#gin angst

[x-moonsoul-x]

BSD GIN MY LOVE - some beast spoilers :3

“Why did you leave me when I was injured?”

“My brother doesn’t care about me.”

GUYS I LOVE BSD AND GIN RAHHHH WAHAHHHHHHAHAHA. I would never project onto beast gin, swearsies ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

[lilac-5ky]

Hi there! Your writing is awesome!!! I love your headcanons and fics as they feel so spot on ❤️❤️❤️

I have a request if you are accepting - imma be angsty today - do you have any headcanons for Gintoki when he realizes he loves someone who was in love with him too late?

Thank you for this awesome blog!!! Makes my day to see posts!

A/N: Hi! It's been ages since I've done a request, but I was feeling generous (bad about being this lazy) and thought I'd give it a shot! Turned out more like a mini thing than headcanons lmao oops. HOPE THIS WAS GOOD ENOUGH, HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANYTHING FOR GINTOKI IN AGES, and THANK YOU FOR YOUR WONDERFUL WORDS! Hearing such lovely words is enough to make my day!

Warning: Didn't proofread .-. Angst

Gintoki was a bastard. Nothing new or foreign in particular. Everyone acquainted to the silver-haired samurai could name at least 10 negative traits of his, struggling to name just one good quality that would redeem him.

Everyone, except of you, that was. You didn't see Gintoki as the lazy, parasitic, sleazy, sadistic, gambling-addicted drunkard (wow he really has a lot of negatives) they made him out to be. You saw Gintoki for the kindhearted man that he was. The one who went around risking the color of his soul just to save another. The one who was whatever those around him wanted him to be: a friend, a brother, a hero, and why not a lover?

Admiration turned into Infatuation, tricking your heart into thinking you loved him. You'd linger around Yorozuya, offloading whatever menial task you could think of just for the chance to see him. Be it cleaning the leaves from your porch, killing that one cockroach that had sneaked in (one that had him running laps around the house while screaming for help) and even being your plus one to the wedding of a friend.

You dreamed of a day when you wouldn't have to come up with excuses for his company, and seeing as there were only so many times you could call him up to unplug your toilet before you ran low on cash, you decided to pour your heart out.

Kagura and Shinpachi knew. So when you asked Gintoki if he could meet you at your place on his own, they dolled him up and sent him your way with a "Good Luck" whose meaning he didn't quite understood until he saw you cradling a heart shaped box of chocolates-- plush cheeks flushing red, while pink lips curved into a shy smile.

"Gin-toki," the name shattered on your tongue. "I... I love you. Go out with me, please."

He stared at you for quite a while, as if you'd just uttered the world's most complicated joke. He wasn't sure if he should laugh or ask you if he knew what kind of crap you'd spat, and him being eager to verify his reputation chose the second.

"The yard seems clean enough to me. I'll be going now," he said, rejecting not just you, but the boxes of chocolate as it fell open onto the ground.

The next few hours were the hardest. Sleeping on the same pillow where you daydreamed all about your future with him felt like sleeping on glasses of your shattered dreams. Not even an answer, not a single explanation. He'd broken your heart with such ease that it terrified you. How plausible was it that in this new era of canine looking Amanto and flying cars some alien had taken over his body and wore it around like a heart-less, soul-less puppet?

Denial.

It was easier to deny all that had transpired and pretended it never happened. You even passed by Yorozuya the next morning, willing to give this another chance, telling yourself that man wasn't Gintoki. But when you saw his apathetic face reading the newest Jump and picking his nose even in your presence, you couldn't stop the tears from streaming down your puffy eyes.

Anger.

It didn't take long for you to join the ranks of Gintoki's haters, seeing the man as nothing short of the Devil himself. Every terrible thing that happened, you pinned on him. Bumping onto the kitchen cabinet? He was jinxing you from afar. Running out of gas in the middle of town? He must have stolen it while you were asleep. A terrorist attack nearby? Weren't those goons Gintoki's old war-pals? Every natural phenomena, every misfortune of this world and the next was Gintoki's fault. Love? The mere notion that you once loved him made you laugh. Hatred was all you had left.

Bargaining

With each passing day, you felt your fury redirecting at you, gnawing and clawing at your insides, while small "What If's" plagued your mind like maggots. What if you hadn't confessed that day? What if instead of your place you'd called him to a restaurant? What if you'd gotten a different brand of chocolates? What if--

Depression

You couldn't remember when the last time you'd gotten out of bed was. Balled up tissues framed the four corners of the room, the tears contained in them enough to cause a shipwreck. You didn't want to see anyone anymore, afraid that if you did you'd spot a resemblance between them and the man your heart longed to see the most. You didn't hate him anymore... you missed him. You missed the sound of his name so badly that it threaded itself between pitiful chokes and sobs like a rosary.

You missed him.

Acceptance

The days in your calendar kept shifting until a month had passed. Taking baby steps, you'd done your best to return to an inchoate routine. You woke up, washed your teeth, showered, checked the functionality of your toilet's flush, ate breakfast and went to work, where you stayed until the stack of paperwork diminished, and until you were rewarded for your efforts in the form of a promotion. Your coworkers cheered for you, and for a moment life felt good again because you'd stopped searching for the familiar hue of a silver mop.

You were fine.

The route Gintoki took to and from the pachinko parlor he frequented was predetermined. On hot days, he'd stop by that one ice cream joint with the world's greatest (and most affordable) soft serve. On cold days, he'd trade that for a warm bowl of red bean soup. Then he'd be on his way to the convenient store to grab the latest Jump and finish his day with a drink at the old hag's place.

Gintoki always took the same route, except of that one day he hadn't. The worn-out soles of his black boots carried him in the opposite direction of all those places and even home, bringing him to stand outside the two-floor house with the porch that needing cleaning regardless of season; your house.

He hadn't heard anything from you since God knows how long, and why would he? No one needed to remind him how much of a jerk he'd been, for the words in his brain repeated like a broken record he couldn't afford fixing. He was worse than a jerk. A despicable caricature of a man that couldn't own to the fact that he'd grown fond of you the same way you'd come to love him.

The look of absolute endearment whenever your eyes spotted him, a look that didn't change despite the crudeness of his actions. He loved that. The shaky fluctuations in your tone whenever he'd sit close enough to feel your hair tingling his face. He loved that, too. The smile that shone as bright as the sun itself and the little hand that waved at him -gosh, how he longed to hold that hand in his and compare the difference in size- goodbye. He loved that all so much. Too much. He loved you.

Or else why would he be standing out there when his beloved weather girl had issued a thunderstorm warning?

With his hands buried in his pockets, Gintoki circled the picket fence of your porch, head tilting between the wooden cracks at a chance to see your face. How was he supposed to start? Would an apology do? Would letting himself be beaten by that rusty rake or drenched from head to toe by your garden's hose do? How many "I love you's" would he need to spell out to convince you he was any less of a bastard than you made him out to be? What would it take for your forgiveness?

His fingers weaved through locks of silver, threatening to pluck them out. If he told you the truth, that he thought you deserved something better than a basket case samurai with no more than 300 yen in his name, he'd seem like a complete idiot. If he told you that the ghosts of the past he'd tried so hard to evade were catching up to him, you'd mistake him for a coward. And if he selfishly grabbed your hand and forced it against his chest, he knew he'd never be able to hear the three little words that directly countered those you'd said before.

"Gintoki, what are you doing here?"

The track of guilt gave way to the sweetest melody known to his ears, hope daring spur him on. He wore his gentlest smile and turned around to face you, the same hope digging like a knife inside his wretched heart at the sight of fingers -ten, in total- intertwined together, five of them belonging to you and the other to a man whose face didn't matter. All that mattered was the joy plastered on your pursed lips, one he saw fade away the second your eyes locked. One that was meant for him no more.

"The yard seems clean enough to me," he pointed beyond the fence, boots diving in the first of Ketsuno Ana's warnings as the sorrowful record resumed.

"I'll be going now."

[lilac-5ky]

Heyyyy😏 can you write something for Gintoki where you get in an argument with him (cause he’s a jerk) and then he says something so back handed to you (cause he’s a jerk) and you just walk of and like cry or sumn cause it hurt so much and he just tries to apologize and it gets a little emotional idk I just need something that’ll hurt me a little bit 😔😣

A/N: Hi! I feel like Gintoki is more likely to apologize through his action than his words, and so his apology is mostly done than said :p Not sure if this is super angsty, but I hope it's good enough!

Plot: Gin being a piece of shit who never cleans and upsets poor innocent reader with his attitude.

Warning: Gets a bit suggestive with language and some minor angst ig?

Arguing with Gintoki (x Fem!Reader)

(just look at him being disgusting and cute.)

There are many reasons for one to pick a fight with Gintoki. Be it Otose arguing with him over rent delays, or Kagura and Shinpachi demanding their pay, there’s always someone at odds with the Odd Jobs’ boss.

However, when it came down to you, perhaps you had an easier time letting things slip. You’d stayed around long enough to get acclimated to all those wacky situations Gintoki involved himself in, as well as his hectic and lazy persona.

At this point, you’d earned yourself the nickname “saint” from his peers, considering how you seemed to be the only one with enough patience to put up with him. But even a saint’s patience has its limits.

When you walked into Yorouzya on a day like any other, finding an absolute war-zone where his couch once stood, not even that Buddha’s patience of yours was enough to shield your faint heart.

No way in hell would you willingly pick up his dirty underwear off the fan, or clean after the millions of empty takeout boxes residing under the kotatsu (just how much food can a person consume overnight?!), while Gintoki remained idly picking on his nose like a primadonna. This had to end.

“Gin,” you asked in a near pleading tone that went unnoticed.

“Gin?” Your second attempt was too ignored, his attention monopolized by the weather girl inside the little black screen.

Frustrated beyond compare, you threw about the first object your hands could find onto his head, leaving him with no other choice but to face you. The noodle box ended up landing like a party hat, with a string of curry dropping down his forehead. He sported a somewhat disturbed look, though that wasn’t enough to prevent him from turning back to the tv the second the noodle box fell to the floor.

“Gin!” Unable to contain your temper, you jumped to block his view.

“Huh? Y/N?” Gintoki queried as if he wasn’t even aware of your presence in prior, something that only added fuel to the fire. “What are you doing here?”

“Not cleaning your mess, that’s for sure. What’s this?” You paused to point at the underwear and then his leftovers. “And this? Who’s going to clean all this?”

“Quit nagging, it’s not even 12.” He yawned, stretching his limbs across the couch. “Kagura will probably feed them to Sadaharu, or Tama will pass by later. Just leave them be.”

You couldn’t believe in your eyes, or rather your ears. How could someone this irresponsible be running a business, when this was the kind of reception he had in store for any poor soul that dared walk in? It wasn’t as if Yorozuya was ever the pantheon of work ethics to begin with, but this was too much even for him. Feeding the trash to the dog, just what was he thinking?

“Are you for real? Why would…? Who would… ?” One unfinished sentence followed the other while you struggled to find the right words. “Nevermind. It’s no wonder no one sets foot in here nowadays. Only an idiot would choose another hare-brained idiot to handle their job for them.” You spat bitterly.

“Then I guess that makes you into an even greater idiot, Y/N. Or else you wouldn’t be showing at my doorstep to bitch about something this trivial, especially when it’s none of your concern.” He followed in the same tone, bringing the already heavy atmosphere even further down.

“It’s none of my concern whether my boyfriend’s house reeks like a dumpster? Or whether it gets infested with cockroaches? Then whose is it?” You crossed your arms over your chest. “You know, since I too spend the night here from time to time, I would appreciate if the smell of soured ramen didn’t have to compete with that of your underwear.”

Gintoki sighed in response, lazily combing through his disheveled hair with one hand. You’d always been fond of that scruffy appearance of his, but right now, all it did was add more fuel to the fire, providing you with yet another reason to stay mad at his disposition.

“And do something about your appearance already! It looks as if a crow nested in there!”

“Oi, Y/N. Is it that day of the month? I don’t remember you being such an overbearing control freak.”

“I don’t remember you being such a bum.” You argued back.

“If I’m such a bum then why do you insist on coming here?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”

The lack of sound succeeding your heated exchange was perhaps even more disturbing than the argument itself. You got so caught up in talking back to him, that before you knew it, such regrettable words came pouring out your mouth.

“What are you standing here for?” Gintoki asked, his otherwise dead fish eyes now beaming with resentment. “The door is right there. Leave.”

Was this really… it? Was he about to forsake everything the two of you had come to be over a silly argument?

With your questions unanswered and your steps heavier than before, you paced outside Yorozuya. This definitely wasn’t the kind of time you’d hoped to spend over at his place. Part of you expected to hear his voice a final time, to receive the affirmation that this was nothing but a silly lover’s quarrel, though silence came to be your sole companion. Silence, and whatever this gut wrenching emotion was.

Little by little, you felt the oxygen within your lungs igniting you whole, slowly burning at your fuse until you couldn’t go on anymore. Crouched near the ground, all you could do was bawl right outside Otose’s bar, meekly hoping that no one was around to notice your muffled cries.

Was it frustration or was it hurt? You couldn’t tell. The only thing you knew was that this was the first time you’d ever felt such uncertainty. Shoes of different color stopped before you, each pair belonging to yet another passerby who felt entitled to shoot his look of pity your way, but not entitled enough to pry any further, to approach any closer.

It was your fault. If only you’d kept your mouth shut, then nothing would have happened. Gintoki wouldn’t get annoyed, he wouldn’t raise his voice, he wouldn’t dare say such horrible things, and he…you…

No. It was his fault for being this messy and unjust. Even if you were a bit too harsh, you acted out of genuine concern. You had no intention to watch as he festered within the four rusty walls of his house. Gintoki had always been the kind to take care of everyone, but when it came down to his own self, he seldom bothered to lift a finger.

What others attributed as mere laziness, you knew better. It was almost as if by wallowing in such unspoken misery, he was atoning for something. As if he was repenting for past sins only he knew of. Either way, his disregard for his own well-being showed in every single aspect of his lifestyle. From the sorry state of his house, to his own unkempt appearance.

You remembered of the first time you met Gin. You recalled thinking how despite his exterior, he bore resemblance to a mirror. A blurred, borderline shattered glass, be it one that let you see an image of yourself clearer than any you’d seen before. The good with the bad, the beauty and the ugliness, the flaws and the imperfections. Everything that made you into who you were was right there, delving in those maroon eyes of his.

Perhaps Gintoki was never meant to shine on his own. Perhaps his strength lied in making others shine brightest, in reflecting not the image you longed to see, but the one closest to reality.

You liked yourself when you were with him. You felt certain and grounded at the same time. That should you ever lose your way, one look at him would be enough to guide you back. You liked that, but more importantly, you liked him. That silver gleam of his was what made you fall for him in the first place.

He was right. You were overbearing and overzealous and butted in his business without thinking twice, and that was precisely why you wouldn’t give up on him. No matter what it took, you’d never quit clearing his soul off the distortions haunting it. Not before making sure that the man known as Sakata Gintoki would never grow dim, that was.

And so, you wiped the tears with the back of your hand and rose to your feet. One by one, you climbed the steps to Yorozuya all the way to the top where you stood still. What would you say to him? Apologies were never your forte and neither his. Showing up to clean his apartment as if you were part of a clean-up crew didn’t seem like a great idea either, especially when one considered the nature of your argument. What if he pushed you away again? What if he demanded that you leave?

No. No, even if he did that, there was no way you’d run. It didn’t matter if he called you names, if he dragged you outside or any of these things, really. You’d made up your mind to clean after his own mess for however long he needed you to. Until he learned to do it for himself. Until he was forced to get a real look at who he really was. That self destruction bullshit of his had to end.

Before you had the chance to contemplate any longer, the door went wide open with Gintoki appearing on the other side, evidently taken aback by your sudden reappearance.

“I-” You said in unison, each stopping at the other’s interruption.

“You-“Another failed attempt.

Taking a deep breath, you decided to blurt out everything without giving him the chance to cut in a third time. Here goes nothing.

“I’m sorry for acting like an evil mother-in-law and yelling at you the way I did. You are right, I am an overbearing control freak, but I never meant to criticize you. I felt as if that was the only way to make you listen, and I honestly can’t stand to see you living life in a swap because, Gintoki, to me you are someone very important and I only want to see you thrive. Why are you so unkind towards your own self? No matter what happened in the past, you shouldn’t let it bring you down.”

You took a short pause. Perhaps giving him a lecture about past trauma would only get him to retreat further in his shell.

“My point is, I don’t intend to stop bitching at you. Whether you like it or not, I’ll keep interfering in your business, until you stop doing yourself injustice. So please, accept my earnest concern and, for the love of god, allow me to clean your house.”

Your outburst imposed a bemused expression on his face, one that was quickly replaced by a forced snort.

“What are you talking about?” Gin leaned against the frame with his index lazily poking past the shell of his ear. “I don’t recall you paying any visits whatsoever.”

“Wait- what?”

“You play weird pranks, Y/N. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Or is this a dream you are talking about?”

It was your turn to be dumbfounded. Was this a joke or was he simply going to act as if the whole incident never occurred in the first place?

“Why are you looking at me like that? Did I grow an extra set of balls on my forehead?” He asked, patting down his head.

You brushed his comment off, unsure of what to say next. The mood had completely shifted with Gin returning to his usual “charming” self, something over which you were truthfully thankful. Of course his throwing you out meant nothing. After all, this was nothing but a silly lover’s quarrel.

“No… but looks like your wish is granted.” You jested, removing a noodle that was dangling between silver strands of hair. “It’s finally straightening up.”

Gintoki frowned, looking away while you chuckled.

“If you have the time to be running your mouth, come in already.” He mumbled before scooting to the side.

Upon entering the hallway, the first thing to catch your attention was the scent. It smelled like primrose and magnolia, the sweet vanilla essence completely taking over the foul odor previously emitted by his living room. Did someone visit him while you were gone, or did he actually douse it with perfume?

As the two of you progressed to the living room, your surprise only increased, to the point of making you wonder whether you’d entered the wrong building. Rather than encounterig the same chaos you did earlier, you found a spotless table and an even more spotless couch. The noodle boxes, the plastic cutlery, even the half torn underwear; they had all disappeared.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d place your bet on a second Amanto invasion happening, but the moment you took notice in the half concealed mop lurking between the closet’s folds, there was no doubt anymore. He had cleaned. Gintoki had actually cleaned!

“Gin…” His name was cut in half by a sole sob.

“What are you crying for?” He asked, genuinely confused by your reaction.

“I can’t believe you did such a thing.” You went on, feeling truly grateful. “Everything is squeaky clean!”

Perhaps Gintoki sucked at apologies, but when it came to making things right, he never failed to impress. He always knew exactly what to do. A push was all he needed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Gintoki said as he approached you from behind. “It’s always clean around here.”

You were about to object to that, when you felt a pair of arms snaking around your waist, pulling you closer for him to press his body against yours. Instinctively, you looked up at him, the look in his eyes indicating he was up to no good.

“But if cleanliness is not what you want, I know of a way to make things dirty again.”

On second thought, a bit of disarray never hurt.

[lilac-5ky]

Hi :DD May I request Gintoki X F!S/O scenario where she’s jealous of Tsukuyo, cause of her looks, big boobs, that she can fight and of her great reputation. She also thinks that Tsukuyo would be a better match for Gin because she heard it one day behind the wall. When I thought about this request I was listening to Nothing New by Taylor Swift ITS THE VIBES THO SHSJSJSB PS: i love your writing style :D

A/N: Now that is specific ahaha, anon are you okay? 😂 For the record, I listened to the song before writing so I'm channeling Taylor's energy for this LMAO.

The star who shines brighter than the moon. (Gin x Fem!Reader)

Warning: SFW but angsty

“Aren’t you that girl that goes around with Yorozuya Gin?” The lady at the counter said, as she handed you two bags of takeout parfait.

Nodding at her, you couldn’t help but smile. That was you, the one who went around with Gintoki, the one who got to date the silver haired samurai himself.

“Tsukuyo, was it?”

Immediately your smile turned into a frown. That was the disadvantage of dating the protagonist; you had to compete against every single female character of the show. Sometimes it was Otae, other times it was Sacchan, but no matter what, the bane of your existence remained to be no other than Tsukuyo herself. She who was so skilled, so strong, so… beautiful, especially when compared to someone like you. It wasn’t that you lacked in that many aspect but, when compared to Tsukuyo, there was no way you could compete. She was perfect in every single way, the perfect warrior, the perfect woman, the perfect match to Gintoki.

You always tried your best not to let such thoughts get to you, yet, whenever someone mentioned the blonde, you couldn’t help but feel rather agitated. She had done nothing to wrong you, but even so, in your eyes she remained the biggest threat. It didn’t matter that Gintoki had chosen you, as long as she was in the picture, you would always fret.

“I’m sorry. You have the wrong person.”

Before the employer at the candy shop could inquire any further, you left the store at once, your fists clenching around the handles of the two bags.

Tsukuyo this, Tsukuyo that, why did it always have to be her? Why did everyone have to compare you this much to her, why did you have to be so inadequate?

Get your shit together, Y/N. It’s fine, everything is fine, don’t let this random employee get to your head. You are going to go to his place and carry on with your day as planned. You are going to give him this parfait that you bought specially for him and he is going to be overjoyed. It’s going to be a great night, nothing will ruin it.

You kept giving yourself pep talks until you finally reached Yorozuya. By the time you found yourself standing outside the building, a saturated sunset was all that was left pouring out of the sky. Where the sun once stood, the faint shadow of a moon came to be, a moon you detested to look at.

Shaking your head dismissively, you climbed the stairs up. “Gin? Gintoki? Are you in there?’’ You asked before knocking on the door.

No answer.

“Gin? It’s me, open up!” You said in a louder voice, knocking once again.

No answer.

Was he not home? That’s weird, usually he is here at this time of the day.

As you were about to walk away, the sound of laughter caught your attention. A man and at least three women, you noted. You took a step forward, placing your ear against the door, yet once again, you were unable to hear a thing. The sound must be coming from Otose’s. Without wasting time, you went downstairs at once. There it was again, that laughing sound, yet this time, you could hear some voices accompanying too.

“Gintoki, you shouldn’t do such things. What will Y/N say?” A woman, most likely Otose, said.

“Huh? But Tsukuyo has the perfect- Ouch! What was that for?”

“Watch your hands, Gintoki, or else-” You felt your heart dropping within your chest. That was her voice, wasn’t it? They were talking about her, right? And where did Gintoki put his hands onto?

“Tsukki, Gin-chan is right! You are… the one… perfect… Y/N.” Kagura’s voice kept getting cut by the voices of Gintoki and Tsukuyo, although now you were unable to understand a thing. Tears begun to cloud your eyes and before you knew it, you let the two bags drop by your side with a loud thump. It was only then that you noticed how the door was kept ajar and the sound you made was enough to get them all to turn towards you.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” Gintoki asked you, moving towards the door.

Although you had no idea what they were talking about, the mere thought of Tsukuyo being there and Gintoki doing something to her, was enough to set you off. What was the meaning of this? Had your worst fears really come true?

Gintoki pushed the door open, waving his hand at you, yet before he could say a thing, you turned the other way. God, you must have looked so pathetic. Tears were streaming down your face, and for what? For something you had known all along? You heard them say it, Tsukuyo was perfect. Even if you had no idea what had been going on, there was no doubt that you had heard that one part clearly. She was perfect and you weren’t, you were just mediocre.

“Oi, Y/N, what’s the matter-” Not letting him finish his sentence, you ran off with all your might, his voice calling you out in the far distance as you bumped into passerby after passerby. You had to get out of there, he must never see your crying face again.

Losing yourself into the streets of Kabukicho, you finally slowed down once you made sure the silver haired man -or anyone of his acquaintances, for that matter- wasn’t around. By the time you did so, you were out of breath, your lungs desperately aching for some air. Yet each time you tried to breathe, a new sob got caught in your throat, choking you over and over again until you couldn’t help but burst into crying in the middle of the street.

At the end of the day, it wasn’t about Tsukuyo herself. You knew that very well. If you were a bit stronger, a bit prettier, a bit smarter, a bit more like her, you wouldn’t be struggling so much right now. If you could be as perfect as she was, you wouldn’t have to be second guessing yourself this much, yet even so, this had nothing to do with her. You were as pathetic and worthless as it gets, an insecure mess and whiny mess whose only real attribute was being the girl Gintoki went around with, a girl whose name wasn’t even worth remembering.

This wasn’t even the first time you had found yourself crying over such a thing. In fact, it had turn into a frequent occurrence for you to be weeping over the blonde and her relationship to your boyfriend. Each time you did, Gintoki would scold you, reminding you that there was nothing to be jealous of. No matter how childish and indifferent Gintoki may seem, he had always been there for you whenever you cried, no matter how significant or insignificant the reason was. But… someone like Tsukuyo would never cry, right? Someone like her had no issues, she had no reason to be sad in the first place. Not when everyone worshiped her, not when everyone looked up to her.

Tsukuyo… what a fitting name, you thought to yourself once again, as you peered at the night sky. The moon was shining ever so brightly, clouds not being enough to keep its beauty hidden for too long. Yet whenever those very clouds moved before a star, they made it vanish into oblivion. That was the fate of those who stood by the moon. No matter how bright, no matter how close, they could never attract people’s attention the way the moon did. The moon was so bright, so pretty, so… perfect. No star could ever compete and certainly no star whose light was as dim as yours.

It was both hopeless and pointless. There wasn’t even a real competition, the difference and the gap between you would never be minimized. Even if for a little while you could stand on your own, there was no way for you to keep doing so. How much more could you afford to cry before he left you? How many more tears could you afford to shed before he realized that you had no real value, that he was sick of you, that he didn’t want you anymore?

It really was pointless, you thought after wiping the final batch of tears off your cheeks. There was nothing more for you to do and for once, you were tired of pretending as if everything was fine. Standing here, crying in the middle of nowhere, would do you no good.

Your feet begun to move on their own, aimlessly searching for a new destination. It felt as if there was nowhere left for you to go, and before you knew it you were once again standing outside of Yorozuya. This time, it was quiet. The lights were out and no one seemed to be in the snack bar. You had completely lost track of time, yet there was no denying, it was too late.

“Thought you’d find your way back.”

“Gin-Gintoki?” Your voice cracked as you spoke his name, an involuntarily gasp escaping your lips. The man was standing right in front of you, a rather serious look on his face while he studied your expression.

“You are such a handful as always. Were you crying again?” He asked as he leaned closer, lowering his eyes to yours.

“No,” you lied. A blatant and shameless lie. Your eyes must have been red from all the crying, there was no way he couldn’t see that. Even if there was a chance he couldn’t do so, because of how dark it was, he still knew you too well to be able to tell.

“Are all women this bothersome?” I bet Tsukuyo isn’t, you wanted to tell him, yet the second you thought of her name, tears begun to poke your eyes again. “Why did you run off like that? And what is it with this reaction?”

“I didn’t feel so well.”

“Didn’t seem like it when you went all Whis on me.” Gin exclaimed with a scoff, not buying into your lie in the slightest.

“I…” In reality, you were unsure of what to say. You weren’t even planning on coming back here, hadn’t even bothered preparing a plausible story. Everything you uttered was lies an excuses and you both knew that.

“I heard you.” You spoke in a barely audible voice, forcing Gin to tilt his ear closer to you. “When… When I came earlier, I heard everything.”

“Huh? You did?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows in a puzzled expression. " Then why are you so upset?”

“Because, I can’t do this anymore, Gintoki!” A hitched sob forced your words to an halt. The longer you stood in front of him, the weaker you felt.

“I just can’t. How much longer do I have to turn a blind eye? How much longer do I need to stand there and watch her take the thing that matters the most to me away? I’m tired of being in her shadow, I’m tired of not being good enough. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being the one who has to look up to this beautiful and unobtainable moonlight.”

Your voice kept breaking as you spoke. However, for the first time in a while, you felt relief washing over you. All those things that had been torturing you were now out in the open. There was no reason for you to keep playing charades with him, and even if ended tonight, then at least you had done your best. Or so you thought.

For a bit, the two of you stood there in near silence, your sobs being the one thing to interrupt it. Gintoki kept staring at you and you kept staring at the floor, unsure of what you were supposed to do now. He must have been upset, right? He must have been furious for sure. You had caused a scene in the middle of the street, a scene that the two of you had acted out before. Yet, rather than saying a thing, Gintoki sighed out loud,shaking his head. Catching a glimpse of him as he reached his hand inside his kimono, you looked up at him in hesitation.

“I didn’t want to give this to you like this but… here.” He said, taking your hand into his before placing a rectangular silver box.

Your gaze flickered between the box and him, unable to tell what this was all about. It appeared to be a jewelry box of some sorts, considering how you could hear a small chime from within. Reluctantly, you moved the box closer to your face. Opening its contents at once, you couldn’t help but gasp in awe. Inside was a silver pendant, a singular star hanging from its chain.

“This is what we were doing when you were eavesdropping. I had her try it on to see how it fits before I gave it to you. ” You tried to open your mouth, yet he stopped you, shaking his hand dismissively.

“Y/N, do you know the name of this star?” -he paused to point at a star, not awaiting an answer before continuing- “I don’t remember either. But, this star, no matter how small it may seem to you, is enough to guide people. Even when its light is no brighter than the moon, it’s enough to help you find your way in life. The moon may be beautiful but if it wasn’t for this one star, so many people would have lost their way. Instead of looking up at the moon, look down below. Look at all the people who depend on you, look at me. You were the one to lead me back to you. Even under the light of the moon, I still choose to follow you, don’t I?”

His words were enough to dissolve all the thoughts in your brain. All those rumblings, all those voices, all of your insecurities ceased, even for a moment. Even if they managed to crawl back up the next day, for now, it didn’t matter. Somehow, you knew that it was okay. As long as he was there, it’d be okay, you’d be okay.

Letting out a rather drawn out sigh, you fell onto his chest, staining his kimono with more tears.

“Oi, why are you crying again? If someone sees her, they’ll think I did this.” Gintoki joked. Still, despite his words, you felt a hand hitching up your back, pressing your head harder against him. “Y/N… stop with all that crap. Stop wishing to become something you could never be, you are just perfect on your own.” He went on, rubbing circles across your hair reassuringly.

You stayed like that for a while, basking in the feeling of his warm embrace until you felt like you could face him. The tears on your face had dried and you were even able to force a smile as you looked up at him, one that he returned without hesitating. Truth was, you hadn’t been seeing each other for that long for you to say it out loud, but in that moment, even when everything else was uncertain, there was one thing you were certain of. You loved him. Inadequate or not, imperfect or not, perhaps it didn’t matter. If he was the one to pick up your pieces, nothing else mattered.

“Are you coming in now or not? I don’t think this parfait will last much longer.” He said, shaking before you a bag that you hadn’t noticed him holding before. Squinting your eyes, you took a better look at it. That was the bag you had brought to him earlier!

“You kept it?”

“Parfait doesn’t taste as good when you eat it by yourself.” The fact that he’d actually picked it up and held onto it for the two of you to share it, was enough to make you swoon. Unable to hide your own smile, you were about to hug him again, when he spoke again. “I just hope it’s not salty with your tears. You didn’t cry over it, right? You wouldn’t spoil something so precious, right?”

Rolling your eyes at his comment, you punched his shoulder playfully, following him back to Yorozuya. Before you walked back in, you took one final look at the night sky, this time with a smile on your face. The stars were so beautiful tonight.