself to.- 

RUFIOH: -But alas... it couldn't be a good reason that Kankri was bringing it up so straightfowardly. There was a lot of factors to consider. The timing. The precarious emotional weight this might bring into the playing field. What if they ended up back to where they started??- 

RUFIOH: -so he frowns, weighing the question in his mind.- that's... a quest1on that comes w1th a lot to th1nk about, dude. 

RUFIOH: but... 1f you're ask1ng me 1f we could. 

RUFIOH: 1 would say l1ke... 

RUFIOH: yeah. -clears his throat, scratching at the back of his flushed head.- 1 mean... 1 was d1gg1ng 1t from what 1 remember. the stuff we got up to... RUFIOH: 1f you wanted to get at 1t aga1n... 1'd be here for that. but... -eyes him now.- 

RUFIOH: why do you ask?

KANKRI: -He is equally flushed in color, perhaps even more so. But he received his answer, and is almost surprised to hear that he would. This is farther then he thought he would get so there is a moment or two delay while he pieces together some sort of reply.- 

KANKRI: 6ecause I am 9ffering that situati9n t9 y9u. N9 strings attached, n9 particular quadranted feeling. And I d9nt intend f9r it t9 change anything 6etween us fr9m what it is n9w.

RUFIOH: ...oh. -Well he certainly is brown in the face. But also?? Concerned???- 

RUFIOH: 1 mean... 1t m1ght change th1ngs a l1l. -raises eyebrows.- 

RUFIOH: we weren't mak1ng out before as l1ke... a way to deal w1th 1t.

RUFIOH: our problems, 1 mean.

KANKRI: Yes when we did it it then was t9 ign9re the pr96lems entirely. KANKRI: Y9u can say n9. I w9nt 6e 9ffended 9r upset with y9u, if anything I'll just 6e em6aressed 6ut I'll live thr9ugh it.

RUFIOH: that's not really what 1 mean to say. -scratches at his head some more.- 1 just wanna be l1ke... 

RUFIOH: sure 1t's someth1ng you actually want. l1ke hey... 

RUFIOH: maybe we should commun1cate the terms... what are you hop1ng to ach1eve w1th all th1s? 

RUFIOH: 1'm ask1ng cuz... y'know. -trails off there a moment before glancing back at him.- 

RUFIOH: 1 do care about you, man.

KANKRI: -Oh. Okay well he wasn't expecting that either. Kankri frowns briefly before mentally shaking off the weird feelings that came with Rufioh saying he cared, he could deal with that later.- 

KANKRI: What am I h9ping t9 achieve? -What is he hoping for..- 

KANKRI: ...I just want a 6rief m9ment where I have s9mething t9 f9cus 9n and keep me fr9m thinking a69ut anything else, t9 put it 6luntly. And I kn9w that is h9w I managed t9 feel last time, s9 yes this is s9mething I actually want. KANKRI: If y9u want terms we can discuss them.

RUFIOH: -exhales then, wondering when he felt so... gratified to see Kankri turning to him for this. It was odd, maybe a little selfish. But then, what fucks were there to give anymore.- 

RUFIOH: nah... 

RUFIOH: that's all 1 really wanted to know. -Dammit. Rubs at his face. He blush.- you wanna hang?

KANKRI: -None, there were no fucks to give that was the whole point of this.- KANKRI: -Watching Rufioh blush like that has Kankri shifting on his feet and clearing his throat before speaking again.- Alright. Then yes, I d9.

RUFIOH: 1 got some pot st1ckers left over 1f you're hungry. -clears off his bed, he guesses.- m1ght dec1de to watch someth1ng else though. 

RUFIOH: you have any mov1es on you?

KANKRI: -Shakes his head.- N9 thank y9u. 6ut f9r the m9vies I d9 have a flash drive with s9me 9f my c9llecti9n. -"Some" he has about 150 movies/tv series on that thing.- 

 KANKRI: -Approaches closer so he is no longer on the other side of the room.-

RUFIOH: 1'm down to watch someth1ng 1f you are. -sits crosslegged on his bed and offers him the husktop to take over. He'll be finishing the pot stickers while he's at it.- always good for new stuff. 

RUFIOH: ...and hey. kankr1?

KANKRI: I h9pe y9u will find 9ne if n9t s9me 9f my selecti9ns ideal then, I d9 have it s9rted 6y genre th9ugh s9 if y9u have a preference let me kn9w. -He sits on an unoccupied corner of the bed and already is in the process of plugging his drive into the husktop when he glances up at Rufioh again.- KANKRI: Yes?

RUFIOH: -might as well share his single note of sincerity.- ...1t's cool you're here. 

RUFIOH: that's all. -eats him pot sticker.-

KANKRI: ...I'm relieved t9 hear y9u think s9. -Looks down at the computer again, still bright red, scrolling through the options.- 

 KANKRI: Then again I'm just 9ver all relieved that y9u didn't thr9w me 9ut at the pr9p9siti9n I made.

RUFIOH: mmm. -takes his time eating.- 1t's not l1ke you were the only one th1nk1ng 1t.

KANKRI: -He pauses with the computer and looks up again, this time with a raised eyebrow.- 

 KANKRI: Really?

RUFIOH: -Don't look at him like that.- 1t feels good. 1 mean... 

RUFIOH: you d1d. -glances at him.-

KANKRI: -He will look at you like that.- 9h. 

KANKRI: Well, that is a likewise sentiment. I..er. I als9 enj9yed y9ur c9mpany at the time, even if I was under the influence 9f impr96a6le sugar drugs.

RUFIOH: ... -ends up idly scratching at his chin.- 

RUFIOH: so... 

RUFIOH: what are we... 

RUFIOH: what d1d you want to do about 1t? currently... 

RUFIOH: 1n th1s present moment of t1me?

KANKRI: -Lets out a sigh of relief when he asks and stops scrolling through films.- Quite h9nestly I d9nt have any interest in sitting thr9ugh a m9vie.

RUFIOH: -Whoop. There it is. Carefully... removes the empty bowl from his lap and takes it off the bed altogether.- yeah. that's honest.

 RUFIOH: ... 

RUFIOH: you can let 1t play anyway 1f you wanna.

KANKRI: I supp9se I c9uld, I can always pick a rand9m file and we can just pay attenti9n t9 it if we feel like it. 

 KANKRI: -Not that he has too much of a desire to do so. Regardless he  randomly clicks one of the video files and some random season of Glee loads up while he sets the husktop off to the side so there is nothing on the space of bed between them.-

RUFIOH: -Yeah, now that he knew what was going on, what was playing on the husktop screen really didn't matter to him. Ruf starts to crawl closer, closing the distance.- what are you cool w1th? 

RUFIOH: can 1 l1ke... 

 RUFIOH: touch you? -he hesitates, only for the question.-

KANKRI: -He watches Rufioh move closer and even shifts a few inches towards him as well, drawing his legs up onto the bed.- Thank y9u f9r asking, and yes y9u can. 

KANKRI: Can I d9 the same t9 y9u?

RUFIOH: yeah. that'd be the preference...  -Well enough of the pre-game talk... Rufioh seals the remainder of the distance to press a warm swift kiss to Kankri's lips.- tell me... 1f someth1ng's too much. -murmurs, before pressing another.-

KANKRI: -The first kiss comes and goes, and Kankri is suddenly even that more resolved in that this is what he wants.- I will. -He whispers back, and this time when Rufioh's lips come back Kankri is more ready and he leans into the warmth of it. His eyes close and he moves his hand closer to Rufioh's so that their fingers brush.-

RUFIOH: -Dammit. As careful as they were being, Rufioh felt like the intoxicatingly warm taste of Kankri's mouth could measure up just as it did before. Even better without all the sugar rushes.- 

RUFIOH: -The show plays obliviously to Rufioh in the background. Instead, he's following the hand drawing him close, fingers lacing together. No thoughts or arguments now. Only shifting weight and Rufioh crawling himself over Kankri. Looming... then kissing him into some pillows.- 

RUFIOH: -rumble purrs kick up after a while... This was actually happening.-

KANKRI: -He gives no purrs but he does shift with Rufioh, easily leaning back on the pillows behind him while never letting too much space get between them. He holds onto the hand holding his and softly moves his lips against Rufioh's. He tasted earthy like the mushrooms he had been eating before Kankri had knocked on the door, and that combined with the warmth and the smell of him and just the feeling of contact with another person was extremely pleasant. The exact distraction he was looking for.- 

KANKRI: -Leaning back, Kankri's free hand drifts up and cups Rufioh's face, thumb brushing gently over his cheek to mimic the sweetness of the kiss.-

RUFIOH: -If it's all touches Kankri wants, Rufioh has no problem. He nuzzles into the hand touching at his face. Nibbling at his palm and purring some more. It's then that his hands start to squeeze at his shoulders.- ...you sure 1t's cool to touch you?

KANKRI: Yes. -He both nods and vocalizes his consent before pressing kisses to the line of Rufioh's jaw while he is occupied with his hand.- 

 KANKRI: (I will tell y9u if it is n9t.) -He murmurs through the kisses before ending up by his ear and very gently nipping it.-

RUFIOH: -the nip of teeth tickles his ear and he huffs. Cheeks flushing again.- sorry, heh.

RUFIOH: easy to underest1mate you 1 guess. -and with that he begins circling his palms. Rubbing Kankri's chest through his sweater when he starts nosing at his collar. Looking for places to kiss on his neck...-

KANKRI: -The smallest laugh escapes him at hearing that, but that was a fair assumption for Rufioh to make. Its hard to get at any amount of his neck without moving the turtleneck out of the way, but not impossible. Meanwhile Kankri hums at being touched and his hand moves from Rufioh's cheek to faintly trace the back of his neck before moving up into the troll's hair. If he is remembering correctly, Rufioh seemed to like this quite a bit the last time they got involved.-

RUFIOH: -these were all very new aspects of Kankri that Rufioh never knew existed before. And hell if he wasn't a little greedy for it. He finds himself wanting everything to do with the happenings right now. Even the way he has to scrape his teeth a little to get past the turtleneck.- 

RUFIOH: -But all careful approaches wane when Kankri curls fingers into his hair. Follicles raise over his skin until he feels it deep in the bed of his wings. Enough with the palming over the sweater. Rufioh's hand is pushing under the sweater. Feeling him up his side until he's squeezing pectoral muscle. He breathes out, head bent and focused.-

KANKRI: -Well, by going under the sweater Rufioh is going to learn two things; One, Kankri seems to love it as he lightly gasps and he arcs up into his hands. And two, his pants go up ridiculously high... Like they are up there, and even cover up his chesticular assets.- 

 KANKRI: -With that great response from Rufioh though, Kankri curls his fingers in his hair and his other hand moves to trace the curves and muscles of Rufioh's upper back.-

RUFIOH: -the first thing Kankri can appreciate is the loose split of his t-shirt to make way for his wings. It's a simple thing only held on by a few buttons. Next, he finds that Rufioh's skin is pretty accessible through his shirt and finally... the area around the base of his wings is a hardened, warm chiton material. Formed to emulate the muscles of his back.- 

RUFIOH: -meanwhile, is toying his fingers up... up?? Kankri's long pants.- ... RUFIOH: 1t's a body su1t? -He never noticed before..............-

KANKRI: -He actually greatly appreciates the easy access to his skin, and Kankri finds himself immensely captivated by feeling out the formation of the hard shell that forms wings to back. In fact the only thing that can distract him from his exploratory tracing of the wing beds is Rufioh's voice.- Huh? 

KANKRI: 9h, well n9 n9t technically. It d9esn't c9ver my sh9ulders 9r arms, s9 it isnt a 69dy suit, just pants.

RUFIOH: -just pants... okay. He snorts a little.- mmhm. okay.

RUFIOH: ... 

RUFIOH: you wanna help me out w1th your pants, bro?

KANKRI: My pants? Help y9u 9ut h9w-- -Ohhh. Hah, okay that brief moment of confusion was a little embarrassing, but its fine he recovers quickly.- Right, yes let me just... 

KANKRI: -He shifts to sit up a little to make this easier and, regrettably, has to temporarily remove his hands from Rufioh's person to pull his sweater up high enough to access the hem of his pants.- They really arent that c9mplicated th9ugh. -Starts to undo the buckle of his belt.-

RUFIOH: -Mmmm yeah. Leans over to just watch this.- dunno... they're a l1l compl1cated. -

KANKRI: -Briefly looks back up at him with a small frown.- They really are n9t, the 9nly difference 6etween these pants and 9thers is that they rise higher. Which is actually, if y9u think a69ut it, very material and thermal regulating wise 6ecause it utilizes 9ne garment t9 pr9vide near full 69dy c9verage. 

KANKRI: -Almost gets distracted talking about his pants but nah, hes done with the buckle and popping the one button they have before he slowly starts pulling the zipper down. There may be just a touch of hesitation here.-

RUFIOH: that's l1ke... your op1n1on about the pants. 1t's pretty great... -He'd been watching him the whole time and does notice when he hesitates. Shifting back up to sit.- you good?

KANKRI: -He pauses about half way down, shuts his eyes and takes a breath to chase away the lingering sense of nervousness. This was becoming more real, but he by no means felt like that was a bad thing, he just still hadnt grown fully accustomed to showing this much of his body to someone. But no, hes fine now, its okay.- ...Yes, I am. Thank y9u. -And then he is pulling the zipper down all the way to the stopper.- 

KANKRI: N9w see, what did I tell y9u? Simple.

RUFIOH: (gd1...) -Kankri is being cute and now Rufioh ends up feeling Obligated to peck him with a smooch.- heh. yeah. 

RUFIOH: s1mple. }:)

KANKRI: -Um excuse you, he is not cute. But yes the kiss is appreciated.- Yes, simple. 

KANKRI: -In fact it was so appreciated he is leaning to press his lips to Rufioh's again.-

RUFIOH: hehehe. -this is Rufioh's cue to GENTLY BULLRAM Kankri into the pillows. It's more like a soft tackle from a rowdy troll.- whoops. t1mber.

KANKRI: -DOOF. Soft doof. During the tackle Kankri makes a small noise of surprise and wraps his arms around Rufioh as hes lightly tackled back onto the pillows.- 

KANKRI: Please, -He scoffs and for a moment considers rolling his eyes.- "Wh99ps" sh9uld 6e reserved f9r accidents, y9u clearly did that 9n purp9se. -Though clearly it didnt seem to bother him too much, and he starts combing his fingers through Rufioh's hair again.-

RUFIOH: -shffffhhhhh his chuckles are sounding pretty breathy there. He squirms until he's back in his position.- mhgh... 

RUFIOH: keep do1ng that. -mutters, pushing a hand up Kankri's sweater again. This time searching for skin to run his fingers over.-

KANKRI: -He doesnt need to be told twice, not when he has Rufioh's reaction and the motivation of warm hands pushing up his sweater again.- Hhah. 9kay. -He moves his fingers in circles along Rufioh's scalp, and occasionally tightens his grip to gently tug on his hair.-

KANKRI: -This time around Rufioh will actually be able to get at the skin of his stomach, his chest, anything once he moves aside the fabric laying over him. And when he does Kankri feels heat expand over every inch of him, its wonderful.-

RUFIOH: (heh.) -It's a good thing for Kankri to already have fingers knotted into his hair. Once the sweater is pushed up, it's enough incentive for Rufioh to duck and begin kissing a line up to his chest. A hand slides under the flap of cloth to push it aside and hold him close. He mouths the pretty monochrome skin, kissing him until the small sucks that follow become inevitable.-

KANKRI: Mmm. -His voice is airy as he lets out the occasional breath or moan as Rufioh moves his mouth along his chest. Warm hands, warm lips, and he can lose himself in the feeling of them roaming his skin. His whole body feels driven with an unseen energy that runs up and down his spine every time Rufioh starts to suck, and it consumes his mind to one main objective; to keep it going. The sensitive pale grey easily starts to flush a dull red at spots getting the most attention, laying the ground work for hickeys that Kankri had a feeling would surely come.- 

KANKRI: (Thats-ah. Thats g99d.) -He mumbles and begins to rub his thumb along the base of Rufioh's hornbed.-

RUFIOH: -the horns are large, it'd be difficult NOT to touch them. But he sighs in blissful contentment nevertheless. Taking in the small scents he could pick up from Kankri's skin with a shudder. He's a heat he just wanted to sink into. And with that, he finds his reason to speak again.- wanna... k1nda... 

RUFIOH: touch you more. -fingers press into his side. Waiting permission.- how far d1d you want to take th1s?

KANKRI: -He opens his eyes at the question. Oh right.- I uh... 

KANKRI: I did n9t think this far ahead. -He blinks to try and clear his mind enough to assess the situation, even if it was a little difficult to do so while still feeling Rufioh's breath on his skin.- 

KANKRI: -Okay so he had managed to get this far, pants undone, sweater pushed up, and he really had no qualms with it. He felt more in touch with himself then he had in over a month, and Rufioh seemed to be having a good time as well, although now taking notice of it, it was a real shame he still had that shirt on, and running with that thought Kankri starts to tug on the fabric. That becomes his new priority, getting Rufioh out of his clothes too. And then maybe he can come back to the question of just how far he wants to go.- Currently I want it t9 g9 farther then we are n9w.

RUFIOH: yeah... 1 apprec1ate you be1n' stra1ghtforward. -ends up grinning and rearing himself back up to sit. At the tugging of his shirt, Rufioh reaches to unsnag the shirt at the buttons. Going through the motions of freeing his torso, all to give the reclined Kankri something to looks at. 

RUFIOH: -With Rufioh's loose fitting shirts, there's never been much left to the imagination. Except perhaps, the happy trail that travels down his abdomen. He's filled out with muscle by now, maintaining his rigorous training and exercise regimen.- 

RUFIOH: -hands are coming to rest just above Kankri's knees. His smile grows crooked with mischief, thumbs begin to circle. Waiting.- currently... 1 want to go further too.

KANKRI: -He watches as Rufioh removes his own shirt, frankly a little disappointed he didn't have more to do with the process, but now with the new view on display he can't really complain. Rufioh used to be a model right? He can certainly see why.- 

KANKRI: -He is still staring when he starts to sit up and wordlessly moves closer so that he is just about almost in Rufiohs lap.- G99d. 

KANKRI: -Now having that confirmation, Kankri leans in to softly press his lips to Rufioh's exposed collar bone, while his hands remove themselves from his hair and start to roam up and down the trolls chest. Pressing, kneading, occasionally ghosting his nails over skin.-

RUFIOH: -Where Kankri's hands come to touch on his chest, Rufioh's move to squeeze along his knees. His thighs. Now he's tugging Kankri up by the hips to sit him properly in his lap.- 

RUFIOH: c'mon... -huffs, encouraging his legs to secure on either side of him. A rush of heated impatience makes his bloodpusher skip while Kankri's lips make friendly on his collar. Rufioh chirrs by the base of Kankri's horn. Even the scent of his hair is enough reminder of his own greedy desire to touch on him.- RUFIOH: -slips his hands up his sweater again to give his back a rub down. Squeezing generously until his own fingers are pressing into his skin. Clawing harmlessly... wanting him closer.-

KANKRI: -At the tugging Kankri moves fully into his lap. Its a slightly clumsy and awkward shift given that most of his attention is now being placed into sucking and nipping small marks onto Rufioh's shoulder and neck, but he manages to sit comfortably this way and oh... the heat trapped between the two of them was a lot even before he pressed himself flush to Rufioh's body at the encouragement of the fingers on his back. Now it was almost blissfully unbearable and its just now that Kankri starts to realize the stirring of his bulge in his unzipped pants. How long had that been happening?- KANKRI: -His breath hitches and he takes a momentary break from making hickeys to turn his face and nuzzle the crook of Rufioh's neck while mimicking the sound of the chirrs that he could practically feel against the more sensitive parts of his horns, his hands settling on Rufioh's waist where he presses his finger tips and nails into the softer skin here.-

RUFIOH: -It's a slow building heat, caught up in the sensations of their combined breathing and their frisky touches. Lips break from their connection at his collarbone, leaving the tension to collect deep down in his abdomen. The shape of his own bulge was already curling and searching for contact, trapped in his pants but stimulated still by the weight of Kankri pressing into his lap.- RUFIOH: fuckhhh... -growls out eventually. It's a pathetically needy sound that causes Rufioh to move. He holds Kankri by his hips and rolls the swell of their groins against one another. Breathing out hard against his shoulder as the friction of their clothes rub. It just makes him want to press further.-

KANKRI: Nnghhshiit. -His drawn out exhale pitches up into practically a whine as Rufioh grinds against him. The friction of the rubbing sends another round of shudders up his spine that makes his mind feel both thick and light as a cloud. Its like all of his senses and streams of consciousness have waved off any thought other then whatever involves him and Rufioh in this moment. Its a wonderful reprieve.- 

KANKRI: -He doesnt allow them to stop now, and Kankri keeps himself moving against Rufioh with a greedy and steady pace. He can feel the shifting of Rufioh's heat under him and the urge to be even closer to it is all consuming. Kankri's breath comes in elated huffs with touches of pleased sounds, and soon Kankri attempts to silence himself by biting Rufioh's shoulder, harder then his previous nips.-

RUFIOH: -the building of friction between them is so good and is made even sweeter by the lack of permeable contact. Hating... loving how trapped he felt in his pants. It all just kindled his desire for more.- 

RUFIOH: -Then it's like the moment he thinks about it, teeth bite into his shoulder and stills Rufioh's breath right in his throat. He's caught in lusty puffs, a low needy moan into Kankri's shoulder. God, he wanted more...- 

RUFIOH: -lies back to pull Kankri on top of him. Hands squeeze at his ass to encourage the change in position... then feeling further behind his rump to rub the flat of his nook through the fabric of his pants. Anything to keep himself buried with Kankri. To keep the friction going.- (hff...)

KANKRI: -He doesn't keep his teeth in his shoulder long, and after presses a series of softer kisses to the abused skin. The sounds Rufioh made, the heavy breaths, the moans, it is exhilarating . This whole situation is filling Kankri with more energy then he could have thought he had. And its amazing that despite not being able to think any semblance of eloquent thought that he manages to so smoothly crawl to be on top, knees placed on either side of Rufioh as he sits back to keep grinding onto the shape of Rufioh's bulge through his pants...or as much as he can with the fingers rubbing against his nook.- (hhn... Ah-!) KANKRI: -Even through the cloth its enough stimulation that Kankri can feel himself getting more slick with every roll of his hips. He realizes that if they keep this up he's going to be toeing the line between either taking his pants off or staining them... but he figured he at least shouldn't be alone in it, and Kankri drags his hand down Rufioh's chest, down his stomach, following the trail of hair until his finger tips were brushing the hem of Rufioh's pants and then he rises up enough to that he can slip them under and feel for the source of wriggling underneath him.-

RUFIOH: fuck-- yes... -breathes out, rolling half on his side and bringing Kankri with him. Gingerly pillowing his head with one hand. The brown was baking on his face but he feels doubly eager to catch Kankri's mouth in a hungry kiss. The more reason to wiggle his hips out of his pants and let his bulge curl into Kankri's hand.- 

RUFIOH: -He can feel his own tip lewdly prod and attempt to bury wetly between his fingers but hey. That just goes to show his own enthusiasm. The purrs start up at Kankri's ear again, tongue flicking out to suck earnest spots into his neck. It's not very long at all before his hips shift and he starts to thrust into his hand. Building a good rythmn for himself.-

KANKRI: -He wasnt quite expecting the move and a muffled confused gasp bubbles out of him but its quickly cut off  by a sigh of deep satisfaction as he wraps his fingers around the friendly tip after helping Rufioh to further shimmy out of his underwear. The kiss that comes next is hot and sweet, and Kankri tilts his head to lean into it as much as he can manage to draw it out.- 

 KANKRI: -Evidently it turns out he doesnt need to worry about setting a pace to stroke Rufioh because hes bucking easily into his grip. Kankri lets Rufioh's bulge briefly introduce itself to the spaces in between his fingers before he starts to grip it more firmly and stroke it down as close to the base as he can reach.- 

KANKRI: Fu-hhn. Nngh... th-...thank g9d m9st of my-ah, wardr96e inv9lves high c9llars. -He weakly complains in between moans and short breaths while Rufioh attacks his neck.-

RUFIOH: -fingers tug at Kankri's hair, pleasured sounds bubbling up as his malliable length slides along his hand. But it all turns into breathless laughs when Rufioh surfaces again. Flushed lips find Kankri's jaw. Kissing at his face.- RUFIOH: focus... mmnngh... 

RUFIOH: -It was likely he was making a dribbling mess, the more he rolls his hips. Ends up wriggling the pants off his legs completely.-

KANKRI: -He turns his head with the pulling of his hair and nuzzle against Rufioh's cheek.- I am, mmn... f9cusing. KANKRI: -Rufioh was absolutely making a juicy mess all over his fingers, but Kankri didn't mind the in the slightest. Besides he had his own issue in his pants, or rather his pants were the problem. He hissed as he felt his bulge squirm in its clothed prison, and now that Rufioh was free of his clothes it seemed horribly unfair that Kankri still, for the most part, had all of his.- 

KANKRI: Hhf.. H9ld 9n 9ne m9ment. -He whispered and let go of Rufioh's bulge so that he could utilize both of his hands to slide his ridiculous pants, and underwear, down his legs. And the very audible sigh of relief comes once his bright red length writhes free and unhindered between his wet thighs.-

RUFIOH: -Kind of hard to laugh about ridiculous pants when he was busy catching his breath. He sighs and brushes some of his own flopped hair out of his face and.. okay. He does snicker a little bit.- 

RUFIOH: damn, vantas. look1ng good. -laughs and crawls forward, only somewhat conscious of his own nakedness in comparison. It's the flushed weight of his bulge that is distracting. He sets hands at his sweater, heat high on his face.- 

RUFIOH: k1nda d1g the sweater stay1ng on... -comments, pushing it up so he can begin kissing at his belly. Rumbling idly against bare skin.- mmm... also k1nd of d1g the 1dea of suck1ng you off. 

RUFIOH: st1ll don't know how far you want to take th1s. -ends up grinning into the smooches.-

KANKRI: -His head is tilted back, eyes shut and hes taking in the relief of the cooler air on his legs. Until Rufioh's comment brings him back and his entire face goes red, there is scarcely any grey left on his cheeks. He suddenly feels a little self conscious about being half naked.- 

KANKRI: -But as Rufioh crawls to him again Kankri stays leaning back with his arms supporting him.- Well, it is warm 6ut if y9u happen t9 enj9y the aesthetic p9int 9f it then I d9nt mind keeping it-- 9h. -He goes a bit wall eyed when Rufioh says that, and it stirs all kinds of warm tingling feelings in his groin to the point where his bulge twists around itself just to make it evident that it very much endorsed the idea.- 

KANKRI: Y9u...hff... can als9 d9 that if y9u want t9. -He is too embarrassed to say the words "Yes, please put my entire 6ulge in y9ur m9uth." but he hopes that Rufioh will accept his consent, and he uses his clean hand to comb through the bull troll's messy hair. He can imagine his own is decently out of place in this moment...those damn stubborn natural nonsense curls.-

RUFIOH: -dark, dilated eyes watch Kankri give his consent. Grins the whole time he moves hands along his hips. Kankri's sides get a brief rub down, coaxing him to relax with the up and down motions of his palms.- 

RUFIOH: yeah? heh... don't have to say more than that, bro. -The air on his tongue is heavy with his scents, reminding Rufioh of his own arousal... then becomes heavy with his tastes when Rufioh bends to guide the tip of Kankri's bulge is into his mouth.- 

RUFIOH: .... -Presses one kiss to him before fitting the burrowing member further past his lips with well-practiced ease. The hot, heavy curl of dripping flesh is all Ruf can taste, smell, and feel. Hear as his ears flick up to tune into the rocket of Kankri's sounds. Likewise, the only thing Kankri is getting out of him is the gentle suckle of his lips. Jaw slack and focused on his work. No more talk for the moment.

KANKRI: -The fingers in Rufioh's hair continue to rub and brush through until he kisses Kankri's tip and the smaller troll shudders, his fingers curling into a grip.- 

KANKRI: -He watches with stunned fascination as more and more of him slips past Rufioh's lips, a drawn out sigh of his turns into a building moan, his hips and thighs tremble from resisting the urge to fully buck into the heat surrounding his bulge.- (Hhh9ly shit.... fhh... hgn...)

KANKRI: -Kankri's pulse is in his ears and he can feel it in his bulge as it shifts as much as it can to map out its new surroundings, feeling the ridges of the roof of his mouth, worming ever so slightly against his tongue. And when Rufioh sucks Kankri breathes in a sharp breath and arcs his back against the bed, his toes curling. This was a brand new sensation for him and he was lusting for all of it.-

[circuitousgrievance]

KANKRI: -Its been a lot. Everything. Everything ever has been a lot and Kankri isnt quite sure he knows what he feels right now as he sits outside right near the entrance of the ship. Ideally maybe the air would clear his head and he could think a little better about what it is he should be doing now that this whole nightmare is over.-

GAMZEE: =Whitenoise, all of it. His head has been worse for the duration of this experience. All emotions and thoughts he can't get a hold of, arrange in any kind of comprehensible fashion, or simply allow to settle. It's been a stupor of anger and helplessness, and he's struggling to cope. With himself and everything around. With everyone around. He's been out walking again, more or less in a daze trying to outspeed the hazy flickering at the back of his mind seeping into the corners of his vision. It's frizzing even now as he spots Kankri sitting outside.= 

GAMZEE: =Ultimately, after just watching for a little, he walks on over to him to plop down by his side. He doesn't look at him, instead trying to catch what Kankri might be looking at out in the air.= mind trailing on the breeze?

KANKRI: -He is not quite looking at anything in particular, probably that rock several yards away. He doesnt much react when Gamzee sits down next to him, but he does briefly glance at him.- Yes. 

KANKRI: Very much s9.

KANKRI: H9w are y9u?

GAMZEE: =A very interesting rock then, since they are both looking at it. He shrugs a shoulder.= LIKELY AS FINE AS ANY OTHER MOTHER FUCKER LEFT AFTER THIS HORROR SHOW. 

GAMZEE: regardless ain't me what i be of concern on now. =Looks at him finally (guess the rock wasn't that interesting after all). Instead of asking if he's okay, a stupid and pointless question, he wraps one arm around his shoulders in a one armed hug.=

KANKRI: -He thinks an interesting rock, in fact boy that rock is damn awe inspiring just look at how his eyes start to water a little when Gamzee wraps an arm around him, all for that rock, boy.- 

KANKRI: -He does briefly tense up during the initial embrace but only for a moment before his muscles relax and he leans against Gamzee.-

GAMZEE: =The rock is truly an inspiration to us all... He simply holds his arm on him in a loose drape while Kankri tenses, only pulling him in against him once he's relaxed and leaning. Fingers rub against Kankri's shoulder in slow steady motions, his cheek resting against the top of Kankri's head. He's never been good with words, not even after the supor left his system. They're caught in his chest, and for now he doesn't know if he's capable of fishing it out. Instead he speaks with a gentle squeeze to Kankri's shoulders, giving what comfort he could.=

KANKRI: -The silence is really appreciated, more and more lately Kankri found himself not wanting to spend the energy on the words he usually gushed out. Simple was fine, simple was better. And after a minute or so of this, and a few silently shed tears, Kankri slowly straightens himself up and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand.- 

KANKRI: I'm fine. Its 9kay.

GAMZEE: =The tight grip on him loosens somewhat once he straightens, letting him move as he liked. Gamzee watches him wipe his tears, turning more towards him to let his free hand touch his cheek. Thumb swiping below his eye, catching tears.= YOU AIN'T. 

 GAMZEE: but ain't no crime in having youself be so.

KANKRI: -No, his cheek is gross with the wetness of his weakness.- 

KANKRI: -But still thats a really sweet gesture and he reaches his hand up to take Gamzee's and hold it.- Well I'm g9ing t9 6e fine. 

 KANKRI: Its just a matter 9f waiting it 9ut, which I will d9. In the mean time I can f9cus 9n h9w thankful I am that this is 9ver and I w9nt 6e l9sing any9ne else.

GAMZEE: =Crying isn't weakness, but whatever floats his boat. He twines their fingers together, not saying anything straight away as his words swirl around in his pan. The whitenoise is more insistant. He has to wet his lips before speaking, gaze flitting off just to the side of Kankri's face then back again.= 

GAMZEE: DOUBT HE NEEDING ON HAVING ME TELL HIM THAT SIMPLE WAIT WITH FEELINGS UNPROCESSED AND ADRESSED AIN'T HOW A MOTHER FUCKER BEST HANDLE HIM SHIT. 

GAMZEE: requires work, adressin', have a real time to break apart then build back on up anew.

KANKRI: Perhaps that is true, 6ut currently my moirail is unc9nci9us and s9 at the very least Im just g9ing t9 have t9 wait until I get t9 adressing any 9f it. -Its a good excuse.-

GAMZEE: =Squeezes his hand.= CANNOT LET THEM FEELS FESTER WITH LINGERING CLAWS, BROTHER. 

GAMZEE: find on ways to give release elsewise while john rest.

GAMZEE: =He scoots closer, eyes firmly set on his.= WAYS OF ESCAPING-- RETREATIN', FIND SOME PLACE WHERE ALL AIN'T SO MUCH WHAT IT BE. 

GAMZEE: for a time, not always, until it good.

KANKRI: -Turns to meet his deep purple gaze with his own duller red, and he listens to him and tries to grasp the concept of those words.- 

KANKRI: Are y9u suggesting t9 me attempts 9f meditiati9n?

GAMZEE: =It's frustrating how he can't seem to make people understand, much less himself. The idea was already there, he knew, but all this time he'd been teethering. Unsure whether to do one thing or the next. He had never made true desicions for himself, where to go, other than... Ones that lead him to other people, make connections he so longed for. This time it was nothing like that, a desicion that would lead to more loneliness he had thought, but maybe it didn't have to.= ESCAPE IT BE WHAT I SUGGEST, PHYSICAL AS BE SPIRITUAL. 

GAMZEE: have a way aways from here, noise and mofos suffering louder than what they dare speak, than what they dare spill from headspace feeling on too heavy for themselves. 

GAMZEE: AS OF PATH WE NOW DO TRAVEL, TIME WILL COME WHEN A MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT KEEP HIS STEPS, AS WHAT WICKED NOISE ROLLS IN HIM FEELS AND MIND BE TOO PIERCING.

KANKRI: -His eyebrows knit together in confusion as he hears out the idea, and then it hits him what Gamzee is proposing and suddenly his stomach is swirling and it feels like up and down might be switched.- 

KANKRI: .....Leaving. -He needs to say it just in his own voice, for clarity. And he briefly flashes back to his last sugar high and all the rambling about living on Avalon and finally escaping the misery that followed this ship. It was still such an intoxicating thought and dream, but without the drug jacking up his heart rate and erasing the emotional and responsibility tethers he had here... Kankri found the idea a gut churning bitter sweet.-

KANKRI: I... Leaving the ship. Leaving every9ne else.

KANKRI: I d9n't think that I...can. J9hn will never leave and. 

KANKRI: And then there is Porrim, and Horuss, and-- -He swallows.-

KANKRI: I kn9w I'm n9t much use t9 this crew 6ut we've c9me this far while I d9nt really 6elieve t99 hard it fate I still feel like there is reas9n t9 stay, t9 keep seeing where it leads.

GAMZEE: =His eyes are searching, confused, even after Kankri is done explaining. His knuckles whitening at how tightly he is holding his hand, then easing the grip once he realises how tightly he'd hold the hand resting in his. It wasn't a surprising answer. He'd expected it frankly, but there had still been that brief flash of hope that he didn't have to start over. That someone would be with him. It's a selfish request, he knew it deep down. One that couldn't be done. Still, apart from his desire to not be alone, he did want for Kankri to be happy. To find some peace. He laughs airly, shaking his head.= ain't useless, all peeps got some use in them for one or other. 

GAMZEE: DON'T SUGGEST ON LEAVING FOREVER, AIN'T WHAT-- MOTHER FUCK. 

GAMZEE: ain't what i'm saying at yous, or... what it be i is suggest. 

GAMZEE: JUST 'TIL ON AIN'T HURT NO MORE. 

GAMZEE: 'tils you don't cry or feel like you ain't you and none is right.

KANKRI: -He did wince a little from the strength of the grip, but since Gamzee stopped soon enough he didnt say anything or pull his hand away.-  

KANKRI: -He does need to look away though, feeling the tightness in his stomach rapidly crawling up into his chest at the flashes of upset he can see in Gamzee's face.- As great as that s9unds, (fuck) as amazing and h9pefull as that s9unds. Leaving isnt g9ing t9 make me feel 6etter, Gamzee. 

 KANKRI: I already tried leaving my pr96lems 9nce, and thats h9w I ended up 9n this ship in the first place. I just-- -He pauses a moment to take a breath and force himself to look at Gamzee again, just really take in the sight of this troll sitting next to him, being there for him, pestering and pushing him to get better.- I can't leave. I d9nt want t9.

GAMZEE: =It hurts hearing that, and it hurts more feeling how he's getting angry about it. Angry that Kankri is saying no, that he has so little hold on his temper, angry that his wistful fantasies so rarely come true. He knows it isn't right to demand it, to expect it, nor to get angry over him telling him no. The whitenoise is overpowering, and he swallows. He wonders if he is doing the same thing, that when presented with the option to "take a break to heal" by Tavros he wasn't actually going to do so. That he was just finding another way of escapism. Gamzee's jaw sets tightly, as if he wants  to yell (and he wants to), something stinging painfully at his eyes and then... His expression falls, tension gone, but with apathy in it's place. The one safespace he had left.= 

GAMZEE: KNOW YOU BEST, THAT HOW IT FALL IN THE END OF ALL THINGS. 

GAMZEE: ain't forcin' you to do none what you don't wish, can't push mine careless shit so far. 

GAMZEE: =He swipes a thumb over Kankri's knuckles slowly, then lets go of his hand all together to wrap his arms around his own knees. Eyes back to the rock over yonder.= 

 GAMZEE: =The rock holds no answers to his thoughts, of what might be right, instead he spills the truth as it is. Harsh and all.= 

 GAMZEE: ONCE WE ALLS MORE SKYBOUND, A TRASHASS CLOWN WILL BE NONE MORE.

KANKRI: -That split moment of anger in Gamzee is shocking, it threw Kankri off to see it but at the very least its ebbing away and so Kankri can release the breath of anxiety he didnt know he was holding onto. However when Gamzee releases his hand he almost tries to grab it back, but no, he hesitates and then lowers it.- 

KANKRI: .................... -It was what he had been starting to fear over the course of this conversation. Obviously he couldn't stop Gamzee from leaving anymore then he could convince him against staying. And it sucked. It actually physically hurt and suddenly Kankri feels extremely winded and like his entire body is burning and there isnt any real way to stop it. He wont cry though, hes not going to cry now. He just swallows it down a dry throat, and turns his gaze forward again.- 

KANKRI: If thats what y9u want then 9kay. 

KANKRI: ...I will miss y9u.

GAMZEE: =His fists clench as he sits there. Only briefly as the nonsensical swill of grief and anger rises in his throat, only to be pushed down again. He keeps his eyes focused on the rock to keep from going back on what he's saying. What he is going to do.= 

GAMZEE: =He laughs, humorless.= ain't what i want. 

GAMZEE: BUT IS WHAT I IS NEEDING. 

GAMZEE: can't go on up and witnessing these sickening displays, have them what matter torn apart while own pan make none sense. 

GAMZEE: SPEAK OF USELESS THEN IF THERE BE ONE HE NEED LOOK NONE FURTHER THAN HERE. =Taps a finger to his temple.= 

GAMZEE: more in the now than before, be what i is slow to realise. 

GAMZEE: BRING ON MY OWN ASS UNDONE, TO CONTINUE THIS HERE PATH WHICH I TAKE. 

GAMZEE: thus bring on all else what mattering to me. 

GAMZEE: =Sighs shakily, swallowing thickly.= SO IT MUST BE, THAT I STRAY. GAMZEE: =His voice shakes now, angry and upset.= but never don't come at me like that. 

GAMZEE: THINKING IT SOME SHIT I GONE UP CRAVE AND WANT. GAMZEE: for none less true. 

GAMZEE: =Rubs his face, turning to Kankri with his voice more level.= YOUS MATTER, STILL DO, WON'T STOP. 

GAMZEE: don't think i ain't true in that.

KANKRI: Right. N9, I kn9w. -He still doesnt look at him and keeps turned away.- 

 KANKRI: We are 69th d9ing what we need t9. I hate that circumstances are what they are and that every day its wearing d9wn every9ne that much m9re. 6ut I understand y9u want-- needing t9 leave. 

 KANKRI: I w9uldnt want y9u t9 stay and risk y9urself anym9re then I w9uld h9pe y9u w9uld feel if the r9les were reversed.

KANKRI: I'm angry. I d9nt like it. 6ut that has n9thing t9 d9 with y9u, and it w9uld 6e selfish 9f me t9 h9ld any anam9sity t9wards y9u f9r it. S9 I d9n't.

GAMZEE: RATHER YOU UP AND SPILL WHAT FURIOSITY YOU GOT AT A CLOWN. 

GAMZEE: than keep it on inside with the rest.

KANKRI: -He finally looks at him again and when he does Gamzee can see his face is red and he scowls and snaps.- I just t9ld y9u I d9nt!!

KANKRI: ........have any. -Takes a deep breath and tries to settle himself.-

GAMZEE: =He's watching him, the whitenoise overpowering and the apathy fully settled.= 

 GAMZEE: AND IF SHIT BE TRUTH, THEN SKIES BE GREEN AND GRASS BLUE.

KANKRI: UGH! D9 y9u want me t9 6e angry with y9u?? T9 6e upset and yell? What g99d w9uld that h9nestly d9 f9r either 9f us right n9w!

GAMZEE: to let it go.

KANKRI: May6e I d9nt want t9! 9r at the very least end it all with us screaming at each 9ther.

GAMZEE: GOT ALL RIGHTS TO BE ANGRY, WON'T UP AND TELL ON YOU TO BE ELSEWISE. 

GAMZEE: only have none want to know i leave when words are unsaid. GAMZEE: FILL ON NOTHING BUT REGRET.

KANKRI: 9kay fine. Then I'll say it. -He huffs and folds his arms tightly.- KANKRI: I am angry. Furi9us. At y9u f9r saying y9ure g9ing t9 leave, and its stupid and childish 6ut it feels like y9u are leaving just me and- 

 KANKRI: And it hurts! It hurts 6ecause it makes me wish we never g9t inv9lved 6ecause then I w9uldn't 6e feeling like calling y9u a c9ward 9r 9ther h9rri6le things purely 9ut 9f pers9nal spite. 6ecause as much as I want t9 reas9n with myself that y9u getting away fr9m all this is the 6est p9ssi6le thing f9r y9u I can't help 6ut feel resentment t9wards y9u and its n9t fair t9 either 9f us and that just manages t9 get me even m9re angry a69ut the wh9le thing!!

GAMZEE: =In one way apathy really hurts, it makes you numb and nothing... Nothing matters or feels remotely real, but at the same time it can serve as a comfort. A protection against things that are too much. It's the latter now, a comfort as he simply takes it. Takes the anger Kankri is spilling over him.= GAMZEE: cannot blame you on your feels, brother. 

GAMZEE: IF ROLES WERE IN REVERSE, KNOW WELL ON HAVE HIMSELF THE SIMILAR STIRRINGS IN MINESELF. 

GAMZEE: feel anger on mine own ass as were, that i ain't more right in the pan. 

GAMZEE: STRONGER OR BETTER, MORE KNOWING ON ALLS THIS SHIT WHAT SPILL. 

GAMZEE: but i ain't, and that what i hate. 

GAMZEE: THAT WHAT I NEED. 

GAMZEE: to figure on out. 

GAMZEE: SO CAN BE SOMEONE I AIN'T HATE, THAT CAN BE SOMEONE WHO KNOW MORE HOW TO BE OF ASSIST TO THOSE WHAT MATTER TO ME. 

GAMZEE: so can feel more like i is normal.

KANKRI: -He knows this, he understands it, and hell he even agrees with it. But it still does nothing to settle the swirl of horrible emotions inside of his chest and mind.- 

KANKRI: (I kn9w.) -He hisses out through gritted teeth and then wills himself to calm again, he said his piece, there is no more reason to continue to throw that anger when it will do nothing to solve the problem.- 

 KANKRI: I want y9u t9 get 6etter. And then perhaps when y9u are, tell me.

GAMZEE: =Watches him hiss, then looks away.= 

GAMZEE: STILL PLAN ON GIVING PESTERS. 

GAMZEE: tell on how i do, how you do, for ain't much crueler thing i can be think of than leave all in silence. 

GAMZEE: UNLESS SO HE WISH OF ME.

KANKRI: N9. I w9uldnt wish that 9f y9u. 

KANKRI: 6ut. I need time t9 reflect 9n this and 9ther things....

GAMZEE: so i realise. =Looks back to him, an extended pause before speaking.=

 GAMZEE: STILL. TIME DO REMAIN IN SPACE BETWEEN HERE AND NOT. 

GAMZEE: don't need be "see you later" just on yet, as i remain. 

GAMZEE: BUT IT IS FOR YOUR FEELS TO DECIDE ON. 

GAMZEE: whatever picked, clown do comply.

KANKRI: -He simply nods.- Right. 

KANKRI I'll 6e keeping y9u updated then. 

 KANKRI: -And with that he risks touching their shoulders together, leaning into him. Even if he is angry, and hurting and sad, Kankri wont let it ruin this one last moment where he can have that comfort.-

GAMZEE: =Again, the hope comes creeping, and he hopes that they will be able to have good... Or at least civil days, without bitterness and anger, until the day comes for his departure. A fake hollow sense of peace maybe, knowing that it's coming to an end, but better than the alternative he thinks. With Kankri leaning, he leans back, arm coming back around him carefully. Hand hovering above his shoulder, hesitating, before placing it on him.=

[lucille-the-fox]

Memory Meme

Past experiences help shape who we are currently, how we see the world. Send in a symbol and I’ll write a drabble of one of my muse’s memories.

–

❥ - a childhood memory

♣ - a fading memory

✂ - a vivid memory

✖ - a repressed memory

✈ - an eye-opening memory

✤ - a memory that involves romance/love

☤ - a memory of death/loss

✍ - a memory of their mother

☽ - a memory of their father

✌ - a memory of a relative

↕ - a memory that may or may not have happened

♚ - a memory of something paranormal

♬ - a friend/best friend memory

[spring-forth-from-my-mind]

Emotions

Send me one and I’ll tell you about my muse when they’re…

☕ RELAXED ♒️ IRRITATED 💘 LUSTING 🌦 LONGING ☘ HOPEFUL 🍃 CONFUSED 🎡 AMUSED 🌞 HAPPY ⚡️ ANGRY 💧 SAD 💕 IN LOVE ❌ JEALOUS 💔 HEARTBOKEN 🏝 LONELY 🌙 EXHAUSTED 👻 AFRAID 👐 SURPRISED  

[circuitousgrievance]

JOHN: -it takes John a pretty long time to wake up, even considering it's already the middle of the afternoon. A big part of that is probably because the troll that's sprawled over him is so warm, and it makes getting out of bed even harder than it usually is. And on top of that, the first time he tries it, he forgets that putting weight on his legs hurts like a motherfucker right now.  But eventually with the help of his wind powers, he manages to extract himself, kinda zombie-walking through his routine of peeing, brushing his teeth and showering. He hardly even thinks about the fact that Kankri is still dozing away in his bed until he drags himself out with his hair still wet, slightly more alive than before.  Then he sees him. All cute and curled up and what not.- huh.....

KANKRI: -He only lightly stirred the first time John started moving, in fact his eyes didnt even open enough to completely register what was around him, and then after a brief moment of grabbing at sheets and twirling them around himself until he was almost in a nest or a ball, alone in the bed, Kankri was back to entirely snoozing. He doesn't start to surface back to consciousness again until after John was done with his morning routine.- 

KANKRI: -When he first opens his eyes he closes them again right away, they felt dry and gross just like the back of his throat. And while there was no full on headache yet, he could feel it seeding in his skull. Obviously he might have over done it on the drinking last night. Kankri, his eyes still closed shifts around and starts grabbing at the tie around his neck, reminding him that he had somehow managed to forget to change out of these uncomfortable clothes before going to bed last night. How did he forget to do that when he got back to his block?- 

KANKRI: -Wait... when did he get back to his block? He now peeps open one eye and oh. Oh he did not fall asleep in his own block..- 

KANKRI: -Now that he was actually awake and not mind fogged by sleep, Kankri quickly remembers just HOW he fell asleep here in Johns room, and wowie, that is a new shade of red on his face.-

KANKRI: -He hasnt even noticed John was back in the room he is just laying there in his cocoon of sheets, staring out into space.-

JOHN: -he just sits there in his wheelchair like he's not watching him out of the corner of his eye but he is...watching him wake up....when he's sure that Kankri is fully awake he scoots over to the mini fridge and grabs a bottled water for him. tapping him gently with it and smiling-  hey, haha

KANKRI: -Him tapped- .......... 

 KANKRI: -He squints a little and finally directs his eyes onto John. Or. More importantly that water bottle.- 

KANKRI: -Reaches out one hand and takes it before sitting up just a little to guzzle down at least a third of it.-

JOHN: -he can't help but smile a little bigger at that.- hehe. there's more in the mini fridge if you need it.

JOHN: think i'm gonna make some coffee....-he scoot-

KANKRI: -He watches him wheel off again and then finishes sitting up. Oh yep there is the start of that headache.- 

KANKRI: -Also perhaps drinking that much water that quickly was not the best idea, his stomach suddenly seems pretty up in arms about it.- 

KANKRI: -So he takes slower sips and slowly remembers the rest of the details of what happened last night. Dear god he stepped over so many different kinds of lines. Did John even realize the connotations of their actions last night??? Or at the reception....... thE RECEPTION.- 9-9h my g9d I made that speech............

JOHN:... -he doesn't realize anything except how good this coffee is gonna taste .  jk he realizes everything but there's no reason to bring it up yet-

JOHN: oh... yeah! haha.  you did didn't you?

KANKRI: -Small groan as he rubs at his eyes with the heel of his hand.- Urghhh... 

KANKRI: That is em6arrassing.

JOHN: eh, that's just the hangover talking

JOHN: it turned out okay as far as i remember

JOHN: everyone was laughing! not i mean...not at your speech but at like

JOHN: fun reception party shenannigans

KANKRI: Right. -Hes going to just cling to how he made that speech so he doesnt think so hard on the fact that hes pretty certain he papped johns face last night.- 

KANKRI: Im. Excuse me, is it alright if I use y9ur restr99m.

JOHN: of course!

JOHN: -hahahah why is this so weird. it's not like they had sex. they just cuddled. except he knows very well that trolls take cuddling just as seriously as sex. he's just. gonna. go get that coffee now.-

KANKRI: -It is sadly true John.- 

KANKRI: -He disentangles himself from the sheets he managed to tie his legs up in and slinks off for the bathroom door, already in the process of yanking off his tie because now that he is more awake its harder to ignore how tight it is.- KANKRI: -The water bottle is in his free hand and he shuts the door behind himself when he enters. Its a little while before he comes back out, not terribly long considering he didn't have anything to brush his teeth with, and as far as showers go it was just to let the water run over his skin to help make him feel any less overall bleh.- 

KANKRI: -When he comes back out he has damp hair, and is only wearing the pants and dress shirt. The first couple buttons are undone as well so the collar opens up so he can breathe. Kind of literally... because if John pays any close attention he might spot the very thin gill slits along his neck..-

JOHN: -o hey there- oh wow....uh

JOHN: -scratches the back of his neck- are you

JOHN: hmm

JOHN: you have gills?

KANKRI: Hm? -Hes still kinda not all here yet.- 

KANKRI: 9h. 

KANKRI: Yes I d9. -Says this matter of factually and sips the remains of the water out of the bottle.-

JOHN: wow i can't believe i never noticed that. that's fascinating.

JOHN: -pours himself some coffee- you want some?

KANKRI: D9n't feel anything pers9nally 9ver it. I d9n't really g9 9ut 9f my way t9 make them apparent. -Kind of the opposite really.- 

KANKRI: -Steps away from the bathroom door and goes back to sit on the bed. It just, seems like the best place to sit.- And while usually I try t9 refrain fr9m drinking c9ffee, I a6s9lutely w9uld enj9y s9me if y9u are 9ffering.

JOHN: well, it's interesting from a xenobiological perspective is what i mean. are they functional? if you don't mind me asking.

JOHN: -pours him a cup too - how do you take it?

KANKRI: Just sugar n9 milk if it isn't t99 much tr9u6le. 

KANKRI: Als9 I d9 n9t mind, its a fair questi9n. They d9 functi9n well en9ugh f9r the m9st part, 6ut they d9 n9t have the 6est filtering a6ilities. Having them inspected when I was y9unger it was determined that they lack en9ugh feather like 9rgans t9 rem9ve particulates and impurities s9 I need t9 6e a little m9re wary what I s9ak in. They handle 69th salt and freshwater, 6ut I've never risked g9ing in standing 69dies 9f water since they w9uld 6e m9re pr9ne t9 infecti9n.

JOHN: smart! -nods nods-. sounds like you had good doctors on beforus.

JOHN: -sip-

JOHN: -finishes mixing in a liberal amount of sugar and floats it over to kankri carefully. he's a lot better at this when he's not drunk off his ass-

KANKRI: Yes... The 6est 9f the 6est. 

KANKRI: It likely helped 6eing the cullie 9f 9ne 9f the m9st high regarded 9fficials. -Glances up at the mug and reaches out to take it in his hands- Ah thank y9u.

JOHN: i guess beforan medicine was pretty similar to earth medicine then?JOHN: treating alernians and europans has always been hard because there's a real...

JOHN: uh...

JOHN: how to put it...

JOHN: machismo culture?

JOHN: in other words, if they're missing limbs they're like "tis but a flesh wound"

KANKRI: -He chokes down a small laugh over the edge of his mug.- Fair analogy. 

 KANKRI: Y9u are right in saying there is a decent cultural disc9nnect medically speaking. I als9 think that 6ef9rus in general was m9re interested in studying the 6i9l9gical, uh, "rarities" that appeared in its p9pulati9n. 9r at least they did it in a... semi-m9re ethical manner.

JOHN: oooooh....

JOHN: -embarassed laugh- sorry if i...

JOHN: i think i might act like that sometimes.

KANKRI: Hm? Act like what? -sips coffee. Ahh yes... hello old friend.-

JOHN: y'know. interested in the biology aspect.

JOHN: 'cause when you're a doctor you kind of get desensitized to some things.

KANKRI: D9 n9 w9rry. I understand. 

 KANKRI: Y9u aren't the first t9 ask th9se s9rt 9f questi9ns anyways. Als9 there are w9rse reas9ns t9 ask s9me9ne a69ut aspects 9f their 69dy.

JOHN: well tell me if somebody ever does that because i will

JOHN: politely but firmly tell them to stop

JOHN: hehehe.

JOHN: -and if they don't i will punch them-

KANKRI: 9h. -Hrghkkk thats sweet.- 

KANKRI: Thank y9u.

JOHN: -finger guns- you betcha. -slurp-

KANKRI: -Slurps right back at him. Just some silent coffee drinking going on here.- 

KANKRI: -And also the major internal debate if he should bring up last night or not.-

JOHN: -HE IS JUST A FRIEND DRINKING COFFEE, THERE IS NO MAJOR INTERNAL DEBATE-

KANKRI: -THERE IS SOME MAJOR INTERNAL DEBATE.-

KANKRI: .......... -Lowers his mug back down and swallows dryly.- 

KANKRI: S9.

JOHN: the wedding was great, right?

JOHN: honestly everything about it was great! loved it!

JOHN: hehehe.

KANKRI: .............. 

KANKRI: -Hes looking at his coffee not at john, shoulders drooping as anything.- 

KANKRI: ........ yeah. Yeah it was nice.

JOHN: -oh shit he fucked up didn't he-

JOHN: -ahhhhhhhhhh-

KANKRI: -Its not his fault. Humans dont view romance that way. At least that is what Kankri confides in himself.- 

KANKRI: Im. 

KANKRI: I'm g9ing t9 6lanketly ap9l9gize f9r any 6ehavi9r that may have seemed 9ut 9f line 9r cr9ssing said line. I w9nt even say specifically 6ut... yeah there it is I supp9se.

JOHN: - he just sees the expression on kankris face.  and he feels terrible all at once,  like he's plummeting.  he's staring down at his coffee too, feeling ashamed.  he knows it would be really easy right now to take advantage,  like he does so often.  wave it off and move on,  leaving the hard stuff for kankri to deal with.  but for once he just... really doesn't want to. -

JOHN: no,  look.. it

JOHN: it wasn't... it wasn't out of line or whatever

JOHN: and you're not crazy

JOHN: something happened. ... i think.

KANKRI: -Hes still staring at his coffee, except now he is seventy percent more tense then he was a moment ago. He hadn't been trying to guilt John into anything, god forbid thats what this admission was, but out of all the things John was going to say Kankri had not imagined this to be one of them.- KANKRI: -Hearing him say that brought forward this sickening flutter of hope and then sudden anxiety because for once they were both possibly admitting there might be reasoning for their actions.- 

 KANKRI: I. 

KANKRI: I am aware that human r9mance d9es n9t 9ften leave r99m f9r the classificati9n 9f quadrant 6ased displays 9r m9tives 9f affecti9ns. 

 KANKRI: That is t9 say. I place n9 judgement at all if y9u feel that what happened was n9t... 

KANKRI: Was n9t like... -He can't exactly say it, because saying it puts it out there for real and that is terrifying.-

JOHN: -Oh kankri if only you knew that you are guilting him ...into being honest about his own feelings and taking responsibility for them. John's shoulders are also pretty tense, as he watches his coffee get cold. He doesn't know exactly what he's afraid of- he just knows the fear is there, tight in his belly. He's never had an easy time deciphering his own feelings. Is it that he's afraid Kankri might not want to be friends? Not really. He doesn't feel like that would happen. That....that Kankri might not want to lean on his shoulder. Or touch his face again?  Or talk to him about what's bothering him. That seems to matter. A lot more than he would've supposed. But does that mean anything?-

JOHN: no...i know...

JOHN: i know you wouldn't...

JOHN: -rubs his temples a little- it's just complicated.

JOHN: and honestly, i probably should have talked to you about it a long time ago

JOHN: it was just hard. so i put it off. and ran away. like i always do when things are hard.

KANKRI: Y9u aren't al9ne in that th9ugh. 

 KANKRI: It is n9t like I have 6een exactly f9rth c9ming a69ut... The way things are. 6etween us. 

KANKRI: And 6etween the tw9 9f us I sh9uld have the 6etter understanding 6ut  I'm n9t sure that I d9. 

KANKRI: -Feelings like these were hard to explain, even more so when you've lived the majority of your life with the vow to not pursue emotions like these, and when the holder of the affections happens to come from a whole different world as far as romance goes.- 

KANKRI: I will 6e h9nest a69ut this th9ugh. 

KANKRI: Last night, 

KANKRI: It was. 

KANKRI: ..... 

 KANKRI: Nice. Whatever it was it was nice.

JOHN: -is it normal to feel like all your pent up emotions are solidifying into a mass that's clogging up the back of your throat. and not only that, but in john's mind eyes he's remembering it very clearly- however shitty his memory has been lately. it was the best he's slept since he started weaning himself off the morphine. the best he's slept since feferi died. he stops staring at kankri for a minute and looks at his face. with a pained smile-

JOHN: i liked it too.

JOHN: and i'm not...

JOHN: i'm not gonna be sorry about it.

KANKRI: -He finally looks up at John instead of staring down into his coffee. He studies every aspect of Johns face, he's incredibly stupid how he feels like he can read it better then anyone else's. And even though Johns smile is pained, the small one that slowly comes to kankris face is not nearly that.- 

KANKRI: I d9 n9t think that I am g9ing g9 6e either. 

KANKRI: I uh, I slept miracul9usly well. And I d9nt even think I can give all the credit t9 my lack 9f exp9sure t9llerence t9 alc9h9l. 

 KANKRI: ... It was the first time I managed t9 truly rest with9ut the sleep aids y9u pr9vided me with.

JOHN: -just because he said he's not sorry doesn't mean he's not going to get red in the face and rub furiously at the back of his shaved neck- oh.....hehhe....i slept...pretty damn good too

JOHN: and...uh...

JOHN: -sobers up a little because it's honestly a struggle to admit. even though it's common knowledge.- it's been tough lately, you know.

JOHN: having you around makes me feel better.

JOHN: -ugh now he HAS to look away- like, useful...you know?

KANKRI: -His own face is just as red as johns. It's quite the blush worthy situation. Although while he is mildly flattered to hear that somehow he has managed to make things easier or better (because if anyone deserved a break it was John) he can't quite fight off the frown lightly creasing his brow.- KANKRI: Are y9u saying that y9u w9uld n9t feel useful 9therwise? 

KANKRI: 6ecause. 

KANKRI: Well I d9nt 6elieve that t9 6e true.

JOHN: oh...no...it's not that.

JOHN: it's just kinda like. i had this certain routine.

JOHN: and it got really ...uh...disrupted.

JOHN: and i know i don't seem like a guy. that has routines. but i actually do.

JOHN: and it really makes me feel weird...when i can't do the stuff that i do normally. i guess.

JOHN: -once he starts talking, it's surprising that he keeps going. kankri is just easy to talk to. easier than most people.-

JOHN: and even when i do my normal stuff i feel. bad. or....guilty.

JOHN: like, i went to sollux's party the other night.

JOHN: and...

JOHN: i think i made everybody feel bad. just by being there. and i felt bad.

JOHN: because when they see me. they think about feferi dying.

JOHN:...  - kinda goes quiet again-

KANKRI: -He listens and only listens through the whole thing, and even after John stops he waits to see if there might be some more. But it also gives Kankri time to come to terms with the knot forming in his stomach as John confesses all of this. It made him feel deeply, painfully bothered, sad even, that John felt like this and had to deal with something of this level of tragedy. He didn't deserve it.- 

KANKRI: -He takes a deep breath, trying to think quickly of what to say, to plan out each little word and quote before it leaves him. But ultimately despite his mental scramble he can't preconceive anything... It would appear he would need to just start talking what comes to mind, sans filter.- 

KANKRI: I'm s9rry. N9 h9nestly I am, I can't imagine 6eing in y9ur p9siti9n, n9t at all. 

KANKRI: What I d9 kn9w is that feeling like that, it's understanda6le. 

 KANKRI: 6ut, and while I kn9w my 9pini9n 9nly means s9 much... And it d9esnt have any guarantee t9 change h9w y9u think a69ut it. 

KANKRI: Still. 

KANKRI:  I d9nt think y9u sh9uld feel that way? 

KANKRI: what happened 9n Eur9pa. What happened t9 Feferi. That was terri6le, and y9u likely 6etter then any9ne kn9w Her l9ss. I d9nt think y9u sh9uld feel 6ad f9r trying t9 stick t9 s9me 9f what is left 9f y9ur 9ld r9utine. S9metimes it can 6e the 6est thing t9 gr9und y9u. 

 KANKRI: Als9, while I didn't attend that event, y9u sh9uldnt make reacti9ns like that a reas9n t9 st9p trying t9 6e relevant. 

 KANKRI: 6ecsuse y9u are relevant j9hn. Y9u are m9re then just a remem6erence 9f her death.

JOHN: -He just feels himself deflate, like something inflatable compressing... keeping his arms on their rests and his head tucked in as he absorbs Kankri's words. As much as he can. They only seem to go skin deep- something frigid inside of him keeping them from piercing too deeply. But it feels good too. Talking about it with someone feels good. Not feeling judged. Although he doesn't truly think any of his friends want less than the best for him, although he knows they love him...he also knows he's his own worst enemy.-

JOHN: i don't know how you're supposed to act. it feels like i should keep going. keep working. keep being there for people.

JOHN: but i try. and....she's everywhere. i mean.

JOHN: i shared everything with her.

JOHN: and...i can't even think about her really without

JOHN: like...seeing her body and stuff.

JOHN: when the rocket dropped.

JOHN: -removes his hands and hugs himself a little. he can hardly believe he's vocalizing this.-

JOHN: nobody's really talking about her either. it's weird.

JOHN: i feel like if they did. if we just said. "hey feferi is dead. we miss her. it sucks. hope she comes back." it'd be  okay. at least a little more okay. but that's not what we're doing.

KANKRI: -He wants to treat this like he would be talking to any other patient of his. Like he didn't know them personally and with a detachment that let him more clearly view the possible problems or triggers. But that was impossible, he was too attached to him, there was too many real feelings. And Kankri couldn't even attempt to treat him with the clinical stand offish nature he had grown comfortable to working with, he couldn't even imagine it.- 

KANKRI: J9hn.... -What he could imagine was all the heart ache, the pain, the guilt that his dear friend was feeling. And it tore him up inside.-

 KANKRI: D9 y9u... 

KANKRI: D9 y9u think that she will c9me 6ack?

JOHN: -his exhale comes out more like a wheeze. that wasn't what he expected him to say at all. of course he's been thinking about it. thinking about it constantly. but he hasn't dared to voice it. because honestly he's afraid to hope for it. he pushes his glasses aside and  rubs his eyes for a second, just breathing.

JOHN: i don't know.

JOHN: karkat came back. aradia came back.

JOHN: but aradia hasn't...hasn't found her yet. and i'm

JOHN: i'm getting really worried.

JOHN: why would it happen like that? why would everybody come back but her?

JOHN: -his eyes are starting to burn. he has to stop.-

KANKRI: -It keeps getting harder, and Kankri actively needs to force down an urge to get up and walk over to John to hug him, touch him, do something, anything, that might physically convey how things will be okay without risking trying to say it. But regardless of what happened between them last night, he still isn't sure if John would even appreciate the close contact now.- 

 KANKRI: I d9nt kn9w why. I d9nt think any9ne w9uld. 

KANKRI: Y9u said Aradia still hasn't l9cated her. 6ut are y9u even certain that is a 6ad thing? I mean. I d9nt really have much kn9wlege 9n the way the p9st m9rtality aspect w9rks 6ut d9es any9ne really? 

KANKRI: My p9int is. 

 KANKRI: I think it might 6e 9kay t9 hang 9nt9 s9me h9pe.

JOHN: -takes a deep breath. inhale. exhale.. it does acutally helps sometimes. he rubs his eyes and then looks back at kankri, just grateful he's here...and he doesn't have to just carry this inside him- hhh...okay.

JOHN: yeah. you're right.

JOHN: the next time someone asks that...i'll say yes.

JOHN: ...i mean...we don't know how magic works. maybe it is a belief thing.

KANKRI: I happen t9 6elieve that wishful thinking, and keeping p9sitive gr9unded views happens t9 play the largest part in it. 

KANKRI: -He pauses and runs his thumb over the smooth surface of the cold coffee mug.- I want t9 thank y9u. 

KANKRI: F9r sharing all this with me. It really d9es take an immense am9unt 9f c9urage t9 v9ice things like that.

JOHN: -some of his anxiety gets let out in his rushed, nervous laugh. he feels a little better after that. like the elephant got up off his chest- yeah

JOHN: it's this new thing i'm trying

JOHN: called "being honest" and "talking"

JOHN: idk if i'm gonna stick with it but it's good for a laugh. every now and again.

JOHN: thanks man...like....really...

JOHN: thanks

KANKRI: -His smile briefly returns at the humor. Be it intentional or not, it was a somewhat needed mood lifter.- 

 KANKRI: I'm just happy t9 6e here f9r y9u.

JOHN: - his nervous laugh becomes a relieved smile- well,  you can talk to me too y’know

JOHN: hopefully you know that by now

JOHN: but I guess a little reminder never hurts.  - damn he kind of wants to cuddle again.  but they're not drunk. -

KANKRI: Reminders are nice 9n 9ccasi9n. -There certainly was enough to talk about, but Kankri already felt pretty satisfied after talking about Johns problems instead of thinking about his own.- 

KANKRI: -And the feeling of wanting to cuddle was very much mutual, but what even are the odds that one of them would ask the other.-

JOHN: -THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. he would really like to cuddle u there friend but he has to work up the courage first. instead he just perks up (almost stands up and then realizes that'd be way more effort than necessary and he can just float his chair.-

JOHN: hey, you wanna go get some breakfast?

JOHN: i hear from a reliable source that bacon and eggs helps with hangovers.

KANKRI: -He does consider it, if briefly for a moment, but the gravity of what happened last night, what is happening now. It's a bit too much to ask for him to swallow that AND late breakfast.- N....9. 

KANKRI: I think I just want t9 c9ntinue laying d9wn. 6ut 9f c9urse d9nt let me st9p y9u. Please 6y all means g9, I sh9uld return t9 my 9wn 6l9ck t9 pr9perly change anyways. -he's already standing up to go.-

JOHN: -He tries to hide his disappointment, but isn't really able to all the way. Still he doesn't blame him. Maybe the guy just needs some space. He's pretty private usually. He's gonna go with that explanation rather than giving into any worries.-

JOHN: Alright, man

JOHN: -Awkward...arm pat?-

KANKRI: -He pauses to let the arm pat happen, trying his very best not to focus on how he can in fact detect a small amount of disappointment seeping into John's response.- 

KANKRI: Thank y9u. 

KANKRI: I'll uh... see y9u ar9und I supp9se. -And then hes walking all the way out the door.-

[circuitousgrievance]

KANKRI: -By some miracle they make it back to the actual ship and are navigating through the hallways... Kind of poorly. Apparently directions become a lot harder when intoxicated, but he is DETERMINED to get John safely to a place of rest.- 

KANKRI:....uhhnnn.... Which is cl9ser my 6l9ck 9r y9urss? -Help him.-

JOHN: ummmmm

JOHN: shit

JOHN;: -hehehhehehe-

JOHN: i can't rememnr :C

KANKRI: O:B 

KANKRI: Well that's tr9u6ling...

KANKRI: -Still keeps pushing him along.-

KANKRI: If y9u see y9ur 6l9ck tell me.

KANKRI: -He also has yet to take notice of the champagne floating behind them.-

JOHN: -salutes him- okay! >:B

JOHN: if we can't find it...we can always go sleep in the caf, lol

JOHN: wouldm be the first time...

KANKRI: -Scowls- N9! N9t an 9pti9n. We are n9t sleeping there. -When did it become we?-

JOHN: what do you have against food.

JOHN: -squints-

JOHN: okay it think tihis is...close...

JOHN: uh...-scratches under beard-

JOHN: maybe?

JOHN: my memory's been a real shitshow lately

KANKRI: I don't enjoy sleeping on it, that's what-- oh wait really? -Looks up.- KANKRI: I think you are right... -Hmm. What he just said though, that sends a pang of concern through Kankri. But room first questions after. He pushes onwards and roughly figure it the rest of the way out from here and they are at Johns door.- 

 KANKRI: This is it right?

JOHN: y...yeah. yeah. okay. that's it.

JOHN: -scans his thumb cuz he can't remember his code rn and the door wishes open-

KANKRI: -The future is so helpful.- 

KANKRI: -Wheels him in- Here y9u are. 

KANKRI: Sweet h9me hive... S9mething like that.

JOHN: -heheheh- yo home to bel air!

JOHN: -slowly peels himself out of his chair and gently floats himself onto the floor, on his back, sighing inr elief-

JOHN: -also the champagne bottle go through the door-

JOHN: thanks buddy

KANKRI: -He frowns watching John lay on the floor.- No. I disapprove of this. KANKRI: -Suddenly spots the champagne in the air and disapprove more.- wha-- did you take this with us.

JOHN: hmmhm.

JOHN: -closes eyes, humming-

KANKRI: -Crosses his arms and stares at him.- Get in you bed.

JOHN: but the floor feels nice

JOHN: try it.

KANKRI: No.

KANKRI: -Kind of clumsily kneels down next to John.- I will carry you if I have to.

JOHN: you can't. you're too little.

JOHN: -pulls him down gently-

KANKRI: -Scoffs- I am not! I am actually stronger then I look! -Lies.- 

KANKRI: -He doesn't even fight being pulled, where even is he being pulled.-

JOHN: -yes you are-

JOHN: -but you're also stronger than u look-

JOHN: -he pulls him down to the floor. down to john's arm which can be him pillow-

KANKRI: -He lays on it with a bit of a huff.- Don't think.

KANKRI: That. Don't think that I'm not going to lift you still.

JOHN; i didn't thinkJ

OHN: even for one minuite

JOHN: i did not think

KANKRI: Okay good. -He's nuzzling a bit closer to John though.- 

KANKRI: ............ Are you still floating the bottle.

JOHN: -kinda laying so the side of his cheek brushes kankri's hair-

JOHN; oh....look at that

JOHN: -YES IT'S STILL FLOATING NEXT TOTHEM-

JOHN: i totally forgot i was doing it..but i was still doin it.

KANKRI: -He might move his head so that johns cheek is more in his hair then it was a moment ago.- 

KANKRI: How did you forget?? 

KANKRI: You should put it down.

JOHN: -gently floats it down-

JOHN: are you proud of me

KANKRI: Yes. -Without thinking he lazily lifts a hand and pats johns face.-

JOHN: -hehehehehehheheh-

JOHN: why

KANKRI: Why what.

KANKRI: -keeps his hand there.-

JOHN: why are you so warm

JOHN: you're like a space heater

KANKRI: Oh. 

KANKRI: It's biological.

JOHN: 'snice.

KANKRI: ....thank you. -That's actually... Really touching to hear okay?? It's dumb but he's kind of emotional now because John thinks it's nice that he is warm and no his eyes are watering it isn't tears shut up.-

KANKRI: I am. 

KANKRI: I'm intoxicated.

JOHN: hmmm. me too.

KANKRI: No really? 

KANKRI: that was some light sarcasm John. -Continues to absentmindedly stroke his cheek with his thumb.-

JOHN: sarcasm stops being effective when you point it out, moron

JOHN: -PURR-

JOHN: -if he could purr he would be. but he's human-

JOHN: -he's so calm rn how is this even possible. he feel sstoned.-

KANKRI: I pointed out because you are very much and obviously drunk, stupid. Stupid drunk even. Because bam I'm going to be rude for what you called me. KANKRI: -He will purr for the both of them because this is ridiculously obscene behavior... It would be impossible for him not to.- 

KANKRI: -Also nuzzles his face closer so his cheek gets to lay on his shoulder.-

JOHN: ooh. i'm in trouble now. -teases him. he's so adorable.-

KANKRI: Yeah you might be.

KANKRI: ....dammit we are still on floor. 

KANKRI: The. 

KANKRI: The floor.

JOHN:-giggles-JOHN: -it turns into a full blown gigglefit-

KANKRI: -Stop no do not.- 

KANKRI: -ITS GOING TO BE CONTAGIOUS.-

JOHN: -it's too late it's happening. he's mufling himself into kankri's hair-

KANKRI: -He's already starting to smile and snicker this is TERRIBLE!!- KANKRI: Pffft- N-No don't hit your head onn-Hehehah. My horns! Careful!

JOHN: oh-hohoh-. ahaha. i'm sorry.

JOHN: -carefully adjusts himself into kankri's neck instead-

JOHN: -omg so warm-

JOHN: -his beard may tickle him tho-

KANKRI: -Laughter kind of slows when that happens, not vanishing entirely mind you but wow.- 

KANKRI: -Also beard nO- 

KANKRI: -Who is he kidding his sweaters are more itchy. Kankri starts chirring again.-

KANKRI: -John can probably even feel the vibrations of the sound like this.-

JOHN: -he loves that sound. in his drunk mind he's wondering. why did they wait so long to do this?-

JOHN: -this is wonderful. it's all he needs rn-

KANKRI: -They waited so long because honestly were they both sober they would have never allowed themselves to do this..- 

KANKRI: -A real shame if you think about it now.- 

KANKRI: -Lets his eyes close and idly grasps for johns hand-

JOHN: -holds him hand firmly. and sighs. really long and soft.-

JOHN: hey

JOHN: imma float us

JOHN: up to the bed

JOHN: ok

KANKRI: mmmkay. -He doesn't have to move? Awesome, because he feels like his limbs are noodles in the best kind of way.-

JOHN: -he kinda...wraps his arm around him. kinda worried that he'll be surprised by how it feels cuz he's never been floated before. it takes like five seconds and probably feels kinda nice honestly. like cool breeze tickling around him, gently ruffling his hair. and suddenly they're in warm unmade sheets-

KANKRI: -It is kind of strange feeling wise.. And Kankri ends up clinging decently to John over the course of the short move.- 

KANKRI: -But any momentary tension is easily forgotten once they hit sheets. That being said.- 

KANKRI: -He doesn't exactly stop clinging to John.-

KANKRI: -He's quite comfortable like this..-

JOHN: -he lets kankri rest on his tid. just watching him for a little while since he woke up a bit to carefully lift them. in that quiet he strokes kankir's hair, carefully avoiding his horns. not even really thinking of anything, just listening to the air conditioning with half lidded eyes and feeling the texture of his hair as his fingers run through it.-

[circuitousgrievance]

kankri and signless: 💄 — makeup 🍼 — taking care of children 🌲 — surviving in the wilderness 🍺 — alcohol tolerance

💄 — makeupSignless: He approximately knows how to do eyeliner. That's it. Just one of the weird skills he's picked up in a lifetime.Kankri: He has no clue about makeup. What even is foundation?🍼 — taking care of children Signless: He might be considered better then some trolls, but it has still been a lot of guess work and remembering how he was raised that are the bases of his parenting skills now.Kankri: He's terrible at it. Do not put him in charge of a baby, they scare and intimidate him. He's only vaguely okay around the kids of his friends.🌲 — surviving in the wilderness Signless: He grew up in the wilderness. Hes damn good at living out there (not that he would want to)Kankri: Absolutely would die within the first 78 hours, no question about it.🍺 — alcohol toleranceSignless: Not great, he's never been overly interested in drinking before. That's not to say he is a complete lightweight though.Kankri: Is an absolute light weight. Could get buzzed just looking at an open beer can.

[ask-meme-addicts]

Muse skillset symbol meme

Send an emoji to learn how good/bad my muse is at that particular skill!

💋 — kissing

💄 — makeup

👾 — video games

🎵 — singing

💃 — dancing

🎹 — playing an instrument

🌷 — taking care of living things

🌲 — surviving in the wilderness

👊 — fighting

😇 — following rules

🍳 — cooking

🍼 — taking care of children

🎁 — giving presents to others

🎉 — hosting parties

💌 — romance/flirting

🎨 — art

🍀 — luck

⚽️  — sports

🏊 — swimming

🚗 — driving

🔮 — magic

🔎 — investigating

🔫 — long range weapons

💣 — explosives

🔪 — melee weapons

🔬 — scientific pursuits

🚿 — hygiene

💰 — finance

🌍 — knowledge of the world

👻 — communing with the paranormal

📚 — reading

🔧 — engineering/mechanics

⌛️ — time management

📥 — organization

🍺 — alcohol tolerance

🚴 — riding a bike

🎭 — performance art/acting

⚓️ — sailing

➗ — mathematics

[gladiatecarnifex]

❌ Signless Kankri Mindfang

SIGNLESS: 

“M33t1ng h1m w4s 4mong th3 mor3 s1gn1f1c4nt d1s4st3rs 1n my l1f3,”KANKRI: 

MINDFANG: “4ctu4lly, wors3 th4n Vr1sk4.”

[circuitousgrievance]

x john and daelos >8)

JOHN:“I w9nder if he really is s9 stupid t9 6elieve everything I say s9 much.... I w9nder if I c9uld pull s9me fact 9ut 9f my ass and he’ll 6elieve me.”Daelos:“What a castist, 9ld fart. Like 9h my g9d??? Get 9ff y9ur elevated muscle 6east and st9p 6eing a step st99l f9r literally every9ne. Fight me in the m9st plat9nic way.”

[circuitousgrievance]

❌riley, dave, aradia

RILEY: “9h 69y.... her family life is kind 9f a mess w9w.”DAVE: “...What a cry 6a6y? D9es he always lay face d9wn 9n the fl99r? Yikes.”ARADIA:“Im n9t really sure she has the actual qualificati9ns t9 6e a m9ther. She seems rather strange and makes me unc9mf9rta6le.”

[therpmemesthething]

Send in a ❌to hear something rude my muse has thought about yours

[circuitousgrievance]

KANKRI: *After going with the group escorting Lifera to her new quarters, Kankri really needed to let off some steam by taking a walk around the ship before he could even think of going back to his own block. He was angry about a lot of things, mostly all the anger fueld aruments that Rhodri had thrown out during the meeting.*

PORRIM: *porrim wasn't sure where else to go. she didn't feel like she could go back to her room, and there were very few places she felt comfortable right now... so she's been wandering the halls restlessly, stomach anxiously churning with mixed emotions. she notices kankri coming from the other direction, but does little more than continue forward.*

KANKRI: *Well he notices her too, and his frown becomes more strained.* ............... *He was planning on just walking past her, continuing on and keeping from risking putting his own foot in his mouth. But when the pass did happen he stopped and looked over his shoulder at her back.* I ap9l9gize if Lifera's presence 9n this ship actually 69thers y9u.

PORRIM: *she stops in her tracks when he speaks, fists clenching as an outlet for her rapidly growing frustration.* Do+n't do+ that.

PORRIM: Just say what yo+u mean.

KANKRI: D9n't d9 what? I am saying exactly what I mean.

PORRIM: Yo+u're being passive aggressive. As always.

PORRIM: Of /co+urse/ it bo+thers me.

KANKRI: N9w, I w9uld n9t say I am "Always" passive agressive.

KANKRI: In this m9ment? Yes perhaps a little 6it c9nsidering y9u did put f9rth the 9pti9n t9 have Lifera reimpris9ned.

KANKRI: C9nsider my additude regarding such a thing a little... distur6ed c9mpared t9 my usual m99ds.

PORRIM: Yes. So+ I want her impriso+ned. I can't help it if I view her invo+lvement in this war as a /crime/ and her presence here as a bitter reminder o+f everything the Befo+ran peo+ple have suffered fo+r. *finally looks over her shoulder at him, glaring.*

PORRIM: I do+n't think she's an ill intended perso+n, Kankri. I do+n't want her dead, no+r did I want an impriso+nment to+ be o+ne lacking in amenities that we all have the right to+. I'm no+t a /mo+nster./

PORRIM: I just-- *shakes her head* This situatio+n is so+ unique. An o+ppo+rtunity fo+r... a bunch o+f fucking /no+bo+dies/ like us to+ have co+ntro+l o+ver a so+cial matter. Sea dwellers-- They do+n't /get/ punished. They just /do+n't/, Kankri. *her fists clench tighter. she might be shaking a little.*

PORRIM: I do+n't want mo+re suffering. Or revenge. I just.

PORRIM: Want to+ feel like we're o+n equal gro+und. Fo+r o+nce.

KANKRI: Firstly.

KANKRI: We are /n9t/ n969dies.

KANKRI: Sec9ndly I d9n't care h9w equal y9u 6elieve y9u are 6eing 6y standing there and saying she deserves it 6ecause "Seadwellers never get punished." That is the maj9rity 9f the argument I have 6een hearing pe9ple make. That 6ecause she is viewed as upperclass r9yalty that this is a chance t9 finally make s9me9ne pay the crimes 9f an entire gr9up 9f pe9ple. Yes, she played her part in what happened t9 all 9f 6ef9rus, I d9 N9T excuse her acti9ns 9r what she has d9ne. 6ut quite frankly I dare say I d9 n9t think y9u w9uld 6e s9 quick t9 6lame s9me9ne if say, it were me wh9 was supp9sedly inv9lved in it. I understand h9w every9ne is mad, 9r cr9ss em9ti9nally, h9w d9 y9u think I feel?? My wh9le planet is g9ne and she was the 9ne wh9 actually raised me.

KANKRI: May6e I am 6iased, 6ut all I want is that if she is g9ing t9 6e punished it is f9r her /9wn/ acti9ns. N9t 6ecause we finally have a chance t9 kick d9wn a higher mem6er 9f a p9is9ned s9ciety.

KANKRI: S9 g9 ahead and say y9u want her placed in cust9dy f9r her r9le as a face 9f a war that resulted in destructi9n and mass l9ss. 6ut d9 n9t make this 9ut t9 6e s9me s9rt 9f gl9rified caste 6urning missi9n like several seem t9 6e.

KANKRI: *He finishes off his rant by tightly folding his arms and returning her glare tenfold.*

PORRIM: It IS fo+r her actio+ns! My feelings abo+ut her caste are no+t exclusive to+ what I feel she's do+ne. They're /related./ One begets the o+ther. Because o+f her so+cial standings, she's been given the platfo+rm to+ act in inexcusable ways. What is it so+ hard to+ understand that this isn't so+me kind o+f witch hunt? Maybe it is fo+r o+thers-- But it's no+t fo+r ME.

PORRIM: *holds a hand to her chest, shivering.* I kno+w her to+o+, Kankri. She didn't raise me like she did yo+u, but that do+esn't mean I can't view her as an individual.

PORRIM: Do+n't yo+u remember what it was like-- When I lived o+n Befo+rus... Everything I fo+ught fo+r... And she-- *shakes her head, looking away*

PORRIM: She co+uld have listened.

PORRIM: **Why is it

KANKRI: *He also needs to look away, especially when she starts talking about times on beforus.*

KANKRI: ......................

KANKRI: *He really did feel torn. About everything. But as much as he claimed to be unbiased when it came to Lifera how do you just completely shrug off a lifetime of care and support? Even if it was under the constraints of a messed up system designed to undermine him from his hatch date. It was just too hard to separate cold hard fact from a flood of personal feelings.*

PORRIM: *some jade might be spilling from the corners of her eyes, as much as she resents it.* ... Kankri I'm...

PORRIM: I really am so+rry.

PORRIM: I kno+w it's no+t easy fo+r yo+u. But I can't... take a side I do+n't believe in.

KANKRI: ...I ....kn9w.

KANKRI: *Doesnt make the way she feels hurt any less.*

KANKRI: I can't ever imagine y9u d9ing such a thing.

PORRIM: *she feels an old familiar sting. how many times had she been in this position in the past? her beliefs vs. the people in her life. it didn't seem fair that they so often were at odds, but with kankri, she couldn't say this was something new for them.* ... I sho+uld go+.

KANKRI: *No, it wasn't new for them. It was rare that him and Porrim ever saw completely from eye to eye, even from the day they first met in some dusty online chat forum. That was part of what he actually liked about being friends with porrim, the competition, the debates. But this topic was such a bitter one, there was no satisfaction to be had in fighting it.* Alright.

KANKRI: *He wasn't going to do a thing to try and stop her.*

PORRIM: *without another word, she turns away again, heading back down the hall with no real destination in mind. after that, she doesn't feel any less like she doesn't belong anywhere here.*

KANKRI: *At this point Kankri has lost the energy to continue walking. He simply drags himself to his block with the intent to remain there alone, without any sort of draining social interaction, for quite some time.*

[rp-starters-ask-box-fillers]

Send me symbol for my muse’s opinion:

☠ : Opinion on death ➶ : Opinion on killing ☮: Opinion on peace ☯: Do they believe in karma? ✤ : Do they believe in luck? ✟ : Religious beliefs ♂ : Sexuality ☿: Opinion on gender ❤: Opinion on love ❥ :Opinion on love from the first sight ♞: Favorite animal(s) ☕: Favorite food(s) ♛ : Opinion on outer beauty ☀ : Favorite season(s) ☽ : Favorite time of day ☂ : Favorite weather ◎ : Opinion on lying

[temulentcachinnation]

Keep reading

[circuitousgrievance]

★ (Terezi, WQ)

I like you // I love you // You’re one of my best friends // You’re like family // You are family // I dislike you // I hate you // I’d kill you if I got the chance // I want you to like me // I’m scared of you // I would adopt you // I’d date you // I’d sleep with you // I’d marry you // I’m worried about you // You confuse me // You’re annoying // I pity you // I respect you // I trust you // I feel protective of you // I’d invite you with me to parties // I’d lend you my money // I’d borrow your money // You’re good-looking // I’m suspicious of you // I’m hiding something from you // You’re fun // You’re boring // I’m upset with you // You’re nice // You’re mean // I’m envious of you // You’re smart // You’re stupid // I look up to you // I think you’re a better person than me // I think I’m a better person than you // I want to apologize to you // I wish I’d never met you // I never want to forget you // I want to get to know you better

[bunchofrpmemes]

Send my character a ★ and I’ll bold everything they feel toward your character.

[thexreddestxrobin-archive-deact]

I like you // I love you // You’re one of my best friends // You’re like family // You are family // I dislike you // I hate you // I’d kill you if I got the chance // I want you to like me // I’m scared of you // I would adopt you // I’d date you // I’d sleep with you // I’d marry you // I’m worried about you // You confuse me // You’re annoying // I pity you // I respect you // I trust you // I feel protective of you // I’d invite you with me to parties // I’d lend you my money // I’d borrow your money // You’re good-looking // I’m suspicious of you // I’m hiding something from you // You’re fun // You’re boring // I’m upset with you // You’re nice // You’re mean // I’m envious of you // You’re smart // You’re stupid // I look up to you // I think you’re a better person than me // I think I’m a better person than you // I want to apologize to you // I wish I’d never met you // I never want to forget you // I want to get to know you better