#grad talk

[jazzylor]

On Monday I had the pleasure of going back to my old university down in Plymouth and giving a talk about my post-graduate life and illustration work to the final year students.

I had a great time and the talk, I think, went really well! Thanks to @ahrekisanda for taking some photos of me being all professional!

Unfortuantely you can’t see from these photos, but there was a full room! Honestly!

[ineffable-writer]

Not sure if it's Omicron or the latest anti-transness wave of hate or talking to my mom about cancelling her trip out here for the new year or the book banning bullshit back home or any of the other massive amounts of bullshit going on in this world, but I'm so fucking tired.

I dunno. I had a conversation with my dissertation supervisor today.

My main characters in my dissertation are poly. I was planning to be subtle about it, but yesterday I wrote this letter from one of them to his father and... he was not subtle about it. Their relationship is complicated but healthy and honestly really beautiful, and it sent me into a bit of a tailspin after that ended up on the page.

So I had my dissertation meeting today and told her, "Listen, these characters are poly, I love their relationship, but... can I do this? Is that okay? Am I allowed?"

She told me, paraphrased: "Listen, you don't have to show anyone any of this, ever. No one's going to care about it here. You're safe here. If you want to write a version for the dissertation and a version for the rest of the world, go ahead. But it hurts absolutely no one to explore what that means for the story, and you can always edit it out later."

And like- understand, I am always so excited, so boisterous, so unreservedly myself about this stuff. This is the first time she's ever seen me hesitate, and I swear I could see it break her heart.

Which I think is then why she asked me why I was worried. And I was like, well, there are people burning books back home. 400 books just got culled from the school libraries where I used to work.

And she said, in her nicer, kinder words than these: fuck that, don't let them stop you from being passionate.

She said she wanted me to pursue writing these characters with the same energy I always have.

I just. I nearly cried. I was not expecting that level of unconditional support. My department has a lot of problems, but not transphobia. Not homophobia. Not antisemitism. Not polyphobia. Fuck, my supervisor even actively schedules all our meetings around my DSPD. I gave her a glowing review in my annual, but... There are legitimately no words for how much that moment meant to me.

I'm usually unafraid and unashamed of myself. But I'm human. And times are frightening. And being reassured, unconditionally, that following my gut and trusting myself was the right path to take--I don't hear that often.

I really, really needed to hear it today.

[tendercoretroglodyke]

I REALLY need to stop overthinking this grad school thing. I keep telling myself..ok rachel now you've taken two years off after college, explored some other career interests, & decided animal behavior research is best path for u. now its TIME to apply to grad school, DON'T put it off another fuckin year, apply for a phd cos a masters wont give you the jobs you want and you cant afford it anyways!!

& now ppl are telling me "oh I've heard it's better to take 4-5 years off before grad school, get everything out of your system before a life dedicated to research! and you can totally get your master's fully funded, you just have to work a little harder for it! oh and btw here are a couple master's programs that fit your interests to a T!!"

like thats great and all but please stop telling me I have options. I dont want to have options. I want a rigid path to follow to happiness and success I dont want to have to make DECISIONS and take RISKS that my hard work might have a good pay out.... What if it doesnt? What if I do extra work and dont like the results?? What if I make the wrong decisions?? Why cant someone tell me what to do???

[lavendaire]

[saic-ats-blog]

Sarah Knudtson Grad Talk 4:15 Room 417 10/30

Coffee & Atomic Fireballs will be served.

[margaretquisido-blog]

Aspire to inspire before you expire.