#gogre

[isa-sketches]

Finished up a really fun commission yesterday!

[midaia]

April 28, 2016

I had a massive struggle to remember even a little fragment of a single dream I had this morning.

I can remember that I was living in this city, apparently on Suinbebaya. My home was a black duplex that sit atop a snake-shaped spiral ramp that rose kilometres in the sky. From up here I had a good view over the city and I could even see the ocean rift between the two major continents.

When inside the house, I only had access to the ground level. The central staircase had a barrier spell cast by Gogre that only him could undo. He lived upstairs, but I had never noticed a single sign of life there.

I remember going to the stairs for advice a few times. The barrier bore Gogre’s red double ring symbol with some static and his voice would come out of it in a calm, somewhat deep feminine voice.

[midaia]

April 06, 2016

I had this weird dream full of corporeal undead. The plot was a lot like InuYasha's, with some sort of monster queen actually being half-human. I had a dream self but I barely used it. I often let it on automatic while my mind wandered around without a body. I was lucid for at least a few minutes but I was always powerless to do anything.

Full-blooded monsters (who were born as such instead of being transformed humans) were infertile and needed half-human monsters to reproduce. Therefore the monster queen planned to infect all leftover humans and transform them, which would give rise to a large population of half-human monsters.

There was this massive building with a mall-like structure and intricate engines that were required to be immersed underwater at all times. The mall was massive enough for a few makeshift monster and human neighborhoods to be made by reappropriating rooms and space. Our plan was to activate a part of the submerged boiler room that would make the mall a hostile environment to monsters but we failed, apparently. We had managed to get access to these engines by finding covered-up entrances inside the corners of walls.

The monster queen apparently wanted a king and so infected this guy I was following for a while. Me and this guy were going around the neighborhood together and got ourselves ambushed in an alley. I managed to flee but he didn't. Shortly after fleeing, my perspective changed to that of the queen. She was observing the injured man and I could see that the monsters had cut his belly open and were eating his internal organs.

I feel as if I wasn’t even human in the dream. Perhaps a yaso. There was this strange thing where I lost control of my physical self whenever the monster queen made an appearance, and whenever she showed up I saw everything through her eyes. It was as if we were the same person who could only manifest one main form at a time, except I lost my lucidity whenever I was in the queen’s perspective.

[midaia]

October 06, 2014

The trip to the mountains was okay. I had a sibatôn (dream person) with me, we were best friends and everything. When still traveling in the car, I saw many other places I met previously in other dreams. I then realised that many of those places were in the caatinga all along. But well, our prime objective was to attend a marriage party, and then another unrelated party in the same town atop the mountains.

We arrived around afternoon there. Evening was not very close, but it was surely much later than noon already. We unloaded our luggage from the car. The family house there was vibrating with life, I suppose because of things I overheard my father saying about it recently. Last time I went there wananodj (in “real life”) it was pretty dirty, though.

At some point, maybe in the same day, me and my friend walked around the town area, mostly exploring the rainforest and rocky areas. I got the idea of using my lucid powers to fly and view multiple places at the same time. I flew around a cliff, and he followed by foot. Every time I looked down, I got scared a little and my flying hability would fail temporarily. I eventually ventured too close to the edge of a cliff and felt fear intense enough to throw me down. I managed to land safely before I could fall off, although I almost missed.

My friend joked about it and I just ignored him. I looked where exactly I landed and saw a seemingly abandoned house over a plateau that was impossible to access on foot. It was surrounded by either cliffs or steep rocks. Me seeing it caused my friend to see it too. We went over there, climbed the rocky platform over which the home was seated and then I helped my friend to get up there with me.

Outside, the home was rather simple but somewhat big. It was basically a big parallelepiped over which a pyramidal roof rested. After checking if anyone was in or around, we tried to open the front door with caution. It was locked, so I destroyed the door. After entering, I rebuilt it just like how it used to be: woody, thick, heavy and locked. Inside, we noticed that no one was there at the time, no one was within the habitation besides me and my friend, and this was certain fact. There were dead, skinned animals hanging from the ceiling around the main room. At the end of said room, we could see a door leading to what seemed to be a bedroom. We checked it.

A strange man came out of the bedroom’s door, with a knife. We said hi, and he threatened us. Feeling the dream was getting boring, I accepted being held hostage. While I was being hanged to the ceiling by my hips, my friend fought back. As I observed him fighting with his fists, I manipulated the dream so that the knife man could never win. I was really interested to know what my sibatôn friend would do once victorious. The knife guy was punched unconscious, and my fried used his knife to free me. Then I thought, thought if that was really what a sibatôn would do. If they would really help me like that.

We spent the night in the town’s local library. We stayed on the underground floors where old, damaged, and valuable books were stored. My old school’s librarian was there, for some reason. And I remember some family too. We all chatted, discussed some history, and then began preparing for sleep.

And then something happened. The knife guy materialised in the room I was sleeping in with my friend. He began some kind of transformation, ultimately looking like a strawman made of bones, tar and smoke, which bled from him like blood and steam. We asked what he wanted. He wanted my friend. My friend accepted, and both of them dematerialised from the room. And then, just like that, everything looked fine again. Except my friend was probably being tortured now.

Next day, at night, I looked for any living entity within the boundaries of the dream’s area. I managed to detect many homes, houses, buildings and other places. I eventually gave up and just thought about materialising at his location. And like that, in the middle of the night, I arrived at his place. It was a building with a single floor but built to look like a cave, with stairs going down and deeper underground. I went down there and asked the guy what I could do to stop him.

Suddenly, I found myself restrained with a metal rod and barbed wires bent around me. He approached, holding my right arm and seemingly looking at my hand. It was hard to tell with all that bone covering his head. He then cut my wrist, as if he enjoyed it, and then deepened the cut gradually until my hand was cut off.

I woke up. I thought, what kind of disturbing shit was that. But then I remembered that I had to sleep eight hours that night to stabilise my manic mood.

Back in the dream, I found myself still restrained and the knife guy was doing something. I looked at his direction to find him in the dark, working on something over my friend. I checked my right arm. It was bleeding and lacking a hand.

Woke up again. I then decided to end the dream already. Back to sleep.

Found myself standing in the middle of the room, with the restraints in the corner as if they were holding a ghost. I regenerated my hand back and remotely forced the guy to get off my friend using some sort of telekinetic power. The monstrous guy then jumped at me and I, annoyed, punched his bony face, breaking it and sending his brain flying. His smoke and tar turned into vivid red blood as he died, and his bony armour-like body turned into soft clothes and straw. I threw his corpse to the side.

I lit a fire outside with my friend’s help, who had just woken up, and waited for rescue to arrive. I knew it was arriving because I said so. My friend was shirtless, and had a pair of breasts stitched to his chest. It was almost completely healed as well. He seemed to like it.

I certainly had another dream later since this dream here happened just a few hours after I went to hammock. But I can not remember any of those, just this one.

[midaia]

August 19, 2013

After dressing our uniforms, we opened the fissure to the other world. On these days it was a very common thing to do, with both sides entering each other’s world whenever they wanted. Humans were infamous there since we often sought extra magical power on that land, so it wasn’t hard to mix with the crowd. The street was unpaved and an endless torrent of people (both humans and otherwise) flowed through it. On both sides of the street there were shops and services for multiple ends. However, our interest there was to locate an irregular business that wasn’t following the rules governing the use of magic.

We presented ourselves as clients once there. Each one of us was sent to a different room, each room designed for different purposes, I suppose. The room I was sent to had a few people in line, waiting to be charmed by a series of demons on the wall standing against the entrance. These demons were mostly human in appearance and had the lower half of their limbs missing, the open wounds oozing a magic substance that should be touched by the clientèle. When it was my turn, the substance induced some kind of hallucination in me, a hallucination controlled by those demons who could see under my façade, my true intentions. I was supposed to make a wish, and then rub the substance on the part of my body that had to do with it. I wished for my vision to be healed (I'm a horrible myopic) and the substance jumped from my hands straight into my eyes. I had what seemed to be hallucinations related to sleep paralysis and then, after an undetermined amount of time, I came to my senses.

I was physically blind and could only see through my mind. Whatever that thing did, it gave me some sort of supernatural vision in exchange for my actual eyesight. I could "see" everything around me and through some walls or obstacles, all of it looking reddish-black in my mind. It was hard to distinguish colours besides black and red and it was impossible to determine the time of the day through ambient lighting, as everything looked dark and nightmarish.

I was still in the same room, with something bluish covering my eyes. No one was there and I could "see" that the whole building was empty (it only had a few rooms, actually). However, I sensed something moving behind the wall that had the demons casting spells. I then sensed my partner moaning in pain next to me. Their voice was muffled and I couldn't extract anything meaningful from their words so I just dragged them away from danger with the little strength I still had. We climbed a flight of stairs, opening the door at the end. We were at the balcony and I sensed that "thing" again on the building across the street. I ducked instantly, trying to hide ourselves from that thing's vision.

I started feeling weak as I waited for the thing to go somewhere it couldn't see us. A strange creature then hopped on me and told it was going to help me. I wasn't entirely conscious at this point and I had no idea what to do any more. I then felt someone holding my shoulders, asking me what happened. My other friends had arrived, the three of them not sure of what was going on with me and my partner. After dragging us inside, they began assessing our situation.

We left the place through the back exit. Walking down a narrow road by a river, we left the dry village behind and headed towards the most arid areas inland. There was a place there that was second in our list and since our wounds were not major we just decided to go on with our mission. Dealing with the illegal charms was a problem to be solved later.

I'm not sure what happened, but as we crossed a bridge giving us access to a ruins complex, we lost contact with each other. From my perspective, it was as if everybody had disappeared. Although alone, I was sure everyone was okay and so I went ahead to dismantle the slave trade organization settled in those ruins. However, I felt weak once again and fell on my knees. I felt my skin burning as metallic blue scales covered my whole body. Getting back up with the help of my newly acquired tail, I felt my "sensing" habilities growing stronger. I was then capable of projecting my vision, viewing myself and my surroundings as a spectator.

Not caring much about my physical transformations, I kept going on and checking if anyone was around. Besides equipment and half-conscious autonomous blacksmith golems, there was no one there. After walking around, my "vision radar" detected a roofless room behind a tall, breached wall. Climbing a few steps to get to the wall itself, I sensed someone tied to a shield on the wall opposing the breach. Once there, I used my blue plasma magic to break the being free from there. Falling on the ground, they woke up with a panicked expression. She looked like a humanoid brown snake or bearded lizard. Her eyes were completely black and this was when I realised mine were just like hers too. Looking around, she pulled me by my arm to a corner, keeping us somewhat hidden from any potential outsider. She then pointed out the horn-like protrusions on my head that I also failed to notice before.

The lizard woman told me she wanted to get out from there and seemed too alarmed to actually explain who she was. So we did. The golems seemed to be capable of detecting a freed slave because they began swarming us as we passed by. Irradiating my corona-like aura to maximise my magic, I reduced all of my opponents to ashes with a single wave of my arm. Once our path was clear, I ran with the girl in the direction of the bridge I used earlier to access the ruins. As we crossed it, though, my consciousness shifted back and forth. The sky was dark and starry and I could hear her voice in the distance. Everything became blurry and turbid and then I woke up.

[midaia]

July 16, 2011

I saw Gogre sabotaging underground structures.

[satile]

12.14~12.19

到了一个尴尬的年龄，尴尬的处境，一些反思溢出脑海

周六带猫猫取看病，在医院等了太久也折腾太久，终究还是躲不过一晚上的死睡，以及早上起来不舒服的感觉，最后决定把猫猫送人。这个决定可以说是及时止损也是对自己处境的妥协，既然决定要自己一个人往前跑，怎么能给与一个生命足够的关爱，每天早上喂猫关注他超级累。本着不让自己一个人孤独的过下去的想法把Tracy带回来，应该说这是希望别人来关注自己吧，终究还是发现自己要更加自律和自我驱动而不是花太多时间去玩猫，毕竟我想要的生活要抛弃 太多太多现在的存在【这都是大学四年不努力瞎玩的后果，这也是自己修正的开始。】。

这周一，很难受，Tracy改名叫馒头了，师妹看起来还蛮靠谱的，希望她一直靠谱下去，给馒头一个好生活；然后猫猫走了，感觉就跟分手了一样，在家住了俩星期果然是男盆友一样的存在，而不是儿子，我超级依赖一人一猫的温馨感觉【当然这是他没生病前，把他拿回来养几天就开始各种生病了。。。所以因为没有时间帮他上药喂药治病，只能送走他让有时间的人照顾他】

今天是周二，早上起来的很早，有点失眠，磨磨蹭蹭的到单位干活，寄希望于努力工作忘掉馒头的事情，所以蛮尽力的，干活也比较顺利吧，ppt什么的也都做好了，然后抽空又思考了一下自己的职业规划之类的，深刻的觉得自己依旧要在单身的路上走很久，内心似乎有着不安定的灵魂，希望自己更加厉害，更加cool，更加有价值【伴随着有钱，希望自己不要停下来，可以一直进步，可以赶上比自己快的人，希望自己可以不仅仅是干活而是为自己的小时候的梦想：有一间自己的公司，可以财务独立，可以lead别人，不是死气沉沉的干活，虽然我知道很难，但是这个确实是我的一点想法，然后如果喜欢什么东西的话一定要有反馈性质的玩耍，比如说对日剧越来越喜欢就该会点日语而不是仅仅停留在刷剧的水平上，厉害的校友yixi说参与什么东西都要做好才能有参与感，做不好就不要瞎折腾浪费时间了，所以，我明白了养猫这个事情我自己一个人现在做不好也不配去养一只猫，然而学习gre和toefl实际是比较好的对象，然后尽早刷掉该达到的分数，然后去学吉他或者日语，在明年出国或者找工作之前。

关于在我司的工作，我想说的是感谢我司给我的机会，我也很努力了呢，现在的我至少还是有比较好的进步节奏，比7.20来公司的那个忙手忙脚一团乱的傻妞要淡定和厉害了，也渐渐发现瓶颈了【偶尔觉得这些东西好无聊】，我会试着做出改变【在完成英语考试的同时，锻炼coding真是难上加难。。。还是优先搞英语吧，学习英语给我的感受是个人能力在锻炼，所以是有价值的】

昨晚还受一点打击就是非常尊敬的菁姐因为妈妈的事情已经更加偏好留在腾讯锻炼自己了，虽然嘴上会说工作和念书都一样好，但是还是有点觉得留下来工作就会被逼结婚什么的比较人生受限制，然而我很懂 在她心里家人的分量，这种感觉我偶尔会安慰自己，我爸妈凑合着过着，虽然不会又多少的经济提升，但是至少还是会安心一点【谢谢二老，爸妈在这个小半年里面给我的支持也是非常多，因为我是个非常爱花钱的人。。。啊，因为爱花钱所以要变成非常厉害的人啊，要决定成为谨慎入坑的人，做什么事情都要有rebound，没有rebound就不要装逼浪费时间了。