#going mute

[daniel-the-crafty]

People be like “I love this character so much I have them as my pfp and my display name!” I don’t get it cause when I love a character I get so fucking embarrassed abt them it’s not even funny. I think about them 24/7 and what they would say in any given situation. Sometimes I’ll catch myself reading fics and then be like “what if they saw me rn what would they say” and I immediately want to die in a hole. Maybe it’s just social anxiety and or chronic online-ness but I just see my favorite characters as actual people for some reason and not fictional, like I see them as actors playing a role.. I stim and love when they’re on screen till I see myself ig. I LITERALLY MET LEE MAJDOUB AT A CONVENTION MY ALL TIME FAVORITE ACTOR/CHARACTER AND I FUCKING WENT MUTE AFTER PAYING LIKE 60 BUCKS JUST TO GET AN AUTOGRAPH. I hate autism it fucking sucks. “Aw I want a little autistic boyfriend” till you gotta help him through mute meltdowns. Sorry this turned into a rant I’m still pissed about the autograph thing

[magicalrangerscourge]

[shezgotgame]

today drained me 😫 gonna relax, watch love island, edit these vids/photos i have for yall and get em in the queue

[earthtoharlow]

Having 44 messages in my inbox is crazy

[brokenstar-s]

.

[estefania-ermes]

i will never fulyl recover from this embarrassment I WILL NEVER SPEAK

[dynamicspacebud]

thinking about how many of my autistic and adhd traits factored into the resentment/frustration my ex had with me. I remember so many specific instance that i thought were my fault/me not trying hard enough when it was something inherently inside of me and out of my control. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t know and neither did I. I couldn’t explain because i didn’t understand myself and that was terrible for both of us. I don’t think it would have changed anything (not that i would have wanted it to) but i think if i had known at the time maybe it would have been a little easier you know.

[liquifiedgalaxy]

And today on reason’s why I’m an absolutely shit human being:

I poked fun at something he really cares about. Except it turns out, it struck deeper than I intended. Where I thought this had only happened once, it had happened four times. 

I don’t think I’ve ever felt as guilty as I have now. And I’ve apologized a thousand times, and he’s forgiven me, and I’m still sitting here at midnight, crying over how badly I regret saying it. 

I forget to control what I say sometimes. And while I didn’t mean what I said at all, that doesn’t make it okay for me to have said it in the first place. I’ve been told by multiple people multiple times that I talk to much, that I have a big mouth, that I need to watch what I say, that i only talk to hear my own voice sometimes. 

I guess that’s true.

I think I’d do better if I didn’t speak.

Maybe I’ll try this?

I think I’ll try this.

I’m sorry, Dal.