Benoit blanc x reader, where reader is his unofficial child, and reader is teen who's loves to cause chaos and prank benoit and is currently being chased around the house by benoit after a prank and benoit catches them and tickles in retaliation
Case and Pranks
DISCLAIMER: This is a tickle fic, strictly sfw and platonic in this case. Please do not bring any nsfw here! Mention of murder (as in solving a murder) and nuzzles. If you are uncomfortable with that, feel free to scroll!
Fatherly!Ler!Benoit Blanc
Teen!Lee!Reader
Words: 1275
Summary: A fic in which Benoit grows tired of your pranks and attempts to stop your silliness in an equally silly way!
A/N: Hey there! Sorry this took so long to get out. Back in that point in my life where I actually have to DO stuff. Bleh, I know, but I finally got this out! I had never considered writing for Benoit before, so, this was an interesting experience! He's very fun to write! Hope you and everyone else enjoys this and of course I had to include mentions of Benoit's husband, Phillip 💕 (You know, that gentleman who answered Benoit's door in Glass Onion because Benoit was too busy playing among us. I adore them) Anyways, yeah! Sorry again, hope everyone likes this!
Benoit Blanc is not Batman.
He knows he's a good detective, sure, but he won't flaunt about telling people he's the world's finest. Crime simply happens to make sense to him, so, he solves it.
Especially when that crime is going on in his own home.
Well, okay, no. It wasn't actually a crime. Call it practical jokes or mild annoyances. Whatever it was, something was amiss. How Benoit's right shoes specifically would always go missing or how he would come home to everything light enough in his room to lift, turned upside down.
To keep in mind, there were only two other folks in his humble abode. Phillip, whose heart was more set on making the perfect sourdough and less on making articles of Benoit's wardrobe disappear. And you, his child in all the ways that mattered with a history of mischief and a love for pranks.
That with the fact Phillip found all of Benoit's right shoes in YOUR room when he was tidying, Benoit had reasonable suspicion that you were the one behind his torment and thus had led you to this chase.
Well, more so, you were treating it like a chase and Benoit was strolling along after you at a leisurely pace.
"Really, what I want to know is why you thought it wise to leave the shoes out in the open. Even under your bed would have sufficed. An obvious place, yes, but there would be proof of trying. It's like you want to get caught-"
"Mystery solved yet I'm still confuzzled. Interesting, goodness, this is interesting."
If he was playing it up for your twos imaginary audience or if Benoit really is just like that, I'll leave up to the reader. Something akin to a smile flickered across his face as he saw you giggling in anticipation, huddling up in a corner.
"May I ask what's so funny?" Benoit quired. He made sure not to crowd and actually trap you, leaning against one of the living room side tables. He was still smiling.
"Yohohou're gohohonna dohoho sohohomething!" You declared! As much as someone bursting with happy giggles could declare.
"Define... something." Benoit loosely crossed his arms, an expression painted upon his face like he was somewhat curious to know.
Quiet laughter was his only reply.
"You are failing to define something."
"Yohou knohow whahahat I'm tahahalking abohout!"
"Well, what if I don't?"
"Yohohou're mehehean!" You countered, knowing you didn't actually think that in the slightest.
"Well, that's a newer one. I have yet to be called mean to my face. Annoyingly truthful yes, though that is always implied." Benoit pushed off the side table. "And I will tell you a truth now."
He held out his hand in an invitation to pull you out of your corner, which you accepted. Benoit sat upon the couch and you sat next to him. His arm was a loop around your shoulders.
"Hearts might as well be printed all over your sleeves with how open you are. Not a bad thing in general, but it has your weaknesses out to show for your enemies- or simply disgruntled fathers. Which is how I know I can get you to stop pranking me over and over again if I deliver some due tickling!"
Even though you knew this is exactly where this was all headed you still squealed in surprise when you were pressed unforcingly against Benoit's chest with his fingers poking into your belly.
"Heheheey!" You protested. "Yohohou're one tohoho tahahalk, yohohou're literally ahahalso tihihicklish!" You scrunched your shoulders up to your ears as Benoit crawled up your sides.
"Ah, but I don't advertise it, now do I? Nor do I give anyone an unquenchable thirst for revenge by pulling pranks on them. With all the murders I've solved, I can tell you revenge drives many people in many circumstances."
"Yohohou're tryhyhying tohoho gehehehet rehehevenge ohohon mehehe??" Well, it sure did feel like it as Benoit's fingers wiggled merrily against your ribs!
"I say interpret how you like!" Was the detective's tactful reply.
You tried to come up with an even wittier comeback but it was ultimately lost in a sea of laughter. So, instead you said: "Yohohou gohohot yohohour shohohoes bahahack! Wahahat's eheheven thehehe bihihig IHIHIDEAAA!?"
Your "saying" quickly turned into "squealing," par the all caps.
"Oh, now THIS is just what we call in the business, or, simply in the south, being a 'Petty Betty.'"
Benoit chortled at his own wit, now wiggling into your armpits. You clasped your arms down against your sides, which historically works really well and helps splendidly when you're getting tickled said no one ever.
You gave a squeaky hiccup of surprise, wiggling against Benoit's ministrations.
"You started it!" Benoit took on a look of playful offense. He would have clutched his nonexistent pearls, but his hands were occupied in holding you in this backwards, wrestly, tickle hug. "And I plan on finishin' it! I'd hate to leave a thing half finished."
You wanted to make a sassy comment along the lines of: "Well, of course YOU would say something like that," but that could have required you to stop laughing, which was proving to be quite the tash, so you kept giggling instead.
And boy, did you have a reason to! Benoit didn't stay at your armpits for long, which was now apparently your "squeaky-hiccupy" spot. No, he then traveled to your ears of all places! That was your "snorty" spot. And, of course, he had to make a big deal out of it when you did, in fact, snort.
"Well I'll be... Who thought pettiness would be this sweet?" Benoit asked fondly.
"Prohohobabably YOHOHOU jeheherk!" You spat back before another snort came upon you. Your tone was less outwardly fond, but the love was still there.
Benoit ignored your name-calling and instead made the silly comment of "You have twitchy ears" ("prohohobahably behehcause yohou're tihihickling tehehehem!" You said back) and continued on with his silliness.
Silliness that included squishes on your belly and him nuzzling into your cheek with his AWFUL unshaven face. The best insult you could cook up in that very tickly time was calling Benoit sandpaper. He just laughed.
Eventually, the tickling slowed to something a bit calmer. Like you both kind of forgot what you were "fighting" about and we're just enjoying the giggly fun.
"Are you ever gonna stop pulling your ridiculous pranks on me?" Benoit asked after some time of this. You were laid across the couch, your head in his lap. His hand gently scratched over your back. His warm tone gave away to his true feelings about the pranks he deemed "ridiculous."
"Nahaa..." You mumbled, letting out small laughs and Benoit's back tickles.
"Figured." Benoit expected that answer. "But in the future, you make sure you clean up after them and don't leave Phillip to the task. That fair?"
"Sounds f-f-fair." You were interrupted by your own large yawn. You did a quick adjust on the couch, curling up a tad more and snuggling into Benoit's knee.
"We ought to be heading to bed soon." He commented, taking his hand off your back to pat your head. "It's rather late."
"Can I stay here for a little bit longer?" Another yawn followed your request.
Your father smiled. Even though it would have been the perfect opportunity to be as petty as they come and kick you off his lap, especially after you'd raised hell for days, the thought didn't even cross his mind.
"That," he said instead, "Is something I have no problem with."
"It's clear that I'm not as familiar with pony culture as I ought to be." said Benoit, in response to the confusing new terminology. "Tell me more about these... cutie marks."
taking a break from my more serious and effortful project to bring you something silly stupid because I saw an edit of craig!bond to this song and though y'know what other daniel craig character is cunty? hell yeah
consider this my love letter to benoit blanc and his silly little outfits
