I wish I could be proud of where I come from. Use my last name in everyday life. Even just speak of my family with a smile. But I can’t do those things. All because of the one man who was supposed to protect and love me for all his life.
My story started normal. Just your typical daddy’s girl. We would play and laugh as I learned more from him each day. I was 5 years old and my dad was my best friend.
I was 7 years old when my wonderful dad began to disappear. Adultery, anger, alcohol, distance. When his affair became known my mom filed for divorce as any woman would. This made my dad angry as he spiraled out of control. He broke into our home smashing everything in sight. He tried removing his name from my birth certificate claiming I was not his child. He threatened my mom as well as himself. The things he did are things that I will never forget nor forgive.
The divorce was finalized and my mom married her best friend two years later.
I was 12 when I realized my dad was no more than just a father. September of 2009 I had scoliosis correction surgery. In case you don’t know, this is a very major surgery. Especially for a kid.
I wake up in recovery to only see my father. A man who hadn’t spoken to me in months. I asked for Richie, my stepdad. This angered my father and he didn’t stay much longer. He left without a word and it would be three years before I’d hear from him again.
It’s my 15th birthday. My older brother had a basketball game that night. (His team won!) As I sit in the stands with my mom and adoptive brothers a card falls into my lap. This angers me as I see my father walking by. I threw the birthday card at him and said “I want nothing from you!”.
I go home and cry myself to sleep. This tactic has become far too familiar.
It’s been nearly 5 years since then. I see him often but no words are spoken. This man I used to look up to and admire, I now only see as a coward. This man abandoned his daughter when she needed him most. This man is not the dad I knew as a little girl. The man I knew is dead now. His body taken over by someone else.
My father broke my heart long before anyone else had the chance and my stepdad repaired it the best he could. Thank you Richie for raising me as your own when my own father refused me. Hannaford may be my legal name, but I will always be a Gourley at heart.