task 002 - character playlist
➤ “ don't look don't look the shadows breathe, whispering me away from you. don't wake at night to watch her sleep, you know that you will always lose. “
gyujin’s playlist focuses on the main points of his character development. past trauma, experience, and the like are reflected in each of the songs. for that, it’s not the happiest of playlists, and rather takes a much darker route, with the exception of his tendencies, addictions, and beliefs. a lot of the songs touch on the loss of things, whether it be a lose of touch, emotion, or person--gyujin’s life is based on his lack of trust in people in general, as well as a lack of trust in action. he doesn’t trust himself as much as he doesn’t trust others. doesn’t see himself as anything of worth, nor does he want to. self-degradation throughout and no light at the end of the tunnel. a side-note, all of the songs chosen are a reflection of what gyujin, himself, listens to. triggers will be listed after songs, if applicable.
I. oh my god - the pretty reckless II. doomed - bring me the horizon III. burn - the cure IV. going to hell - the pretty reckless V. closer - nine inch nails (tw: nsfw) VI. 13 beaches - lana del rey VII. forever//over - eden VIII. edge of a broken heart - vixen IX. stones - zibbz X. family tree - megadeth (tw: implications of abuse)
I. oh my god - the pretty reckless ➤ “but I'm just a face, painted in mud. don't try for perfect it's never enough.”
this part of his life was actually a toughy. this song’s essentially all about the complications of life itself, how nothing is ever good enough and it’s a pointless battle to strive for what’s “best”. society has this carved out set of ideals that people should follow to strive for the perfect human; but humans are bred for mistakes and trials, so perfection is impossible. this song also touches on the obsession to make for perfection. to wish for self-change to reach a better self. gyujin has always struggled with this since his parents decided they were going to pressure and control his entire life. he’s been forced to aim for perfection, and even now, it bugs the absolute hell out of him that he can’t reach what other people would prefer.
III. burn - the cure ➤ “just paint your face the shadows smile, slipping me away from you. oh it doesn't matter how you hide, find you if we're wanting to.”
this was, surprisingly, the song that inspired me to write gyujin altogether, as well as the movie that the song was written for. the song is essentially about a great loss, whether it’s to do with a significant other, friend, family member--a loss great enough to lose oneself. it touches on adopting a metaphorical mask to fend oneself away from the world, and protect fragility of emotions. gyujin, himself, has met quite a bit of loss throughout his life. from his parents, and their disowning him. to, what he thought was, the love of his life. people have always come and gone for him after leaving a major footprint on his heart. every time it happens, his mask becomes more solid. he’s merely a shadow of his former self because of it.
V. closer - nine inch nails ➤ “i broke apart my insides. i've got no soul to sell. the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself.”
this was a go-to for this task, just for the sheer nature of both the song, and gyujin’s habits. the song gives an insight into what sex addiction is truly like. how it eats away at the person suffering from it, how they hate themselves for having it. they essentially feel like monsters, primal beings that’re being forced into bearing themselves open for the world to see, just to get their fix. gyujin definitely feels the same; and although he has a tendency to hide the fact behind crude humour and sarcasm, the addiction itself eats away at him all the time. he feels as though he can’t get enough, and for that, it can have a serious affect on his day to day life. he feels worthless, unworthy of those he feels as though he’s using just to satisfy himself for a brief time.
X. family tree - megadeth ➤ “when you hear them saying "trust me", don't wait to see what's next. thrown to the wolves, forever trusting. raised in a form of living hell.”
i was actually pretty hesitant with this song. i think it’s down to interpretation, what it’s about exactly. although it’s obvious it’s about abuse. for that, i’m using it as an example to gyujin’s thoughts in terms of his own abuse. while his was mostly verbal/psychological, with some physical thrown in there, it still had a serious affect on the way he acts now. it’s been a while since he’s seen his parents, and yet he still lives up to their expectations, or at least tries to, because the notion is almost etched into his mind. he’s still terrified of confrontation given by elders; if someone significantly older raises a hand to him, he’ll freak out internally. he mentally degrades himself in place of his parents. the list goes on, but the affects are very long term.
