Jul 6, 2014
KITTIE AND CELIA I'M IN CHICAGO AND I FOUND A BAR WITH AN ADDAMS FAMILY PINBALL MACHINE
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Japan
seen from South Korea
seen from Malaysia
seen from Japan
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Ecuador
seen from China
seen from China
seen from China
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Türkiye
seen from Chile
seen from Chile
KITTIE AND CELIA I'M IN CHICAGO AND I FOUND A BAR WITH AN ADDAMS FAMILY PINBALL MACHINE
Ignore my trashed room <33
Okay. So I used to be totally content with staying home alone all the time.
And I think that’s because working at life alive was just so draining. I was super excited to not be around people.
But now that I’m working so much, trying to juggle two jobs…I have been so restless. I hate hanging out around the house. I never want to be alone - and I think that might be driving a few people crazy :(
Maybe it’s because my interaction with Steve is so limited now. He used to keep me company via text or Facebook whenever I was at home by myself. Now I might hear from him once a day, and our conversations are so much shorter…and it just feels so strange.
I think I’m supremely lonely and I’m just doing everything in my power to keep my spirits up - and when the availability of distraction seems threatened (work day is over, my friends aren’t available to hang out) I get restless and panicky because I don’t think I’ve actually faced any of these massive life changes yet.
I’m losing weight alarmingly fast and like, even though I’m really proud of myself for staying as on top of things as I have been - I think I’m about due for a tidal wave of repressed emotion.
Not excited for that.
Love and lifestuff, Kittie
I'm in such a weird place... Personal.
On one hand, I'm really proud of myself for taking baby-steps towards actively combatting the symptoms of my depression. Things like organizing my wardrobe, decorating my room/apartment, keeping a close eye on my spending (trying to avoid "upswing/manic" buying sprees), telling myself things like - "you are strong and you can handle whatever comes your way" while I walk to work, trying to be more positive/upbeat at work too - even when I feel super shitty and have to go cry in the bathroom because loud noises and shouting scare me and just because I'm kind of a fucking wreck and I don't have a real support system in this place... But on the other hand - I am still a fucking wreck and I don't know why I'm crying so much. I feel so guilty for being this fragile, and for being so withdrawn - I just wish I was able to be as brave or as confident as my peers. I just want Steve to come home. Not having many friends in the area is making things difficult. I can feel myself backsliding everyday - the temptation to just withdraw completely and abandon all my responsibilities. I'm working so hard just to maintain where I am but I don't know how to tell people that without it sounding like an excuse. I'm having trouble sleeping again - experiencing cyclical thinking until I get to worked up that my heart is racing and I can't breathe and I feel sick. TLDR: I've been really fucking depressed and it's getting worse but I can still recognize that I'm at least trying to maintain a baseline of functionality and I hope other people see that too.
Birthday prep!
I'm spending the night in working on my custom acrylic nails for the big day and watching Scooby-doo. So relaxed. So excited. Steve told me the only thing I need to concern myself with is dressin' up pretty, so that's what I'm gonna do. I don't know what his plans are yet, but I think cake is involved and maybe a trip to Boston. I'm so happy to celebrate completing my 23rd year of existence (on the 23rd!) with someone who was there for the whole thing - shenanigans, missed deadlines, tears, chores, the whole gamut. And any excuse to dress extravagantly and eat sweets is a-ok in my book!! Love and birthdays, Kittie
Doot doot!
I’m drunk and bored.
Come say hi?
Or post some cool horror shit, because my dash is dead, and not in the good way <3
Orrrr, inbox me your favorite scary story!!! (Plz yes)
Love and lackofbumpsinmynight, Kittie
I just realized that I read an entirely different set of picture books as a child than other kids in my peer group.
I did not think it was weird at all that so many of the story-books I had were about death and grieving until this moment. My parents bought me those books in a way to help me cope with Julia dying. Holy shit...
love and thatwasheavy,
Kittie
So depressed.
Can't function. Worst time. Need help. Don't know how to ask. Love and ifeellikeimgoingtoimplode, Kittie