mad science
"Behold!"
"Forty briefcases, in five rows, four columns, two layers, to compensate for uneven dimensions. Your WMDs, I'd assume."
"Correct, mister investigator man!"
"Yield?"
"What are you, a cop?"
"Yes. This has been established."
"I don't even know, honestly, I screwed up the process. There's, impurities of some kind, don't know what they're doing. I'd say ten World War Twos per bomb with error bars of, like, 50% or something."
"Typical."
"I object to being called 'typical'."
"I've dealt with about two dozen mad scientists in my career and most of them fundamentally act the same as you. You are, quite frankly, typical.
"Don't pout. It's uncouth. While you're at it, don't stick your tongue at me, this isn't middle schooler's first attempt to surreptitiously make themselves a nuclear power."
"They aren't even nuclear."
"Well, you certainly haven't been importing large quantities of uranium - or any other radioactive element, I'm not actually too educated on nukes - so how did you even make them?"
"Alchemy!"
"Really."
"Lotta rare minerals and, like, carbon and hydrogen and oxygen and like. Chemistry. I dunno. I came up with the process in a three-week long fugue state."
"You should get medicines for that."
"If I walk outta this building y'all gonna arrest me so haha, no, I'm not falling for your tricks."
"I was just thinking about how you were actually planning to deliver these. Certainly not by hand."
"Have you not noticed the entire robot production facility?"
"Your robots are not capable of imitating human life."
"They don't need to. I just need to get a little one on a plane and it'll handle things."
"How would you get it on a plane without leaving this facility."
"Um.
"Next question please."
"You are aware that nuclear bombs are generally dropped from aircraft?"
"We literally just discussed how I'm putting it on a plane."
"I get the impression you don't actually know how to deliver any of these and probably planned to detonate one at ground level."
"I was going to figure it out but then you showed up and uugh. How did you even get here? I have, like, a totes flawless cover business."
"Your cover accountants are not 'totes flawless'. Their fraud skills - or, more likely, the fraud skills of your robots - are quite lacking. We noticed some very rigid patterns with your tax filings, as well as a more obvious problem of you consistently reporting more purchases than sales, which, for a logistics and shipping company, didn't make much sense. And of course this was mostly exactly the sorts of minerals and materials you'd expect to see if someone was setting up an anomalous industrial plant."
"If you're so smart how did you get captured by my robots, like an idiot,"
"Captured? Oh no no no. I've only been waiting."
"Waiting? You came here alone!"
"I came here alone - and with extensive prior coordination and planning with the Bureau, so I happen to know down to the minute when they'll arrive should I not return on time, and you keep clocks everywhere, so..."
"...oh you little -"
