#gee whines

[littlecoffinboy-blog]

So after a week of nothing but Netflix and Power Puff Girls Monopoly, Boyfriend and I are back home. Syracuse sucks, like always and its frigid as fuck, but I suppose that comes with the season.

I'm excited to know I will probably start T in April. I wish my birthday would come faster, as much as I don't want to grow up. 

The thoughts of death keep coming more and more. It's like it consumes me. The panic attacks never end, it seems. I wish for just one minute of peace.  I found that other cat I was talking about. He's only 2 months old and his name is Sweet Potato. He's living at Boyfriend's best friend's house till we get an apartment. 

[littlecoffinboy-blog]

He talks so much about how I have all this talent, but he doesn’t seem to care about how worthless I feel when he doesn’t let me talk. It’s like he says these things just to shut me up.

[littlecoffinboy-blog]

11/21/13 - 2:26PM Boyfriend and I sat in the bathroom and talked about people we hate for a good hour, just now. He took a shower so the room is all warm and sticky. He looks so attractive when his hair is dripping wet. He leaves the room to dress, a cold breeze of air makes me shiver the tiniest bit. I stay a while longer and enjoy the warmth.  We're due to leave for Rochester on Sunday for Thanksgiving with his family. He has a doctors appointment on Monday, so we have to stay the full week. My tarot cars have been giving me signs I don't like and I'm so torn between staying here and making sure no one dies and going with him. I fear if I stay, I might lose him.  I'm thinking about getting another cat. 

[littlecoffinboy-blog]

11/19/13 - 6:32 PM

Last night was alright, I suppose. I chocked during the first song of the open mic - mostly due to tears. It had to be done though. I feel like I can finally close that chapter of my life and move on to better things. The turn out of the event was rather small, but they want us to come back for the next one so that's pretty swell. I have to make sure I get these originals down. Fiance and I (now boyfriend, we have decided to slow down a bit and just enjoy life though we are no less committed to one another) hope to have the band up and running within the next to weeks. We just wait on the arrival of his guitar. The roses he got me are finally dying. I'm starting to feel at peace. 

[littlecoffinboy-blog]

11/14/13 - 12:05 PM

Fiance got a new guitar last night. Only thing is he plays lefty and it's a righty. It's still ridiculously beautiful though. Thinking about investing in an acoustic guitar. I don't play much, but I feel like it's a good venting tool. The wedding is this weekend and we still dont have much planned. And by much planned I mean I have a lot of work to do. I should probably do it, but I think food is in order. I'll update later. 

[littlecoffinboy-blog]

First post, new blog - 11/13/13, 7:48am 

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Today is cold and painful. Yesterday I had my bottom left wisdom tooth extracted and have taken no medication yet. So I sit here with an Earl Grey tea bag in my mouth to help the blood clot stay and put albums into iTunes while my fiance cleans the bedroom. It snowed a good foot last night and the thought of taking the bus to the mall scares me a bit. Icy roads don't settle well with me. My fiance and I bicker about how the blankets should lay on the bed for a little while before I go back to writing about all this nonsense. I can't stop thinking about my meltdown the night before last and ho bad I need everything to start. I just wish my dad was more open.