You left him with the necklace. You won’t be needing it, since you ended things. You no longer have a reason to go back there again. And because you no longer have a reason to go back, you no longer have a reason to look human.
It’s over.
It almost doesn’t feel real; it almost feels like you dreamed it, and that you’ll wake up in your coon any second. But no, you know what dreaming feels like, and this isn’t that. It’s really over.
You loved John, you really, really did. That much you know for sure. Hell, you still care about him. You still want good things for him. You want him to be safe. You want him to be happy. It just stopped being pale, and you’re not sure when the shift happened, just that it did.
Telling him you wanted to end things wasn’t the hard part; Aradia helped you make sure of that. By the time you got the words out to him, you’d rehearsed them to death. It was seeing him hurt. That’s what got you. And you knew it would, that was why you had been putting the conversation off. But he knew something was up. You were never that good at hiding things from him.
You feel like the bad guy right now, even though you didn’t do anything but be honest with him. You broke his heart, and you’re fine, and you feel like shit about that.
You land on your feet on top of John’s building, the atmosphere of what you used to call “home” weighing you down in an odd fashion -- nostalgia? Homesick? No...it was more intolerable...almost as if it made you sick being here.
But that was quickly overwhelmed by the fact that you were going to kick Sollux’s ass. You would have never expected yourself to meet up with him again in this fashion, but wow, did this wriggler need a talking to. He brought this on himself anyways, you thought to yourself.
And as you found the entrance and made your way to the elevator, you kept repeating this mantra over and over like a record player. You’re not really the type to get mad, no, but for a guy who you used to be so close with to shut himself off from you after unloading such heavy baggage...? No. Fucking. Way. You were seeing slight red at this point.
You basically zoom out from the elevator as it reaches John’s floor, uttering a rough “sorry” as you pushed past residents. And the door? Doesn’t even have a chance to stop your rampaging self as it gets ripped from its hinges and tossed onto the floor. You don’t really see John -- whether it’s because you can’t actually see him or because you’re too angry to care -- but you know exactly where HE is.
You tear down that door too. And standing at the doorway was you, ram girl steaming with her wings fluttering with every heavy heartbeat. Furrowed brows, fiery eyes, deep frown -- you felt like you were on fire.
And your voice? Oh, your voice...
“Sollux fucking Captor.” a growl ever so deep and menacing...who would have ever believed it came from you?
You rise from a blissful night’s sleep, having spent the evening prior with Rose, to your palmhusk exploding with notifications. As you roll onto your side to check them, you are greeted with all manner of distress surrounding John “Ghostydoof” Egbert. That isn’t anything new of course, but the fact that John was stuck in the middle between his moirail and new friend, Karkat, made you pity the poor human. For once you were not the source of resentment or drama in his life, luckily for you. However that is what happens when you avoid someone for almost a week.
After getting caught up on the recent drama you pop open your PMs and attempt to message John. <This message could not be delivered> Thats strange you wonder, so you try it again...And again….And again. The same message pops up every time, before long it becomes clear. For one reason or another he has blocked you! This causes a mild tantrum as you throw your palmhusk at the end of the bed and you yelling about his stupidity and how for once you were innocent! At least that’s what you wanted to believe, however soon self doubt set in and you began to wallow. You hadn’t been a worthy kismesis. You were a coward. You could not bear to speak with him for almost a week. What good are you to him if you can’t even rise to the occasion for even a simple conversation. The same thoughts repeat in your head as you soon collapse and smack yourself with pillows.
An hour or two passes before you finally get the courage to try and confront him personally. You were ready to speak with him. To be honest about how you truly felt. And if worst comes to worst, suffer whatever form of wrath the human was capable of. After all, is it not the destiny for all lowbloods to suffer? You thought painfully as you stood outside his door. Finally as you enter however you find the hive missing its key resident. You give a passing greeting to the slumbering residents of the apartment as you investigate. It's not the first time you have done this either, you have become sort of an expert in detective work when it comes to him. After a cursory check of the kitchen where you discover a list of unfamiliar transportalizer coordinates on the thermal hull. You key them into your notes to cross reference or visit after your investigation. Soon you find yourself in the bathroom where you locate a bloody shirt! With red blood no less! You momentarily panic as you recognize it as his shirt, and the blood being similar to what you've seen of his. Before long you bend down to properly investigate the evidence, the blood appears to be at chest and shoulder level. No obvious damage to the shirt otherwise. To your relief you assume it is not actually his, but you don’t rule out the possibility. You snap a picture of it and leave it where you found it as to not disturb the potential crime scene further.
Since it has become painfully clear to you that he is not here and there was obviously something wrong given the shirt, new coordinate(s), and recent arguments online. You decide to take the search out on the town. You begin searching at the closest places he might be, the local Denny’s, grocery store, the farmer’s market. After hours of wandering to no avail, you expand your search to his place of employment. You you ask about him from his co-workers, but unfortunately they do not know anything of his whereabouts. Exhausted you continue your search for the rest of the day, running yourself ragged searching high and low for the human you ~~hate~~ love.
It isn’t until the sun begins to set and Rose messages you that you finally decide to end the search for the day. You take your time on the way back to her and John’s apartment, stopping by a stone bench overlooking the sea. An hour passes as you stare at the rising moon, thinking about how your life ended up how it did. The choices you’ve made, the things you’ve said. You’re eyes well up with tears as your heart dwells on every single regret you’ve ever had. You miss him. You hate yourself for it. You just want to look at his dumb face one last time. To at least have a chance to say goodbye...For once in your life.
@ghostydoof hI THERE, i AM DEFINITELY A FLESHY HUMAN WHO IS NOT GRAY, aND WALKS AROUND ON FLAT FEET, wITH LITTLE ROUND EARS, wHEN i’M NOT “COSPLAYING”, }:)
