Romantic Friendship
So I was with The Scientist the other day, and things are starting to shift in our relationship. I don't want to get too excited, and of course I'm going to continue to date other people. In fact, I have a date with someone else on Tuesday night.
But for the first time, The Scientist initiated us spending time together. I wondered if she would, and she did, so that was great. When we were talking, post sex , I asked her how she would describe our relationship– I was looking for a qualitative answer, not a label. But she said she sees me more than she sees Kingpin these days, and that she and Kingpin have been seeing each other and spending time together but have not been having sex since The Scientist broke up with Mercury. Then she said she would be comfortable calling me her girlfriend.
I told her I didn't think that word really described our relationship. I didn't say this to her, but aside from parties and open mic, we don't spend time together outside of the bedroom. So we planned a date for Saturday night, we're going to go out for pizza at the best pizza place in the city. She also drove me home for the first time after open mic last night, so I feel like what I said about not being at girlfriend level yet may have sparked something in her. We decided to call what we have a Sapphic Friendship for now. Did you know that back in the 20’s, women were actually allowed and encouraged to have romantic friendships with each other? It was considered a normal part of white middle class feminist female college experience.
Women would write home to their families about their romantic friendships. They would court each other by showering each other with gifts and attention.
Then of course the church got involved and decided that this was wrong, but there was actually a brief pocket of acceptance there. Religion ruins everything. But I didn't even know that! The Scientist told me and then I did some reading. How much of our own history is just buried? But anyway.
The headline news is: I could have said yes and had girlfriend. But I wouldn't have actually had a girlfriend, I would have just had the title of one. When I say I have a girlfriend, I want it to be because I actually have one , not because I have a friend with benefits who I'm calling a girlfriend.
But I'm feeling hopeful, more hopeful than I have in a while and that is a dangerous feeling. Don't let me down, hope.