Installment 7 in “My Story”
So I think I’ve found a way to overcome my co-dependent reactions to my BPDexgf’s ridiculously inappropriate request to pay for her therapy. I’m going to stick with my initial reaction when she asked - which was to say no.
I have a lot of reasons for why that’s the right answer, but the guilt I was starting to feel about it was really getting to me until I remembered we had made an agreement 2 months ago. We agreed neither of us would make any decisions about taking the final steps to sever what we had left, nor would she take steps to advance her new relationship - that we would wait for those decisions until after she had therapy. She went ahead with her choices though - and, I think it’s fair for me to say that meant she didn’t care about therapy, or us, enough to maintain the bond of our friendship.
Without that, why would she think it’s appropriate to ask me this - and why would it be appropriate for me to do it? The answer is that it isn’t.
Not to mention that I can tell the only reason she’s even talking about it is because she’s trying to pretend for the replacement. That she cannot even see how seriously bad that situation is - how ill-equipped most people would be let alone her - does not bode well. The danger she’s put herself in with this, and this other person, is so beyond my comprehension I cannot believe it.
More and more I am becoming resolute in needing her out of my life in all capacities. If she sincerely cannot see how fucked up this whole thing is - if she honestly felt it was “good” to make her choices without having learned enough in therapy to actually know it was the right choice...or to even begin to understand that emotions are not facts...well, I think I have to give up.
What even is the point in trying to help someone who is incapable - or unwilling - to even know what is wrong in the first place? That’s an effort in futility.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love her in some way still and I do want her to be happy. But her happiness always comes at someone else’s destruction and I just can’t be a part of that - neither from inside nor outside of a real connection.
I can see now why we were always headed to this place. The more I uncovered about the truth, the less willing she was going to be to see it. There is no way this won’t become intolerable for her as it continues - and that’s exactly why therapy cannot help her.
Just. Wow. What a revelation.
