#godistoogood

[belllaaa-xo]

Today was a good day ☀️😊 #myface #lovemyjobs #lovemyfriends #lovethisweather #Godistoogood

[tooprecioustounderstand]

💚💙Heard it was #nationalboyfriendday & I love my young men... I am far from perfect, yet he still puts me on his pedestal. Forever grateful for our handsome and healthy bundle of joy... & I appreciate the love given and reciprocated. Love you forever bestfriend. #rider #loversandfriends #GodisTooGood #TJ #blessed (at Norfolk, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/BofcYWiF7R8phJwxwPg3b4H6dGDR0wESJglzOA0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=po0hzrk1pzeh

[undefinedgirls]

To think I almost lost everything on my phone 😭.

[lachishbodyscrubs-blog]

These oatmeal, milk and honey soap bars are going pretty fast. I'm actually making money on a Sunday. I have a few bars left. Shop lachishbodyscrubs.com #godistoogood #naturalsoap #crafty #lachishhomemadebodyscrubs #instagood #followme #happysoaping #happysunday

[imogenkit]

This is worship. 👽🙏🏽🙌🏽❤️❤️❤️❤️ #Godisgood #Godistoogood #5first #5firstapp #breathing #blessed #worship #like4like #follow

[imadrain]

TL;DR: Chicago Trip Was Good

After today, I can confidently say that I really needed this trip to Chicago--like seriously needed it. 

Initially, I was going to go to Urban Youth Outreach every day during that week if God willing and fortunately I could--everyone up in Evanston was busy so it was possible to juggle between catching up with close friends up at Northwestern and spend time hanging out with kids at UYO. 

Yet, as the trip approached, a lot of fear suddenly gripped my heart. What if going back to UYO wasn’t like it was back then? What if I ended up not liking Chicago because of it and will I end up not being committed to this city anymore? I think a lot of those lies and fears came circling around my hear all of Monday. I feared and I definitely succumbed to it. 

And so on that fateful Monday, as I walked into Urban Youth Outreach with some friends from HMCC Ann Arbor, I feared and Satan won. I remember standing on the porch, afraid to go down because the older boys were playing basketball. Insecurity and doubt muddled my mind, all of me unwilling to go and even walk around the place in fear of... something happening. As to what I honestly don’t know, though perhaps some of it in fear of the kids not remembering me. And as I re-introduced myself to the people there, I found myself scared that I was forgotten, and it was true. Some remember, but many don’t. And so I reel back, mind racing, thinking, “Why did I come here in the first place but to only be met with forgetful looks and mindless stares?” Were my two months here worth it at all? Was coming here a mistake?

And so the last two days were spent fighting the lies in my head. For two days, I refused to go to Urban Youth Outreach out of sheer fear that I would only be met with blank stares and weird looks--social anxiety welled inside of me. And so the last two days were spent walking around downtown Chicago and Evanston, just enjoying my time here alone. It was so needed because having those times to reflect, pray, and fight for my heart was so much needed. The escape from the business of going through motion after motion of church-related activities or doing things with people around me was beautiful, for through it, I was able to see myself in a clearer light. No distractions. Just me.

Even today, I fought against the lies that were floating around my head. I prayed that the fear of others forgetting me would be replaced with a transcendent love, for I am not winning the approval of others but fighting for their salvation. I prayed that social anxiety would be replaced with a rooted identity in Christ, for I am not evaluated by the standards of men but by the standard of God. So whom shall I fear? Lastly, I prayed that if indeed God wants me to continue to be committed to this place then give me courage love on the children so selflessly. And God met me. 

Today was a good trip to UYO. I felt a lot of things today that perhaps is hard to capture on paper, but I definitely felt the things that I prayed be fulfilled tenfold. I saw courage manifest itself through not caring what others thought. I acted freely and wanted to just love the kids as much as I could. I was reminded that even if my actions don’t bare any fruit, God knows what I am doing and is pleased with me. Why should I care if I don’t see the fruits of investment right away? Again and again, I felt affirmed, and it continued to be affirming even as I met up with a sister after my trip to UYO today.

Definitely, as this season ends and I will be transitioning to Detroit, I really needed this trip as an affirmation for why I’m doing this summer program as well as courage to fight agains the fears and lies that come with doing this program. If God can change my fearful heart in two days, then He can definitely do something great in three months. 

So for my future self, I leave you this verse:

Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”