#gildrones

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itd be really nice to be in a relationship itd be nice to even have that option

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this past week

went to stony brook for halloween on friday! drove a 4 hour trip by myself for the first time, called murphy and it was really nice to see abby & sara.

the drive back up was terrifying. i saw 2 car crashes, drove over a bridge during tremendous downpour with limited visibility, and somewhere in pennsylvania a car drove on the wrong side of the road in the rainy night and nearly crashed into me (i swerved into the next lane, both my car and i are fine).

i called my mom a few minutes later and had what i think was an anxiety attack. face chest and hands getting that pins & needles numb feeling, holding back tears, trying not to scream. my mom heard it but i dont think she realized how i was.

monday wasn’t too amazing. i slept in, finished grading quizzes.

tuesday, adrian and i split the cost of discount halloween candy; i got to pick the chapter that i’ll teach in my physical organic class (there are only 7 of us and we’re all grad/MAT students so our professor wants each of us to teach a class). gotta learn about photochem, which is exciting

wednesday was the 2nd biochem exam, got a little frustrated with the professors and head TA because they weren’t as professional as they should have been (don’t text while proctoring!! students are checking to see where you look before they cheat!!) but Hannah helped me set up, gave me good advice, saw what i had to deal with and agreed it was sub-optimal; i made her laugh a couple of times. 

thursday was interesting. one class was cancelled because we have a take home exam which i still gotta finish, and as im in the office my adviser pulls me aside to talk to me. turns out, the paper that he submitted for publication last semester was reviewed, and we don’t have all the possible data needed. he asked me to run some experiments so we can resubmit it. usually there’s about a month between receiving the paper back and resubmission, so he really wants me to kickstart my research a bit- getting this paper accepted into a journal would be great for continuing research and getting more funding, and my unique data contributions would put me as a co-author (my first one!) so it looks like im gonna be quite busy until the end of the semester (i also have a presentation on the 6th and im covering a lecture for my adviser in december so that’s gonna be jam packed)

friday i talk to my other boss about my TAing for the next couple of years, and i got dinner again with some of the other grad students. mailed in my absentee ballot, not to mention me losing my mind over sombra being revealed. texted my parents about voting; my dad called me later and i tried to tell him about sunday but instead of comforting me just reminded me that “a car can become a weapon” and “why aren’t you using waze? everyone uses waze, it’s so good, it was developed in israel” so thanks 4 the support dad (i hate talking about car stuff with him (: ). also, kyle (this guy who ive been flirting with) suggested that one of us go to the other’s house to “hang out” and i was on board, but he’d been drinking kinda heavily i realized (Ehhhhhh) and after waiting until 1am he’s like “after bars?” (bars close at 3) so i just went to sleep lmao. thought about whether or not that’s something im actually interested in today.

roomie’s been on my nerves a bit since last night/this morning but again. either fix it or let it go, right? i think i just needed time to calm myself down.  but that’s my week! there’s a month left in the semester and it’s just gonna pick up speed from here, so i gotta prepare myself. maybe delete some distracting apps and schedule times when i can play overwatch.

phew. i should call people more often.

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i got into binghamton’s graduate school for the phd in chemistry!! so at least now i have an option which is. soothing.

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today my mom explained to me why she doesnt believe in affirmative action lmao

i love her but its incredible just how different my mindset is from hers. and my dad and brothers, really.

i stop trying when i tell her things -- that when only 3% of newly hired actors were asian it’s not because they are less qualified than their white counterparts, but because white privilege exists -- and she cuts me off and tells me im wrong

i told her that eddie redmayne played the role of a transgender woman when there were several actual transgender actresses who could have played the role just as well, if not better, and she said “i’m not so sure about that, that they auditioned for it or that they were better”

i say “straight people are at least 20x more likely to encounter someone of compatible sexuality” and she refuses to believe that and at that point i just gotta throw my hands in the air and admit to myself that there is no point in trying to convince my family of anything because nothing i say will ever be taken seriously 

i need a boyfriend so i can spend time with his family l m a o

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I went from teaching the first lab section of the week (Monday’s at 12) to Thursday at 8:30... which means I have to be there at 8 to set up, be invigorating to a bunch of sleepy freshman, and I know a lot of them are going to be mentally occupied because quizzes/tests are at 7 later that night

i’ll take one for the team i guess (no one else can take it) but eurgh... how does my schedule have fore flexibility than most of the grad stuents?

i guess ill just have to be really scary on the first day ehehe

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good day!

jeff thinks he may have found a subletter, subletter seems cool?? waiting 2 hear back

nobody cried today, my more difficult campers were more cooperative today in general

got some news about one of them that may lead to something important finally being said

talked to a bunch of my fellow counselors and staff and yaknow i think they like me

the parents that meet me like me too

talked with one of the teachers at the school, he’s a special education teacher

got to hang out with abby and sara after work and that was fun

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at least 6 of the songs on MIKA’s new album are about/influenced by him being gay (something he didnt really talk about before in interviews or on other songs)

and its just, really great. it puts a lot of my thoughts into words. catchy words. its refreshing and its also nice to see how he himself has grown up. he used to have a wild persona that really showed through his image and music; now it’s become much more refined

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something I've noticed about myself: I am terrible at responding to people, or reaching out to them in the first place. especially via email