I’m having more thoughts about Bruce’s horrifying joints, because my joints are also horrible and freak people out.
I’m just imagining Bruce playing with a lady friend’s hair, and she’s just hearing all the crackly noises coming from his hands as they move idly through her hair because she had mentioned that that was something she found relaxing, so of course that’s what Bruce does as they chill and watch a show. She’s super concerned about it, “Bruce, you don’t have to do that if it hurts your hands.” And Bruce is just not comprehending that she’s a little freaked out about the noise, and that’s maybe he’s just doing it wrong and it doesn’t feel nice at all. And he just answers that his hands really don’t hurt, but is he just not doing it right? ‘Cause he’s open to instructions.
(Based on a true story, incidentally.)
Or, the scenario where it’s a bunch of his social peers at a party, and a bunch of the guys get together because they’re bored to tears, and just start doing guy things. Like “I bet I can pick that up” or “I bet you can’t climb that” or “I wonder if I can jump high enough to touch that” or “I bet I can slide the furthest in this hall with my dress shoes” kinds of stuff.
And then there’s Bruce’s turn and he like, ever so casually separates his left wrist picking the thing up, and it makes the worst sound when he jams it back together. And it doesn’t hurt (also true story, unless it twists somehow, cause that hurts) but it sounds horrible when he explains what happened. Or the horribly concerning noises his joints make when he limbers up to make the straight jump to touch the thing hanging from the ceiling. He’s all “If it hurt, I wouldn’t do the thing. I’m a total baby about pain, just ask Alfred” and all the other trust fund guys are like “Like hell that didn’t hurt! Your back made pepper-grinder noises!”
If he’s going up a stairwell with someone, anything from his feet to his hips will be making noise about it. At least one, if not all of them at once. He sounds like a bowl of rice crispies. He also seems very deaf to this noise.
If Bruce stretches his arm out to reach something, his elbow will be clicking and his shoulder may join the percussion band. Bonus points if his wrist clicks too.
Bruce’s back is the most concerning, because everybody know he was really badly injured in a bobsledding accident years ago, and he’s still doing insane stuff he really shouldn’t be doing, but also… he can keep up with the insane stuff he does. Either his pain tolerance is inhuman, or he’s always hopped up on something. Or the tabloids got the severity of the injury way off. Anyway, that spine makes ungodly noises that no back should make. Ever. It’s awful.
Bruce is just so casual about all of this.
All of his unstable joints that sublex, distract, dislocate, crunchle and crackle have been that way for so long that he seriously doesn’t get why people are so weirded out, because it really isn’t that big a deal.
“No, Bruce, joints aren’t supposed to come apart like that. Yes, I now you think that’s normal for you. It’s not normal. You need that to be looked at. Nobody else’s elbows pull apart like that. You need help. Do you actually have feathers in your skull instead of grey matter? God must love you, because there’s no other reason you should be alive if you think this is normal. Like, I thought you went to medical school for a while. You should know these things!”
He’s also not slowed down by these things, really. As he ages he’s more and more likely to stretch or something before doing some physical thing, but he never stops doing the crazy things men do when they’re bored. And he’s usually really good at whatever it is. If there’s a gaggle of bored young men at a party doing Guy Stuff, if Bruce Wayne walks by, they pull him in because he’s going to kill it at whatever they’ve thought up. His joints are going to make horrible noises the whole time, but he’s going to blow them all out of the water.
