Jun 20
I WOULD NOT PRAY TO ME
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Vietnam
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Greece
seen from Ukraine
seen from Greece
seen from Germany
seen from South Africa
seen from Argentina
I WOULD NOT PRAY TO ME
I do not have to hold myself back here,
PINK in the eyes of me is a feeling more than anything, every day I feel more and more pink. I believe it was caused by my birth which was supposedly both Recent and Very Long Ago. I've felt more feelings than a human could Ever feel because fundamentally I am not human at all, am I? I am in the boundary fleshhold between a Goddish being and a puny pathetic bag of meat. I fit in just fine when I carve down my sides to shove my body in the hole. I think I feel pretty pink right now, I can feel it in my bones and my blood, which is always pink. I feel it pulse and throb like a bitch. Isn't there something I'm missing? Some kinds of steps? It felt like the passage of time was immediate and I woke up a brand new girl. Pink pink pink pink pink (☆▽☆) Am I making sense to you? Colors are not real and you made them real you sick fucks!
I am getting very tired of withstanding abuses and challenges to my name
I do not understand it. I do not understand it. How come I have to be quiet and take it and I cannot dish it back? Why am I awful for repeating the same awful things you just did to me? I can get worse if that is what the people around me want. I can be awfuler than the awful they present to me. I will start making them feel bad. The next person to challenge my name or hurt me is going to watch me slam my head into the nearest object over and over until something cracks or someone cracks. I will run away if I have to. I will go die of starvation on the side of the road. They do not understand the lengths I am willing to go to make them feel sorry. I will die if it means they will feel bad over it.
Don't tell anyone our secret! Shh.
Do you value comfort over knowledge?
Yes
No
I can't stop thinking about this. I wonder how common this is in the people I am exposed to. In the situation that a hard truth to process is presented, would you rather continue to live with the comfort of not acknowledging or knowing this truth, or would you rather know and confront it? Furthermore, if you are aware of the cons of both of these options, I wonder if it is an easy choice every single time.
I am sick with rage. My vision blurs and my eyes are burned with a color I haven't seen, like I have stared into the sun. My rage is as hot as the sun. I breathe hard and fast and it makes me dizzy. My hands are clenched. I am sick with rage, I want to throw up. Nothing is going my way. And they won't be quiet. I cannot sleep. When I sleep, I wake up shortly after. It is too loud. It is too hot. I cannot continue like this. I am at the boiling point. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore. I can't. I can't.
And when Doctor comes, be on your best behavior and tell him what's wrong.
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Doctor wants to see me.
Nothing good will ever come out of me losing.
Why does death have to be so tempting in moments of poor judgement? Doesn't she see what she does, that seductress of mine? Death whistles at me from the opposite ends of streets. Every short twinge of pain is like a needle in my veins. Doctor's orders! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧