just a sucker

[closed tavros nitram roleplay blog] all you wanted was to fly away but looks like you're grounded again a new game means an opportunity for tavros to show off his sELF ESTEEMS, but will this creed withstand the unique new challenges now presented to him?

[arcadiantruant]

-- temulentCachinnation [TC] began trolling arcadianTruant [AT] at 14:34 --

[02:34] TC: *Despite telling Feferi he was going to nap, what he actually did was the exact opposite. It wasn't like he was going to be able to fall asleep with all of these crazy thoughts all buzzing around in his mind, anyway. What he /had/ been doing was a lot of screaming, breathing exercises, feeling sorry for himself and smashing corn. But no matter how much he did this, the fact of the matters didn't change. He had to tell Tavros the truth, from his own cake hole, if he were to have the tiniest of hopes that their friendship wouldn't be thrown to the curb. And then stomped on. Repeatedly. Sharply sucking in air through his teeth, he calmed down enough to keep his hands from trembling. He pulled out the tiny communication device from his pocket and simply stared at it for a long while, before shoving it back into his pocket. This wasn't something that could be told over instant messaging (unfortunately). *

[02:34] TC: *He stood in the field for a few more minutes, trying to steady his breathing and his nerves, although to no avail. It seemed this was as ready as he would ever be. With a bitter sigh, he turned and headed toward the game exit. The time between heading out from Cornland to the point where he stood in front of the dial door was a blur. He had been too wrapped up in his own thoughts, his body going auto pilot toward his goal. Standing there however, he realized he had no idea how to go about this. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to say it? Would he even be able to, once he was in there with him? He bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to throw up. He raised his hand, slowly, turning the dial to Tavros' symbol. Gamzee stood there, his hand still on the dial as he stared at his own feet. Time to bite the fucking bullet, Makara.*

[02:35] TC: TAVROS. *He began, talking from the other side of the door. He couldn't bring himself to call him "Bro" at this point. After this, they probably wouldn't be, so he might as well get used to it, no matter how much it made his insides twist.* I KNOW YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT ALL COOL WITH YAKKING WITH ME AFTER YOU GOT THOSE LURID DETAILS ABOUT MY PERSON. *He paused, looking up at the door now, his hand trembling on the dial.* AND AFTER THAT NOT SO FRESH CONVO OVER THE MOTHERFUCKING TEXTIES. *Another sharp intake of air, his voice wavering.* but i need to spring some truths at you, and i'm not in a position where i can take "no" for an answer. *He waits for a response either way. Truth be told, he wanted nothing more than turning around and hightailing it out of there. Simply saying what he have done now had been like pulling teeth.*

[02:59] AT: *Tavros had spent a considerable amount of time sleeping since Vriska's visit. That was how he spent most of his time, anyway, but somehow he managed to become even more drained after that encounter. He knew he should feel optimistic, knowing that soon he'd be able to move around again, and he wouldn't have to lay here day in and day out. But part of him didn't want mobility again. These limitations provided a form of escapism that he was familiar with, comfortable with. And knowing that close quarters with people he couldn't trust, and people he feared he couldn't trust anymore, are what awaited him outside made him all the more apprehensive. At least in dreams, he wouldn't have to think about what was to come. But as yet another knock, accompanied by a voice, caused him to stir, he considered pretending that he was still asleep. There was a tightness in his chest while Gamzee's words registered in his mind that formed from the disappointment he now felt. Gamzee had always been a strange fellow, and he had always done uncomfortable things, but Tavors never before dreaded speaking to his friend. It hurt that one of his closest friends was now someone who he no longer understood, and Gamzee's words only promised more confusion.*

[02:59] AT: cOME ON IN THEN, iF SPEAKING TO ME ABOUT THESE THINGS, iS SO DIRE,

[03:10] TC: *Hearing Tavros' voice from the other side of the door made it all suddently feel all too real, his stomach feeling like it was going to turn itself inside out as all blood drained from Gamzee's face. There was no going back now, there was no way he could try to play this off as some kind of practical joke, at least no jokes came to him. Taking a deep breath, he braced himself and shoved the door open. As he slinked into the room, he looked pretty much anywhere but Tavros, eyes flicking from the floor to the ceiling to his own feet. He kept himself rooted in front of the, now shut, door. He wasn't sure how to begin. He wasn't really sure he would be able to form words at all, as his throat felt dry and his mind was working a mile a minute.* IT IS PRETTY MOTHER FUCKING DIRE, YEAH. BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU NEED TO HEAR, FROM ME, AND NOT SOMEONE ELSE. *He fidgited, tugging on the sleeve of his t-shirt.* as you are my friend, you always have been, and you deserve to be in the know of the things that went down after you... *He trails off, he doesn't like thinking about that particular thing. He exhaled deeply.* AFTER YOU QUIT BEING AROUND.

[03:23] AT: *Tavros at least made the effort to sit up, but looking at Gamzee as well was far more difficult than it should have been. He remained staring at the foot of his bed as Gamzee spoke. Right, there was plenty Tavros wasn't wise to after he had passed. He kind of liked to keep it that way, as he was at least knowledgable of the fact that shit hit the whirly cooling device. The details he wanted to remain blissfully ignorant to, but in the face of reality, he knew he couldn't live like that much longer.* wHAT IS IT, *he kept it short and sweet. No use dragging it out, really. Tavros hated to make things complicated, if they truly had to happen. And he was far too exhausted to be anything but brief.*

[03:42] TC: *Gamzee's mind was racing, trying to find some clue as to where to begin. His eyes still flickering around the room, as if some distraction would magically materialize somewhere. No distraction came, however. He let his arms fall to his sides.* after you ceased to be, shit started hitting other shit and flying in every direction. *His voice was shaky, he clearly had trouble deciding on what to say .* YOU PROBABLY KNOW SOME OF THE DETAILS, I'M WILLING TO ASSUME THAT YOU DO, ANYWAY. ALTHOUGH THE DETAILS I AM ABOUT TO SHARE YOU MOST LIKELY DO NOT KNOW OF. *A nervous click of his tounge escaped him, peeking up at Tavros for a split second. He wasn't looking. If he was in his position he probably wouldn't, either.* those details being of my own henious activities. *He wasn't sure if he should explain why he did it, as there really wasn't any excuse for what he did at this point. All he had was "it made sense at the time" and that wouldn't really help any. He remembered Feferi's words about being straight with Tavros about what went down. He should beat around the metaphorical bush as little as possible. He clenched his fists, nails digging deep into his skin.* THE FACTS, ABOUT ME, IS THAT I JOINED IN THE FUCKING HORROR SHOW SHITSTORM THAT WENT DOWN. MUCH OF SAID SHITSTORM NOISE CAUSED BY THIS CLOWN HERE. *His jaw tightened, and he ground his teeth together, his eyes locked at his own feet once more. He spoke through his teeth.* i killed two people. *There it was. K-bomb had been dropped. He couldn't bring himself to say their names. He tried focusing on the pain in his palms, digging his nails in further to distract himself from the absolute chaos in his head.*

[04:02] AT: *This knowledge hit him harder than anything he'd felt in a very long time. He opened his mouth to respond, but there was hardly even anything going on in his mind to form words in the first place. How was he supposed to respond? What was he supposed to think? He should be angry. He should feel betrayed. Shouldn't he? Alternia was a terrible place. Killing was normal, because it was necessary. But in no way could he imagine why it was necessary on the meteor. Then again, Tavros didn't have much room to talk, considering he attacked Vriska himself out of what he perceived to be necessity... Even if that didn't turn out in his favor. This fact was what he grabbed ahold of. It was the only rationale he had that wouldn't make this whole situation absolutely horrible.* wHY, wHO, wHAT HAPPENED?

[04:02] AT: i DON'T, uNDERSTAND,

[04:18] TC: *He didn't look up, and he was quiet for a while after Tavros spoke. He wasn't sure what the answers to those questions were. Rather, he did, but he didn't want to say it. To admit it. The fact that he couldn't properly figure out his own thoughts, or emotions, or anything right now, only served to make him turn to the one thing he always would default into when faced with difficulty. He felt anger bubble up inside him, and he had to swallow hard to keep his voice steady.* THE WHYS AIN'T WORTH SHIT. THEY WON'T CHANGE WHAT I DID. *One shaky hand went to rub at his face. He wasn't making things better.* there were a lot of whys involved. i was proper grieving over getting some blasphemic shit thrown my direction. i had quit eating the green shit. puppets and lords with sicknasty words that made sense at the time. losing someone important. *He said it all in a flat voice, listing it like this made it easier for him to vocalize.* THEY ALL FACTORED INTO THE WHY THIS SICKENING SACK OF SHIT MOTHERFUCKING FLIPPED IN ALL OF THE DIRECTIONS. *His hand fell from his face, the next words were some of the most difficult to say.* equius, and nepeta. i killed them. *Was the details that important? Did they even matter? Probably not. He hoped not.*

[04:44] AT: *Tavros tried to understand, because by all means did he want to. But Equius and Nepeta? Nepeta was his good friend... He didn't care too much for Equius, to be certain, but he had provided him with robotic legs, something he'd always be grateful for. They always seemed like such a harmless pair. They were harmless. And everything Gamzee had told him only led him to believe that the violence against them was completely senseless. Tavros was now staring right at Gamzee, eyes wide with bewilderment. He didn't know what to think.* tHAT,,, wELL, oKAY THAT IS A LOT, fOR ME TO HAVE TO TAKE IN,

[04:44] AT: oN TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE, tHAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND LATELY, aND UHH,

[04:44] AT: aS SUCH, i HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS THAT i'M THINKING, oR FEELING,

[05:01] TC: *Gamzee didn't know what else to say. Was there anything else that needed to be said about the past, really? Should he mention that he was the one that prototyped him and Vriska together? Or that he had hung onto the bodies of his friends in the first place? He frowned deeply, only feeling angry with himself. They probably didn't. What he had just let out was a pretty big fucking deal in on it's own, everyone has a limit, and Tavros had reached his, from the sound of it. He took a deep breath, fully looking up at Tavros' face for the first time since he came in. The look he saw on his face only made his stomach churn. Although, the look he had envisioned he would'a given him had been a lot worse. He kept his head up, but his eyes gazed off to the side, looking nowhere in particular.* I TOTALLY FUCKING GET THAT. IT WASN'T REALLY COOL, NOR FAIR OF ME TO MOTHERFUCKIN' DROP THIS ON YOU, ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE THAT IS GOING DOWN. *He shifts his weight from one leg to another, looking at Tavros again.* i still thought you should know. and i wanted you to hear it straight from me, and not someone else. *His eyes was filled with grief and regret as the corners of his mouth turned upwards ever so lightly. If he ever needed a brave face, it was now.* SO THAT, ONCE YOU PUT YOUR THOUGHTS ALL INTO PLACE, IT WILL BE YOUR OWN OPINION. AND NOT BASED OFF OF WHAT ANYONE ELSE HAS BEAMED AT YOU. THIS GUY IS BEING PROPER SELFISH, I WOULD HAVE WAITED FOR A BETTER TIME AND PLACE TO TELL YOU, BUT I WAS ALL UP WITH BEING AFRAID OF SOMEONE ELSE GETTING THE NEWS TO YOU FIRST.

[05:17] AT: y,,, yEAH THAT MAKES SENSE, tHAT YOU WOULD PREFER THAT, aND i THINK i WOULD TOO, sO i GUESS THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME,

[05:17] AT: tHOUGHT IT ISN'T REALLY, nEWS i AM THANKFUL TO HEAR,

[05:17] AT: *he didn't realize it, but there was a sting at the corner of his eyes as small beads of tears formed there. It wasn't until they rolled down his cheeks that he realized what was happening. He was shocked by it, but mostly because he hadn't cried at all since they had all shown up here. Tavros wasn't exactly a crybaby, but he wasn't the type to contain his anguish either. It occurred to him that everything that had happened so far was only slowly eating away at him. Like every instance of terrible news had been too stunning of a blow for him to truly register it. Hell, even his body had reacted before he knew how to react. Now that the tears had started to spill, it'd be hard to get them to stop, but he rubbed them away all the same, glancing down in embarassment and frustration.*

[05:17] AT: i THINK THAT, yOU SHOULD GO AWAY NOW, GAMZEE,

[05:29] TC: yeah, i don't think i would have been that keen on that type of no-... *He froze up as he saw the tears beading at Tavros' eyes, and his brave face disappeared instantly. It felt like he had been thrown into a pool of ice cold water, and that he was just floating in cold nothingness. Tavros was crying, and it was because of him. The thought had certainly gone through his head that he might, but nothing could have prepared him for those brown tears. He took a step forward, not really registering doing so.* TAVROS, SHIT, I'M SO SORRY, I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU, I... *He bit down hard on his lip, and he felt something push against the back of his own eyes. He nodded. Staying around, not listening to what he wanted, would only make things worse, no matter how much he wanted to somehow make those tears go away. He turned on his heel, his hand going to the dial, turning it to his own symbol. With a voice close to cracking, he managed just two more words.* i'm sorry. *He opened the door, and gone he was.*

[ascendantgambler]

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[arcadiantruant]

[05:27] -- temulentCachinnation [TC] began trolling arcadianTruant [AT] at 17:27 --

[05:27] TC: yo, my most wicked of brothers, are you all with the being awake thing?

[05:28] AT: oH,

[05:28] AT: uHHH, yEAH i SUPPOSE,

[05:28] TC: JUST THOUGHT I SHOULD CHECK HOW YOU ARE HOLDING UP, SINCE WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO BE ALL CONVERSING AND SHIT IN A WHILE.

[05:29] TC: also i kind of left you there on the bed, not a cool move, a dude should not sleep and leave like some elusive and mysterious shadowguy.

[05:30] AT: yEAH, tHAT WAS CERTAINLY A THING, tHAT HAPPENED,

[05:30] AT: bUT WASN'T REALLY ANY ISSUE, oR ANYTHING,

[05:33] TC: RIGHT. I'M FEELING THE MOST ELATED AND GLAD FEELINGS IN THE DEEPEST CREVICES OF MY BLOODPUSHER, THAT YOU DID NOT HAVE AN ISSUE WITH MY INAPPROPRIATE LEAVING BEHAVIORS.

[05:35] AT: tHERE ARE WORSE THINGS, tHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE, mAYBE,

[05:36] AT: pROBABLY,

[05:36] AT: i GUESS,

[05:37] TC: i would say there are few things that are as bad as that there which i did.

[05:37] TC: IT WAS A PRETTY FUCKING RUDE THING TO DO.

[05:37] TC: but i'm all for making it up to you, somehow.

[05:38] TC: I HAVE ALL THIS FUCKING CORN IN THIS SITUATION HERE, MIGHT BE I COULD GET SOME OF THAT CORN OVER IN YOUR SITUATION.

[05:39] TC: if you know what i am beaming at you. corn is what i am beaming.

[05:40] AT: uHH, cORN? nO, tHAT'S FINE,

[05:40] AT: i DON'T REALLY WANT THAT, oR ANYTHING REALLY,

[05:40] AT: iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL,

[05:42] TC: YOU SURE YOU'RE FEELING ALL FINE? WHAT KIND OF GUY IN THE ALRIGHT ZONE OF THINGS WOULD NOT WANT ANYTHING?

[05:42] TC: a guy who is not okay, that is who.

[05:42] TC: I TOLD YOU I WAS HERE IF YOU NEEDED TO RELEASE SOME WORDS INTO THE WORLD, THAT STATEMENT STILL STANDS AS FAR AS I AM MOTHERFUCKING AWARE.

[05:42] TC: so lay it on me.

[05:43] AT: i'M JUST NOT FEELING PARTICULARLY OKAY, wITH THE PROSPECT OF ACCEPTING YOUR GIFTS,

[05:43] AT: bECAUSE ACCEPTING YOUR KINDNESS, fEELS SORT OF WRONG,

[05:43] AT: wHEN i KNOW,,,

[05:43] AT: uHH,

[05:43] AT: uGH,

[05:43] AT: tHIS IS WEIRD,

[05:45] TC: THAT MOTHERFUCKING SO? WELL I AM ALL EARS TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT THIS KIND OF THING IT IS THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS HERE GUY THAT MAKES YOU NOT ALL CHILL WITH SAID GUY BEING ALL FUCKING NICE AND FRIENDLY LIKE.

[05:47] TC: is this about the thing with the roxy chick because that has been setteled.

[05:47] AT: wHAT, sETTLED?

[05:47] TC: ALL IN THE PAST OF THINGS THAT HAS BEEN SETTELED AND IS COMPLETELY OKAY WITH EVERYONE.

[05:47] TC: settled as in i apologized for that mess.

[05:47] AT: oH,

[05:48] TC: AND SHE SEEMED PRETTY FUCKING ALRIGHT AND CHILL WITH IT, IF A GUY MIGHT BE ALLOWED TO MAKE A STATEMENT ABOUT HIS OWN MESSES.

[05:49] TC: so there is absolutely no reason to be all feeling the awkwards for that, nada, nope, not a thing.

[05:49] AT: oH, eR,

[05:49] AT: oKAY,

[05:50] AT: iF YOU SAY SO,

[05:50] TC: I DO INDEED FUCKING SAY SO WITH THE MOST SAYING OF SOS I HAVE EVER GIVEN.

[05:51] TC: so if that is everything you currently have on your plate of things that you do not dig when it comes to me then that should not be there anymore.

[05:51] TC: THE THING YOU DO NOT DIG.

[05:52] AT: aN APOLOGY WAS, dEFINITELY A NECESSARY ACTION FOR YOU TO TAKE, aND i'M GLAD THAT IT WAS,

[05:52] AT: tAKEN, tHAT IS,

[05:52] AT: bUT i STILL HAVE SOME RESERVATIONS, aBOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION,

[05:53] TC: of course it was i am all for apologies and giving them out left and right for every single little thing i have done with my life and actions at all times.

[05:54] TC: WHAT RESERVATIONS WOULD THAT EVEN BE? THIS WAS NOT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED BETWEEN THESE HERE BROTHERS SO HOW WOULD IT EVEN MAKE YOU FEEL ALL DIFFERENT WITH THAT EXACT SITUATION?

[05:54] TC: when said situation has nothing to do with you.

[05:55] AT: iT'S JUST,

[05:55] AT: i'VE NEVER KNOWN YOU TO ACT VIOLENTLY, aT ALL, tOWARDS ANYBODY,

[05:55] AT: fOR ANY REASON,

[05:55] AT: sO i GUESS IT'S SORT OF A SHOCK TO ME,

[05:55] AT: aND ALSO VERY CONFUSING,

[05:55] AT: bECAUSE i WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION, tHAT i KNEW YOU RATHER WELL,

[06:00] TC: WELL OF COURSE IT FUCKING WOULD BE. AS YOU SAID, I AM NOT THE KIND OF GUY TO FLIP HIS SHIT IN EVERY DIRECTION OVER SOMETHING AS SMALL AND SILLY AS SOME MADE UP NUMBERS ABOUT MY INTELLIGENCE.

[06:01] AT: bUT, yOU DID, dIDN'T YOU?

[06:02] TC: well, okay, so maybe i did, you got me there, but it doesn't mean that i'm not still the guy you knew.

[06:03] TC: I'M NOT THE FUCKING MONSTER THAT EVERYONE MAKES ME OUT TO BE. I'M STILL ALL WITH THE BEING CHILL AND THE MIRACLES AND THE RANDOM OBSCURE METAPHORES.

[06:03] TC: i mean you make me out to be.

[06:04] TC: GETTING ALL INTO THIS CONVERSATION MAKING THESE TYPIOS.

[06:04] AT: i NEVER SAID THAT YOU WERE A MONSTER,

[06:04] AT: nOR DID i THINK THAT, eVEN THOUGH i WAS UPSET,

[06:04] AT: bUT i GUESS i SORT OF, dON'T EXACTLY KNOW WHAT TO THINK,

[06:04] AT: i MEAN, yOU ARE STILL MY FRIEND BUT,

[06:04] AT: i DON'T KNOW,

[06:04] TC: no, no, of course you wouldn't, that was fucking stupid of me to say just scratch it from your memory.

[06:05] TC: REPLACE IT WITH SOME MAJESTIC PAINTING OF A BEAUTIFUL FAIRY LADY WITH HER SKIRTS ALL BLOWING IN THE WIND.

[06:05] TC: ok, so i totally understand the whole not knowing thing, that's alright, no worries.

[06:06] TC: AS LONG AS WE ARE STILL FRIENDS, THEN THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS TO THIS CLOWN HERE.

[06:08] AT: yEAH,,,

[06:08] AT: wE'RE STILL FRIENDS,

[06:10] TC: alright, okay, that's good. of course we are, why would i even put that shit into question in the first place.

[06:10] TC: IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING MYSTERY.

[06:10] TC: so i guess we are cool then, you got all that stuff off your chest.

[06:11] TC: WHICH SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN PLACED ON YOUR CHEST IN THE FIRST PLACE, SO IT IS GOOD IT CAME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF.

[06:11] AT: yEAH, tHAT WOULD BE THE LOGICAL CONCLUSION, tO THIS CONVERSATION,

[06:14] TC: yeah, i'm glad we both reached this logical conclusion from this here chattytalk.

[06:15] TC: I CAN STILL GET MY UNDERSTANDING ON ABOUT YOU FEELING NOT COMPLETELY FREAKING FINE ABOUT ME ANYTIME SOON.

[06:15] TC: as it was pretty shocking, for every party involved or not involved.

[06:25] AT: i WOULD SAY SO,

[06:26] AT: aND ER, cOMPLETELY UNRELATED TO SUCH SHOCKS, uHH,

[06:26] AT: i THINK, i SHOULD PROBABLY GO NOW,

[06:26] AT: i WOULD LIKE TO LAY DOWN FOR A NAP,

[06:26] AT: i MEAN, i'M ALREADY LAYING,

[06:27] AT: bUT, tHE SLEEPING PART, hAS YET TO OCCUR, bECAUSE i AM CHATTING,

[06:27] TC: A REST SOUNDS LIKE IT WOULD BE PRETTY FUCKING SWELL FOR ME TOO, NOW THAT YOU MENTIONED IT.

[06:27] TC: i'll cease bugging you then, with all of these purple wordy things, so that you can get with the sleeping.

[06:30] AT: aLRIGHT, tHEN i WILL PROBABLY, aT SOME POINT RELATIVELY SOON, tALK TO YOU AGAIN,

[06:30] AT: i'LL SEE YOU AROUND, gAMZEE,

[06:31] TC: AND I'LL BE WAITING WITH THE MOST BATED OF BREATHS FOR SAID RELATIVELY POINT IN TIME.

[06:31] TC: sleep well, tavros.

[06:32] -- arcadianTruant [AT] gave up trolling temulentCachinnation [TC] at 18:32 --

[tatougunarchy]

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[arcadiantruant]

[07:16] TC: *Gamzee had been walking aimlessly around the are common room for some time. Although, he had not really registered doing so, as he was having trouble focusing. This whole situation was proper fucked, to say the least, and he wasn't entirely sure what to do with himself. Besides, being out in the open like this made him feel especially uncomfortable, as he might bump into people he didn't want to see, much less converse with. His eyes finally landed on that big dial door. Perhaps Tavros wanted some company. It sure as fuck was better than just walking around like this without no propose, besides, he was worried about him. He sauntered over to the door, turning the dial to Tavros' symbol. He moved his hand up, as if to knock, then hesitated. That shit would be so rude. It wasn't like he was in any condition to actually come up and answer the door. How could this motherfucker even be so insensitive? He gave the door one sharp knock, then cracked the door open just a little.* hey, tavros, it's me. can i come in?

[07:19] AT: *Tavros had considered rolling back over to sleep after the girls had left him, but before he could even consider it, it seemed, there was yet another visitor. He wasn't used to being such a popular guy. He blinked, registering who it even was that was there and nodded at him, emphasising his answer with a gesture to come on inside.* yEAH, oF COURSE,

[07:24] TC: *Gamzee slinks into the room, shutting the door behind him.* THANKS BRO. KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU ON BEING ALL INVITING AND SHIT. *He chuckles, walking toward the bed. Then flops onto it, because what is personal space.* so... *He turns his head to face Tavros.* how are you holding up? THIS SHIT IS SO WACK, THAT I CAN BARELY WRAP MY FUCKING THINK PAN AROUND IT.

[07:29] AT: *he let out a deep breath, as if he had been holding it this entire time* i'M UH WELL, lESS THAN SATISFACTORY, i WILL SAY, *it was nice to have gamzee around. tavros had quite a few friends he felt he could be honest with, but gamzee was definitely one he felt most comfortable around.* iN ALL HONESTY, i THINK i PREFERED THINGS, aS THEY WERE BEFORE, bECAUSE IN THE DREAM BUBBLES, i COULD WALK AND FLY, aS WELL, aND IT WAS SO EASY, tO KEEP TO MYSELF, iF i WANTED TO, *looks down at his lap* bUT NOW, i'M GOING TO BE SWEPT UP IN WHAT IS LIKELY TO BE, mORE UNFUN "games" AND RESPONSIBILITIES, tHAT i NEVER WANTED INTHE FIRST PLACE,

[07:38] TC: *He watches Tavros attentively as he speaks, despite wanting to just doze off. He always got his motherfucking chill on around him, it seemed, even in some kind of messed up new session in the middle of fucking nowhere.* yeah, i hear you, brother. things were pretty gosh dang fine and dandy the way they were, although... *He turns his head, looking at the ceiling.* I CAN'T BE ALL LYING IN THIS BITCH AND SAY THAT I AM NOT HAPPY TO SEE YOU ALL ALIVE AND AROUND AGAIN. *He glances at him, smiling sheepishly. Maybe he shouldn't have come around, if Tavros wanted to keep to himself for a bit. OH WELL.* despite the messed up circumstances. and it is messed up. really fucking messed up. but i'm sure we can put our heads together and get our shit unmessed.

[07:45] AT: *smiles back gamzee, one that's much more sincere than what he had been dispensing to everyone else he encountered, though he had been making the effort all the while* i'M SURE, yOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, aND UH,,, *fiddles with the computer he was still holding in his lap* iT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN TOO, eSPECIALLY CONSIDERING, i NEVER SAW ANY ITERATION OF YOU, iN THE DREAM BUBBLES, eR, sAVE FOR MAYBE ONCE, *tries not to think about that particular instance too much* iT WAS A LITTLE PECULLIAR, aND DISAPPOINTING,,

[07:59] TC: *Chuckles lightly, propping himself up on his elbows so that he can look at him properly.* "PROBABLY RIGHT"? BRO, I AM SO RIGHT THAT ALL RIGHTEOUS HEROES OF TRUTHINESS COME TO MY DOORSTEP AND BOW IN THE FUCKING DUST. BEGGING TO LEARN MY WICKED SECRETS OF THE TRUTH KNOWING. *He laughs again, trying a reassuring smile.* we will be fine, you will be fine, it's fine. *His smile widens at Tavros' comment, then quickly fades all together. He lies back down on the bed.* YEAH, I KNOW. I WAS NOT EXACTLY... *He trails off.* yeah, i guess i wasn't being my old friendly motherfucking self, at that point. i'll make it up to you though. turn the gamzee up to eleven. *He is noticibly uncomfortable, but he lets out a laugh all the same, trying to lighten the situation. No need for Tavros to know about that whole buisness. And he would keep it that way for as long as he could.*

[08:10] AT: *tilts his head at the very visable change in gamzee's demeanor. it seemed that something must have happened during the time that they were apart. that wasn't too surprising. something had happened to just about everybody, but the thought of gamzee getting caught up in something uncomfortable or traumatic just seemed like such a foreign idea to him. he wouldn't pry, though. if there was one person who wanted to avoid his past, it was tavros... too bad it seemed like his past wasn't going to avoid him, though.* yOU'RE RIGHT, yEAH, yOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, aBOUT HOW THINGS WILL BE, aND REALLY, iT SHOULDN'T MATTER HOW THINGS WERE, eITHER, *he smiles, though his chest tightened in a confusing way. he had a feeling he wasn't being entirely honest to himself, there, but that too he would ignore.*

[08:19] TC: *He sits up on the bed, running a hand through his hair, well. More attempting to do so and getting his hand stuck in the tangles. He lets his hand stay there, as getting his hand stuck was totally what he tried to do. He smiles crookedly at Tavros.* YOU FUCKING THINK SO? I DON'T THINK MOST OF OUR LOVELY MOTHER FUCKING CREW HAS THE SAME OPINION, WHEN IT COMES TO THE PAST TIMEY SHIT. *He tries yanking his hand out as nonchalantly as possible.* not that i disagree with you, i am all for letting the past be in the past and moving our bods in a forwards motion towards our new goal. *He decides to just lie back down, leaning on his elbow, as if he is resting his head in his hand. Smooth.*

[08:29] AT: *tavros might be mostly clueless, but he caught that smooth move. and now he was grinning at his goofy friend. he sure was glad to have this guy around to make him laugh and smile again.* wELL, nOT ALL OF OUR FRIENDS, aRE TOO TERRIBLY REASONABLE,, *he frowns again, worrying about what sort of hitches he will encounter in his journey /this/ time*

[08:34] TC: *Aww hell yes. Taking the smoothness to a whole different level. He grins back.* THAT'S PROBABLY THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE AGES. HOPEFULLY THEY WILL GET THEIR EYEGLOBES OPENED UP AND REALIZE WE CAN'T ALL GO AROUND AND BE ALL BITTER AND WHINY ABOUT SHIT. THAT WON'T GET US ANYWHERE. *He sighs deeply. Honestly, some trolls can be such grubs. Gamzee tilts his head as Tavros' smile is turned upside down.* hey, talk to me, what'cha got all going on in that mind of yours?

[09:00] AT: oH, i'M JUST,,, *laughs, looking rather sheepish* i'M IRONICALLY, fOCUSING ON PAST EVENTS AGAIN, aND LETTING THEM CAUSE ME CONCERN FOR FUTURE ENDEAVORS, *sighs* sGRUB WAS JUST, sUCH A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE, aND i WORRY THAT IF i HAVE TO GO ADVENTURING WITH, eRR, cERTAIN PEOPLE AGAIN, eVEN WORSE THINGS MIGHT HAPPEN,,

[09:16] TC: *Gamzee smiles crookedly, his brows furrowed in sympathy. He hated seeing him all bummed out.* THAT IS PRETTY GOSH DARN IRONIC, ALTHOUGH IT IS TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. IT'S NOT EASY TO LET EVERYTHING JUST SLIP OUT OF YOUR MIND LIKE THAT. STUFF STAINS THE INSIDES OF ONE'S HEAD LIKE THE MOST PERSISTENT GRUBSAUCE STAINS UPON THE FINEST OF SHIRTS. *He starts scooting up on the bed, his hand still stuck in his hair, him looking like some kind of overgrown inchworm. He manages to get up to Tavros' side and bops his forehead against his shoulder reassuringly. Goat things.* i can see that, i certainly have spesific individuals i would like to stay clear of, myself. i don't think any of us /have/ to do jack shit, but if some poor sod tries getting all up in your adventuring situation, then i am all for adventure blocking them. THAT IS TO SAY, WE COULD TEAM UP AND JUST GIVE THE WORLD THE MOST GIANT OF FLIPPED BIRDS. *He grins again. He is not the greatest at being all reassuring and shit, but he is genuinely trying his best to cheer him up.*

[09:27] AT: *as gamzee encroached even closer into his personal space, he tensed the slightest bit. since he hadn't exactly invited it, he was apprehensive of the touch. he had very few kind encounters with others in the flesh like this, so it was just a natural reflex. but as his head bumped against his shoulder, he couldn't help but smile a most contented smile down at the little clown.* rIGHT, hEH, wE WOULD MAKE THE MOST WICKED PAIR, aS YOU WOULD SAY, fOR TELLING ALL OTHERS TO RIGHTFULLY AND KINDLY, fUCK RIGHT OFF, *he laughs a bit before shifting himself up against what little backboard there is of his cot and reaching his hands out to hover over gamzee's hair* hEY, i KNOW YOUR HAND IS STUCK, yOU GOOF,,, dO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU?

[09:48] TC: *As he was busy trying to wriggle his way towards Tavros, he hadn't really noticed him tensing up. If he had, he would most likely have stopped and tried playing it off as something else. He seemed pretty pleased with himself for getting Tavros to smile again, grinning up at him.* the most wicked pair there is, complete with the sickest rhymes and the power of being the most amazing sassmasters. THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN POSSIBLY BE TAMED. AS WE RIDE INTO THE NIGHT, DELIVERING SICK BURNS TO EACH AND ALL. *He fidgits a bit, clearing his throat.* stuck? what, i have absolutely no clue of what you speak of. if my hand was stuck, would i be able to do this? *He forcibly tries yanking his hand out once more, only resulting in him cringing in pain and letting out a distressed "honk".* OKAY, SO MAYBE I AM A LITTLE STUCK HERE. JUST A TINY BIT.

[09:52] AT: *tavros laughs more heartily, shaking his head* gEEZ, oKAY, i'VE GOT YOU, tHEN, *very carefully, he took Gamzee's wrist in his hand and used the other to start pulling the knots away gingerly* aRADIA USED TO GET STUFF STUCK IN HER HAIR, aLLL THE TIME TOO, sO YOU COULD SAY, i'M A BIT ACCUSTOMED TO REMOVING FOREIGN OBJECTS, fROM TANGLED MESSES, hEHE,

[10:07] TC: *Perhaps he should get stuck in his own hair more often, as it has seemingly lifted Tavros' spirits. He made a mental note of never combing his hair ever again.* thanks bro, i just don't know what happened. it's like. the one moment i was all chill and stuff, and the next i am all caught up in my own dang self. it is like a metaphor or something. *Unlike Tavros, he seems almost overly alright with getting touched. His hair is an absolute mess though, more knots than anything else. He leans his head against Tavros' hands, shutting his eyes.* PRETTY MOTHERFUCKING SURE THAT MAKES YOU BONAFIDE TANGLE DOCTOR. *He looks up at him, giving another reassuring smile.* we will find a way to fix her messed up situation, too. *He keeps looking at him for a little while, then turns his gaze back down. He wanted to be there and all emotionally supportive and all that, but he hadn't slept and this here situation was relaxing as all fuck.*

-- temulentCachinnation [TC] changed their mood to RELAXED  --

[10:30] AT: *his smile almost faltered at the mention of aradia, but his blood pumper ached enough to make up for the lack of emoting.* yEAH, i WONT GIVE UP HOPE, bECAUSE i KNOW THAT SHE WOULDN'T WANT ME TOO, *swallowing the lump in his throat, he made that last effort to get gamzee untangled, and it was a success, though he continued to hold onto gamzee's hand. he clutched it even tighter, in fact* tHERE YOU GO,

[10:39] TC: *He is almost dozing off at this point, blinking every now and then to stay awake. A low content rumbling coming from the back of his throat.* YEAH, THAT'S THE SPIRIT, NEVER GIVE UP THE HOPE IN YOUR BLOOD PUSHER. *He mutters, his eyelids feeling quite heavy. Letting out a soft sigh as he felt his hand getting freed from his hair.* thanks, tavros, i owe you one hair fixing session, or... *He trails off, looking to Tavros' hand holding his own, then to Tavros' face and back again. A doofy smile playing on his lips as he squeezes Tavros' hand lightly.*

[10:48] AT: oR? *suddenly, that silly look he's receiving makes a certain memory flood back to him... a memory of make-out solicitation and all at once tavros is frozen in this very position, still smiling a stunned smile, but eyes gradually growing wider. he wondered if gamzee still felt that way... and he still wasn't too sure how /he/ felt, himself... so maybe he should just keep ignore it. he starts to laugh nervously.* oR,,, nOTHING, bECAUSE YOU DON'T OWE ME ANYTHING, uHHH, tHAT IS TO SAY, yOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL, iNDEBTED TO ME, oVER SUCH A TINY FAVOR,

[10:58] TC: OOOOORRRRR... *He drags the word out, then looks off to the side and smiles awkwardly to himself. Shit, alright, play it cool Gamzee, for the love of fuck. He turned his head back to Tavros, about to say something, but he stopped himself as he saw how wide his eyes had gotten.* uh, yeah, right. *He clears his throat a little, looking away again. Of course he shouldn't get his hopes up like that, besides, going emotionally all out was just a douchy thing to do to someone who is going through shit, right? The last person he wanted to wear his douchepants in front of was Tavros.* NO, I JUST FELT LIKE, THAT WAS SOMETHING IN WHICH WAS FUCKING APPROPRIATE, AS I DID TAKE AWAY FROM YOUR TIME WITH MY DUMBASS ANTICS. *He laughed lightly, slowly starting to let go of Tavros' hand. He didn't want to screw over the only friendship he had left, so he swallowed his emotions and put it to the back of his mind for now.*

[11:08] AT: *as gamzee's grip began to loosen, tavros felt a sinking in his stomach, as if something was suddenly amiss that he couldn't quite pinpoint. was it disappointment? regret? yearning to hold his hand again? he'd hung out with gamzee plenty of times during sgrub and on the meteor... was this really the first time they'd been close like this? tavros was never good with his emotions. he was good at repressing them, but that never seemed to get him anywhere before. the trouble was, he had no idea how he was feeling right now, and therefore had no idea how to react. he clears out another lump in his throat with a breathy laugh.* iT'S NOT AS IF, i HAVE ANY PLACE TO BE, sO i DON'T ENTIRELY SEE HOW HELPING YOU OUT, wOULD BE A WASTE OF TIME AT ALL,

[11:26] TC: *He felt himself hesitate as he was about to slide his hand out of his. A knot had formed in his stomach, and it did a flip. There was a good chance he wouldn't get another opportunity like this ever again. He swallowed, looking up at Tavros, just watching him for a few moments, trying to add everything to memory. The sensation of feeling his hand, his smile and his laugh, and the agonizing pain in his own chest. He let go of his hand.* well, i suppose, but i still feel like said time could be used more efficiently and with less, yes, antics. *He was rambling. Awesome.* AAANYWAY, YEAH, I'M HERE FOR YOU, YOU KNOW? ALL HERE TO PROVIDE SUPPORTIVE WORDS AND SHIT, SO DON'T HESITATE TO BE ALL CALLING FOR ME TO COME AROUND? *He had no idea what he was talking about at this point, so he just wrapped his arms around Tavros. Hugging him and giving his back a few pats. No matesprit, bruh.*

[11:40] AT: *as tiny clowny arms enclosed around him, tavros felt himself relaxing again, but something still seemed amiss. he returned the hug, giving gamzee a tight, grateful squeeze.* tHANK YOU, fOR THAT SENTIMENT, aND FOR ALWAYS BEING SUCH A GREAT FRIEND, *his cheek fit rather nicely against gamzee's head. surprising, as he expected the horns to get in the way, but he was able to avoid them. he sighs against the fluffy hair, reluctant to pull away now that he had him this close again.*

[11:57] TC: *Well, ok, so this didn't backfire at all. Gamzee's stomach did a fucking majestic flip as Tavros hugged him back, feeling his face heat up like a ... like a... Fuuuck. Too flustered to make a proper simile.* there is no reason to get your thank on for that. *He muttered, his face resting against Tavros' chest. Hugging like this was probably the most wicked miraculous thing ever, and he once more felt how heavy his eyelids were. He muttered something to himself, before dozing off. His body slumping somewhat once he was fully asleep, however, his arms still wrapped around Tavros just the same.*

[12:04] AT: hEH, oF COURSE THERE IS, *his smile is content as neither of them bothers to let go from the hug... until he feels gamzee go limp and he's then sticken with panic. he glances down, wide eyed, only to see that gamzee was fast asleep. oh shit.* gAMZEE? *should he wake him up? should he leave him that way? tavros himself couldn't very well move... and if anybody busted in again, he'd be caught in a very compromising postion. still, he's being given the perfect opportunity to keep somebody - and somebody very important - close while he was feeling so low. with a gulp, he shifts to lay himself down more fully, readjusting gamzee so he's still resting comfortably on his chest. maybe all that movement would make him up... but if he doesn't, now tavros was feeling drowsey again and much more comfortable than when he was alone. his eyelids were getting heavy and his mind hazy. it'd only be a matter of time before he drifted off himself.*

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