“I had enough”, I told myself last, last week. The recent situation triggered my emotions and I never thought I would really give up. I got blamed entirely for something that I did not do, and what frustrates me the most is that I was not given the chance to explain myself. It seemed like I took the blame to save the others. In my 7 years in the company, I never thought I would cry my heart's out. I felt like I was losing my motivation to work and just the thought of coming to the office makes me tired and restless. So, I asked for a time-off. For a whole week, I stayed at home. I cooled down. I cut communications with some people. I let myself be angry with the situation. I let it all out. I breathe.
I felt guilty with my 1-week leave, knowing that my teammates will suffer because of my uncontrolled emotions. But for this time, just for this moment, I chose myself. I prioritize myself. And that was the best thing that I did so far.
I had lots of realizations and lessons with what I have been through. But my greatest lesson from this experience is to always put yourself first. Do not shrug things off, or let the situation be. Face it. Recognize it. Be transparent with your feelings to your trusted people. Acknowledge your emotions. Remember that it is okay to show your vulnerable side once in a while but you should always make sure to come back stronger and braver the next time. Because, it is only after we admit we are not okay that we can come back stronger.
I may got lost for a while but now that I collected myself, I know I am better to what I used to be.