The One Where Sean Calls Man Code First
See, real life has this habit of not being the same. It changes. People change. They grow. They move on. So it goes with our favourite Wolfpack who have all gone off different paths. But this is the beauty of imagination. In my head, the Mansh still exists and our favourite Mansh mates are all still mates together. Hence, they provide great inspiration for pieces like this. Much appreciation for my last piece. Love you all so much. Like, so much.
This is for Angela Mae. Because I owe her a bunch of pieces. And because she’s frikkin’ awesome. And because she suggested this plot line.
Nathan stretched and yawned as he pulled his t-shirt over his head and settled into the comfy cushions scattered on his deck chair. Sunshine was at a premium as it shone high in the sky, lighting up the waves of the blue Pacific. Relaxing was a must while on vacation. Well, not so much vacation as ‘Man Weekend’. Will had been very clear in his instructions that no girls were allowed. Something to do with the Man Code as he’d declared it. Being considered boys was no longer acceptable as they were now masquerading as grown-ups. Although he had pleaded with Emily that Africa was visiting with Olivia and Sean was in for the weekend from Florida thus hanging out was necessary.
“Jesus, do you have to do that Adrian? There are small children and hormonally challenged women everywhere!” Nathan opened his eyes to find a bemused Will looking down at him, his arms folded and an added pout to emphasise his point.
“What?” he asked, amused at his friend’s face and flexing his arms for effect. “Sun’s out, guns out Copeland!” Will snorted and rolled his eyes dramatically at his friend as he launched a cushion as his head. Nathan caught it easily and chucked it back at him.
“Yes but you’re making the rest of look bad,” he whined. “Not to mention that I’m not camera ready!” Nathan looked around to find two girls pointing a camera their way. He sighed ruefully as he stood up, pulling his shirt back on. “That’s better. Those things you call arms could be considered a health hazard. Camera Girl over there’s in danger of tripping over herself!” As Will made his observation, Camera Girl skittered, dropping the camera in the process. Clearly embarrassed, she yanked her shoes and ran, her friend in hot pursuit. Will was unable to contain his laughter.
“Shut up,” Nathan muttered. “It’s not funny.”
“Oh it’s hilarious but please don’t stop. It’s riveting,” he grinned maniacally and winking at Nathan. “Anyway, come see our handiwork! Mahoney had it coming is all I have to say.”
“Should we say you started it?” Nathan suggested delicately as they made their way to the water’s edge.
“I most certainly did not!” Will sniped. “I maintain she proposed to me!” Nathan started laughing and shook his head.
“Um… No that’s not exactly how I remember it dude. You got serious, got down on one knee and asked her to marry you. It’s kind of a… Well, how do I put this?” he began, “well I guess it makes you a-”
“Don’t say it,” Will begged. “My reputation would be shot!”
“What reputation?” Nathan teased. “Your perpetual ability to refuse to act your age or Sean’s slideshow showing exactly how much of a soft guy you really are?” Will squeaked but didn’t answer. At their engagement party, Sean had presented the couple with a slideshow complete with lights and sound effects that documented their relationship including a re-enactment of Will asking Emily to dinner for the first time. “If it’s any consolation, I didn’t want to dump ketchup all over your dummy bud.”
“Shut up Natan,” he replied drily as Nathan laughed. They reached Graeme who was trying not to laugh as he snapped pictures. Nathan snorted loudly as Will looked on proudly, clearly pleased with their efforts. Sean was laid out asleep, buried up to his neck in sand. Graeme and Will had taken their time to construct a mermaid tail for him complete with sand breasts and matching shell necklace. Florida sucks! was etched into the tail. Nathan bit his hand as he tried not to laugh.
“He’s like a dog or small child,” Graeme snickered as Sean whined a little. He shifted but didn’t wake as they looked on.
“What do you mean?” Nathan asked. “Better when’s he asleep? Or totally innocent?”
“Something like that,” Graeme grinned.
“Yes but dogs and small children can be trained,” Will whispered. “Now make sure you get the breasts. I want to be the one to tell him that those should be a permanent feature Africa.” Nathan punched Will on the shoulder as they dissolved into laughter.
“You guys are total assholes!” An angry Sean interrupted them as he looked up at them. “Although these are nice. You’ve clearly made boobs an art form!”
“They suit you,” Graeme shrugged as they posed around Sean who lovingly stroked the mounds of sand.
“Find me a woman as well-proportioned as this and we can talk,” he said, sticking his tongue out cheekily. Graeme scooped some sand off the mounds. “Hey don’t touch the boobs bro! Not cool!”
“Yes Mahoney that’s only ten kinds of creepy!” Will shuddered.
“Be kind Will. It’s the only way our Sean here gets any action,” Nathan teased his friend, knowing full well it could get crazy. True to form, Sean tried to wiggle free from his sand enclosure as he threw clumps of sand, shouting expletives as Nathan ran towards the water. Laughing, he jumped and surfed over an incoming wave. “Nice try Barbie!” He floated on the water happily as Sean continued shouting. Suddenly he stumbled. A terrible pain shot across his foot and up his leg as he doubled over at its sharpness.
“Nate? Are you okay?” Graeme shouted, concerned. Nathan couldn’t reply, trying not to throw up as the pain grew more intense.
“Fuck,” was all he could groan as he floated in the water, clutching his foot. Sean had wiggled free and stood with Will.
“Let the douche drown!” he crowed. Graeme shook his head and waded in.
“Are you okay?” he asked again. Nathan gritted his teeth, unable to reply coherently.
“My foot,” was all he could say.
“Shit,” Graeme muttered as he examined it in the water. “It’s swelling up. It looks… It looks like a jellyfish got you. Guys get in here! It’s serious!” All Nathan could do was groan in pain as Will ran in.
“What’s up?” he asked. “Nathan being a drama queen again?”
“Shut up,” he spat. Will grimaced as he took his friend’s foot in.
“Yup that’s nasty!” he commented sympathetically. Looping their arms around their friend, they dragged him onto the sand. Nathan couldn’t think for the pain as Graeme took another look at his foot.
“It’s definitely a jellyfish Nate,” he announced after his inspection. “We’ve got to get you to a hospital.” Nathan groaned loudly. It wasn’t part of the plan.
“But that’s so far away. It could get worse,” Sean said, now anxious.
“Well there’s another option but… Yeah, I think hospital is better,” Graeme advised, trying not to smile. Nathan wanted to hit him. What the hell was so funny?
“I’ll try the other option,” he hissed. “What is it?” At that, Will nodded in understanding at Graeme who looked at him. Clearly there was something else going on as they continued smiling, desperately trying not to.
“You do it!” they both said at the same time. Nathan looked at them both. Was the pain making him see and hear things?
“I’m not doing it,” Graeme clarified.
“You’re the doctor!” Will defended himself.
“GUYS!” Nathan yelled. “Someone do it! Anyone! I DON’T CARE!”
“Do what exactly?” Sean asked. “I’m so lost!”
“Makes fucking two of us!” Nathan hissed. Graeme sighed and looked at Will who shook his head.
“No ways! You tell him! I’m out of this,” he warned. Graeme crouched down.
“Nate,” he said gravely. “Bud, you’re going to have to... Well. You’re gonna have to pee on yourself.”
“WHAT!?” Nathan and Sean bellowed in unison.
“What the hell kind of medicine do they teach in Africa, Africa? They gave you a real degree right?” Sean asked. “Seriously, what the fuck?” Graeme shrugged off his friend’s ribbing.
“It’s true,” he said. “The acid in urine neutralises the sting. I’m not kidding! Will, help me out.” Nathan swung around to face Will who looked smug? He was enjoying this! Nathan made a mental note to punch him later on.
“Well I saw it on Friends so it’s got to be true,” he said earnestly. “Plus Emily mentioned it. I trust her.”
“The problem is, I can’t pee right now! I FEEL LIKE I’M DYING!” Nathan exclaimed. His friends shifted around, clearly uncomfortable. They looked at one another.
“Not it!” Sean cried first. “I call Man Code!” Will chortled and took a step back.
“You guys are pathetic,” Graeme sighed, shaking his head. “Nate, close your eyes.”
Emily smiled as she handed Olivia a glass of wine. She was glad that her friend was back in the States if only for a while. It felt complete when the friends re-united.
“So you didn’t question him too much?” Liv asked, happily accepting the glass. Emily giggled and shook her head.
“I tend not to,” she replied. “It’s safer that way sometimes. Especially when it involves the Man Code.” The front door of the beach house slid open as the guys trudged in. None of them looked particularly happy and the silence was deafening. They refused to look at one another. Emily and Olivia were lost for words. The four looked… guilty? Embarrassed? It was difficult to tell.
“So, did you boys have a nice time?” Emily asked, breaking the silence.
“Yes,” Graeme nodded.
“No,” Will replied at the same time.
They exchanged furious glances as Nathan hobbled forwards and sat down. Olivia jumped up as she took in his foot which was red and swollen. Emily gaped as she stared at Will who refused to meet her gaze.
“Nate what the hell happened?” Olivia exclaimed. “I’ll get some ice!” She brushed past Graeme who followed her.
“Looks like a jellyfish,” Emily said in sympathy. “Are you okay Nate?” He nodded and smiled at her.
“Yeah I’m fine,” he replied. “No biggie Em.” She was confused as Will sat down next to her. Nathan shifted away, evidently uncomfortable at the proximity of his friend. Sean slumped in the armchair, silent. Unusual for Sean. What the hell? She looked at Will who refused to meet her eye.
“WHAT!?” came a screech from the kitchen. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! What if he had an open wound!?”
“Well I checked first!” Graeme was defensive as he followed his angry wife out of the kitchen. She placed an ice pack on Nathan’s foot and glared at Graeme who shrugged meekly.
“Wait, what?” Emily asked. “What is going on?” At that, Sean turned red. Nathan put a pillow over his face and Will looked at the floor.
“Remember that thing about jellyfish and…” Will looked at Emily. She stared back and then nodded, remembering.
“Oh, I get it. Yes I remember. You have to… Oh Nate no!” She turned and looked at Nathan.
“Wait! You don’t know. The pain…” Nathan trailed off, sounding desperate as he looked from Emily to Olivia, who was clearly unimpressed. “Anyway, I couldn’t do it so…” He motioned his head towards Graeme who looked furious.
“You?!” Emily asked incredulously. Sean choked back what sounded like laughter.
“Doctor Moore had some issues. Turns out he’s a rather shy boy,” he offered. Graeme groaned and turned red. “So…” Sean looked meaningfully at Will.
“YOU DID IT!?” Both women yelped at him as they looked from Graeme to Will who squawked behind his hands.
“Will,” Emily admonished him. Will lowered his hands.
“That’s right!” he said firmly. “I peed on my friend! He needed my help so once again I stepped up! Think of me like Superman. I release my bladder where and when needed!”
“Kill me now,” Nathan said mournfully as Emily tried her hardest not to laugh. Olivia was shaking, unable to be annoyed any longer. Will looked defensive as he stood up. Emily smiled as she rubbed his arm which he put around her.
“In the interests of writing off this afternoon as a really bad episode of Friends, I’d like to say that I would pee on any of you. Strictly for medicinal purposes only. What you do in your own time is up to you,” he proclaimed. At that, they all began laughing.
And while they agreed that peeing was a horribly necessary evil, they also decided that it was something never ever to be talked about outside the confines of the Man Code.
