#genderfluid!patton

[vash-the-trans-catboy]

Roman: Why do you have no gender, Virgil?

Virgil: *looks at Patton* Blame the gender-fluid gender burglar

Please reblog 💜🥺

[seandarling]

Some High School Sanders Sides Au Headcannons/Story Stuff

Jan Edition

(If I missed any tags lmk)

(I figured out how to do a cut!!)

Jan is a trans guy

Remus is Jan's best friend since probably really early

Jan got his facial scar really young and when Re first asked about it he lied and said it was from a house fire* When Re learned about Jan being a guy he was all for it and had a Name-Day Party

Re constantly calls Jan cute masc things ("handsome man" "cute pretty baby boy" "my manly man")* They aren't a couple but a lot of people assume

Jan used to bind with Ace bandages and the second Re learned about it he freaked and bought Jan a real binder and they spent two hours online learning how to bind safely

Jan's parents are a mix of personalities... as in, his dad is really really really bad and his mom is never there, but supports them financially

Jan always says he's clumsy as the reason for his bruises and scrapes, but lies just enough to make it seem like, if Re looks hard enough, he just has an abusive partner, when really it's his dad

Jan complains in private to Re about his parents, but never actually says anything revealing

Re hates Jan's fake boyfriend with a passion and is constantly telling Jan to leave him

When Jan was just starting high school, he starts getting really sick, and he denies any possible explanation for a long time before he realizes one day that he has a bump on his stomach

He calls Re in tears after taking one of his mother's at home pregnancy tests and tells him that he thinks he's pregnant

Re immediately takes him and comforts him and offers to take him to a PP nearby to get a test and figure out what to do

Jan already know he can't keep a baby because... everything, especially his at home life

When they get to the PP, there are protesters and when they see the two male-presenting people, the gay insults and the accusations of supporting child murder come

Jan pretends to ignore them while Re keeps them walking, Jan holding tight to his shirt

The second they get inside Jan can't hold back the tears

Re takes care of all the talking up until Jan has to answer questions but Jan just answers quietly, says that Re isn't the father, that he didn't want to be pregnant, that it wasn't consensual, that he isn't capable of taking care of or holding a child to term

It's already just after the first trimester because of how long he denied it, but they manage it

The PP people are super nice and comforting and helpful and Jan cries again inside

Afterwards, Re keeps Jan at his place for a few days, takes care of him, while Jan turns his phone off to ignore any calls or texts

At school, nobody knows Jan is trans

He's seen as some stuck up dude who thinks he's so cool because of his scar and his attitude and his good grades

The teachers are all meh about him because he has great grades but not the best attitude

It's an ingrained thing at this point, to reply to hurt with snark and anger and insults* He and Remus, since they're best friends, are always together and they're considered to be the Asshole Duo, the Rejects, the Hotties That Are Actually Dicks, while Roman, Re's twin, is the King of the school, popular with all the cliques and shit

Jan hates Roman because he's jealous of how he seems so comfortable in his body, how he's loved by everyone, and every time they cross paths Jan insults him and Ro insults him back and it always devolves into fights that leaves the both with tight chests and bruises and almost in tears but neither ever win because they get pulled apart by teachers

Re loves watching Ro get beat the shit out of by his super strong in every way trans man best friend and tells Jan such every chance he gets

Patton, who's friends with Ro, never gets into the fights but is always on the sidelines, pleading with them to stop

On the other hand, Logan, who is also friends with Ro, will gladly fight a bitch, just not over stupid insults that Ro could honestly deal better with

But Logan will absolutley get into huge debates with Jan that devolve into fist fights

Neither ever gets mad at each other but the fights always end with detention for both

Jan likes Lo, sort of, it's complicated, but they sort of compliment each other

Like seriously, one time Lo said Jan's hat went well with his jacket, Jan nearly cried but instead he told Lo that his tie was stupid

Lo just rolled his eyes because he understood that it was a lie but also that it was a habit, a defense mechanism, and that is the reason he doesn't get involved in the spats between Ro and Jan

Pat compliments Jan all the time whenever Ro isn't around, but when Ro is, Pat will wave to Jan with a huge smile and Jan nearly dies inside every time

Jan tried to insult Pat once and Pat cried and Jan cried and apologized and never did it again

When Virgil first moves into town, Jan doesn't think anything of him

V isn't much of anything other than height and dark makeup and way too big sweaters

But the second V opens his mouth to insult Ro on his too bright, clashing outfit in front of the entire class, Jan decides V is alright

Re is the one to befriend V

He invites V over to study with them on a weekend when Jan is hiding away from his dad

V is chilling and studying all the way until Re starts complaining about how stupid Roman is and V chuckles and Re grins and starts really going off

Then Jan joins in and then V joins in and it keeps going until they're all laughing and then

V just coughs and excuses himself to the bathroom

And when he comes back

He has a chest under that giant sweater

Jan doesn't mean to stare but when V points it out he sort of shrinks into himself a bit before he pulls up some courage

And asks how V got his chest so small, since his binder didn't make his chest that flat

And V realizes that OH

Jan is trans too

And Re makes a comment about having to get Jan a new binder soon because it's been a while

So V recommends the binder company he uses

And thus the friendship begins

When they all start going to school together, Ro calls them the Darks

Because Ro, Lo, and Pat are the Lighta

But most call them the Others

They make a mean insult team against Ro

Pat hangs out with them at lunch sometimes when Ro is at rehearsals and Lo is at debate club

He's super sweet and V thinks he's cute and tells Pat that and Pat gets all blushy and red and says they're all super cute together too

Jan dies inside at how nice Pat is

And accidentally blurts it out

"Why are you so nice to us?"* He tries to cover it up

"We're all dicks to Roman, and he's your best friend. Doesn't that say something about you?"

Pat gets kind of quiet

"Everyone deserves to have friends, kiddo"

And then Re asks if Pat wants to go out to lunch on a weekend with them all sometime

And Pat agrees wholeheartedly

At that lunch, they learn that Pat is actually genderfluid and usually uses they/them pronouns

And Pat asks V for makeup tips

And they all end up at Re's house doing makeup on each other and V offers to try and cover up Jan's facial scar

And at first he's hesitant but when he sees the result it reminds him of what he could have looked like

If he had a good home life

And he end sup crying and ruining the makeup and Re comforts him

And Pat and V are nice but then V accidentally wonders out loud where the scar came from

So Jan says a house fire

But it's quiet and a lie and even Pat can tell at this point

And Re has this realization

That Jan didn't get that scar in a house fire

So where did he get it?

But no one calls him out

Nearly a year after starting highschool, Jan has two new friends* And then he starts missing school

Just a day or two at first

Then a few* Then its weeks at a time where Jan is gone and doesn't answer his phone

And Re gets worried

And so does V and Pat

And then Jan doesn't come to school for a month and Re breaks and tells Pat and V about Jan's boyfriend who's abusive* But

But but but

V suggests going to Jan's home to see if he's there

Maybe they can help

If he isn't, they can ask his parents, see if they knew where Jan's boyfriend is, if Jan is with him, if he's okay

Re has to search through months of texts to try and remember where Jan lives

But when he finds it they all go, prepared to deal with a Jan who's in an abusive relationship, armed with dozens of internet tabs of information on how to help a friend in one, how to get them to realize "it's not fine, it's not okay", wondering if the guy is isolating Jan, if he's keeping him away from friends, from family, from everything

And V is the one to knock on the door of the house

The man who answers has bloodied knuckles and is pissed off and V has to steady himself before he speaks

"We're here to talk to Janus"

"Who the fuck is Janus"

And V nearly dies inside

They didn't know if Jan's parents knew about him being trans

They had never asked

Re is the one to speak up after that

"Dee? Is she here? We're worried about her-"

V cringes at the pronouns, at the name he hadn't ever known, hadn't wanted to, but it's frozen solid when he sees the man's face go dark, cold, empty

"There is no Dee here. Get the hell off my property before I call the cops"

V steps up, holds the door

"Wait, no, sorry if this is rude, but it's kind of obvious that you're lying, you know. Dee hasn't been to school in a month, you should be worried about us calling the police."

And the second the guy shoves V out and screams at them and slams the door is the second V catches a glimpse of his knuckles and the back of the house, a couch, a wall, a person-

Jan, hands over his mouth, bloody and terrified, shaking, eyes locked with V just before the door slams closed, cowering on the couch

V stands there on the top step for a long time, in shock

Jan was lying

He had lied about a boyfriend

About his homelife* And he was terrified and hurt and /right there/

Re touches V's shoulder and V turns to them, eyes wide, as he pulls them away, unsure, and whispers to them what he saw

Pat cries

Re almost cries but just stands there

V is the one to call the police

It takes twenty minutes for the first cop car to pull up

Half an hour after that, that man is in cuffs, in a cop car, being hauled off to jail, and an ambulance is pulling away, Jan inside, and none of the kids know what to do

V is stuck there, the sight of Jan in that house, being carted away on a stretcher, going through his mind, over and over again

The police take their statements

They leave for the hospital

V calls his dad

Pat calls his parents

Re calls Roman uncharacteristically, crying, and Roman, uncharacteristically, comes right away to comfort him, confused and worried, but knowing that if it got his brother, crying, to call him of all people, then it was far more important than whatever petty grudge they have between them

Logan is with him because Pat had called him, and he's stoic, but his brow is furrowed as he talks to Patton in the corner in whispers

Slowly, the parents get there

And then, out of nowhere, a woman, flowing dress and an empty expression walks up to the desk and asks for Deanne Crow

And Re looks up

And immediately knows this woman is Jan's mother

He watches as she's lead away, a doctor with her, looking a bit downcast but holding up that infinitely frustrating facade of doctoral stoicism

She doesn't return

Two hours later, Re goes up to the desk and asks* Still in surgery

Eventually, they all have to leave, to go home

They come back in the morning, but there are no visitors

That rules stays that way for a week

When Remus gets a text from Jan asking for him to come visit

Alone

When Remus gets there, he's led to Jan's room

And he freezes* Because Jan is stuffed to the brim in white, and what he can see is black and blue, and there's two casts, a leg and an arm

But Jan is watching him

He sits down beside his best friend of many years, his first friend after his fight with Roman, after his parents left, and he cries

And so does Jan

Once they've calmed down, the first thing that comes out of Jan's mouth is an apology

And Remus just laughs, breaks down, and tells Jan that there's nothing, NOTHING, to apologize for

And Jan quietly explains that he's sorry for lying to Remus for so long

But Remus just reassures him that there's nothing to apologize for

It's only an hour in that Jan tells him that he had miscarried

And that's when Remus remembers

Realizes

No boyfriend

No boyfriend

Jan was pregnant, twice now

And there was no boyfriend

He nearly screams

He's going to kill someone

But right then, he just holds Jan's hand and comfort him as he breaks down, crying, because he had been further, hadn't even realized until he had been on the ground, screaming in pain after a beating that hadn't even been that bad, but his stomach had hurt so bad, so bad

And it hadn't even clicked until the nurse had mentioned it without realizing

Jan cries and Remus comforts him, because that's what he's always done

A few days later, when Jan gets his first round of bandages off for good and isn't stuck with a bedpan anymore, he asks if Remus can bring Virgil and Patton

In the end, Pat cries the whole time and V sits there as a comforting, solid presence, even though Jan doesn't mention the baby, doesn't mention his father, doesn't say anything about his abuse

The next time they visit, in a surprising turn of events, Logan and Roman are there too

It takes a few minutes, but then Jan playfully insults Roman's face, which is exhausted, he has bags under his eyes and his hair is a mess and at least two buttons on his shirt are on wrong

But instead of insulting him back, Roman starts to cry

Logan puts a hand on Roman's shoulder, Jan freezes, confused and slightly scared by the turn of events, but just as quickly Roman is scrubbing the tears away and insulting Jan's state, his stringy greasy hair and his own bags and his probably way too itchy arm and leg under the casts

And Jan can't help the smile, the relief that comes with the routine

Logan breaks it off a few minutes in to ask about his mother

And it's silent because of course Logan would be the one to ask one of those questions. He's blunt, he has a hard time with emotions, he hates pussyfooting around the point

"She works a lot" is the only answer Jan can give

"Did she visit you?"

"Every day" he answers, and there's something there, something like confusion and relief and fear and anger and love

He doesn't know how to feel about his mother finally realizing that she has a child

Or how to feel about her crying at his side, wondering out loud what she dis wrong, why she had married, why she had kept the baby, why she hadn't just aborted, why she hadn't just, why, why, why

He doesn't say that, though, because it doesn't feel like something he can voice, something he can make sense of, something he has the RIGHT to talk about out loud

"Your parents didn't know about you being a man."

"Yeah"* And that's all that he can say to that

Because what would have happened?

His father would have suddenly gotten up, realized he was bad, stopped beating him, stopped everything he was doing to apologize and support him and use the right name and pronouns?

His mother would have stopped leaving for months on end, stopped working at all hours, suddenly paid more attention to him, suddenly loved him and cared for him and doted on him?

No

So what would have been the point?

When he had took a pair of scissors to his head in third grade, he had recieved broken ribs and half his face gone

He couldn't imagine what would have happened had he admitted that he felt so wrong

Nobody asks any more probing questions for the rest of the visit

It takes a while. Weeks, months of rehabilitation, of exercising and training and relearning to walk

But eventually he's on his feet again, bruises gone and the worst of it scarring

He has a limp, has to use a cane, and his arm aches when it's cold

But he's on his feet and he's been back in school for a while now

His mother has fixed up the house, had moved work to the town, takes care of him regularly now

Roman and him still snark at each other in the halls, but it doesn't devolve into anything physical anymore

Logan still sucker punches anyone who claims the world is flat

Patton still grins at him in the halls and waves and calls his name out in classes for group projects

Remus comes over nearly every day to help him, talks to him about everything, jokes about their friends and life in general

At lunch now, they all sit together at Jan's table* Sometimes it hurts

Sometimes it sucks

People stare at him in the halls

Teachers glance at him and offer extensions

Students watch him as he forces himself to hold his back straight, to hide the limp, but he still needs the cane

Summer hits

Everyone comes over a week in and has a sleepover at his house

Virgil and Jan take off their binders, Pat gives them hand knit sweaters, Roman and Remus argue about what students would be the cutest with who, and Logan hesitantly shows them pictures of him when Patton had given him dresses and skirts to try out

They're laughing and laughing and laughing

In the morning, his mom makes breakfast and Remus sleepily hugs him and mumbles that Jan is the cutest sleepy boy he knows

And he freezes and stares at his mom, but she doesn't even hesitate

"Jan's a pretty nice name, wish I'd thought of it. Deanne is more of an old lady name, you know?"

And he breaks down crying

Its the first summer of high school and he has five friends and his mom is back and she accepts him and his dad is in jail and everything is good

He looks at all his friends, who are happy and close and loving, and his chest constricts

Two of them look at him and they smile and his lungs lose all air and he smiles back and Remus looks to him and grins

He doesn't know what it feels like to fall in love

But he thinks this might be it

[nyamafriend]

I will never not love genderfluid patton, it's just,,,, such a good hc, chefs kisses all around