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Herodotus is kind of cute, and other quotes

So I need to eventually buy this book, but in the interim until I can transfer my sticky notes, these were my favorite parts of Herodotus' Histories as translated by George Rawlinson.

Book One {The book with the dolphin story}

"Now it happened that this Candaules was in love with his own wife; and not only so, but thought her the fairest woman in the whole world. This fancy had strange consequences."

"There was in the Paeanian district a woman named Phya, whose height only fell short of four cubits by three fingers' breadth, and who was altogether comely to look upon. This woman they clothed in complete armour, and, instructing her as to the carriage which she was to maintain in order to beseem her part, they placed her in a chariot and drove to the city. Heralds had been sent forward to precede her, and to make proclamation to this effect: 'Citizens of Athens, receive again Pisistratus with friendly minds. Minerva, who of all men honours him the most, herself conducts him back to her own citadel.' This they proclaimed in all directions, and immediately the rumour spread throughout the country districts that Minerva was bringing back her favorite. They of the city also, fully persuaded that the woman was the veritable goddess, prostrated themselves before her, and received Pisistratus back."

"This man was married to one of the king's female slaves, whose Median name was Spaco, which is in Greek Cyno, since in the Median tongue the word 'Spaca' means a bitch. ... Cyrus had been quite sure that he was the son of the king's cowherd, but on the road the king's escort had told him all the truth; and then he spoke of the cowherd's wife who had brought him up, and filled his whole talk with her praises; in all that he had to tell them about himself it was always Cyno - Cyno was everything. So it happened that his parents, catching the name at his mouth, and wishing to persuade the Persians that there was a special providence in his preservation, spread the report that Cyrus, when he was exposed, was suckled by a bitch. This was the sole origin of the rumour."

"The Persians, who had long been impatient of the Median dominion, now that they had found a leader, were delighted to shake off the yoke. Meanwhile Astyages, informed of the doings of Cyrus, sent a messenger to summon him to his presence. Cyrus replied 'Tell Astyages that I shall appear in his presence sooner than he will like.'"

"There is another peculiarity, which the Persians themselves have never noticed, but which has not escaped my observation. Their names, which are expressive of some bodily or mental excellence, all end with the same letter - the letter which is called San by the Dorians, and Sigma by the Ionians. Any one who examines will find that the Persian names, one and all without exception, end with this letter."

"The following is the way in which the loss of Smyrna happened. Certain men of Colophon had been engaged in a sedition there, and being the weaker party, were driven by the others into banishment. The Smyrnaens received the fugitives, who, after a time, watching their opportunity, while the inhabitants were celebrating a feast to Bacchus outside the walls, shut to the gates, and so got possession of the town."

"They have, however, one singular custom on which they differ from every other nation in the world. They take the mother's and not the father's name. Ask a Lycian who he is, and he answers by giving his own name, that of his mother, and so on in the female line. Moreover, if a free woman marry a man who is a slave, their children are full citizens; but if a free man marry a foreign woman, or live with a concubine, even though he be the first person in the State, the children forfeit all the rights of citizenship."

Okay but the whole story about Nitocris. She was so cool.

"When Cyrus reached this stream, which could only be passed in boats, one of the sacred white horses accompanying his march, full of spirit and high mettle, walked into the water, and tried to cross by himself; but the current seized him, swept him along with it, and drowned him in its depths. Cyrus, enraged at the insolence of the river, threatened so to break its strength that in future even women should cross it easily without wetting their knees. Accordingly he put off for a time his attack on Babylon, and, dividing his army into two parts, he marked out by ropes one hundred and eighty trenches on each side of Gyndes, leading off from it in all directions, and setting his army to dig, some on one side of the rive, some on the other, he accomplished his threat by the aid of so great a number of hands, but not without losing thereby the whole summer season. Having, however, thus wreaked his vengeance on the Gyndes, by dispersing it through three hundred and sixty channels, Cyrus with the first approach of the ensuing spring, marched forward against Babylon."

Also the entire thing with Massagetae because she was also just glorious.

Book Three {Cambyses is off his fuckin rocker}

"This, it is said, was the first outrage which Cambyses committed. The second was the slaying of his sister, who had accompanied him into Egypt, and lived with him as his wife, though she was his full sister, the daughter both of his father and his mother. The way wherein he had made her his wife was the following: - It was not the custom of the Persians, before this time, to marry their sisters - but Cambyses, happening to fall in love with one of his, and wishing to take her to wife, as he knew that it was an uncommon thing, called together the royal judges, and put it to them, 'whether there was any law which allowed a brother, if he wished, to marry his sister?' Now the royal judges are certain picked men among the Persians, who hold their office for life, or until they are found guilty of some misconduct. By them justice is administered in Persia, and they are the interpreters of the old laws, all disputes being referring to their decision. When Cambyses, therefore, put his question to these judges, the gave him an answer which was at once true and safe - 'they did not find any law,' the said, 'allowing a brother to take his sister to wife, but they found a law, that the king of the Persians might do whatever he pleased.' And so they neither warped the law through fear of Cambyses, nor ruined themselves by over stiffly maintaining the law; but they brought another quite distinct law to the king's help, which allowed him to have his wish."

"[His cupbearer] Cambyses is said to have once addressed as follows: - 'What sort of man, Prexaspes, do the Persians think me? What do they say of me?' Prexaspes answered, 'Oh! sire, they praise thee greatly in all things but one - they say thou art too much given to love of wine.' Such Prexaspes told him was the judgment of the Persians; whereupon Cabmyses, full of rage, made answer, 'What? they say now that I drink too much wine, and so have lost my senses, and am gone out of my mind! Then their former speeches about me were untrue.' ... Recollecting these answers, Cambyses spoke fiercely to Prexaspes, saying, 'Judge now thyself, Prexaspes, whether the Persians tell the truth, or whether it is not they who are mad for speaking as they do. Look there now at thy son standing in the vestibule - if I shoot and hit him right in the middle of the heart, it will be plain the Persians have no grounds for what they say: if I miss him, then I allow that the Persians are right, and that I am out of my mind.' So speaking he drew his bow to the full, and struck the boy, who straightaway fell down dead. Then, Cambyses ordered the body to be opened, and the wound examined; and when the arrow was found to have entered the heart, the king was quite overjoyed, and said to the father a laugh, 'Now thou seest plainly, Prexaspes, that it is not I who am mad, but the Persians who have lost their senses. I pray three tell me, sawest thou ever mortal man send an arrow with better aim?' Prexaspes, seeing hat the king was not in his right mind, and fearing for himself, replied, 'Oh! my lord, I do not think that God himself could shoot so dexterously.' Such was the outrage which Cambyses committed at this time: at another, he took twelve of the noblest Persians, and, without bringing any charge worthy of death against them, buried them all up to the neck."

The ring and the fish story.

"When the banished Samians reached Sparta, they had audience of the magistrates, before whom they made a long speech, as was natural with persons greatly in want of aid. Accordingly at this first sitting the Spartans answered them, that they had forgotten the first half of their speech, and could make nothing of the remainder. Afterwards the Samians had another audience, whereat they simply said, showing a bag which they had brought with them, 'The bag wants flour.' They Spartans answered that they did not need to have said 'the bag'; however, they resolved to give them aid."

"At last Periander made proclamation that whoever harboured his son or even spoke to him, should forfeit a certain sum of money to Apollo. On hearing this no one an longer liked to take him in, or even to hold converse with him, and he himself [Periander's son] did not think it right to seek to do what was forbidden; so, abiding by his resolve, he made his lodging in the public porticos. When four days had passed in this way, Periander, seeing how wretched his son was, that he neither washed nor took any food, felt moved with compassion towards him; wherefore, foregoing his anger, he approached him, and said, 'Which is better, oh! my son, to fare as now thou farest, or to receive my crown and all the good things that I possess on the cone condition of submitting thyself to thy father? See, now, though my own child, and lord of this wealthy Corinth, thou hast brought thyself to a beggar's life, because thou must resist and treat with anger him who it least behoves thee to oppose. If there has been a calamity, and thou bearest me ill will on that account, bethink thee that I too feel it, and am the greatest sufferer, in as much as it was by me that the deed was done. For thyself, now that thou knowest how much better a thing it is to be envied than pitied, and how dangerous it is to indulge anger against parents and superiors, come back with me to thy home.' With such words as these did Periander chide his son but the son made no reply, except to remind his father that he was indebted to the god in the penalty for coming and holding converse with him."

The fucking Smerdis affair.

Book VII {Xerxes is also off his fucking rocker}

"For my own part I believe that,even without this, the crown would have gone to Xerxes; for Atossa was all-powerful."

"Towards this tongue of land then, the men to whom the business was assigned carried out a double bridge [across the Hellespont] from Abydos; and while the Phoenicians constructed one line with cables of white flax, the Egyptians in the other used ropes made of papyrus. Now it is seven furlongs across the Abydos to the opposite cost. When, therefore, the channel had been bridged successfully, it happened that a great storm arising broke the whole work to pieces, and destroyed all that had been done. So when Xerxes heard of it he was full of wrath, and straightway gave orders that the Hellespont should receive three hundred lashes, and that a pair of fetters should be cast into it. Nay, I have even heard it said, that he bade the branders take their irons and therewith brand the Hellespont. It is certain that he commanded those who scourged the waters to utter, as they lashed them, these barbarian and wicked words: 'Thou bitter water, thy lord lays on thee this punishment because thou hast wronged him without a cause, having suffered no evil at his hands. Verily King Xerxes will cross thee, whether thou wilt or no. Well dost thou deserve that no man should honour thee with sacrifice; for thou art of a truth a treacherous and unsavoury river,' While the sea was thus punished by his orders, he likewise commanded that the overseers of the work should lose their heads."

"The army had begun its march, when Pythius of Lydian, affrighted at the heavenly portent, and emboldened by his gifts, came to Xerxes and said -- 'Grant me, O my lord! a favour which is to thee a light matter, but to me of vast account.' Then Xerxes, who looked for nothing less than such a prayer as Pythius in fact preferred, engaged to grant him whatever he wished, and commanded him to tell his wish freely. So Pythius, full of boldness, went on to say -- 'O my lord! thy servant has five sons; and it chances that all are called upon to join thee in this march against Greece. I beseech thee, have compassion upon my years; and let one of my sons, the eldest, remain behind, to be my prop and stay, and the guardian of my wealth. Take with thee the other four; and when thou hast done all that is in thy heart, mayest thou come back in safety.' But Xerxes was greatly angered, and replied to him: 'Thou wretch! darest thou speak to my of thy son, when I am myself on the march against Greece, with sons, and brothers, and kinsfolk, and friends? Thou, who are my bond-slave, and art in duty bound to follow me with all thy household, not excepting thy wife! Know that man's spirit dwelleth in his ears, and when it hears good things, straightway it fills his body with delight; but not sooner does it hear the contrary than it heaves and swells with passion. As when thou didst good deeds and madest good offers to me, thou wert notable to boast of having outdone the king in bountifulness, so now when thou art changed and grown impudent, thou shalt not receive all thy deserts, but less. For thyself and four of thy five sons, the entertainment which I had of thee shall gain protection; but as for him to whom thou clingest above the rest, the forfeit of his life shall be thy punishment.' Having thus spoken, forthwith he commanded those to whom such tasks were assigned, to seek out the eldest of the sons of Pythius, and having cut his body asunder, to place the two halves, one on the right, the other on the left, of the great road, so that the army might march out between them."

Book VIII {War, what is it good for?}

"Now the Persians had with them a man named Scyllias, a native of Scioné, who was the most expert diver of his day. At the time of the shipwreck off Mount Pelion he had recovered for the Persians a great part of what they lost; and at the same time he had taken care to obtain for himself a good share of the treasure. He had for some time been wishing to go over to the Greeks; but no good opportunity had offered till now, when the Persians were making the muster of their ships. In what way he contrived to reach the Greeks I am not able to say for certain: I marvel much if the tale that is commonly told be true. 'Tis said he dived into the sea at Aphetae. a distance of nearly eighty furlongs. Now many things are related of this man which are plainly false; but some of the stories seem to be true. My own opinion is that on this occasion he made the passage to Artemisium in a boat."

"It was while they were at this station that a herald reached them from Xerxes, whom he had sent after making the following dispositions with respect to the bodies of those who feel at Thermopylae. Of the twenty thousand who had been slain of the Persian side, he left one thousand upon the field while he buried the rest in trenches; and these he carefully filled up with earth, and his with foliage, that the sailors might not see any signs of them. The herald, on reaching Histiæa, caused the whole force to be collected together, and spake thus to them: 'Comrades, King Xerxes gives permission to all who please, to quiet their posts, and see how he fights with the senseless men who think to overthrow his armies.' No sooner had these words been uttered, than it became difficult to get a boat, so great was the number of those who desired to see the sight. Such as went crossed the strait, and passing among the heaps of dead, in this way viewed the spectacle. Many Helots were included in the slain, but every one imagined that the bodies were all either Lacedæmonians or Thespians. However, no one was deceived by what Xerxes had done with his own dead. It was indeed most truly a laughable device -- on the one side a thousand men were seen lying about the field, on the other four thousand crowded together into one spot."

"The Athenians say that they have in their Acropolis a huge serpent, which lives in the temple, and is the guardian of the whole place. Nor do they only say this, but, as if the serpent really dwelt there, every month they lay out its food, which consists of a honey-cake. Up to this time the honey-cake had always been consumed; but not it remained untouched. So the priestess told the people what had happened; whereupon they left Athens the more readily, since they believed that the goddess had already abandoned the citadel."

"And the Greeks, having resolved that they would neither proceed further in pursuit of the barbarians, nor push forward to the Hellespont and destroy the passage, laid siege to Andros, intending to take the town by storm. For Themistocles had required the Andrians to pay down a sum of money; and they had refused, being the first of all the islanders who did so. To his declaration, 'that the money must needs be paid, as the Athenians had brought with him two might gods -- Persuasion and Necessity,' they made reply, that 'Athens might well be a great and glorious city, since she was blest with such excellent gods; but they were wretchedly poor, stinted for land, and cursed with too unprofitable gods, who always dwelt with them and would never quit their island -- to wit, Poverty and Helplessness. These were the gods of the Andreians, and therefore they would not pay the money. For the power of Athens could not possible be stronger than their inability.' This reply, coupled with the refusal to pay the sum required, caused their city to be besieged by the Greeks."

"There is likewise another account given of the return of the king. It is said that when Xerxes on his way from Athens arrived at Eïon upon the Strymon, he gave up traveling by land, and, entrusting Hydarnes with the conduct of his forces to the Hellespont, embarked himself on board a Phœnician ship, and so crossed into Asia. On his voyage the ship was assailled by a strong wind blowing from the mouth of the Strymon, which caused the sea to run high. As the storm increased, and the ship laboured heavily, because of the number of the Persians who had come in the king's train, and who now crowded the deck, Xerxes was seized with fear, and called out to the helmsman in a loud voice, asking him, if there were any means whereby they might escape the danger. 'No means, master' the helmsman answered, 'unless we could be quit of these too numerous passengers.' Xerxes, they say, on hearing this, addressed the Persians as follows: 'Men of Persia,' he said, 'now is the time for you to show what love ye bear your king. My safety, as it seems, depends wholly upon you.' So spake the king; and the Persians instantly made obeisance, and then leapt over into the sea. Thus was the ship lightened, and Xerxes got safe to Asia. As soon as he had reached the shore, he sent for the helmsman, and gave him a golden crown because he had preserved the life of the king, -- but because he had caused the death of a number of Persians, he ordered his head to be struck from his shoulders."

Book IX

"At the same time they sent ambassadors to Lacedæmon, who were to reproach the Lacedæmonians for having allowed the barbarian to advance into Attica, instead of joining them and going out to meet him in Bœtia. They were likewise to remind the Lacedæmonians of the offers by which the Persian had sought to win Athens over to his side, and to warn them, that is no aid came from Sparta, the Athenians must consult for their own safety. The truth was, the Lacedæmonians were keeping holiday at that time; for it was the feast of the Hyacinthia, and they thought nothing of so much moment as to perform the service of the god."

"They therefore placed the dead body of Masistius upon a cart, and paraded it along the ranks of the army. Now the body was a sight which well deserved to be gazed upon, being remarkable both for stature and for beauty; and it was to stop the soldiers from leaving their ranks to look at it, that they resolved to carry it around."

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