#gh.ost

[kasteroides]

I still think of you every time I take a blurry photo...

[kasteroides]

Do you think of me?

What could be?

What was "we"?

I think of you always

Walking hallways

Talking always

I think of the bad

I think of the sad

I regret the mad

Do you think of me?

I hope you don't

I hope you're free

[kasteroides]

Ever just get hit with something out of the blue?

I know you’re never gonna see this, but I know you loved blurry pictures, and I still miss you.

[kasteroides]

I never learned how to be gay, send help.

I have a great many problematic gay crush.... She lives in town, goes to same group and some functions, I'm 80% sure she's into me but she's also said she's very straight.... It's all extremely confusing... And I'm pretty far into this whole monogamous married thing, but am also a poly borderline that's needs aren't being met.

Idk if I like nip it in the bud now, see how it develops (which could end really badly), or what....

Also had weird uncomfortable feelings and developments about an ex....

If I don't get this big girl job I'm gonna flip out

[kasteroides]

I think what I hate most about people and most about BPD... Is I care way to much about people who aren't here. I'm not over the dead, I'm not over the one who left me, I'm not over the ones I left. Now I'm in a stable committed relationship with someone who wants to buy a house. Problem with wanting to ditch a empty life of running, drugs, and alcohol, is when you settle down, all that shit you never buried just Pet Semetary's your emotions. People I ain't even feel no more still wreck me, like getting hit by a freight train any time I am conscious.

[larasaleen]

I never got over my one giant gay crush, and now I've got another. Mara preserve me.

[larasaleen]

You ever sit or lay in a place where you always used to, and it makes you so anxious and sad? And you just pathetically stay there thinking "God, I miss you, just sitting with you..."

[kasteroides]

*Internally Screaming on the Outside*

People are no longer texting me back, I printed four of my essay for small typos I could have fixed with a pen, I haven’t texted that guy back, I still need to write two papers and do my research project, I got a credit card, I have to find a new job this summer, Psych appointment is in two weeks, feeling a lot of social pressures, I now think I am Karen Horney like, I had a long conversation about what my ex-bestfriend and her sister are up too which I still haven’t emotionally processed (but kudos to them, sounds like it’s going well!) and a bunch of little crap on top of it. My stress and anxiety are at peak fucking levels, like southern accent coming out levels. Someone fucking shoot me,