Carl Voice: Here’s how I try to look at it, and this is just me, this whole curse thing, it’s like there’s a horse loose in a hospital. It’s like there’s a horse loose in a hospital. I hope eventually everything’s going to be okay, but I have no idea what’s going to happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your parents, because there’s a horse loose in the hospital. It’s never happened before, no one knows what the horse is going to do next, least of all me. I’ve never had fifty million curses before before, I’m as confused as you are. There’s no experts.
My roommate’s tried to help me find an expert. They’re like, “I met a a man that’s seen a man possessed by a demon bird in an airport.” Get out of here with that shit! We’ve all seen a bird in an airport. This is a horse loose in a hospital.
When a horse is loose in a hospital, the people around me got to stay updated. So all day long I’m asked, “What’d the horse do?” The updates I have to give, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. It’ll be like, “The horse explodes everything before I can eat it? ON TOP of having to drop it on the ground three times? I didn’t know she made it do that...” The creepiest days for my roommate are when I’m with Chris, because when I’m with him, the worst of them just cancel out, so you don’t hear from the curseshorse at all. But. We don’t know every curse that’s prevented. So I’m sitting with my boyfriend and my roommate’s like like, “Hey, Carl have you… Can you come help me out with supper–” [imitates explosion]
... I’m the worst roommate.
Then there are those quiet days when I stay inside all day so people get like, “It looks like the curse has finally calmed down.” And then ten seconds later the my body is like, “I’m gonna run towards the nearest wall and smash your face in it because you saw a sunflower. I’ve got nice hooves and a long tail, I’m the horse!” That’s what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking horse...
Then I go to meet new people and they’re like, “you shouldn’t have to shoot a gun three times to enter a building” And it’s like, “We’re well past that.” Then other people are like, “If you know everything that’s happening to you, just avoid the triggers.” And those don’t match up at all since the triggers include the color blue and doors. And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the horse, and then, 50 feet away, fucking Barney was like, “I have a love potion and I’m going to steal your boyfriend!” And before I could say anything, the horse was like, “If you even fucking lose Chris, I will explode all your food to kingdom come. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can blow up everything, I’m so fucking crazy.” At ME—
