Red Flags to Avoid in Gay Dating Apps
Over the two years I’ve been on the apps I’ve learned when to avoid certain people based on what’s in their profile or even what they mention in casual conversation. For the most part if their profiles appear negative or focused on the things they don’t want that’s a good sign they’re not for you. From my experience these types of people are unreasonable or have oddly specific expectations.
1. The guys who mention they’re looking for “Sane” people. They’re not looking for “Drama” or an “Attitude” and they want you to be put together. They mention being a “Nice Guy” and don’t like their time wasted. Let’s be honest most of the people that put these things in their profile are pretty much describing themselves. They projecting their own bad traits onto other people because it’s something they dislike or are in denial about themselves. The people who claim to only want Sane people are the first to lose their cool at any perceived insult real or imagined. If you take to long to respond it triggers them. If you’re genuinely busy you’re wasting their time but they’re just as likely to flake or ghost you if you make concrete plans to meet. The nice guy they claim to be quickly turns to anger and insults if you happen to reject them. And let’s be real, no one is truly all put together. Everyone has some kind of baggage or issue they’re dealing with of some kind. They’re likely to find faults and dealbreakers in you no matter what.
2. The guys who have a long list of the type of people they’re interested in. Generally there’s nothing wrong stating what you’re looking but somethings aren’t necessary worth mentioning. Even worse is when you make a list of people you want to exclude. If someone mentions they’re only interested in a certain race or that they looking for “masc” guys try avoiding them. I consider myself a more masculine guy but I don’t follow any strict labels the ways these guys do. Being masculine is so important to these guys that they become paranoid that certain guys they’re interacting with are actually pretending to be “straight-acting”. Anything can make them suspicious. Maybe one of your photos doesn’t look manly enough, or you type “lol” in your messages too many times. You have to meet some type of unrealistic quota for them to consider you man enough for them.
When it comes to race preferences, whether you’re making a list of the type of people you’re into “Asians to the front of the line.”, or one excluding people “Not into White guys.”, that can definitely be a turn-off to me even if I’m included in the list of guys you’re into. The same with mentioning specific body sizes or the amount of hair. None of it is necessary. Depending on how they word it in their profile it can range from being arrogant to just blatantly offensive. Even when I’m not excluded it gives me a glimpse of their personality. I generally value kindness and empathy. Being openly exclusive isn’t necessary. Your profile should focus on you. Who you are as a person, the type of personality you’re looking for. It’s not the end of the world if someone you’re not attracted to messages you. Either just let them know their not your type or ignore them. You’re attract more of the people you like by being positive or being negative.
3. The “Downlow” guy. I get it you’re scared you’ll be exposed. We shouldn’t have to live in a world where you’re afraid to be yourself. The thing is though people are meeting with strangers online and the least you can do is show them what you look like. These guys are so afraid of being exposed but they’ll still expect photos from you. There are plenty of people online who aren’t out but are still open enough to show themselves on the apps. It’s rare for a straight person that you know to be on the apps just looking to out someone. Chances are if they’re on there at all they’re probably just as closeted and not likely to expose anyone for fear of exposing themselves. Even the guys who are out mind their business. There’s an unspoken rule not to even casually say hi to guys you’ve seen on these apps. They may notice you but most will just keep it moving.
At the same time many of the DL guys have many of the hangups I mentioned above. They’re generally more blunt about what they want because they’re protected by the anonymity of a screen. And to clarify anyone who doesn’t have a profile showing their face is considered downlow. It doesn’t matter if they’re showing a photo of their torso.
These are the type of people to avoid when you’re looking to interact on the gay apps. Even if the person seems tempting, or they approach you first you might be better off in the long run.
