#gender ask

[jesterpunk]

saw the post about the drawing you made for guests and i was wondering: how do you feel about being called dude in the gender-neutral sense?

generally I don't like being called dude, man, or even "my guy", unless it's a close friend cus I need to know thru several years of friendship that we have a common understanding of my lack of gender 🤙

[elgreytea]

So I've used she/her pronouns my whole life and am biologically female but... I've been kinda mentally toying with she/they? But like also I'm not entirely sure what it means in terms of like when someone's she/they or he/they do people refer to them as she/he or they more? Is it whoever's using the pronoun's preference or the person they're referring to? Is it like a gender fluid thing? Lmao I'm sorry I'm clueless but I kinda like the idea of she/they just I'm kinda femme sometimes (1/2)

But I also like dressing like androgynous and I recently cut my hair short which I love and I just don't wanna be like... That cis girl who uses she/they to be cool or something bc that's not my goal but I just don't know how she/they works? Sorry this is long... (2/2)

hey!! first of all, glad that you felt you could come to me with this ((,: my heart’s all full & stuff!! second of all, trying things out in terms of how you label your gender/sexuality is never a bad thing! it might turn out that you end up preferring other pronouns or other labels, but you won’t know unless you try!! 

there are a lot of different reasons people might use she/they or like, i guess, a “mixture” of pronouns, and its typically because they are comfortable being referred to as either. so for example if you felt okay with someone using she/her when referring to you, but would also be fine with being referred to as they/them, then i think she/they would work well for you! you don’t have to identify as gender fluid to be okay with people using both/either

like, for me, i’m considering he/they because i wouldn’t mind if people referred to me as he/him, but i’m also just as fine with they/them. and i guess it would be up to other people to decide which pronouns they want to use for you, or if they want to switch between pronouns, unless you specifically tell them otherwise. i do know that some people use the pronouns associated with their gender assigned at birth because they are aware of how they appear to others based on their gender expression, and do not mind being gendered that way.

however it’d also do well to remember that your gender and your gender expression are two different things!! it’s totally cool to express yourself more masculine/feminine/androgynous regardless of your gender or what pronouns you use (,: 

**i’m not going to pretend to be an expert on the topic, though, so if anyone else has anything they’d like to add on that differs from my perspective, feel free to do so!! i hope this at least helped somewhat?? yea, sorry if i butchered anything sdfjhsdj

[thesevenumbrellas]

idk who to ask and no amount of research has given me an answer so far, so now I'm asking a bunch of bloggers if they know: is gnc an enby identity or can anyone (including cis people) be considered gnc?

I’m sorry I’m cis so I don’t think I’m the best person to answer that. I don’t have an answer for you.

For those who don’t know, gnc means gender non conforming.

If anyone would like to answer this person in the notes please do.

No transphobia will be tolerated I will absolutely block anyone who tries.

[batwynn]

Hi Bat! I was wondering if you could help me out. Ever since I was a kid I never really felt like a girl. I don't like pink, don't feel comfortable wearing girl clothes(not only dresses like in general)I don't style my hair/wear make up. You know all the general things girls do. I've been kinda struggling with my image cause I hate that I have boobs. I'm not sure about my gender identity at all in a nutshell. Idk if I'm just an anti conformist or something more :( it's really confusing

Hey there anon, i’m sorry it’s been a difficult gender-journey for you so far. :(

First, let me start by saying one of the most important things i’ve learned in the past few years: Your gender can change whenever, wherever, and for whatever reason. You don’t have to settle unless it feels right( or at all ), and it’s absolutely okay to be confused or unsure about your gender, you do not have confirm anything to be valid in whatever gender you currently identify with. (There’s no such thing as ‘too old’ or ‘too young’ to change, either.) 

For you in particular, though, it sounds like you’ve had a tough time. I know some of this confusion can come from external sources, outside and within the LGBTQA community. There’s a lot of different people pressuring others into making choices in the name of the community, rather than for the safety and health of the individual. Outside of the community, there are even more people pushing for some sort of ‘gender norm’ based on their own standards and beliefs. That being said, i’ve also found a vast and diverse community of understanding and accepting people from all genders/non-genders and sexualities. So, there’s the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’, but suffice to say, they both can bring pressure and anxiety about your gender.

From what you saying here, it sounds like you’ve never really adhered to any of the gender binary stuff people seem to think are necessary. [Pink and makeup for girls, blue and football for guys or whatever it is. I don’t even know, I never paid much attention.] The thing is, these things don’t make up one’s gender. What you do, what you wear, how you talk, etc, should not be associated with any gender in particular. Not that this changes how society chooses to associate them, of course, but try to remind yourself that feminine and masculine or anything beyond and between aren’t defined by these things, or by other people. You define them, you decide if they are important in your life and in gender identity. You choose how to identify what you do in your life, with who you are.It also sounds like you’re dealing with some possible (gender) dysphoria from your physical appearance. Have you ever tried binding in any way, just to see how you feel seeing yourself with a flat/flatter chest? It might give you some ideas about what would make you feel more comfortable, either way. Beyond that, though, I would consider speaking to a mental health professional about these things.  (if you are comfortable and trust them enough to do so.) I’ve never really had an understanding response from my therapists (I also have bad luck) when i’ve spoken about it myself, but even at a professional level, they can help you identify where some of this distress is coming from. (Especially internal vs external stresses. It’s important to recognize what your brain is coming up with, and what is coming from outside sources.)So, from here I would suggest you take a look at some resources, and see if any of the gender identities out there seems to resonate more strongly with you. I would also see if you can find someone more professional to speak with about this, since i’m not really the end-all know-all of anything really. XD This can be anyone from your family therapist, maybe someone new, or even someone through @plannedparenthood. I would also suggest you Check out the Gender Wiki!  They’ve got a vast amount of continually updated information on genders/non-genders, and is a safe place to find facts and ideas about gender without certain biases or misinformation. But! If you don’t feel comfortable browsing websites for whatever reason, please take a look at some of these gender identities under the ‘Keep Reading’, and I wish you the best of luck!

Gender fluid is a gender identity which refers to a gender which varies over time. A gender fluid person may at any time identify as male, female, neutrois, or any other non-binary identity, or some combination of identities. Their gender identity can vary at random or in response to different circumstances.

Multigender is a term for anyone who experiences more than one gender identity. It can be used as a gender identity in its own right, or can be an umbrella term for other identities which fit this description. Multigender people may experience two or more gender identities at the same time, or their gender identity may change over time. [meaning you identify as multiple genders at once, less switching between. More of a solid state, generally.]

Non-binary gender (see also genderqueer) describes any gender identity which does not fit within the binary of male and female. Those with non-binary genders can feel that they: [feel free to check the links in the text below for more info]

Have an androgynous (both masculine and feminine) gender identity, such as androgyne.

Have an identity between male and female, such as intergender.

Have a neutral or non-existent gender identity, such as agender or neutrois.

Have multiple gender identities, such as bigender or pangender.

Have a gender identity which varies over time, known as genderfluid.

Have a weak or partial connection to a gender identity, known as demigender.

Genderflux  is a gender identity in which the strength of feelings of gender varies over time. It can be seen as a form of genderfluid between being agender and one or more other gender identities. Genderflux people may also identify as nonbinary, genderqueer and/or transgender.

Agender is a term which can be literally translated as ‘without gender’. It can be seen either as a non-binary gender identity or as a statement of not having a gender identity. People who identify as agender may describe themselves as one or more of the following:

Genderless or lacking gender.

Gender neutral. This may be meant in the sense of being neither man or woman yet still having a gender.

Neutrois or neutrally gendered.

Having an unknown or undefinable gender; not aligning with any gender.

Having no words that fit their gender identity.

Not knowing or not caring about gender, either as an internal identity or as an external label or in both senses.

Deciding not to label their gender.

[jesterpunk]

yo a they/it agender ex-tittitian? im kinda in the same boat (also they/it agender), as in, dont exactly know how to feel about my physical appearance (i dont mind it, but i still wonder). Makes me curious, dya regret the surgery? or is it more like a general grievance? akin to a loss

hell yeah !! def don't regret the surgery but definitely still feel a loss or grievance. I'm gonna reuse a half on an answer I sent someone else privately:

I miss having them. I see non-binary transition and being agender to be a messy and imperfect process. there's no guidebook for us for how to look, we are just given the checklists our trans men and women counterparts tend to be given (facial hair? breasts? low voice? softer skin?) and we pick and choose which aspects we like and dislike.. a binary choice for each option.

you and I don't have a binary way to answer, "do you want breasts?" somedays it's yes. somedays it's no. I decided to go with No by default but yes when I wanna put on my breast forms, as opposed to the other way around. you don't have to do the same as me. I don't regret it at all, but I do miss my tits and I am still grieving them. it's a lot to lose a part of you but it's also euphoric being able to present in a way I was never able to before .

and specifically about being agender and how that affected my decision:

two things I was sure of for myself regarding my chest: I didn't want a reduction (I liked being stacked and since my booty isn't that thick I liked the disproportion) and if I got the surgery I did not wanna keep my nipples (I didn't want a """"male"""" chest, I wanted a freak chest) and as U know, I went with the latter. I am agender, and I really love showing as much as possible that I'm not a man or woman, so even if my scars eventually fade, the flat nippleless chest is such a blatantly genderless move, that I'm really happy about choosing.

my biggest take away as an agender person is that there's no right decision. There doesn't need to be a decision and it doesn't need to be right or logical, so I went for it knowing my body isn't what makes my gender to begin with or end with. at the end of the day, idk how I feel about my body either, but I thought I looked hot in a crop top when I had DDs and I still think I look hot in a crop top with a smooth flat chest, so in that sense, you win some, you win some 😎

(same shirt before & after)

[jesterpunk]

did you take any hormones just curious?

I do I take quite a few.

I have been on low dose T for 4 years, and progesterone birth control, and now local estrogen to balance out the T

I call it my gender cocktail

[jesterpunk]

what is post-op top surgery like? im thinking about top surgery but I know recovery takes time and Im afraid of the pain afterwards

I had no pain whatsoever (but I had no nipple grafts and no drains to take home) but it was a bit boring not being able to work out and climb while my friends did for 8 weeks 😩

[jesterpunk]

How do you feel about being called “captain” or “chief”?

I tend to use these words when I talk to people.

I don't think that would bother me in a gender way at all, but words that imply superiority (like captain, chief, boss or king/queen/my leige/monarch) also isn't my cup of tea for words to describe me personally. it's one of those cases where if you don't know me I wouldn't be very comfortable with it but I wouldn't be offended in any kind of way