‘ you don’t know half the shit that goes on in my head. ’
‘ tired of me makin’ more assumptions ? pissy because i’m right, black ? tsk, unbecoming of you. ’
‘ how are you so sure of yourself all the time ? ’
‘ ... i have a fall back, a sure fire way to tell what other people are really thinking. ’
‘ ... that sounds dangerous. ’
‘ but isn’t it though, alistair ? you have a one - way ticket to inner trauma, and you just expect people to trust you with it ? ’
‘ i don’t — i don’t use it like that. i don’t use my semblance to be cruel. ’
grimm released beastial snarl as sharp retribution’s blades dug into bone antlers and held oncoming charge back. vulpes could feel the ache of withstanding force in his back and shaking arms, meeting the grimm head on with a guttural battle cry of his own. vacuo was the most unkind place on remnant. there was no guarantee one would survive even with all of life’s blessings heaped upon them, but maybe that’s what fox liked about it. death didn’t discriminate. and here amongst the wastes, across vast dunes filled with the most ferocious beasts, he’d still thrived. he was in his element. he could lose himself in this battle, and hone his senses ‘til he could move with the wind and be one with it. he could lose his mind this way.
he hoped he would sometimes.
professor goodwitch was grieving and yet she’d still managed to put half the city back together. there was no question that team cfvy would help with the clearing of grimm, doing everything they could to reverse the damage caused by cinder fall. the upperclassman had taken ruby’s team under their wing, and so young prodigy had confided in them the events that had transpired. he’d been blindsided by how blatantly he’d ignored his instincts until that moment. mercury ensured penny’s death, drove the colosseum into a state of panic, aided in the fall of beacon. he’d pushed fox away as soon as he was getting close enough to unravel the plan.
how could he be so stupid ?
it was a funny thing, having such brilliant control of his aura, so much of it to use, and fox was still burning through it at an alarming rate. dealing out the most damage compared to his teammates maybe, but at what cost ? he had no idea how long he’d need to conserve it, how long it would be until the next big threat. fox had always been the most reckless of his team, but this was different, this was unhinged. maybe he was burning through his aura because he wanted it to hurt. there was so much more of it when he wasn’t using it to talk with his teammates. he wanted the desert to beat these feelings out of him, maybe then he’d find catharsis over this agonising heartache.
for now, anyway. everything was temporary after all.
he was by far not the first person to react like that. fox had had friends once upon a time. it was so much easier to make new friends as a child. fox had kept none of them. vacuo was unkind, and he’d seen many a tribe member fall victim to it’s dangers. as he grew making friends was harder, keeping them with his semblance made it impossible. you would think that he’d be used to it by now, losing family, losing friends, listening to the sounds of footsteps as people walked away. it was different with mercury, hit so much harder, listening to the doubt resonating in his voice. fox would never stop trying to build meaningful bonds, because he was resilient like that, but goddamn if he didn’t think about it in the days after the wolf told him to leave.
you were just like everyone else who left me behind.
he’d reached the bottom of his well, aura giving way with a shatter as the searing pain of grimm claw finally grazing flesh. this is the easiest way to work through his emotions, by tearing into grimm carcass and hearing the black vapour rise back into the atmosphere, feel gaseous mist as negativity - incarnate washed over his form, roll off him as it disintegrated. it was cathartic, soothing in a way, to simply focus on destruction and nothing else. but fox often wasn’t allowed to indulge in such simple measures. he was their team’s liaison, their tether, the red string keeping them together amidst the rising sands and the monsters who occupied them. when fox went rogue the team fell out of sync.
you cannot afford this weakness.
bertilak, through sneering countenance, told fox their team was on a list. a list of semblances their unknown commissioner was interested in, commissioners involved with the fall of beacon. that had always been the plan, to get their licences, come back, save beacon from the never ending hordes of grimm. now it turned out things were far more complicated. fox hadn’t made the connection until later, when his team returned to shade, and something in him broke. mercury had only befriended him because of his semblance, only slept with fox because of his semblance, and when he’d found out what it was, he’d been tossed aside. something splintered, then fractured, and in the privacy of his shade dorm fox allowed himself one frustrated sob before gritting his teeth and taking on the next available search and destroy mission.
they found him, duking it out with grimm alone within two hours. ready to chew him out both verbally and telepathically when they realised fox wouldn’t open up.
‘ fox, what’s wrong ? ’ coco with her support.
‘ why aren’t you communicating with us ? ’ velvet with her compassion.
‘ what do you need ? ’ yatsu and his insight.
it was all a little unbearable.
‘ ... are you thinking about mercury again ? ’
mercury had nightmares, fox noticed, or at least very active dreams. some part of him had been thrilled that session when mercury said he’d been to tired to leave afterwards, giving into the indulgence of a nap. though vulpes woke before the wolf it was enough to simply lie there with his arm curled around the other, listening to the sound of rhythmic breathing. fox angled his head just slightly when mercury stirred, muttering the quietest “ i’m sorry ” under his breath. had fox been any less alert he wouldn’t have heard it. what did that mean ? vulpes furrowed his brow, arm curled around mercury tightening. protective.
