As a child, I was highly intuitive when it came down to my feelings and the emotions of others. I spent a great deal of time writing in journals about various experiences, prayers, songs and poems. I even use to write down the names of my future children; ironically even at the tender age of 13 my mother like qualities were present. Nonetheless, I express gratitude to my loving heart that poured quickly into the things I were most passionate about; love, creating and family.
In my physical realm, I am learning further about the importance of honoring time. I spend majority of it overthinking and a small portion of it not thinking at all. Some balance, right? Well, I know for a fact that honoring my time especially when it comes down to creating is one thing I can work on. Oddly, this invisible weight falls down on me and the need to produce product becomes my only thought. Spiritually as well as mentally when I am pushed to do something on the spot that isn’t organic I know my results will be sub par. I am basic but in my mind that equates to simplicity and the only thing I can sing to myself is a line by Lauryn Hill, “It could all be so simple/but you rather make it hard/”. Why must we make things hard? We take matters into our hands that only require a few steps and instead add about 20 more unnecessary ones.
As I ponder on my dying need to remain relevant in my craft, I can’t help but notice the disconnect between my creative life and my love life. My creative life is freeing. I come and go as I please. I fly under the radar and prefer it that way. At times, I don’t say too much about it. Sometimes I don’t say anything at all, for a while...a very long time. I just formulate the idea in my mind and execute it. Most of the time my creative life is good to me. Whereas, my love life on the other hand...that’s another blueprint. My love life has released a few holds upon me but I’m still working out the remaining kinks. I’d like to think that where I am now I’m gradually shifting into a different paradigm. I’m remaining firm to my core but allowing my feet to shuffle around on new turf. I’m giving myself freedom to feel uncomfortable, to be strange and open. My mindset of having a foundation still remains but I never knew that your subconscious would change/alter your perspective. At times I wonder where my desires come from and how long have these emotions been dwelling in my belly. I’d like to unravel more but knowing me I’m unsure of where it will lead but to say the least I am happy that I’m traveling to places that are unknown but feel familiar. As a new world welcomes me, I can only help but to think? For once, am I allowing love to free me.
-K.E.
