Oh my god not only did I find an asexual Rumi fic, she's sex positive and the whole thing is wildly warm, adorable, incredibly relatable, AND a decent length. đ„ș My heart?? Also it's rated T for being all discussion and no action. And it's hilarious.
And the little excerpt that made my chest feel light because SAME.
Karaâs body sags into the lawn chair that she keeps on the rooftop of her apartment. Thereâs an area up there that sheâs claimed for herself, right by the back corner just around the rooftop entrance. Sheâs glad for it, especially right now, while she stares out onto the other rooftops of her neighborhood with her powers blown for at least another couple of days.Â
She lets out a big pathetic sigh, puffing out her cheeks, when she recalls how she got into this predicament.Â
It had been a hectic day for Supergirl. A rogue missile headed straight for downtown National City coming at the heels of a drawn out fight with an invading alien group. Sheâd only had enough time and energy to redirect said missile, but not to release it and fly away in time. Shrapnel lacerated her suit and embedded itself into her flesh when she attempted her retreat while the fiery explosion singed the edges of her cape as she spun out of the blast radius. She was then propelled by the force of the explosion, nosediving at the precipice of consciousness into the cliffâs edge by the coast.Â
She winces at the memory and the proceeding aerial footage that Brainy showed her where she collided with the side of jagged rocks off the side of a cliff, taking a chunk of it out. The worst part was when sheâd startled awake the next morning, frantically searching for the date and time, realizing with a sinking heart that sheâd missed the night she told Lena sheâd return to her balcony.Â
She hoped Lena would understand, yet when she had plugged her phone in, there were no messages from her. Kara frowned and tried not to let the silence between them affect her. But by the way she slouched back on the sunbed, she couldnât quite shake off her disappointment.Â
Now that sheâs off-duty for a few days while she recovers, she requests to work remotely to spend the time researching just so she can finish hiding in her apartment. Well, at least for now, sheâs hiding on her rooftop. Itâs become a kind of oasis for her. Not just today, but for a few months now while she accepted their new normal and tried to navigate this Earth. She didnât think it would make a difference, but when she brought up two foldable lawn chairs and a tiny round table to make a little sitting area for herself, it somehow made her feel less alone.Â
These days, Kara will take whatever she can get.Â
Her head lolls to the side when she observes a few birds walking near her before perching themselves on the cement ledge nearby. One of the birds flew up before dropping down on the cement ledge gracefully.
âShow off,â she mutters to herself. âI can do that, too, you know.â
The birds continue on disregarding her comments and her muttering. She is then interrupted by a buzz of her phone in the plastic cup holder section of her foldable chair. She considers not answering, Alex probably pestering her to get some rest like sheâs not already doing that. But the idea of getting yelled at just doesnât interest her, not when she's already feeling herself at her lowest, so she decides to pluck her phone out of the cup holder.
Her back straightens and eyes widening in unabashed surprise when she glances down at the message displayed on her phone screen.
Lena: Are you home?
She sucks her lips between her teeth, her thumbs hovering above the glass. She moves her finger and presses the call button.
It rings just once when Lena picks up.
âUh, hi,â Kara offers lamely, cringing at herself.
âHi.â
âIâmâdid you need something?â
Thereâs a pause on the other end of the line.
âAlex told me what happened. IâŠI thought to bring you some food since I heard youâre not well. But if youâre not at home or donât want company, I can leave the bag by your door.â
âUhâŠno! I meanâyou didn't need to do that,â she starts, scrambling out of her chair and rushing to the rooftop door before jumping down, taking the stairs two at a time and almost colliding with the stairwell wall. âYouâreâthatâs very nice, LenaâŠâ
When her apartment door comes to view, she freezes mid-step. Karaâs gaze drops down to the bottom landing of the third floor and finds Lena, still dressed in her work clothes and hair done up in a loose bun, holding a plastic bag in one hand and her phone by her ear in the other.
âYou're at my door,â she comments, stating the obvious, hearing her voice echo through the open phone line between them.
Lena smiles, the motion slight and lopsided.
âIt would appear so.â
Gingerly, she steps down one step at a time, her eyes never once leaving Lena. Long seconds pass between them until she arrives by her front door, a measly two feet away from her visitor.Â
Lena pulls the phone away from her ears with a smile before pocketing it. Kara mirrors her when she realizes she hadnât hung up yet. Lenaâs smile drops and her now empty hand reaches up but stops mid-air between them.Â
Oh, right.Â
âLooks a little gnarly, huh?â she jokes, an awkward grin on her face. Truth be told, she feels better than she looks. By tomorrowâs time, her injuries will disappear and fade, her face returning to its unblemished state. She remembers that very few people see her like this, and itâs with an ache in her chest she realizes that this is the first time that Lena has seen her in this state. âIâm fine. It doesnât hurt.âÂ
Lena slowly closes her hand into a fist and eventually drops it. She does her best not to feel disappointment at that.Â
âUm, youâyou had food?âÂ
Itâs then that Lena lifts the bag sheâs been holding, extending her arm out. âI got your favorites.âÂ
She accepts the bag, their fingers grazing with each other until she grabs hold of the bag, welcoming the weight of the food thatâs inside.Â
âWould you like to join me?âÂ
*
The rooftop door opens to a fresh breeze and the waning sun.Â
She leads the two of them to her makeshift sitting area by the far end where a couple of birds have taken to loitering. They flap their wings and get away from the commotion of their presence and she sets the bag down by the table.Â
Her eyes are drawn to Lena crouching down slightly and brushing the back of her skirt so she can sit on the lawn chair properly, sinking down until her knees are higher than her hips.Â
Kara outwardly grimaces. âSorry, I forgot thatâs the saggy one. We can trade placeââÂ
âIâm fine. I donât mind.âÂ
Kara watches her but silently nods and resumes taking out food from the bag and spreads them out on the table, filling every space on it. Unsure what to say or even how to speak to Lena, Kara then decides to take her time serving them their food. She passes a pair of paper-wrapped chopsticks to Lena who accepts it quietly before she peels her own, separating the wood with a snap.Â
She senses Lenaâs eyes trained on her, but she doesnât flick her gaze up not once, instead focusing on taking the plastic lids off and turning it into a makeshift plate. She then serves up a portion of lo mein and a few pieces of sesame chicken before putting three healthy pieces of golden brown potstickers to finish out the plate.Â
Kara finally looks up to Lena studying her. She offers a crooked smile and offers the lid-turned-plate towards the other woman who accepts it quietly, their fingers once again grazing against each other. She hurries and picks up the lid of the lo mein and serves herself her own plate, the portion smaller than what she normally eats when her powers are fully intact.Â
For the next few moments, they eat in silence, the soundtrack to their early evening but the crowing of the nearby birds and the sound of distant traffic down on the streets. Every now and again, her eyes cast up to watch Lena as she digs into her own plate. The silence between them settles comfortably, like before.Â
Before the distance between them, before her lies and betrayal, before Lenaâs revenge. Before all the hurt she inflicted, they inflicted on each other.
Before, before, before.Â
Except they canât ever go back to that world, to that life.Â
As she catches sight of Lena chewing on a potsticker and eyes staring out onto the view from her rooftop, she thinks there are worse places to be and sheâs fine exactly where she is.Â
*
âThanks for the food,â she says, breaking the silence between them, her lid-plate completely empty. âI appreciate you coming by.â
âWell,â Lena starts, leaning back on the chair, sinking further, her legs crossed at the knee. She looks comfortable this way despite the sharpness of her work attire. âI was promised a âsomethingâ and Iâm here to collect.âÂ
âI meant to come back.âÂ
âYou were busy.âÂ
She chuckles at that. âA rogue missile can do that to you.âÂ
Lena tilts her head, as if studying her, and Kara does her best not to squirm under her watchful gaze. Then, Lena silently leans forward and stands from her seat, wiping away any minuscule dust or crumbs from her lap. Just as quietly, Kara tilts her head as she follows Lenaâs every move.Â
A gasp escapes her mouth, her brows jumping to her hairline when Lena extends a hand forward.Â
âLetâs dance, Kara.âÂ
Her eyes drop to the offered hand in front of her. She looks back up again to an unreadable expression on Lenaâs face. She gets on her feet, her legs slightly wobbly until sheâs standing to her full height.Â
Careful in her movements, as if Lena might take her offered hand back, Kara clasps their hands together and steps forward just as Lena steps back.Â
âThereâs no music,â she says. Lena simply quirks her brow before she reveals her phone in her other hand. Kara blinks, wonders how she could have missed that.Â
âThereâs always music.âÂ
Lena then presses play on her phone, the first few notes playing. Her brows crease together, her eyes quietly asking, but Lena just shrugs. They then get into position, Karaâs other hand on Lenaâs waist just as Lenaâs rests on her shoulder, her finger almost tracing the scabbing gash lines on the side of her face. Kara barely resists the shiver that runs down her spine.Â
âI was watching Notting Hill last night because my schedule cleared up.â
She cocks her head slightly as the two of them begin to sway. âDidnât take you much for a romantic comedy kind of viewer.âÂ
âIn this world, I am.âÂ
She nods. âI like it.âÂ
The cool evening air breezes past them as they entangle themselves as they sway on beat to the song, their gazes stretching past each otherâs heads.Â
âWhatâs it like, not having powers?âÂ
She shrugs a little. âLike things are muffled, almost muted. I feel weighed down, like gravityâs working twice as hard to keep me down. Itâs not unpleasant or anything, but itâs not a feeling Iâm used to.âÂ
Lena nods, almost to herself, as she seems to take the information in.Â
âI got worried when you never showed last night,â Lena says as she stares right up at her, her voice soft.Â
She shakes her head, though, and pulls Lena closer, wants the other woman to make sure sheâs looking when she says, âI wanted to be there, but I was out cold, apparently. I woke up this morning and panicked when I found out Iâd missed it. Then when you didnât contact me, I just thought you were mad at me.âÂ
âI thought you changed your mind.âÂ
Kara tilts her head up to find the blues of the afternoon sky having been traded in for the oranges and pinks. âAs part of our pact of starting over, I think we should really improve our communication skills.âÂ
She then releases Lena so she can twirl her.Â
âYouâre not a fan of us assuming the worst of a situation or each other and internalizing it as a moral failing of ourselves?â Lena teases, exhaling a breathy laugh.Â
âLena, please,â she grumbles, a half-hearted attempt at suppressing her laugh. âBe serious.âÂ
She spins Lena twice until they come back together again, their fronts now pressed to each other, their faces inches from one another.Â
Lena she turns her head until her chin rests on Karaâs shoulder. âWe can stand to be better, I agree.âÂ
They move gently and loosely on the rooftop, Elvis Costelloâs crooning voice filling the space around them and the National City city skyline just off to the distance. Finally, the last notes of the song play until Lena separates their hands and stops the next song from playing on her phone. Kara watches on as Lena walks towards the ledge of the rooftop towards the cityâs skyline.Â
It takes her a few drawn out moments to follow suit and stand beside Lena, her eyes trained on the twinkling lights of the city she saved just yesterday.Â
âKara.âÂ
She glances sideways, watching and waiting. Lena pivots her body so sheâs facing Kara, green eyes bright and alive even in the blanketing darkness of the evening.Â
âIâm glad youâre okay,â she breathes out, her warm hand on Karaâs forearm where a large gash sits. âIâm glad you asked me to stay for dinner. Iâm gladâŠyou let me in.âÂ
She places her own hand atop Lenaâs. âCan I tell you that âsomethingâ I promised?âÂ
Lena gestures with a nod, curling long, elegant fingers around Karaâs arm, like sheâs trying to anchor herself to Kara, or maybe itâs the other way around. Sheâs not sure, but she doesnât care either way, just that they are.Â
âI want to rebuild our friendship first and foremost, and thatâs what Iâll be focusing on. But I alsoâŠâ she pauses, chewing on her bottom lip. When Lena looks on encouragingly, she takes a deep breath. âBut I also hope that if youâre open to it, that it could someday lead to somethingâŠmore.âÂ
âSomethingâŠmore,â Lena repeats.Â
âYeah.âÂ
âWhat are you really saying?âÂ
Kara scratches her temple, adjusting her glasses on her face. âIâm saying that there are feelings that Iâve denied myself about you because Iâd hurt you and then youâd hurt me. But theyâve never gone away, Lena. Not once. And if itâs alright with you, I donât want them to.âÂ
When Lena doesnât say anything, Karaâs confidence wanes and her mouth goes rogue. âBut if you donât feel the same way, if you donât or c-canât love me as more than a friend, then thatâs fine, too. Iâd neverâthatâll never stop me being your friend or wanting to protect you.âÂ
âYou love me?âÂ
âWithout question,â she says, pressing forward as she tightens her grip on Lenaâs hand.Â
âWhat if you change your mind?âÂ
Karaâs heart tries not to bruise at the fear and apprehension in Lenaâs eyes.Â
âI wonât.âÂ
âHow do you know?â
âI donât,â she says with a helpless shrug. âBut I know you.âÂ
Lena doesnât say anything more, her eyes searching Karaâs faceâfor what, sheâs not sure, but Kara wonât look away. Wordlessly, Lena twists her head to gaze out to the darkened horizon for a moment, and Kara prepares herself for the worst. Sheâs not prepared for the shine of tears in Lenaâs eyes when she turns back to look at Kara. She thinks if she looked closely, she would find her reflection and the threat of her own tears.Â
âI thought weâd missed our chance. After everything, I just thoughtââÂ
Itâs then she shakes her head, inches closer, her heart rapidly beating when she thinks about what Lenaâs saying. âItâs still here, Lena. Iâm here.âÂ
Lena lunges forward and Kara receives her in her arms, winding them around Lenaâs middle, tightening her grip when Lena buries herself in the crook of her neck. They rock side to side in place as they simply hold one another, the cityâs night sounds of National City buzzing around them.Â
After a short while, they break apart, eyes searching for each other under the dim rooftop lights that Kara just now notices have turned on.Â
âOkay,â Lena finally says, her voice watery, but strong.Â
âYeah?â Her heart sings and swoops when Lena bobs her head. âOkay, then. Um, do you wanna go downstairs and watch a movie or something?âÂ
Kara doesnât move or breathe or do anything but watch as Lena brings the back of her hand and gently caresses cheek. âIâd love to, but I should head back home.âÂ
She resists the disappointment to wash over her and offers a genuine smile.Â
âLet me walk you down.âÂ
They untangle from each other, Karaâs body practically vibrating as they clean up and march down the steps hand in hand. When they reach the front of her building, Kara isnât surprised to find Lenaâs driver already waiting.Â
âWhenâs your next dance lesson?â Lena asks when she turns to face Kara once again.Â
âThursday at the Y. 7pm.âÂ
âMind if I tag along?âÂ
Her face splits into a wide smile that she doesnât bother hiding. âNever.âÂ
âGoodnight, Kara,â Lena says, leaning forward and pressing a small, chaste kiss on her cheek before squeezing Karaâs hand and letting go. âSee you Thursday.â
Her response is to carefully dip down and place a mirroring kiss on Lenaâs cheek. When she draws back, itâs to the image of Lenaâs face soft and gentle, smiling up at her.Â
The smile never disappears from her face as she watches Lena stride towards the backseat of her car, as she rolls the windows down and gives Kara a parting wave, as she rolls the window back up only after theyâve turned the corner.
The air around her swirls with hope, crackles with possibility, and she clings onto it all while she ascends the stairs two at a time to her apartment, humming the song of their earlier dance. This is just the beginning, a chance to make it count.Â
my neck is still locked up something awful. so far, rigel has asked if i need to go to the vet (not incorrect but i resent his tone) , laz has rubbed some oil on it that he says he made with herbs from the garden for his knees that smelled weirdly spicy and made it tingly for a couple minutes (which was nice) but then it started hurting again (less nice), lettie has offered me painkillers (thank youuuuu) and told me to stop slouching so much (rude but true) , and lyon has offered to break my neck so i wonât feel it anymore (WHAT??)