Deep in it...but going through it!
Well...things are not getting any better at work. I am still struggling to keep up with crazy demands, I have found myself caught up in some “he say...she say” and to top it off I just found out from my supervisor that one of my colleagues that I considered a friend has been lying on me. This is just so ridiculous, I am no longer in junior high school yet I am wrapped up in the childish games. A person that I thought was my friend is stabbing me in the back...or is it my supervisor trying to create an alliance with me while causing division. I am not sure any more and this is very difficult. Plus I am on probation at work!!!
I am a very trusting person and always give people the benefit of the doubt but now I feel like my senses are just off and it has put me in a bad place. The first 4 years at this job things were good...but it seems like once a certain person has entered the group things have changed. I just want to be able to come to work and go home. I feel like I can’t trust ANYONE in my department and I just want to keep to myself. I am tired of crying, of the backstabbing and I am just praying for God to deliver me from this. I know that God will, but while I am deep in it and going through it...my life has become very difficult. In addition, I am having trouble sleeping, I am working 10 hours a day 3 or 4 times a week, I miss spending time with my family during the week and on the weekends I am so tired that I do not have the energy to do anything. I can’t keep up with my house cleaning and it is just awful. I don’t like living like this...my life is out of order.
it is times like this that I know I need to lean on the Lord. I know that He will get me through this and not leave me in this forever. I will remain faithful and remember that He is with me. God is in control and I feel like He is preparing me for something...and it will be something great! I have not been in this place is a long time. There are a lot of distractions out there and right now my job is my distraction. It is trying to take my focus off my true goal which is to get my degree and change my career. I want to be there for my children and family again. I have cried so much over this phase of my life, but I know that God will deliver me. Isaiah 40:31 is the scripture I look to at times like this. If anyone reads this please pray for me...sometimes I feel like giving in...but I won't!!!