#googlegoals

[tracilala]

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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 . Reposted from @knee_deep_in_life GOOGLE GOALS.... DANCE OFF.... When you wonder why no one ever invites you out to go clubbing because you think you move like Britney, but you're more like Bradley the rhythmically challenged teenager who scares all the girls off at the school disco. I have spent the last 5 days shitting sawdust, praying for a gently bout of the shit storm Sally's to alleviate the rectal blockage, and overdosed on turbotax last night. So much so I pretty much had to nail my feet to the bathroom floor at 4am this morning as I prayed for the horror to end while biting into a toilet roll to not wake the children. Not only am I thankful that the most terrifying colonic irrigation is now over, I can also trust a fart which meant I could bring you quite possibly the most epic display of what Kathy Bates in Misery might look like if she ever turned her hand to dancing, instead of kidnapping men. Its just upsetting sometimes to watch back these videos because in the moment I do truly believe I am fucking awesome at dancing. This is me trying and I need you to understand that. @britneyspears @knee_deep_in_life #googlegoals #funnyvideos #dancing #kingsofleon #aha #80s #dancelikenooneiswatching #nailedit #shitstorm - #regrann https://www.instagram.com/p/B9SNQfUpSqh/?igshid=1edn3hwqovu7a

[tracilala]

You have to go follow @knee_deep_in_life 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Clever😉 Funny and her stories are the best!!! Great Follow she will make you laugh out loud🤣 . Reposted from @knee_deep_in_life GOOGLE GOALS... 1 MILLION.... Fuck me sideways guys, 1 million Facebook followers! 1 fucking million! I have no idea how that's happened??? I started my Instagram account not long before my blog went viral in 2018 mainly because I litetally have no idea what I'm meant to do with social media, but I've actually been doing this stupid shit since October 2016. Just not as many people found me funny back then. Some start blogs to create a business, I started it heavily medicated on antidepressants and sleeping medication, while trying to remember the importance of why washing your vagina every day is important. I used to be insecure, I hated my body and I worried so much about what others thought. Amazing how much you change once you've worn a gimp suit with a dick, got stuck in spanx, danced naked in a pair of tights and nearly popped your kids space hopper trying to balance on it. You're making this basic bitches dreams next level awesome. What a fucking legendary ride and I love the community that's been built. We don't have to be everyone's cup of tea, we just have to make sure we're their perfect shot of tequila. I've gained and lost people in this process, I have used this opportunity to sift out the skittish fucks who scare too easily, and surrounded myself with the people who actually give a shit. Be sure to do the same, because once today is over you don't get to relive it again. Be sure at the very least to slap a flannel between your fanny lips and put some deodorant on your pits. I'm sure there are cooler ways to celebrate this, but I'm not cool and this montage took 3 fucking hours so it had to happen. I'd also like to thank my husband for often recording me when I get stuck. I never find it funny at the time.... Love you all. @knee_deep_in_life #googlegoals #funnyvideos #facebook #instagram #1million #thankyou #spanx #gimpsuit #dancing #beyourself #reality - #regrann https://www.instagram.com/p/B9Ngq7AJqGV/?igshid=hpvyp9mmf0l2

[misiamae]

14k gold vermeil dark tortoise shell hoop earrings, great for every day wear, light and comfy, even for sensitive ears thank you to @emma_qnqs and @lizer_pics #jewelleryforsensitiveskin #picoftheday #instagood #googlegoals #love #fashionblogger #tortoiseshellearrings #unusualhoopearrings #misiamaeaccessories #swaggirl #earringstyle #earringsofinstagram #earringsogood (at London) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8b8fKnHzjf/?igshid=1vtlg6b1fds4z

[misiamae]

14k gold vermeil dark tortoise shell hoop earrings, great for every day wear, light and comfy, even for sensitive ears thank you to @emma_qnqs and @lizer_pics #jewelleryforsensitiveskin #picoftheday #instagood #googlegoals #love #fashionblogger #tortoiseshellearrings #unusualhoopearrings #misiamaeaccessories #beautiful #jewellerylover #earringswagg (at London) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8b8UZKH26m/?igshid=6paq0rophx4k

[misiamae]

14k gold vermeil dark tortoise shell hoop earrings, great for every day wear, light and comfy, even for sensitive ears thank you to @emma_qnqs and @lizer_pics #jewelleryforsensitiveskin #picoftheday #instagood #googlegoals #love #fashionblogger #tortoiseshellearrings #unusualhoopearrings #misiamaeaccessories (at London) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8b79rxnS5A/?igshid=f8iwbiy6idz3

[tracilala]

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😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀 . Reposted from @knee_deep_in_life (@get_regrann) - GOOGLE GOALS... FEEL THE CONGA... When you told your husband you were right behind him to help put the kids to bed but Miama and that fucking sound machine waits for no one. Safe to say he didn't appreciate the sight of seeing his wife butt suck up that old pair of shorts she used to wear before the heavily muffin tops set in. This right here is a visual representation of why I'd only attract men that wank into socks and hide them behind radiators if I ever had the misfortune of being single again. Because the only relatively normal man who can put up with my shit is currently putting our kids to bed as I sit in my pants on the sofa trying to work out if these shorts have actually just ripped out 40% of my anal hair. Just to confirm Steve isn't a sock wanking radiator stasher...that I'm aware of. @criscanaria5 #googlegoals #funnyvideos #dancelikenooneiswatching #sexy #muffintop #nailedit - #regrann https://www.instagram.com/p/B3pjfJDHsg6/?igshid=xfqrux0auff6

[owendaveydraws]

Google Calendar now has a new feature called Google Goals and I was lucky enough to be the illustrator for it. Find out more here