#getting drunk 2.0

[wolf-look-at-chicken]

If I have learned nothing else from this experience, I at least know why alcohol is banned in the Lan sect.

My head still feels fuzzy, so I'm going to turn in early for the night. I cannot deal with this right now. I'll deal with my regrets like I normally do tomorrow, which is to say without bothering anyone else.

[wolf-look-at-chicken]

[A video is attached. Wei Wuxian appears to have lost all of his awkwardness from before, despite the fact that he is running around chasing Lan Wangji in a game of tag. 

“抓到了，你当鬼！” (“Tag, you’re it!”) He grabs Lan Wangji by the wrist, who spins around and stares with wide, shiny eyes at Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian stares back for a moment.

“Ah— Aha.” He laughs, shaking out his head. “Oh, I wonder… 我说的你都会听吗？” (“Will you obey anything I tell you to do?”)

Lan Wangji nods once, with an energy akin to a kid eager to please everyone around him. 

“Ha! This is great!” Wei Wuxian thinks for a second. “Ooh, I know, hehehe… 你会为我脱掉抹额吗～？”(“Will you take off your forehead ribbon for me~?”)

Without missing a beat, Lan Wangji takes it off. Wei Wuxian’s jaw drops. A little distance away, Meng Yao’s jaw also drops. Lan Xichen just sighs with amusement. “你真的。做了。” (“You actually. Did it.”)

It seems that he is still in too much shock to react when Lan Wangji proceeds to tie up his wrists with the ribbon, and he only realizes right afterwards. “啥- 诶，这是什么意思？我什么都没干！” (“What the— Hey! What’s this for?! I’ve done nothing!”) He ponders this. “除非你想让我再抓你一次- 你当鬼！” (“Unless you want me to tag you again— you’re it!”)

Wei Wuxian hits Lan Wangji’s chest and bolts away. They chase each other until Lan Wangji almost catches up to him— but he trips over a crevice in the floor and topples into Wei Wuxian, who stumbles like a domino line yet still manages to catch Lan Wangji by holding him close to his body. 

Breathing somewhat hard, Wei Wuxian scolds, “You nearly ate shit. 慢慢走。” (“Slow down.”)

Lan Wangji stares at him with all the wonder of a baby Pokemon. Then, suddenly, he grabs Wei Wuxian’s tied wrists and begins to back him into the nearest wall, to which Wei Wuxian yowls in panic— “蓝湛，蓝湛，蓝湛，你在干什么？！” (“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, what are you doing?!”)— although his face blushes a furious red like Lan Wangji’s ears. Soon enough, Lan Wangji has Wei Wuxian pinned against the wall. 

“蓝湛… 你想做什么？” (“Lan Zhan… what are you trying to do?”) he murmurs. Both of their eyes are half-lidded and entranced as though drinking in the sight of each other’s faces. They draw in closer to each other, lips slightly parted and less than an inch away from connecting—

“CAPYBARAS EAT PICKLES AND PICKLES ONLY, JIN LING!!!” 

Wei Wuxian recoils so hard from Jingyi’s sudden yell that he hits the back of his head against the wall and bangs his forehead against Lan Wangji’s own. Lan Wangji staggers and falls backwards, groaning. The camera swivels to show Lan Xichen with a very, very tired expression as though he were an old man devoid of all hope in the world, and Meng Yao with their face buried in one hand.

“Guanyin in heaven…” Lan Xichen says, heaving a weary sigh. The video ends.]

[wolf-look-at-chicken]

Pelipper Mail! A cardboard box of various alcohol selections, including but not limited to red wine, tequila, and a few varieties of hard liquor. Your receipt is duct taped to the top, with a handwritten note from Des on the back reminding you to drink responsibly.

(@anotherscreed)

Wow. Thank you so much! There are a lot of options…

@firstjadeoflan I've got the drinks! You all ready to meet up?

[wolf-look-at-chicken]

GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY

SHUT UPPPP WITH THE ACCUSATIONS ALREADY

He is just! Being! Strange! Because he is drunk!

[wolf-look-at-chicken]

🏳️‍🌈

What is this rainbow for.

[wolf-look-at-chicken]

@firstjadeoflan

[A video is attached. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji appear inside a Union Room, the former holding a box of several different types of alcohol. 

“There you are!” he calls over to the other three people in the room— Lan Xichen smiles faintly towards Lan Wangji, and Lan Jingyi lights up at the sight of Wei Wuxian. 

“Wei-qianbei!” the junior exclaims, running to him. “Woah. You got a lot of wine.”

Wei Wuxian shrugs. “It’s not all wine, and it’s mostly to sample; I’ve never had a drink in another world, after all.” He scans the room. The Twin Jades are conversing in quiet tones, while Meng Yao idles around with an uneasy glance towards him. “…We’re the only two people who are going to drink tonight, aren’t we.”

“Maybe I can convince Zewu-jun again, but I’d rather not push it,” Jingyi says, scratching his head while Wei Wuxian sets down the box. The junior takes a peek at the options. “Ooh, what’s this one?”

“Hmm. ‘MAAL Beautifly Malbec’, which is wine. I do want to try this tequila, though— this is, uh, ‘Patron—’ I’m not going to bother.” The bottle reads Patrón La Tabla Cielo.

He hands Jingyi a small porcelain cup and takes a bottle to pour some tequila in his own, before promptly downing it in one go. “Cheers! Can’t wait to see a Lan disciple drinking. It’s like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”

“Hehe. Not for me, it isn’t,” Jingyi says, a little sheepish, and then he drinks some of the red wine. The effects take place about a second later. 

“Do you need a nap?” Wei Wuxian says, bemused, when Jingyi stumbles against him and starts mumbling incoherent streams of words. Lan Wangji eyes them with concern, but his brother shakes his head and sighs. The video cuts off here.]

[wolf-look-at-chicken]

[A video is attached. The camera shows a few Pokemon standing in front of it— Xiaohuo, Wanshang, and Baobei, respectively. Rius chitters something in Pokespeak, which vi translates as captions on the video:

[I want to get all of your reactions on this.]

In the corner of the frame appears a small picture-in-picture video; specifically, the one where Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji end up almost kissing each other. As it starts, Baobei gets excited by how much fun the humans are having playing tag. Xiaohuo smiles. Based on Wanshang's squint, however, she seems to be the only one who already knows what's up.

When Wei Wuxian gets his wrists tied up, Xiaohuo and Baobei tilt their heads in befuddlement. Wanshang's eyes widen. Finally, when Lan Wangji pins Wei Wuxian to the wall, the Absol chokes and proceeds to die of laughter, only adding to the other two Pokemon's confusion. Rius translates her speech:

["Come on! They've got to have realized by now!"]

The camera then travels to find Heimao, Lianhua, and Rouruan all chattering about something. Rius goes through the same song and dance with them, and the Pokemon settle down to watch intently.

They all fucking lose it at around the same time Wanshang did.

["And my human has the gall to call me a slut! For bread, to be fair, but still."] ["'Ooh, dear Lan Zhan, will you obey anything I say~?' And my human said yes! For the love of Ho-Oh!"] ["Just kiss already, hahaha!"]

The video ends.]

[wolf-look-at-chicken]

HAH!

GAYBOY!

i

Oh, hey Lan Zhan, what’s— oh no you didn’t

[Speech-to-text active]

Um.

Uh.

You uh. Saw the video, did you.

…Mn.

Hahaha! Well, um, we can just pretend that never happened if you— if you’d prefer, sound good?

…..Pretend it never happened?

Yeah. That’s an option. If you’d like. Or we just don’t make it that big of a deal, y’know, just forget about it and move on, because I probably shouldn’t have pressured you into drinking in the first place and all those dumb things we did were things we’d never do when sober, or at least I’d never do when sober because that would piss you off, but also you’d never do those things either and you only did because I convinced you to

Wei Ying. Please be quiet.

Ah. Thanks for that. I was giving myself more headache. Bet I made yours worse too, huh?

It’s… fine. Painkillers. Take them.

Oh yeah, forgot about those.