You’re hopelessly in love with Satoru Gojo but he keeps giving you mixed signals.
You’re in love with Satoru Gojo. You’ve completely lost your fucking mind over this guy.
Your brain just doesn’t work right when he’s around. Every logical thought you’ve ever had just fucks off into the sunset the second he walks into a room.
He’s the president of his frat. Walks around campus like he owns the place because, let’s be real, he kind of does. Everyone wants him. Girls, guys, probably some of the professors too. You’re not special in that regard.
Because Satoru pays attention to you in ways he doesn’t with other girls.
Like last week when you were at some party and got cold, he didn’t even hesitate before pulling off his hoodie and handing it to you.
It smelled like him…. and you haven’t washed it yet because you’re disgusting and obsessed.
“Can’t have you freezing to death,” he’d said, and his hand stayed on your shoulder for just a second longer than necessary.
He texts you at weird hours.
2 AM on a Tuesday… “you awake?” followed by some dumb meme.
11 PM on a Saturday… “come get food with me, I’m fucking starving.”
Last Thursday you were studying in the library and he… showed up.
Sat down across from you with two coffees, slid one over. It was exactly how you like it… oat milk, one sugar, extra shot.
“You told me like a month ago,” he said, shrugging like it was nothing. Like he hadn’t remembered this tiny detail about you for weeks.
You studied together for three hours.
Well, you studied. He mostly made stupid jokes and tried to distract you, but every time you looked up he was already looking at you with this soft smile.
When you left, he walked you back to your dorm even though it was completely out of his way.
“Text me when you’re inside,” he said.
You did, and he sent back a heart emoji. Your actual heart nearly exploded.
You’ve been thinking about it for months now… this thing between you that neither of you has named.
But you’re tired of waiting. Tired of wondering. Tonight you’re going to tell him how you feel.
You’ve been psyching yourself up all day. Had two shots of vodka before leaving your dorm because you needed the courage.
Put on the jeans that make your ass look incredible. Practiced what you’re going to say about fifteen times in the mirror.
Your heart is hammering as you walk to his dorm. This is insane. This is the most terrifying thing you’ve ever done.
Okay, you’re fucking terrified, but you’re doing this.
Your pulse is so loud you can hear it in your ears.
Satoru’s standing there in grey sweatpants and a t shirt, hair messy like he’s been lying down. When he sees you, his expression is… off.
“Oh, hey,” he says. Not excited. Just…uninterested. “What’s up?”
All your practiced words die in your throat. “I….I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Toru?” A girl’s voice calls from inside his room. “Who is it?”
You know that voice. Mina Kojima. The most popular girl on campus, the one every guy wants.
“Nobody,” Satoru calls back over his shoulder. He’s not even looking at you when he says it. “Just give me a sec, baby.”
The word punches through you. You’re nobody. Standing right in front of him, and you’re nobody.
Your chest is caving in and you can’t fucking breathe but you can’t fall apart here. Not in front of him.
You pull your face into something that might look like a smile.
“Oh, sorry.. I just had a question about the assignment,” you lie.
Your voice sounds normal. How is your voice normal when everything inside you is screaming? “But you’re obviously busy. My bad for bothering you.”
“Yeah, no worries,” he says, already closing the door, already turning back to her. “See you around.”
You stare at it for a second. Then your legs are moving, carrying you down the hallway because if you stay here you’re going to collapse.
You make it maybe twenty feet before your knees buckle.
You hit the floor hard, back sliding down the wall, and you have to shove your fist into your mouth to keep the sound in. You’re breaking apart and you can’t let anyone hear, can’t let him hear.
That time he gave you his hoodie and you slept in it for a week. The way he looked at you sometimes.
Every stupid joke, every time he saved you a seat, every late night text, every moment you thought meant he might feel the same way.
Why would he do all of that if you were nobody?
Why would he make you feel special, make you feel seen… just to call you nobody?
You’re crying so hard you can’t breathe right, and the word keeps echoing in your head. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.
Inside, Satoru gets back into bed.
Mina’s scrolling on her phone, barely looked up when he came back.
He settles next to her and tries to focus on the fact that she’s here, in his bed, finally his girlfriend after months of chasing.
But his mind keeps going back to the look on your face. How you looked like he’d slapped you.
Because he knows. Of course he fucking knows.
He’s known for months that you have feelings for him. It’s been obvious in the way you light up when he texts, how you laugh at his dumbest jokes or how you look at him.
Mina wouldn’t give him the time of day, and he needed her to notice him. Jealousy works.
So he gave you attention. Let you get close. Small things that didn’t mean much to him but he knew meant everything to you.
He fed you just enough to keep you hoping while he used you to make someone else jealous.
And it worked. Mina finally noticed him, finally wanted him, and now she’s here.
The guilt sitting in his chest is uncomfortable, but he pushes it down.
It’s not like he lied to you or made you any promises. You read into things, that’s not on him.
You’ll be fine. You’re tough. You’ll get over it and meet someone who actually gives a shit about you the way you deserve.
This is better for everyone in the long run.
“You good?” Mina asks, still not looking up from her phone.
“Yeah,” he says. “I’m good.”
He pushes the image of your face out of his mind.
After that night, you disappear from his life.
You’re still on campus, still going to classes. But as far as Satoru is concerned, you might as well have transferred.
You don’t answer his texts. You avoid places you know he’ll be. If you see him on campus, you turn around and go the other way.
You’re not trying to be dramatic about it… you just can’t be around him.
He’s with someone. You’re not going to be the pathetic girl who hangs around hoping for crumbs when he’s giving someone else everything.
Satoru notices you’re gone pretty quickly.
At first he doesn’t think much of it… he’s busy with Mina, with college, with frat shit.
But then he keeps noticing your absence. You’re not at parties anymore. Not in your usual spot in the library. Not anywhere.
He’s sitting in his room with Mina one afternoon, telling her about something stupid that happened in his class.
He’s building up to the punchline, grinning as he delivers it.
Mina blinks at him. “I don’t get it.”
“What? No, it’s funny because the professor always…..”
“I mean, okay?” She’s already looking back at her phone.
And suddenly he hears your laugh in his head.
The way you would’ve lost it at that joke, that snorting sound you made when something really got you.
The way you’d call him an idiot while tears streamed down your face from laughing.
His chest does something painful.
He thinks about texting you, then remembers you don’t respond anymore. He thinks about your smile.
The way you’d steal fries off his plate. How you actually listened when he talked. How you looked at him like he was worth something.
“Babe, I’m talking to you,” Mina says, annoyed now.
His heart hurts and he doesn’t know why.
Or maybe he does, and he just doesn’t want to admit it yet.
He has everything he thought he wanted.
So why does it feel like he lost everything?
