#grahamarthurchapman

[sirinterestingshockleton]

Sebastian

Hello long time no speak. Final university years on little mental health suck. I dare say I've lost loads of my followers due to being inactive, but this is a message out to anyone who knew and loved Sebastian @grahamarthurchapman @sebastians-memorial After Seb's funeral I promised I'd visit him next time I went to London. That ended up being nearly two years later, but here we are! I recently found out I'll be attending a conference at UCL in June, so I'm making time to do things while I'm there, including visiting Sebastian. This is a message to ask for ideas what I can take for Seb, and to ask if anyone would like me to take something for Seb on their behalf? If you do, drop me an ask and we can organise how to do it :) My ideas so far are to play him a few songs (ideas welcome, so far I have Let It Go, Baba O'Reilly, and something by Queen and The Beatles), take him roses if I can find a cheaper way of doing so (it might have to be supermarket roses sorry Seb!), sprinkle some glitter over him, and pour a little bit of gin over him. (For context, his ashes were buried under a rose bush). If anyone has any ideas (I need a Python idea?) or wants me to take something, please don't hesitate to get in touch. I'm lucky that I'm in the same country, I know Seb had lots of friends on tumblr from all over the world. I no longer know the url for Birdie (at one time circumference-of-a-moose) as I've been off tumblr for a while. If anyone knows it and thinks Birdie would like to hear about this, please tag them for me? I'll be visiting Seb at the end of June. Love to you all xx

[jsdeath]

Exhuming Emily (Dickinson In An English Lesson)

First is the scent. That fetid stench –

Each letter’s permeated –

Dracula-green-grey circumvents

The way her words created –

It’s that, at first. We reel, and thus –

We’re almost half unable –

We’ve gone and dug poor Emily up

And laid her on the table.

The flesh – well, no. That spider-skin –

The eyes transfix the soul,

Dilated back against the pen –

The left hand’s almost whole,

Kids, look – her quicksand body sinks

Syllable-breath beneath.

Shuffle a rib – th...

-- Sebastian (“by Sophie Bethan Stott”)

[spoonsfortea]

I may or may not have just eaten in excess of 10 ricecakes (somewhere in the region of 9 to 12 idk I can’t remember) and it may or may not be nearly 7am and I may or may not be quite drunk and I’ve been listening to Short Movie and looking through Seb’s blog because that’s the album I listened to when he died and I feel so much but equally nothing and he is still dead but he cannot be because he matters so much he matters so much he had so much life he was so alive he was so alive he was so alive and I want to make a deal with God to bring him back because this is wrong it’s so so wrong surely there’s some way he can come back

in some bar some day / I would see your face

now I can’t walk alone

who'll weep for them? sometimes I do / I do sometimes

you look at me and said ‘look at the moon, take it in it will be gone soon’

how will live without you / how can I live?

I’ve been up late with the night birds / begging the dawn not to come

it’s a short fucking movie, man

keep me sick to make me well / come on, what the hell?

no, I can’t give you up

they know that I loved you, but they’ll never know why

we’re young, and lost / need something to put our hopes up / need something to protect us

forgive me / forgive me / forgive me / forgive me

[spoonsfortea]

I had a dream about Sebastian last night. I had gone back in time to see him (in the dream we had spoken over the Internet but had never spoken in person) and he was talking to his other friend, mostly. We were in a classroom with big windows and it was night time. The other friend (who doesn’t exist in real life) was sitting at a table. I was standing at the opposite end of the room a few metres away and he was at first sitting on a chair (not properly - cross legged or with his legs up or something). I watched him talking to his friend, and then he got up and strolled around a bit. In between this scene was another, intermittently: the same room, a different time, and my real-life friend and I were sitting at one of the tables (I think where he had been sitting) and she was complaining about not wanting to get old. Something about being 20 going on 60. Back to the room with Sebastian and his friend. He walked up to me, and started talking to me. He talked about the printer being broken and then about mutual school friends or something, maybe his sisters? He seemed wonderfully okay and ordinary and he didn’t know that he would be dead soon but I did and his friend did. I think we’d travelled back in time to see him or something. And then I was looking at him, trying to see him as much as I could, and I thought about my conversation with my friend in another time but the same place and how he would never get old and he was standing behind me and I was sitting and there was barely any height difference between us and I held his soft little hand and cried loudly and I woke up crying holding my own stupid hand and with him singing Pinball Wizard in my head

[jsbirds]

[visionsofgideontheninth]

Do you still think of Seb

of course. when something shows up or happens that I think he would have found amusing or wonderful. I heard the phrase Contra Mundum the other day, that made me think of Sebastian. and also when heartbreaking things happen to other people that I know he experienced. 

you can come talk to me off anon, if you like. xoxo

[sirinterestingshockleton]

I still stalk Sebastian's blog all the time, I can't believe he's gone. Hope you're okay darling ❤️

I am, thank you. I was just wondering if anyone else finds as much comfort in his blog as I do. I find it a really nice thing, to have that collection of so much he loved, and so many of his thoughts, and I can access them so easily. I hope other people find comfort in that like I do. <3

[sirinterestingshockleton]

Sometimes I’ll just go on Seb’s blog and scroll through it reading his tags and his comments. Does anyone else do that? I guess some people it will help and some people it will upset. When there’s been a lack of Python on my dash I’ll go to a random page number of his Python tag and queue whatever I find there.

Sometimes I'll be doing it and think to myself “Is this a bit... creepy?”

But it’s just so nice to have his blog there to look at. I read his tags and laugh and remember all the things I liked about him. And I know it sounds dumb, but sometimes I feel like I’m keeping him with us a little bit, in reblogging his things.

There wasn’t a point to this post. Just in case any of you noticed me reblogging his stuff, I guess.