he'd found this place two weeks into his posting in lexington, honestly he'd tried to go in sooner but he'd needed time to scope out the place, to watch and learn the comings and goings. another problem his nonexistent therapist won't hear about. but he's here now, again, a near weekly pilgrimage at this point. to find someone to drink with, to fuck, to touch him, and to not feel so goddamn alone for a little while.
tim nods his head at few people, those he's seen before, but has no interest in going home with tonight, instead he spots someone new. an older guy, a little gray at his temples, and a lot of darkness in his eyes.
sliding up beside him, tim puts his empty beer bottle beside him. "buy me another?" @givcns
@givcns sent: [ LOVE ]: sender tells receiver they love them during.
Tim remembers the first time this happened, the first time he'd felt Raylan's hands on him in a way that made it clear he wanted more than just companionable friendship. He'd thought, stupidly apparently, that maybe Raylan would suck in bed. Too fucking pretty, no one would ever tell a guy who looked like that that he was bad at getting someone off.
He'd thought that as Raylan pushed him down onto his bed that first night, thought this will get it out of my system. Because he's an idiot, he's got no sense of self respect, but he doesn't return to a bad lay.
Unfortunately it had been some of the best sex of his entire life. And it had only gotten better every single time. And now? Now that they'd forced each other to sit down and talk about their goddamn feelings? Now that they'd decided they were dating they are exclusive? it's even better.
Raylan's pulling three fingers out of him when Tim comes out of that thought and back into the presence. He'd taken his time opening Tim up, way more time than Tim had wanted but he can't deny that it felt fucking good to let Raylan finger him like that. But then he's pressing his cock into him, streching him so fucking well, the burn of it is perfect. "Jesus," Tim breaths out the word, the prayer he supposes, into the pillow that his face is half buried in as Raylan's chest meets his back. Bottoming out inside him like Tim wanted the entire time.
Reaching back to grab onto Raylan's thigh, trying to bring him even closer if that's possible. Any inch of space between their bodies is too much for Tim.
I love you. He feels the words more than hears them, like they were exhaled against the back of his neck and he felt it on his skin.
And something in his snaps, something just, falls apart, and there's nothing he can do to stop it even as he wishes that he could. And god he wishes, but he can't, so his eyes snap open and the grip on Raylan's thigh turns to pushing, shoving him away. Off of him, out of him. The fact that he's naked and sweating, skin still red from what they'd been doing only makes him feel the need to hide his face more when he pushes himself off the bed.
@givcns sent: [fumble.] sender struggles impatiently with receiver's clothes.
tim laughs as he watches raylan tug at his shirt, the damn thing don't even have that many buttons for raylan to be struggling this much, but tim can't find it in him to help him just yet. mostly it's too funny for him to step in, small part of him loves knowing the other man wants him so bad he can't even do this simple thing. "damn, you miss me or something, old man?"
three months, two weeks, and two days. not that tim had been keeping track. he doesn't have a calendar. he just remembers the last time he woke up beside raylan, the morning he drove him to the airport in lexington. hard to forget.
but his hands come up and tug at raylan's lapels, bringing him closer but not quite kissing him. "get it together, get me in your fucking bed."
he wants to laugh, or maybe scream, but he does neither, he just stares up at raylan with his eyes sharp and nods. once. "trust you with everything." the words are pulled out of his mouth, not something he would normally say but he knows that raylan needs to hear it as he pulls the older man's hand up to rest on his throat. "please."
@givcns sent that was really stupid of you, and you know it.
he spits out the little bit of blood still in his mouth from the punch, honest to god he'd barely even felt it, which ain't a good thing really but he can't bring himself to give a shit. when he looks over to raylan he doesn't even try to hide the twist of his lips into a cruel approximation of a smile, his teeth red. "what? you wanted me to get lost?" tim scoffs. his body is loose despite the bruising and the unconscious man in front of him, he feels comfortable in his skin in ways he rarely does outside of violence.
"guess i'll let you get your skinny ass kicked next time."
@givcns sent: "You know exactly what you’re doing."
he doesn't laugh but it's a damn near thing and he doesn't like how easy it is for raylan to make him want to laugh, but that's a problem for another day when he's not feeling so light and close to happy. he's got raylan's hat on his head and has put himself just out of raylan's reach, not where he wants to be but he's having fun.
for a moment tim wonders if this is what they could've had if they'd known each other when they were younger, if it would've felt like this to tease his man. but that moment flees fast under the face of raylan's annoyance. "nah, don't think i do, why don't you go ahead and tell me?"
@givcns sent: “ home ain’t a place — it’s what waits for you. ” (if I said our old west verse?)
he doesn't look at raylan, can't make himself see what the older man is saying with his eyes, because he knows it will be heavy and tim doesn't trust himself to carry the weight of it. despite that, he feels a heat rising on his cheeks, he can't pretend that he doesn't care as much as he wants, but in the darkness of this room his skin shows the truth.
tim reaches out, touching raylan's shoulder even though he still can't bring himself to look at him, he wants to offer something. "shut up, old man."
@givcns sent: ❝ that's not the worst thing i've ever heard but it's certainly up there. ❞
he laughs at that, yeah it had been a story that ended with him in the hospital with his shoulder broken and his head cracked open. but he didn't die, which isn't always a guarantee in his line of work. "wasn't that bad, thankfully was the last race of the season so i didn't have to miss any." and was back in good shape after the break. he reaches over and grabs the drink in front of the other man, smiling as he takes a drink. "wanna hear another?"
