i suggest that we keep this informal ('cause a normal human being wouldn't need to pretend to be normal)
Fandom: Good Omens
Ship: Ineffable Bureaucracy
Summary: Beelzebub wasn't accustomed to this level of closeness. Sure, Hell was cramped, everyone compressed into its walls and bumping shoulders constantly. This was something else. Seated side by side in a Scottish pub, Gabriel's face cast in a warm glow, close to his side out of comfort rather than necessity.
Or, Beelzebub and touch starvation
AN: This started off as me projecting onto Beelzebub but now it is one of the best things I've written I think. Also Beelzebub is autistic and has anxiety bcus I said so <3
Title is from Love, Me Normally by Will Wood
Read on AO3
Beelzebub wasn't accustomed to this level of closeness. Sure, Hell was cramped, everyone compressed into its walls and bumping shoulders constantly. This was something else entirely. Seated side by side in a Scottish pub, Gabriel's face cast in a warm glow, close to his side out of comfort rather than necessity.
Their hand pressed against Gabriel's as the small fly flitted between their palms. The contact almost burned and yet they mourned its loss when Gabriel pulled his hand away. They quickly emptied out a matchbox for him, finding something to do with their hands to stifle the urge to take Gabriel's and never let go.
The matchbox containing the small buzzing fly was tucked away into Gabriel's jacket and Beelzebub felt a small burst of jealousy. They wanted to be that close to Gabriel, head rested on his chest and burrowing into his embrace. Their hands tightened into loose fists, nails digging into their palms, and their leg bounced up and down furiously, ignoring the itch under their skin that yearned for more of the closeness and intimacy they'd only caught glimpses of.
In Hell, they had status and power but that could only do so much to quell the loneliness deep in their soul. A lack of equals bred a sense of isolation. Perhaps they had found one in Gabriel.
-
"Is that a new face?"
"What, this old thing? I've had it for ages." Beelzebub did not think about Gabriel's intent studious look when he saw their new appearance. Didn't think about Gabriel close by their side again. They rose from their seat and carried on. "Such a pity that Hell never really appreciated your talents, Crowley."
"Is it? It is, yeah."
He caught on quickly then. They continued with their pitch, carefully practiced words filling the room. "What if I said Hell was willing to forget everything you did? That we were willing to accept you back, no questions asked with a hefty promotion."
"Doesn't actually sound like the sort of thing youre likely to say.."
"Might be." They were losing him. "The Archangel Gabriel has vanished. We know he isn't in Heaven. What we don't know is where he is." Did they hide their concern well? Does Crowley see casual disinterest or frantic worry?
"Oh, how mysterious."
"We think someone must be hiding him from us." They didn't say from me.
"Not very likely"
"If you found Gabriel and handed him over to us, you could name your price. I've got all the hosts of Hell hunting for him, and we will find him." They refused to consider the possibility they wouldn't. They had to find him. "But you, Crowley, you know earth better than anyone."
"Well, I...it's a big universe. Lots of places that an Archangel on the lam could have a wonderful time and never be seen again."
He wasn't giving them the answers they wanted. Maybe he was telling the truth, but something told Beelzebub he wasn't. They deviated from the meticulously laid out script in their mind. They ignored the slightly desperate edge to their words.
"Well, wherever he is, you find Gabriel for me and you can have whatever your nasty little heart desires! You could be a Duke of Hell."
Maybe they had given too much away. Find Gabriel for me. Not for us, for me. You could be a Duke of Hell, instead of me. If you find Gabriel, I will be long gone.
-
Beelzebub slumped into their chair. The clamouring of demons faded into the background, all of them sounding the same. Others looked to their position and saw power and ease. In some respects, that was correct. But they didn't see the solitude and the demands with no reward.
They let out a long sigh. Their insides felt hollow and sick and they couldn't help but want to crumple in on themselves and be swallowed up by the ground. That wasn't an option however as the door behind them creaked open.
"Is there any news about Gabriel yet?" Their concern for Gabriel was probably written off as the same eagerness the rest of Hell felt at getting their hands on the Supreme Archangel. Not the desperation of someone who was convinced Gabriel's touch could cure the weight they felt on their shoulders.
"Err no. No news of our accursed enemy, my lord."
Accursed enemy. The words felt filthy, not at all fitting for the pristine figure of their Gabriel. "No?" The minute slump of their shoulders went thankfully unnoticed. "Tell me the moment we learn anything."
"Of course, Lord Beelzebub."
Beelzebub's gaze wandered to the corner of the room. If they looked at the demon, they felt he would see every secret in their eyes. One of those carefully guarded thoughts made its way from their brain to the tip of their tongue and they carefully considered their company. He did talk too much but they could always rip out his tongue for saying something out of line.
"Do you ever think...wouldn't it just be nice if someone told you what a good job you were doing?"
"In Hell?"
"Yeah." They accompanied the word with a vague shrug, trying to convey disinterest, as if they weren't thinking about Gabriel saying something of the sort. It made their chest tighten strangely but not unpleasantly.
The demon launched into a dull rant about the Dung Pits or getting his tongue ripped out. Beelzebub sent him a glare which shut him up quickly.
"Am I talking too much?"
Beelzebub bared their decaying teeth.
"Are you gonna rip out my tongue again?"
Were they? Could they be bothered to make a spectacle of him at the moment? Not particularly, if they were honest with themself.
"I don't care, just be quiet."
"Right." He shuffled out of sight, but paused just before the door. "You feeling all right?"
"Do you want to go to the dung pits!?" They snapped, accompanying the question with a hiss that sent the demon scurrying. As soon as he was out of sight, they curled in on themself, head in their hands. The pit in their stomach dropped further. They'd never find Gabriel.
-
It had been days, still no news of Gabriel. All the forces of Heaven and Hell were searching for him but his location remained elusive.
Needless to say, Beelzebub was out of their mind with worry.
They felt like they'd swallowed a million flies, the insects buzzing about inside them and making them fidget incessantly, troubled.
Once more, they felt that strange itch under their skin and the increased pressure in their chest, wishing for nothing more than Gabriel by their side. They pulled their legs up onto the throne, hugging their knees to their chest and digging thier nails into the skin to calm their worry a little.
"What happened to you, my sweet?" they murmured to themself, the sound muffled into the ball they had curled themself into.
A metallic creak and the call of "Shax! Demon of the Fifth House!" caused them to right themself before Shax entered. They did their utmost to appear nonchalant, draped across the seat of their throne as per normal.
"Well? What news?" they kept their tone commanding and ensured the edge of anxiety was kept off.
"The angel went to Edinburgh."
"Which angel?" their heart leapt at the mention of an angel, but it could be any angel. They couldn't get too ahead of themself, too eager.
"You know which one. Crowley's pet."
Beelzebub just about managed to keep their disappointment hidden before asking, "Why Edinburgh?"
"Not sure. Maybe they want us to think Gabriel's in Edinburgh. Maybe Crowley wants the angel to make us think Gabriel's in Edinburgh. Maybe-"
They cut off Shax's ceaseless rambling. "Maybe he actually is in Edinburgh." Their heart warmed a little at thought of Gabriel running away from Heaven to return to the location of their last meeting, the occasion where the two of them felt something shift in their connection.
"Oh, he's not in Edinburgh."
"Why not?" They were intrigued by Shax's confidence.
"Because he's in the bookshop."
"Gabriel's in the bookshop? You're certain?" It was a fight to keep their tone even, excitement and relief threatening to spill over.
"Yes."
"Thank you Shax. Good work." They waved their hand dismissively, calmly, as if the curve of their lips didn't threaten to break into a grin of rotted teeth. As if they could even hear Shax over the thudding of their heart. As if they weren't ignoring every impulse in their turbulent mind screaming at them to rush to the bookshop alone and whisk Gabriel away.
Was it pathetic how much they were looking forward to simply holding his hand?
-
Gabriel, their Gabriel, was back. They'd found him, he was safe, he was himself. Beelzebub felt giddy with delight and it was all they could do to not grab their stupid silly ridiculous angel in the tightest embrace and never let go. They were practically buzzing and they were sure the only thing that could quiet their racing mind and restless body were Gabriel's arms around them.
For now though, they could settle for moving in closer, inches away and knuckles brushing together. Their hands intertwined and Beelzebub's heart skipped a beat. Their free hand fidgeted restlessly and they couldn't have kept a smile off of their face if they tried.
Even as their very fate was debated by the surrounding angels and demons, all they could think about was Gabriel at their side. They didn't think they'd be able to relinquish their grasp on his hand ever again, wouldn't allow him to move away from his place pressed to their side.
The only thing holding them back from clinging onto him was the presence of others. It wouldn't do for anyone to see the Grand Duke of Hell acting so...needy, especially given the affronted gasps at the pair merely holding hands
Gabriel pulled away slightly, Beelzebub almost dragged him back but resisted, letting his piercing purple eyes meet theirs for a moment.
"I would like to be with Beelzebub. Wherever Beelzebub is, is my Heaven."
Something in their heart melted a little more at his words and they only just managed to get their lips to form a sentence.
"And wherever you are, my sweet, is forever my Hell."
The chatter of the rest faded away into the background. Nothing else mattered. Arma-bloody-geddon 2.0 could have been at their doorstep this very moment but Beelzebub wouldn't have cared because Gabriel was holding their hands and he was singing.
"Everyday, it's a-getting closer."
"Going faster than a rollercoaster."
"Love like yours will surely come my way, a-hey, a-hey-hey."
They were home.
-
It didn't really matter where they ended up because the moment the watchful eyes of Heaven and Hell had averted its gaze from the two of them, Beelzebub surged forward and threw themself into Gabriel's embrace.
They gripped onto him tightly, hands shaking and fists crumpling his jacket. Their angel's arms wrapped around them and everything was right with the universe. They slumped against him, losing all the tension they had held within them for the past 6000 years, their brain finally quieting.
One of Gabriel's hands shifted, gently knocking their hat to the ground so he could wind his fingers through their hair, lovingly tugging at the knotted messy strands.
Something within Beelzebub broke delicately and a few tears fell from their eyes, soaking into Gabriel's jumper before they could be seen. It felt like a weight had been suddenly lifted off their chest and their soul had begun to float, drifting into the universe.
They hadn't realised how badly they had needed this, how something within them had been desperate for this for centuries.
Sometimes you don't know you're starving until the food has touched your lips.
Maybe it's because the whole fandom has been busy crying over the ending of season 2, or maybe i'm just dumb or it doesn't mean anything, but i haven't seen anyone talk about this yet. (Also sorry i couldn't find a better photo lol)
So Before The Beginning™, Crowley creates a part of the universe with a tool that is usually used to start old cars (idk what it's called). I wouldn't have realized that's what it is if a thing like this hadn't appeared in season 1 - where it was basically the only thing Crowley had left of his Bentley, and he held it in his hand like a weapon to face Armageddon. Also, angel Crowley refers to what he does with this thing as "priming the engine". So... creating the universe, at least for Crowley, is like starting a car.
I'm not sure what my point is. I just think it's interesting because Crowley ends up liking cars, or at least developping a bond with his Bentley. Maybe... the process of priming it reminds him of the Beginning? Maybe an old car is like a mini universe for him?? I know that sounds weird. But for how many years has he had this exact car now? Like the universe, he doesn't want it to be destroyed just because that's what other people think is best (newer cars being invented - God's Great plan). It's still beautiful, he loves it, and it deserves to keep existing.
Idk if any of this makes sense. But this parallel has to have a meaning.
Also - i just thought of this while writing this post -, maybe Crowley was involved in the invention of this kind of car? Maybe he wanted it to work like that??
Watched s2e1 and it's like, oh, okay. Crowley didn't fall just because he asked questions. Crowley fell because he asked questions about Armageddon. The thing he was destined to thwart.
