May 3
I js found a "what I ate for breakfast" video thing I made 5 years ago TELL ME WHY IT'S ALREADY LIKE 800CAL MINIMUM. GIRL NO FUCKING WONDER YOU WERE FAT AS FUCK 😭
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I js found a "what I ate for breakfast" video thing I made 5 years ago TELL ME WHY IT'S ALREADY LIKE 800CAL MINIMUM. GIRL NO FUCKING WONDER YOU WERE FAT AS FUCK 😭
I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHIGN (and he won't read this and I hate that too)
I'm freaking out for no reason and it's pissing me off and I'm sober and this entire thing makes me want to puke and I hate that I swallowed food today I hate that I have a bin bag in my room which has rotting food in it I hate everything about like everything
I hate food I hate being sober I hate this entire fucking world and I hate that I misread everything and UGHH
I hate that the first hug I've had in over a month was with nnnn I hate that I'm losing weight ridiculously slowly I hate that I hate everything I hate this
I hate sexting I hate when guys don't want to sext I hate when I'm too fat to send nudes I hate that I shaved tonight and now I'm too pissed off to do anything about it I hate the fact I can't have sex i hate every single thing about intimacy and I hate that I want to be close to someone again
I hate that I didn't get served today I hate that I'm out of alcohol I hate that I'm sober I hate when I drink i hate when I act stupid I hate everything about how I act I hate the way I'm preformative I hate that I lie so much I hate that I feel like I'm going crazy I hate this I hate this I hate this SO FUCKING MUCH
I hate the fact I don't feel in love with anyone I hate that I'm not going to be drunk for another 4 days minimum I hate everything about everything and I hate that I hate everything right now
and i hate that no body fucking cares about how insane I'm going
i feel so disgusting
I made fries with cheese and a fuck ton of sauce and some baked onion things and then I also had a hotdog with cheese and more sauces
but i chewed it and spat it out and I only swallowed a few mouthfuls like about 5 so it's okay but i hate this I hate this I HATE THISSSSSS
ok ithink I've had enough food for today
2 sandwiches, packet of crisps and a mini kfc popcorn chicken bucket
and 2 scoops of toffee ice cream, about a tablespoon of sprinkles, 7 mini meringues and a handful or 2 of mini marshmallows
it seems like so much idk ew
but I do want to have another sandwich idk maybe I will have one tomorrow because they seem very calorie heavy (because cheese and ham and bread and mayo and I guess also lettuce and ketchup but they aren't as scary because they are not very calorie dense)
going to a gig on saturday so tomorrow i have to be with my good friend casey (chew and spit everything) so I don't look like a big fat loser and so my exam calories don't affect me too much
but that's kinda alright because I'll be getting a bunch of steps in as well and with some tea and some gum I won't even feel that hungry
after exams are over i am not eating carbs for a WHILE i feel so fat constantly but ik i need the calories rn
okokau new diet plan: no carbs on revision days, only on exam days.
(on the week long break I'll allow myself a few carb days bc it would be rlly difficult to avoid them completely while with my family)
i just needdddd like a substitute for them because I can't just eat salad 24 7 bc my mum would notice. maybe like lettuce wraps could be the move? I could always just not eat but I NEED to get good grades more than anything rn
are salad bakes a thing? like. lettuce and other vegetables (NOT POTATOES BECAUSE THEY ARE EVILLLL aka carbs and I need to not eat those) and then some cheese or smthng and like toppings but it's heated.. wait nvm that's literally just a warm salad fml
idk I'll figure smthng out if yall know like non carb based meals that I could make lmk I will literally die for you if you give me the recipe
day ruined why have I just eaten toast, five million grapes and like 3 brownie slices for breakfaat
ughh how tf am i meant to be at 50kg for summer like this? I still have like 6kg left to lose AGAIN. fml I hate this shit