#gap meta

[liyazaki]

breaking the cycle of generational abuse takes time.

the truth of that cannot be overstated. for a child, it warps and reshapes everything: their understanding of themselves, what their place is in the world and how they engage with it.

when we first meet Sam, she just seems like a cold, aloof, ever-composed high achiever. the more we learn about her past, the clearer it becomes that this was by design, not by choice.

Sam learned from a young age that love and acceptance were contingent upon her compliance. it was transactional- to be earned by meeting her grandmother's expectations, never freely given with no conditions. she took the one thing a child needs the most and dangled it like a prize over Sam’s head, making her work for it.

and if Sam needed any further motivation not to stray from path she was placed on, all she had to do was look to her sisters- both of their lives a tragic example of the consequences of disobeying. imagine how afraid she had to be, and for so, so long. it's heartbreaking.

then Mon came along- letting light and so much love in with her.

with that in mind, next week's preview wasn't a big shock to me. painful, yes- but mainly because it rings so terribly true. the roots of abuse run deep and are long-reaching- often much further than we expect.

I can count on one hand the amount of times I've actually liked high-tension or conflict in a finale. it usually feels like a cheap emotional ploy- lazy writing in an attempt to keep the audience coming back. in my opinion, that's absolutely not what we're seeing here.

the end still remains to be seen, but I have no doubt Sam will finally, permanently end the cycle. it's just that a little more work, a little more struggle, unfortunately- has to happen first.

a toxic foundation laid over a lifetime has finally been cracked, fractured. thanks to love, the biggest work is done. for me, next week doesn't seem like a step back at all.

it's just the last breaking of the wheel.

a note on Nueng, my beloved: sometimes, tough love is incredibly necessary, especially when you're so far gone in a situation that you can't see it for what it is. I was thrilled Nueng was there to provide an equally-strong opposing voice to their grandmother's authority. the one point I strongly disagreed with her on is calling Sam "soft" for continuing to bend to her grandmother's will.

Sam's reluctance to leave even when it's killing her has everything to do with a lifetime of conditioning and love for her grandmother (which she doesn't deserve)- she's not weak; she's a victim. she did find her strength when she walked away, and I fully believe she's going to realize just how strong, capable and worthy of love she is by the end.

[thequeenofsastiel]

I'm still so thrilled at how high the view count on YT is for GAP. Each segment regularly exceeds Bad Buddy numbers, and the highest view count for a GAP segment exceeds the highest view count for a Bad Buddy segment by 7 MILLION views(shocker: it's one of the ones with a sex scene). I really hope the BL industry is taking note and will give us a LOT more long form GL shows. I need them.

[forkaround]

I don't think Sam is a natural born leader. The company is her desperate attempt to live her life and not give into her grandmother's wishes but she seems lost on how to actually be a real leader, how to inspire and at the same time be strict to her employees. She sticks to the strict coz that is what she knows to be effective or at least she thinks it is. But a leader is much more than someone who can get people to do the work. And Sam isn't it. Not yet anyway.

Mon on the other hand, she is a natural born leader. But she is young and almost timid to Sam, so you don't actually see her as that. And she is an employee, not the Boss. But I wouldn't be surprised if people gravitate to Mon as the leader (not just the nice one but as someone capable).

[liyazaki]

lessons in survival & innocence lost

I can turn it on be a good machine I can hold the weight of worlds if that's what you need I can do it- I'll get through it…

-human, christina perri

I knew GAP was smart. I knew the writers had an expert handle on the story they set out to tell, because they've been telling it exceptionally well.

I did not expect them to give us a scene that was almost brutal in how quietly and accurately it portrayed the lengths people will go to cope- to survive- living under abuse.

I wrote last week:

"when we first meet Sam, she just seems like a cold, aloof, ever-composed high achiever. the more we learn about her past, the clearer it becomes that this was by design, not by choice."

the writers had already given us enough to piece together why Sam is the way she is, but this scene really pulled back the curtain in heart-wrenching, crystal-clear fashion.

teenage Sam skips into the room, carefree & enjoying being with her sisters. she wistfully watches Nueng on the piano, playing with a borderline-terrifying smile on her face.

Nueng catches Sam smiling & asks:

Sam responds simply, innocently: because Nueng is, of course. if her sister is happy, so is she.

a quick note on Nueng's smile: Mind really going in with her facial expressions here felt so intentional. it's obvious to us that she's forcing it, but Sam in her youthful naivete has no idea. she still sees a smile for what it is, for what it should be: joyful, happy, and most importantly- honest.

it was such a smart move on the writer's part, adding to the weight of the moment that comes next.

Mind's expressions here are the definition of "a picture's worth a thousand words."

the smile fades away, replaced by a melancholy, world-weary expression. like she knows what she's about to do, and the effect that it'll have on Sam, but that it's for her own good.

right or wrong, cruel or kind- in her mind, it'll help Sam survive.

Song pipes in first, though: she knows why Nueng is smiling like that, and what it really means.

Nueng explains that it's a ruse: she's actually under a lot of stress, so she's tricking her own body by smiling.

Nueng’s explanation (understandably) isn't enough for Sam. she doesn't have any concept yet of faking emotions, let alone why anyone would do such a thing- so she questions Song about it, too.

Sam’s still processing Song’s response when Nueng walks up, placing a gentle hand on her head. the weariness is back as she tells Sam she can do this, too.

the look of wide-eyed, innocent worry on Sam’s face when she asks “how?” nearly broke my heart in two.

this is all new to Sam, but she trusts her sisters. this must be an important thing that she learn to do, right? and these behaviors have to be learned- either out of necessity or through loving, misguided instruction, like we're witnessing here.

it was like watching a slow-motion car crash: you know the impact is coming and it’s going to be awful, but you can’t look away.

I desperately wanted to shield Sam in this moment- to keep her from learning how to twist and contort herself into something she isn’t to survive the environment she was born into.

Sam parrots back Nueng’s advice at first before confusedly asking, “what if I’m happy? can I smile then?”

Nueng doesn’t hesitate: “if you smile, you lose.” and I’m on my knees, thoroughly gut-punched.

the final nail in the coffin: Nueng telling Sam that she wants her to do that.

Freen then gives us a masterclass in loss of innocence via expression alone. we can see Sam’s light diminishing right in front of our eyes, fading into the schooled, emotionally numb look we know so well for the first time.

it’s equal parts brilliant and unbearably awful.

I can fake a smile I can force a laugh I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask give you all I am…

this scene powerfully illustrated the pain desperate people will force themselves to endure in order to survive, while passing that brokenness down to the next generation. beyond the inexcusable abuse that prompted it, the real tragedy is that it’s being passed down out of love.

there was zero expository dialogue here. witnessing Sam being brought into the warped, broken fold 'for her own good' was plenty.

it was paradise lost; it was the twilight of innocence; it was the continuation of the cycle. and it made Sam’s openly-expressive, incandescently emotional vows in the wedding scene all the more meaningful.

love, in the end, finally broke the wheel.

side note- not to nitpick but I'm gonna: I really wish they went with the actress who played young Sam for this scene rather than Freen. Sam clearly knew how to force an expression much earlier, so having Freen play this scene felt like a continuity error, even though she knocked it out of the park.

exhibit a ⬇️

[thequeenofsastiel]

I'm really glad they got the reveal out of the way this soon. I hate when shows drag secrets like that out over the course of the whole show until the very end. And I like that there was no angst about it. There was no melodramatic fight, and Sam didn't seem to feel betrayed at all. It was just a thing. And it put them entirely on a level playing field. Sam knows that Mon has been obsessed with her, devoted herself to being in Sam’s life, and doesn't appear to feel all that uncomfortable about it. In fact it seems to have made Sam feel even more relaxed.

This show is incredible. Every week it just gets better.

[thequeenofsastiel]

The look on Sam's face when Kirk says that he can wait for Sam to achieve what she wants with her company, and it's only with his permission that her grandmother agrees, is so goddamn heartbreaking and infuriating.

She's fierce and independent, and it's utterly maddening for her that she's ultimately at Kirk's mercy. Sure, he's a nice guy who won't stand in her way, but it's the fact that because she's a woman she has to endure this indignity which is so terrible.

This is what I mean about why you couldn't just replace Mon and Sam with men and have this story mean the same thing. With arranged marriages in BLs, they're heartbreaking because the characters lose out on romantic love. But Sam won't just lose out on romantic love. She'll lose everything she loves, everything that matters to her. She'll be forced not just to be with someone she doesn't love, she'll be forced into an entire way of living that she doesn't remotely want. It's a completely different story.

[thequeenofsastiel]

I actually really like that the show went with making Kirk a decent person. They very easily could have gone with the "evil, controlling fiancé" trope, but instead they made Kirk kind and understanding. Despite the fact that, as far as I can tell, Sam is never nice to Kirk, he still goes out of his way to take care of her and support her choices to her grandmother. He knows she doesn't want to marry him, and wants to make the whole thing as easy on her as he can. I honestly love him. And I'm so glad, because I very much prefer to like characters. The grandmother is evil enough. I wouldn't want to have to deal with an evil fiancé. And I feel like the show understands that it would be too much negativity to have Kirk be awful.

Ahhhh this show is so good!!!!!!

[thequeenofsastiel]

Yet another thing I love about GAP is the complete lack of any kind of physical intimidation the way there usually is in BLs. Even when Sam stopped Mon from leaving her room by standing in front of her, she didn't grab Mon or touch her in any way. She was also pretty cute about it, and Mon had made it more than obvious that this behavior was welcome.

Dgmw, my kinky self loves me some physical intimidation, but this is a great example of the nature of romance between women, how we relate to each other. Women aren't generally as physically aggressive as men. We don't seek to have those kinds of dominance contests. Women are far more cooperative. Not that there aren't dominant women or that there aren't ever any kind of dominance contests(though they're usually more psychological than physical), but that's not really how we tend to relate to each other, both historically and within my personal experiences over the last almost 33 years. Even in my kink interactions with dominant women, there isn't the physically dominating element the way there is with men. I could almost certainly physically overpower my dominant girlfriend, who's shorter and more fragile than me, but I don't feel a desire for her to be stronger than me the way I have with dominant men. I don't feel that desire with any woman. It's a softer way of interacting with someone, despite the fact that my girlfriend is very adept at bringing me to tears with pain. There's an element of gentleness there. We also don't have that sense of entitlement to sex the way men often do, both in het relationships and BLs. I've never once had to tell a woman "no" twice. I've had to do that and more with a large majority of men.

Obviously I'm painting with a broad brush and drawing on personal experiences--I'm sure there are plenty of women who feel differently--but this is what I've observed in my life, and it's something I'm seeing reproduced in GAP.