#gigigrillcheese

[elsewhereuniversity]

Is there an EU memes page? My university has a facebook page dedicated to memes about our school, and I feel like all the weird happenings and shenanigans at EU would make for some good meme content.

Yes absolutely

[elsewhereuniversity]

Our University Came First. The Bike Share Came Later.

Dear Students,

It has come to our attention that even though the University has implemented an iron only bike lock policy, bike thefts continue to rise. In light of this, we are pleased to announce the creation of a new bike share program here at Elsewhere.

You may have heard of similar programs, such as ofo and Mobike, that allow members to use bikes deposited at various locations around town or campus whenever they want. Our new bike share program, IronRide, will be exclusively available to Elsewhere University students and faculty. All Elsewhere students will be automatically be given an account. We hope this will solve the problem of bike thefts, as these bikes belong to the University and it would be unwise to steal from the University. That and they are enchanted to remain on solely on university property.

IronRide bikes will be available at all bike racks on campus. Please remember to return your ride to another bike rack when done. If you find that all nearby bike racks are full, please deposit your ride as near as possible. Failure to properly end your ride will continue to charge you, so be sure to follow all procedures. Although all IronRide bike are enchanted to remain on campus, if one is somehow found off campus the last known rider will incur a fine and possibly lose their riding privileges.

All rides during the first week of the IronRide program will be freely given. After that, it will be 10 cents per hour, 5 different colored ribbons, each 5 inches in length, per semester, 3 deeply personal poems per year, or 1 precious memory for unlimited use while attending Elsewhere university. These will be charged to your student account. 

Stay strong students,

Scooter

Scooter | Class of ‘##

Head of Transportation Services | Elsewhere University

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[elsewhereuniversity]

My roommate always speaks to the Fae in her creepily polite customer service voice and I don’t know if I should be afraid or impressed

I for one am gong to opt for both.

[elsewhereuniversity]

Never Have I Ever

“Never have I ever made a deal with one of the Fair Folk.” Not many fingers went down at that one, but a few did. House rules were you weren’t obligated to answer any questions, but you had to tell the story behind the incident you used your last finger on. And I was now out of fingers.

“What was your deal, Romula?” Daisy, one of the girls in my study group, asked. Everyone leaned in expectantly, waiting to hear the tale of the deal I had made so long ago.

I gave the small crowd a tight smile as I tried to figure out the best way to word my story. I was definitely going to get some shit for this one. With a shrug, I said “I let one of the fair-folk take my half-sister when she was a baby.”

My study group stared at me in stunned silence. Whatever story they had been expecting, that certainly wasn’t it. After a few long moments of confusion, River choked out a very eloquent, “What?”

I shrugged again. “You ever see that movie the Labyrinth with David Bowie?”  I got a few nods in response. “It was almost like that, but I never tried to get her back. And I asked that they make it look like a regular kidnapping.”

“Why?” Goliath asked. His voice softer than you would think a guy his size would be capable of.

His words sparked back to life the flames of a rage I’d thought to be long dead. “Because I hated my stepmom.” I must have said that with more force than I meant to because they all shrunk back slightly at my words. “I hated her. She didn’t love me or my dad or anyone in the world. All she cared about was money. I begged my dad not to date her. Then I begged him not marry her. Then I begged him to divorce her. None of it ever worked. Then they went and had that stupid kid and my chances of them getting a divorce went out the window.”

The more I recounted the angrier I got. How dare my dad choose her over me. I took a deep breath to calm down. I told myself none of that mattered now. In the end, I had won.

“So, what? You summoned someone to take your sister away?” Daisy asked.

“Not exactly,” I said. “I was baby sitting one night while they were out one date trying to ‘work things out’ for the billionth time, when they baby monitor went crazy. It played nothing but static no matter what I did to fix it. It kept playing even when I took the batteries out. I went to my sister’s room to see what was wrong and found a man standing over her crib. He was tall and skinny with pale white skin, long silver hair, and hollow, black eyes that seemed to glow yet reflected no light.”

River shuddered involuntarily and Goliath swallowed hard. Daisy, however, seemed to hang on to every word. I didn’t know if they would think of me the same way when the story was done, but rules were rules, so I kept going.

“Long story short he wanted her and I didn’t, so we made a deal. I knew my dad and his horrible wife were having problems. I figured the loss of their kid would be just the thing to push them over the edge, and they would finally get the divorce I’d always wanted. My only condition was that he make it look a real kidnapping. A forceful break in that I never could have stopped. We shook on it and a week later the divorce papers were signed. I was fifteen and it was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life.”

I took in the faces of my friends. Goliath and River looked horrified while Daisy smiled with glee. I made a mental note to look into whether or not Daisy had been taken. “Do you ever regret it?” Goliath asked.

“Hell no,” I said immediately. “That was the greatest decision I’ve ever made.”

“Really?” River asked. “You’ve never once regretted handing your baby sister over to the Fair Folk?”

“Half-sister,” I said as leaned back in my chair. “And the answer is: not once ever.”

“How?”

I set all four of the chair legs back on the ground and shrugged. “Some of the worst monsters are human.” There was moment of silence after that. Was I talking about my dad’s now ex-wife or was I talking about myself? I wasn’t entirely sure, myself.

“Never have I ever peed in the school pool.”

“Seriously, Goliath? That’s disgusting. Why would you do that?”

“It was one time!”

And the game went on.

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