♡ biggest loser in losertown ♡

"when it's all gone, i love you, when i'm gone, i love you."

[grzechny-aniol]

hihi!!!!!! this is user a sh/ed/bad mental health blogger so if you don't wanna see that/are in recovery, click off and go find a good blog for you :))

I've decided as of 24-06-2026 that I will improve who I am as a person, asks for accountability on how I've been doing this are welcomed and accepted))

intro babygirls love youuuu

platonic wife: @sour-echinacea

im sixteen n you can call me glory or kj :D

she/they

abt me: love csh (if you know them then yay :)), and journaling and sketches and also yapping on here!! I do get massive depressive episodes so you might see me posting about them/not posting for a while, but we cope and we deal and we move on <3

[grzechny-aniol]

need to get a vibrator sb

I'm thinking I'll find 5€ and grab one from the dispensers in german bathrooms 🤔 🤔

[grzechny-aniol]

objectively speaking, FUCKKKKKKK

[grzechny-aniol]

uhm slightest issue I've had a dream about a guy who is DEFINITELY off limits if I want nnnn and me to be on half decent terms. whoops. it's fine. surely this will not affect anything

[rena-way]

i want a boy haircuttttt

[grzechny-aniol]

DO ITTTTTT hair grows back anyway so if you hate how it looks you js gotta wait a bit and it'll go back to normal

[grzechny-aniol]

my body is sweaty asf but my stomach is cold 😋😋

[grzechny-aniol]

Working out until you feel either nauseous or on the verge of tears is always the answer to life's problems. just study or workout. literally nothing more to it

[t0r1r3x1aaaa]

I got HIV and died, help me find my mutuals?

[grzechny-aniol]

I want cute fold over leggings UGH. maybe I shall purchase some once I get more in shape

[idkwhattoputbroo]

can I say something really evil ??

wait actually I don't want to

sorry for wasting your time

[grzechny-aniol]

abs workout so good I almost threw up 😍

[vita-min-bunniii]

the light has gone & now there's no light

[grzechny-aniol]

my brain chemistry has been so incredibly changed. I used to read messages such as "I need your body" and "i want to fuck you" with rose coloured glasses, but now they're just displeasing. why can't boys be more mature about this?

[grzechny-aniol]

my body craves what is no longer mine

it's really upsetting that I've been deprived of certain activities as of late. the longer is it the more I think of guys who made me feel really good, and that indescribably wrecks my mental state.

oli was amazing at what he did, and the brief weeks of almost daily intense pleasure are very sorely missed. however, he lacked gentle touch in most interactions, so I find that while I crave the moments, he is not someone I miss as much as I may have previously thought.

nnnn was definitely my favourite, especially when he chose to be in control of it. while he was obviously less experienced than oli in certain aspects, he knew how to be gentle as well as strong. in terms of kissing I can't name a single time I've found someone I've enjoyed the experience with as much as with him. unfortunately he is immensely flawed and at times chose things he considered more important to take a break for, like leaving while we were in the midst of things to say goodbye to one of his friends. if the opportunity arises in the future i would be delighted to place my lips against his once more - although this may simply be the words of a deprived body speaking, and I may find that a separate individual possesses what I want in greater terms than nnnn does.

it's quite upsetting that both of these individuals are no longer available or willing to partake in such activities, however it is simply something that cannot be helped.

[grzechny-aniol]

it's easier when you find someone worth loving

i still care very deeply about nnnn but he has treated me carelessly. i see now how my feelings were given too freely, to someone who did not appreciate them for how much they could've been worth.

with sss it's easier, he's kind and he gets agree over things that are understandable, things that I can easily fix. while it may take a while to feel as comfortable with him as I did with nnnn, i believe that good may come of this. ive known sss longer, and while we've never met in person, he does act as though he appreciates me - something I can feel from just words, which I've rarely felt in regards to nnnn.

i care deeply about him as well, although it's hard to say whether or not it's worth continuing down this path, sss will never treat me like nnnn did, like im dispensable or a backup for when he gets bored.

it might be difficult to see what is the best option to follow through with right now, but time helps with understanding difficult problems. i believe that due to personal flaws it may be too easy to let nnnn back into my life, however regardless of whether he does or doesn't come back to me, I will become a better person than the version of me he knew.

[grzechny-aniol]

in retrospect, finding someone who is worth it takes time

i was unaware that the arrangement between sss and myself had become almost entirely sexual. I am to blame for this, however it was one of my smarter choices as I had clearly saved both of us a lot of time. feelings are messy. that's the truth and having saved him from dealing with how blatantly pathetic I had previously acted towards a man I trusted with my heart I believe that it was the best outcome.

[grzechny-aniol]

i genuinely can't manage more than two small plates a day.

I've come to a point in my life where eating a small meal for sustenance and another for health is the most i can have. I can physically eat enough calories as long as the portion is small and dense but I struggle with consuming enough food regularly. I'm not complaining, but it's no longer due to any anorexic tendencies - I've lost interest in eating.

my first meal is normally around 14.00 if i stay home all day, but it can be left until 19.00 if i go out. my second and last meal is never longer than 6 hours after. on average I have a minimum of 18 hours daily of 'fasting', long enough to enter ketosis.

combined with working out, which I am beginning today, I may genuinely lose those last few kilos. I can't tell whether or not I am excited for this.

[grzechny-aniol]

i wish he'd just come up to me and hug me.

like i hate him so much but the comfort would be undeniable, the safeness he's become associated with in my head is like a drug that I crave day and night.

one time in the stairwell of a carpark he held me like a child, hugged me to his chest until I felt better. another time he had only one hand free but he held me so firmly, as if I could trust he wouldn't let go until I was ready. the last time I felt his arms around me was the last time i was weak in front of him, I almost begged him to hold me longer so I didn't have to go home.

i miss that stairwell the most. i wish he didn't let go. i miss when i could say freely that he was my whole world.