Thought of something funny. Performative male sun and moon. BUT. Sun is actually serious and Moon is being performative. For example, Sun would actually be trying to take period cramps away “WHY HER! TAKE ME INSTEAD” type shit, and screaming about feminism, and Moon would be say things like “oh yeah, I listen to Laufey, and read lots of feminism books. Did i mention I’m 7 feet tall, and drink matcha?”
so gang. I had to go to the hospital the other night and the prescriptions alone cost me 200$. I've been out of work for basically two weeks, working one or two days. I would really appreciate any help 🙏
Note From Ghost: Part 4 is finally here!!! I'm sorry it took so long for this part to come out, finals week is rapidly approaching and apparently so are tornados, so my time to write has all but disappeared lately, along with a nasty case of writers block to boot. However, I am really proud of this part and hope you guys like it! What is a relationship without a bit of angst but then also lots of comfort lol (also finally got to write their first kiss, so I hope you enjoy!!!) As always thank you for reading too!!!
Song: 宿命 by Stray Kids
Taglist: @muffin-man2311 and @defnotjubs [thanks guys :) ]
It had been three days since Han Jisung had kissed me on the check, and I was floating through the days on cloud nine. He was texting me all the time, and I didn’t even bother to hide the smile that spread across my face every time his name lit up my screen anymore. I wasn’t trying to hide the feelings I felt towards anymore either. They were impossible to ignore, and I thought he felt the same, although there was that anxious doubt that creeped into my mind occasionally.
That’s why I thought it was weird when he didn’t text me a single time on Monday. I knew he was busy, knew that they were in the beginning stages of producing a new album, but I thought it was weird that he hadn’t even said that he would be busy. I was worried too, what if my doubt was right, and that our connection was all in my mind.
I spent the whole work day anxiously sneaking glances at my phone, I had texted him twice but didn’t send anymore messages, I was worried about appearing clingy or obnoxious. The hours crawled by, only interrupted by Seo-Yoon texting to let me know she had cooked dinner for us.
I dragged myself home, enjoyed dinner with Seo-Yoon, and then went to bed, happy to lay down and go to sleep, I was exhausted. Of course though, the second my head hit the pillow, my mind was awake. It was filled with thoughts of every moment, childhood memories with Jisung, memories from our day together, wondering if he felt the same about me, deciding you don’t kiss someone you don’t like, and then panicking that maybe I had massively misread that kiss.This lasted well into the night, and I tossed and turned, tried reading, tried doom scrolling, got up for water, went back to bed, got up again to walk quietly around the apartment, finally settling for sitting straight up in my bed sipping on tea and scrolling through Instagram.
It was 2 am at that point, and I had accepted the all nighter I was going to pull and already regretting the amount of coffee I was going to have to drink tomorrow when I received a text:
Jisung: Are you awake
[Y/N]: Yes
[Y/N]: Are you lol
Jisung: Can I come over
Jisung: Please
[Y/N]: Sure, are you ok
Jisung: omw
I got out of bed, and felt even more awake than before. I remembered a moment that I hadn’t thought about in a long time. It had been the day Jisung had found out he was moving, and we had sat out on the roof of his apartment building all night, watching the stars together and just walking about life. He moved about 2 weeks later. I hadn’t recalled that memory in a long time. I hoped everything was ok.
The nights were still cool, so I put on the warmest pair of sweatpants I could find and the same hoodie I had stolen from Jisung all those months ago. The apartment building had a good roof to sit on and watch the stars, and we could talk there without waking Seo-Yoon or anyone else up. It made me smile in spite of myself, it was warm and cozy and reminded me of him, and strangely enough, had brought us together. I went out of the living room and sat on the couch, waiting for a text that he had arrived.
Instead, I heard a quiet knock on the door, and despite knowing it was him, it scared me. I opened the door and was crashed into. Jisung wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my shoulder. I stumbled back a step, thrown off by his weight, before I wrapped my arms around him back. Unfortunately I was right it seemed, things were not ok.
“I don’t want to wake anyone up, let's go up the roof. I’ll get us a blanket,” I said to him, pulling away and leaving him standing in the doorway, looking like the weight of the world was looming over him.
I grabbed a blanket off the couch, came back, and grabbed his hand. He gripped my hand like he was scared I was going to let go and leave him, and we walked to the elevator, and rode it to the top floor, then climbed up the stairs to the hatch, and made it up the roof. It’s unclear whether or not people were allowed up there, but no one had ever told me I wasn’t allowed to be up there, and I had spent a good couple sleepless nights star gazing with Seo-Yoon and by myself.
I sat the blanket down, and we both sat down on it. He leaned his head on my shoulder and I took his hand again. It was cold out, but he was warm, and I leaned my head against his too. Being there with him like that grounded my racing thoughts from earlier. He wouldn’t do this if he didn’t like me, and he wouldn’t be either. Unfortunately though, it seemed maybe he was having the same issue. I can’t imagine all the things that race through an idol's head when they can’t sleep.
It was a clear night, and despite the light pollution, there were visible stars twinkling away, shining down on us as we sat in silence together before I decided to break it.
“Are you ok,” I asked.
“Not really, but I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to be alone either though.”
“Well I am here, so if you change your mind you can talk to me.”
“You being here is enough. I’m glad you were still awake,” he said quietly.
There was something fragile in his voice, something that said the noise was too much. I remembered him mentioning something similar when we had been in the park, that he went there to clear his mind. This time though, maybe he came to me.
“I like to look at the stars when I can’t sleep,” I said, changing the subject, “they are so far away and peaceful. I like to lay back and think about what it would be like to be up there, looking down on the world.”
He untangled himself from me, and laid back on the blanket, looking up at the stars. I stayed sitting up, hugging my knees and looking up too, it was chilly out. They really were pretty, but my dream was to go out to the middle of nowhere, way out of the city, and see what they looked like without the light pollution. I’m sure they are beautiful.
Jisung broke the silence, startling me from my thoughts.
“Will you lay here with me?”
“Hm,” I said, not quite hearing him, but saw that he had covered his face with his hands.
“Will you lay here with me, please? It might help me feel less alone.”
I nodded and laid down, resting my head and hand on his chest. I could hear his heart beating, a steady, consistent rhythm. He wrapped his arm around me and rested the other one on top of my hand that was on his chest. It wasn’t so cold anymore. The warmth of laying there with him melted any of the doubts and anxiety I had felt earlier.
The steady rhythm of Jisung’s heartbeat threatened to send me to sleep. I felt safe and warm there, wrapped in his arms and listening to his breathing and heartbeat. I wondered if he felt the same, if me being there was helping him not feel so alone.
We had been quiet for who knows how long, I was dozing in and out of sleep, and he was looking at the stars.
“I know I keep saying it,” Jisung said, slightly startling me, “but I am so glad we found each other again. I mean it.”
I sat up and looked down at him, trying to read his expression after he had said that. His eyes were closed, but it looked like tears were welling in the corners of his eyes.
“Me too,” I said, “I don’t feel nearly as alone as I did before.”
He sat up too, eyes open, and the tears that had been there before made his checks wet. I reached out and wiped them away with both hands. As I moved my hands away, he grabbed both my hands and pulled me in, kissing me. I squeaked in shock, my brain rapidly trying to grasp what had just happened, and before I had registered what had happened he had pulled away.
He was still gripping my hands, eyes searching mine, waiting for a reaction. I felt a brief moment of anger, he had just kissed me for the first time and it had shocked me so much I didn’t get to kiss him back. I did the only thing I could think of, and leaned in and kissed him again, and he kissed me back, moving his hands from mine to hold my face.
I pulled away to breath, mind racing, face surely blushing, and hands shaking. I couldn’t believe I had just done that. I looked at him, and even in the darkness I could see that his face was bright pink.
“I don’t feel alone anymore either,” he said, sounding a little out of breath.
“Wow,” was the only response I could come up with.
It was the only thought my brain could formulate as my heart raced as fast as my mind had been just seconds before. It was real now, the feelings I had were real, and he felt them too.
“Wow,” he said, almost laughing, but his voice rising in a questioning way.
“I don’t know what else to say. The reason I am still awake was that I was overthinking everything, including us. That just banished all of those thoughts,” I said, the last word fading into a yawn.
“You need to go to bed,” Jisung said, standing up, “it’s late. You have work tomorrow.”
I reached out my hands, and he grabbed them, helping pull me into a standing position. I grabbed the blanket, not bothering to fold it up. We walked to the hatch to go back into the building, rode the elevator back to my floor, and stopped in front of my door.
I pulled out my eye to unlock it, opened it, and then turned back to face him.
“Stay?”
“Yes,” he said, following me into the apartment and into my room.
I took off the hoodie and tossed it onto the floor, before I crawled into bed. He took his off too, and followed suit.
After much shifting around, I ended up laying on top of him, his arms around me and my face in the crook of his elbow. I could feel his breath on my hair with each inhale and exhale, and could hear his heart beat again, this time letting it put me to sleep fully.
The last thing I heard before I fully drifted to sleep was him muttering something along the lines of “I’ll never leave you alone.”
