#gottheplot

[kchasm]

So this kids’ book uses the technically correct pluralization of “cyclops”; I’m legitimately impressed. You go, "Monsters in Myth” dudes.

[kchasm]

In which KChasm has a serious discussion with his peers in regard to Catholic theology

[17:34:35] <KChasm> did you know that Catholics believe that Jesus got drunk in the Bible? [17:34:51] <ClearSights> Hey man [17:34:55] <ClearSights> Jesus was a buff carpenter [17:35:04] <ClearSights> I'd be surprised if he didn't from time to time [17:35:19] <KChasm> Well, once, mainly. [17:35:22] <KChasm> Eaten, too. [17:35:32] <ClearSights> ...SON OF A BITCH

[kchasm]

Plot twist: the cult of questionable morals summons the dark fell beast from beyond space and time, and it turns out to be relatively benign.

"THE ELDER GODS BANISHED ME AWAY, AND FOR EONS I LANGUISHED IN THE SPACE BETWEEN SPACES! NAUGHT COULD I DO BUT CURSE THEIR NAMES AND PLAN MY RETURN! BUT AT LAST, WITH THE WEAKENING OF THEIR POWERS, WITH THE STARS ALIGNED AS FORETOLD, MY PRESENCE UPON THIS PLANE IS IRREVOCABLE! I AM FREE ONCE MORE, AND FREE TO ACT AS I WILL! Now, did someone take the tape out of my VCR? It's probably been recording the same hour over and over again and now I'm never going to find out if Sheb'ortet revealed his love to Min, Devourer of Galaxies."

"Fell Lord, the ancient scrolls tell that Sheb'ortet arrived at the chapel with time enough to interrupt the wedding between Min, Devourer of Galaxies, and her chosen vessel, Idzukar the Unnamed, but decided not to at the last moment so as not to ruin their happiness and departed unseen."

"Well, I can't say part of me wasn't really expecting that. That was where the character arc was headed, I guess. Alright, anything else good on?"

[kchasm]

Pablo's therapist had a little boy with her. "This is Edmund--"

"Isn't this session supposed to be private?"

The therapist kept talking, as if she hadn't been interrupted. "Edmund is a unique individual," she continued. "He reveals love--just take his hand, and you'll understand the full weight of all the love that's ever been directed at you."

Some weird exercise, Pablo thought. But why not? He reached out--

And then yanked his fingers back, like he'd been burned.

"What's wrong?" asked the therapist.

Pablo scowled. "You didn't have to rub it in," he said, and didn't schedule another appointment.

[Inspired by this, because I am a terrible, terrible person in all the ways. I'm sorry, I think.]

[kchasm]

The song was hauntingly beautiful. He couldn't understand the words, but the meaning was clear. This was a song about lost love, lost chances. The end of happiness, and a melancholy to last forever.

"Very nice," Simon said.

"Just nice?"

Simon shrugged. "I really don't follow the old stuff," he said. "It sounded nice, though. Maybe you should try something more contemporary?"

The siren slumped, her feathers literally ruffled. "I don't know 'contemporary'," she admitted. "These wings don't actually fly, so I've been stuck here. What do people listen to now, anyway?"

"Well, I've got some Skrillex on my iPod..."

[Apologies to Benjamin Dewey--I saw this post and the urge to write wouldn't leggo my skull.]

[kchasm]

Dan_Maku_: Paris was a prince of Troy who was called by the goddesses to judge a beauty pageant. But since they're all, you know, GODS, he couldn't decide, so they swapped to rank bribery. He took Aphrodite's offer over Athena and Hera's. She gave him the love of Helen, the wife of the Spartan King. And so they ran away together and fucked a million times and caused the Trojan War.

mini_Kagiyama: I'da gone with Athena. Less crazy cunt.

Dan_Maku_: Athena is a bitch.

mini_Kagiyama: Really? She seemed pretty level.

Lion: Did you miss the part where she made some poor sap blind because he accidentally saw her bathing? That is like harem hijinks but taken up just short of killing the guy.

Dan_Maku_: She basically lies to Hector and fucking murders him. "Don't worry bro, I got your back, you can fight Achilles with all the power of a god. BTW I lied enjoy the wind knocking your spear throw off get fucked." And then Hector dies. And I cry. Because Hector was the king of the bros.

Patch: There's no right answer to Paris' dilemma. He pretty much said, "Fuck it, I'll milk this for what I can." And that was really the right decision. Because the gods are assholes. And he was screwed the moment they asked him for anything.

Dan_Maku_: Really, I think part of the Odyssey is Athena's redemption for fuckmurdering Hector. Hector being Paris' brother, incidentally. Priam, King of Troy, goes to Achilles, who's been fucking dragging Hector's corpse around on the back of his chariot for days (only the pity of other gods kept his body unmutilated) and begs him, as a father, to give him back his son. And Achilles goes, "...shit dawg, maybe I oughta." And he gives him Hector's body and the war takes a break for a month for funeral services and games in Hector's honor. And then Troy gets fucked. Moral of the story, don't play beauty pageant with spiteful deities.

BackupWeasel: Real moral of the story, any time Greek gods ask you a question respond that you're not fit to provide the gods with answers, because that's the only way to not offend at least one's gigantic yet fragile ego.

Patch: There is a reason that everyone gets scared shitless when any gods show up in Greek drama. It's because it always ends horribly. Without exception.

Titzilla: Because the gods are dicks.

krisslanza: Because Greek gods are all dicks. Especially Zeus.

Demetrious: Oh man, Zeus. "So Zeus which one of us is prettier." "... HEY PARIS, HOT POTATO."

Patch: Zeus dedicated most of his existence to being a dick. And using his dick. On anything and everything.

Titzilla: FUCK EVERYONE. FUCK EVERYONE AS A BULL.

Dan_Maku_: Hera was badwronggod. I think the only non-pricks were Hermes and (usually) Haphaestus, who got laughed at for being a cripple. And then he caught his wife NTRing him. No, I mean, he caught her, with a net. And dragged her around in it. And then they laughed at HIM for getting cuckolded. Fuck Olympus in the dick.

Demetrious: And the opening of the Aeneid, mang. "Oh Aeolus go sink that fleet please." "... yeah YOU do it sweetheart, I ain't touching that shit with a ten foot pole." Then Posiden is like "What the, who's fucking around in my hood, fuck off."

Patch: Prometheus was rad. But he was a Titan. But seriously, that guy was a bro. "Shit, they're treating humans pretty badly. I think I'll steal fire for them, at no benefit to myself." And then he gets chained to a cliff for eons, and has his liver eaten every day.

Titzilla: The Greek gods were somewhat cool. But all dicks.

BackupWeasel: The Greek gods can all fuck off.

Dan_Maku_: They were all like people, is the thing. Spiteful, petty, bickering people. With one trait they exemplified beyond human levels. That was what made them gods. Achilles raging the shit out? That was him turning godly with anger beyond what a mortal man is capable of. He got so angry HIS HEAD LIT ON FIRE. And he BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A RIVER. And made it flow backwards, away from him. And the river was only pissed off at him because he choked its flow with the corpses of his victims.

Titzilla: Like I said. The gods were awesome. But also jerks beyond belief.

Demetrious: The funny thing is, the Greek gods were really godlike, in worship, in real life, but the storytellers told stories of them more like people, because people are interesting and gods are not.

[kchasm]

And while I'm on the subject of Metafilter, here's an old AskMeFi thread that quickly passed into fame.

Scroll down a bit till you hit scarabic's answer.

[kchasm]

Killers that sux

"Suxamethonium chloride", that is:

The administration of sux is part of the rapid sequence intubation (RSI) protocol, which means a medical team is actually trying to keep you alive – they’ve just got to paralyze you do to it.  If you’re being intubated, you’re airway is blocked and the RSI protocol is employed to get a breathing tube down your throat.  To get this tube in quickly, they’ll paralyze and sedate you.

Sedation means you won’t be conscious when the paralysis sets in.  Respiratory support means something will be breathing for you when the muscles involved in respiration stop working.  In 5 – 10 minutes, a clinical dose of sux wears off as it’s rapidly metabolized by your body.  The sedation will likely last longer.  The goal is that by the time you’re awake, your breathing has been stabilized and perhaps other medical issues have been (or are being) addressed.  This is the intended use of sux.  But, like many chemicals, people can use it for nefarious reasons.

They're talking about murder, if the title didn't already tip you off--read the rest of the article here.