I hate knowing shit that I don't need to know.
I never knew a secret that wasn’t even yours to begin with could be capable of destroying you and I mean your entire being, way of life, beliefs, morals, values, and the way you look at people and things. It even changes your image. You begin to look exhausted all the time and the betrayal starts to shine on your skin. It’s ugly.
It’s really sad when you choose to keep certain things to yourself because it could ruin anything and everything else around you. You have the words and the will power to ruin peoples’ lives and worlds, yet you let it ruin you.
It only becomes disgusting when you watch your whole life fall apart because you thought were protecting and defending someone you thought you were “important” to, but they just turned out to be another asshole who could give two less fucks about you and throws you under the bus at any given opportunity just to cover his ass. Not that you wanted to be their “everything,” but when you’re bestfriends or brother/sisters with someone, you just don’t tell them secrets, ask them not to say anything and talk shit about them just because you know damn well they’ll be the better person and keep shit “cool” for you.
It’s a lot more complicated than that because you end up in the middle of complete awkwardness and some what emptiness. You’re just caught in the middle and dont know what to do so, you choose to drop everything and everyone because whether or not you thought you were doing the right thing, anything you chose to do would betray or hurt either third party.
You just bury it deep inside you, where it hurts ONLY you. So innocent and naive, yet you’re still at fault for everything, and no one even knows the sacrifices and reasons you chose to let go. No one chooses to see things beyond your reasons and choices. They’re just blind
. They don't want to try and understand or look at it from your point kf view because either way, they knew it was best that you were out of their lives too. They just didn't know how to tell you. Shame on me for letting it eat at me to a point where I started to hate myself and for being so passive about it.
It’s cool, mama always says, “God never sleeps.”