I am a twitchy motherfucker.
I'm being a giant, twitchy ball of stress, anxieties, and nervousness. So I'm taking five minutes to write down all of the things that are wiggin' me out; then I'm gonna drink some water and stop living future pain.
applying to PhD programs
applying to a PhD program that fits me
getting into a PhD program
getting funding
oh shit, what if i don't get in anywhere
oh shit, what if i have to move in with my parents
oh shit, oh shit, oh shit what's gonna happen to me
where I will be living in a year
what will i be doing in a year
being happy about where I will be living in a year
being happy about what I will be doing in a year
what I will do with my future
what I won't do with my future
having so many dichotomies in this list
my relationship with my partner
are my anxieties going to fuck this relationship up
man, i hope i'm okay at sexy times
thesis writing
can i actually write a good thesis
what if i don't pass my defense
what if grad school breaks me
what if i burn out before a phd
what if i disappoint the people who've invested so much time and money into me
should i let my mom keep my cat or bring him back here
will my cat be unhappy living with me
when was the last time i vacuumed
will i ever not-be slobby
how is my room already messy
paying for health insurance
paying rent
paying for both in the same month
this random white guy who's walking around in my backyard
seriously what is he doing
now he's just eating a sandwich
i don't understand why this is happening
seeming like an idiot in my classes
how the pork loin i am slow-cooking will turn out
whether or not i will be good at tai chi
being bad at tai chi
my partner being sad i am bad at tai chi
being fat
not having a sleep schedule
being in charge of things
being a disappointment
potential for failure
acne go away
not being able to twerk
Okay, enough of that, thank you.