Being a good gift giver
When we talk about gift giving we often say, “It’s the thought that counts.” That’s trickier than it sounds. The nature and quality of the thought counts too.
There are thoughts that sound positive but may in fact prove to be bad guidance. Thoughts like, “I liked it, so she will.” Or, “It’s expensive, so it’s a good gift.” Or, “I’d like someone to do this for me.” Or, “My sister got this and loved it.”
There’s a great old comic strip in which Dennis the Menace is shopping for a Mother’s Day gift and buys his mom a baseball glove. He loves his mom; he loves baseball; so he figures she’d love a baseball glove. It’s not bad math, but it’s bad gift giving.
There is some good guidance to be found in “the thought that counts.” That’s when the thought isn’t about some abstract value, like price, or about what random people like, or what the giver likes. The thought that really counts is when it’s all, and only, about the recipient.
Don wanted to get Liza a 20th anniversary present that she’d love, one that would tell her how much he loved her. He wanted to be sure that he was getting the right thing, so he’d started polling other people for guidance. His partner at work had waxed poetic about the Coach handbag she was seeing on celebrities. His hairdresser was nearly drooling when she talked about the Jimmy Choos she’d been eyeing. His dad said you couldn’t go wrong with a savings bond. His sister said that jewelry was always a safe choice.
He’d started taking note of the things in Liza’s closet. There were several handbags in a corner on the floor, two of which said Coach. There were no Jimmy Choos as far as he could tell; but he noticed that, other than two pairs of heels, everything else was athletic wear. He was completely confident that his dad’s idea was a terrible one for an anniversary gift.
When she wasn’t around he looked in her jewelry box on the dresser. There wasn’t much in it; and he realized that she only ever wore her wedding ring and a pair of gold hoop earrings. The pearls he’d gotten her for her birthday last year were still there; and he didn’t remember ever seeing her wear them after that birthday dinner.
He thought about getting her a gift certificate to the trainer that he really liked, but he couldn’t remember her ever saying anything about wanting to work with a trainer.
He was coming up empty. He wanted the gift to be something she’d get really excited about.
He was about to call her sister to ask for ideas, but he had to be sure that she wasn’t in earshot. He started looking around to find out her whereabouts. He heard something in the basement, so he went to look.
He found her sitting on the floor in her workshop, cursing, surrounded by pieces of something and a whole bunch of tools. When she saw him she said, “Dammit, Don, I’ve lost my socket set again. How the heck does a socket set just wander off?” She laughed at herself and started scouring her workshop for the missing set. He’d seen this before. She was always misplacing her bits and pieces. He knew he’d be no help, since he knew nothing about tools and wouldn’t recognize a socket set if he tripped over it. So he wandered back upstairs.
It was at the top of the stairs when he had his epiphany. He made a bee-line to his computer and Google. He’d seen “Craftsman” on some of the things in her workshop, so he started searching with that word. He then found the word “workstation”.
Bingo! The top of the line Craftsman Workstation would be arriving in plenty of time for their anniversary.
The behemoth arrived and he had it safely stowed in the shed under a tarp. Recognizing the impossibility of gift wrapping it, he settled for the biggest red bow that he could find at Michael’s.
On the big day his brother helped him get it into her workshop before she got up. He hugged and kissed her good morning, wished her a happy anniversary, and directed her to the basement.
Her eyes got as big as saucers as she gasped at the sight. Then she started her happy dance, clapping her hands like a delighted child. She gave him a huge hug and then started pulling open every drawer. There were many drawers and many hugs.
It was not a conventional anniversary gift; and it wasn’t one that he’d enjoy. Nonetheless it was obviously a gift that was a thoughtful match to the recipient. That made it the perfect gift, one where the thought really did count.