#goddamnt it

[sillyness-incarnate]

NO NO NO NO NO. Why does Resignation hit so hard. Why does she feel like me. No no no. Why do I relate.

[seksipomminpurkaja]

well slap my ass and see me off to the circus

[gatorademachinegun]

wait shit 

[knyeezus-archive-blog]

hhhhhaaa i can’t focus on my ap review right now because i keep thinking about orphan black

[xgrantaire]

+

[idkimoutofideas]

Ok I just need to rant some

So today we are having our family christmas party in three hours (we also have one tomorrow) which means cousins. And as I've ranted before, I don't like my cousins. And they don't like me.

Christmas is supposed to be a time for family and presents and having fun and shit but honestly Christmas parties are my least favorite family parties. Because Christmas time is a time for presents, and literally nothing stresses me out more than giving or getting presents. Like what do I do? What do I say? When do I open it? I just really don't like the stress it always puts on me.

My family has an annual yankee swap where everyone brings gifts and then we pick numbers and they you pick a gift and you can trade gifts if you want. And since the party is at my house, we get to be in charge of the yankee swap.

Most people wouldn't mind doing that, cause all you do is hand out numbers to people who come in and take their gifts and put them in the pile. Except that requires talking to people. Talking to everyone. And I'm really not good at that.

Let me clear something up: I don't know if I have social anxiety or some shit like that, but I just hate talking to people. It freaks me out, and always before our family parties I start getting really nervous and freaked out and I just hate it so much, Honestly it's hard enough to give and get gifts from my immediate family (of 10) much less my extended family (of like 30+)

Yeah my family is big. But they're all adults! And I hate talking to adults cause it's always like 'oh how are you doing in school? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have friends?' and I hate answering those questions!!!

Honestly I want to hide in my room for the five hours that people will be here but no one will let me do that. Last time (during thanksgiving) when I tried to do that, my sister dragged me out of my room and confiscated the book I was reading until everyone left. So there's no way I'll be staying in my room. But I just really don't want to talk to anyone! 

These past few days I've been doing a lot of stuff, it was my sisters birthday so she had like a thousand friends over and then we watched a movie. Yesterday I had to go shopping for presents for people and that took about five hours. I'm worn out. I really have no space for social interaction right now. But in three hours, about 30 people will arrive at my house and I'll be forced to deal with them.

Bascially I want to hide in my room but my dad won't let me do that because he needs me in charge of the yankee swap, my sister won't like me do that cause she'll need me to talk to Ali (my younger cousin) while she and Emma (my older cousin) talk in their room.

Ok so now I've successfully gotten myself freaked out and really nervous for the day. Lovely.

If anyone is reading this (and I don't expect it) I won't be on Tumblr again for another 8 hours. So bye.

[daydreaming-dreamers]

I just want to move out and away from this place, It literally makes me sick being here. Let me leave.

[ofwolvesandangels]

NO