Kiru's Advent Calendar, Day 23🏆
The day is here - finally, the Great Rainbow Bake Off actually takes place! Read all about who won and why :) This whole series was really fun to write and I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I did 💕 (Rating T, chaos/fluff, ~3.8k words)
.
The outpour of support is overwhelming. IQ helped her source and install a few more ovens in Rainbow’s canteen, multiple people provided identical utensils, appliances and other kitchen needs, and both Mozzie and Echo volunteered for the camera work. Even Mute got involved and set up a livestream and a large screen in the lounge so absolutely everyone can follow the competition without getting in the way. Identifying the two judges was easy and Twitch herself is content in merely commenting on the proceedings and making sure everyone gets their time to shine. As host, it’s her duty to introduce the contestants as well as set an appropriate mood, and if the complete silence in the lounge next door is anything to go by, the pastries she provided for the audience are doing the trick.
After explaining the format a little and welcoming everyone, she turns to face the orderly queue of bakers with Sledge at the helm.
“I’m confident”, he replies to her question of how he feels about today. “It’s been a while since I worked this hard on anything, and I’m already proud of what I’ve accomplished so far. As long as I don’t accidentally break anything, I should be good.”
Once he’s moved out of the frame and to his workstation, Kapkan takes his place, facing the camera stoically. “I am going to win”, he states and immediately leaves.
“Against popular demand, I will not reprise my brownies from Rainbow’s first Christmas party. I do value my pay check too much.” Bandit grins at the instant uproar from the lounge and good-naturedly flips everyone off.
Finally, Dokkaebi appears, already wearing her apron, her hair neatly pulled back. “I’m just here to prove that Asians can bake”, she says as if anyone had ever questioned that fact.
Huh. Twitch turns to the other end of the room where Ace is busy listening to a seemingly endless anecdote by the second judge. Addressing Dokkaebi, she asks: “Did he -”
A nod, followed by a smile that’s a little too bright. “Sure did! That’s why I prepared a special surprise, just for him. To show him what I’m capable of.”
Fair enough, Twitch is intrigued. After everyone has taken position, she motions her judges over and addresses the four contestants who display varying levels of excitement (ranging from manic by Dokkaebi to deadpan by Kapkan). “Welcome to your first and only challenge today here at the first Great Rainbow Bake Off. These are your judges, Håvard and Adriano, and they would like -”
“Wait.” Sledge seems confused. “Why are you a judge, Adrianito?”
Twitch has never before witnessed Maestro being at a loss for words. He squirms uncomfortably next to her, starting a few sentences yet unable to follow through, and after a few seconds, Sledge is overcome by a sudden realisation.
“You can bake!”, he accuses with the same gravitas a widow would the murderer of her husband. “You lied to me.”
“I had to, cioccolatino, you would have used me to cheat.”
“Maybe we can postpone this conversation until -” Her attempt at defusing the situation is interrupted by the righteous fury of a Scotsman wronged.
“I trusted you. I felt for you. And as I stood there, filled with the despair of a man doomed to fail, as I laid my soul bare in our kitchen, all this time you could’ve fixed it? Was all my blood, sweat and tears just a game to you? I saw how well you slept, your conscience clean, did my plight mean nothing to you?”
Sledge’s emotion-laden roar easily triumphs over Maestro’s weak excuses. “I can’t be accused of favouritism, amore mio, I didn’t want -”
“After this, nobody will ever think of you as anything but impartial, well done, you have made it abundantly clear where your priorities lie and it’s not with your talentless, pitiful husband.”
“Please listen to me -”
“And Jesus wept!”
By now, Bandit looks like he’s going to crack a rib from suppressed laughter any minute. Neither Kapkan nor Dokkaebi seem particularly impressed, and there’s obvious panic lining Ace’s features as he looks back and forth between the arguing couple like it’s a tennis match. Twitch is pretty sure Sledge would be winning if it was, and also absolutely certain the Scotsman has spent entirely too much time with the Martello family and their dramatic streak. “Perhaps it’s better -”
“I will be baking today, but you know what? I am not doing it for you anymore.”
Sledge’s crossed arms indicate his side of the conversation to be over, and though Maestro must be dying a thousand deaths inside, he pulls himself together and lifts his chin defiantly. “Very well. I look forward to the results.”
“Get a room”, Dokkaebi comments and earns two genuinely frightening glares.
“In any case”, Twitch continues as if nothing happened at all, “the, uh, judges would, um, like you to make sixteen identical cookies. They don’t need to be Christmas-themed, although it doesn’t hurt your chances, and they should be baked well, taste amazing, and have just the right consistency. You have one and a half hours – on your marks, get set, bake!”
And it’s wonderful to watch them just burst into activity, getting out mixing bowls and scales, sort their ingredients, check their recipes. Like a bunch of well-oiled machines who form something greater than the sum of its parts.
“Should we make the rounds? Check on everyone?”, Twitch suggests to her two judges. Maestro’s expression gives nothing away as he nods, so she leans over to him to whisper: “Do you need a quick cry? Or are you alright?”
“I’m perfectly fine”, he assures her and she chooses to ignore his quivering lip.
As it so happens, Sledge is the first one they approach. “So, Seamus – what are you baking for us today?”
“Shortbread with a side of betrayal”, he replies evenly and when Maestro immediately starts defending himself again, Twitch and Ace exchange a brief look before sidestepping to Kapkan’s workbench instead, dragging Mozzie with them so the other two men can argue in peace.
“So, um, Maxim, what kind of cookies are you making?”
“Pryaniki”, comes the curt answer.
“What are they?”
“Delicious.”
“I mean… what are they made of?”
“Flour. And honey.”
“Just flour and honey?”
“Some other stuff, too.”
“Okay. Great talk. Thanks and good luck!” Twitch and Ace just shrug at each other, unsure of what they’re going to be eating later, and then move on to Bandit who’s currently watching his stand mixer beat some air into what looks like egg whites.
“Hi”, he greets them cheerfully, straightaway putting Twitch on edge.
“These are egg whites, right?”, she inquires with a healthy amount of scepticism.
“Yep.”
“… just egg whites.”
“Sure are.”
“Nothing else.”
“Of course not.”
He continues beaming at her with possibly fake innocence as the noise level rises in the other room, the other operators no doubt speculating as to the actual composition of the stiffening mass. “He wouldn’t be so crass”, Ace dismisses Twitch’s suspicion, earning muffled laughter from their audience. His expression slowly shifts from unconcerned to vague dread at that reaction. “… right?”
“Can you tell us a bit about your cookies?”, she intentionally shifts the focus away from what might become a meringue, provided Bandit isn’t lying, which is a 50-50 chance. She’ll take it.
“I could, but I don’t want to”, is his enigmatic reply. “It’ll be a surprise.”
Twitch’s alarm bells are going off and yet she forces a smile. “Well, we’re… looking forward to it. Did you practice a lot?”
“Made them once. I’ll be fine.”
As they make their way over to Dokkaebi, Ace addresses her in a conspiratorial whisper: “If that’s a meringue he’s making, he’ll mess it up for sure. You need to bake it long enough but not too long, it needs to be beaten to stiff peaks and I doubt he knows what that looks like, and if he’s folding anything in, he’s likely to knock all the air out of it if he’s not careful. It’s ambitious and I don’t believe he’ll pull it off.”
Though Twitch had much the same thoughts, her inherent optimism refuses to accept Ace’s assessment at face value. She still believes in Bandit, even if he’s prone to sabotage competitions like this one. “Will you be impressed if he gets it right?”
“Yeah, I’ll give him a handshake if he does.”
“How about you snog him if he does!”, Smoke calls from the other side of the room.
Is he even supposed to be in here?
Ace rolls his eyes. “Sure. I have so little faith in him that I accept that.”
The Brit manages to exchange an encouraging thumbs up as well as a wide grin with Bandit before he’s thrown out into the lounge and if she’s honest, Twitch is quietly rooting for Bandit now.
“I actually have a little surprise as well”, Dokkaebi informs them once the attention is on her. “I’m making two kinds of cookies, one is macadamia chocolate chip and the other a very special treat for Ace.”
Interesting. “What makes them so special?”
“Glad you ask.” Thusly prompted, Dokkaebi pulls out a small jar of what looks like to be a light brown paste. “This is an ingredient you don’t find in normal cuisines here, that’s why I really wanted to use it. My second set of cookies will be baked with it, and it’s made specifically for you.”
“I’m intrigued.” Ace eyes the mystery ingredient with a frown. “What’s it called?”
“Gae-sae-kki.” And with a lovely smile, Dokkaebi simply gets on with it.
The next hour and a half is a flurry of events Twitch can’t even summarise succinctly. Sledge and Maestro finally manage to make up after half the time is over, meaning Sledge is scrambling for the rest of the time, running around in a panic until Dokkaebi offers her help which he gladly accepts. Bandit is done early and starts harassing the other bakers, first and foremost Kapkan who eventually challenges him to a blindfolded game of tag – meaning Bandit spends fifteen minutes crashing into things and yelling for Kapkan to disclose his location whereas Kapkan took the blindfold off immediately and went back to icing his pryaniki without a care in the world.
At least one oven malfunctions, Dokkaebi burns her butter and makes everyone cough their lungs out (even next door), Echo nearly commits suicide by Kapkan when he stumbles and almost knocks his finished cookies off the counter, Maestro recounts various stories at least one of which features a bog mummy (it’s not entirely clear with the other two) and Mute features audience-made memes in a corner of the livestream, allowing them to vote on them to keep engagement up.
And then, finally, Twitch gets to announce: “Your time is up! Please stop fiddling with your cookies. Well done, everyone!”
The lounge erupts into loud applause after which they do another short round of interviews while the four contestants clean up their stations. There’s a tension palpable in the air, now that the stress is over: they feel it, it’s getting serious. The judging is about to begin. All eyes are directed to the front, to the small table placed before Maestro and Ace.
Twitch savours the silence a bit longer, relishes the attention for just a moment. She knows how hard they worked during the past week (most of them anyway, she’s not convinced Bandit has worked a day in his life), knows they finally got a taste of what it means to spend hours in the kitchen producing delicious goods to share with others, knows they’re all trying to win. This is partly why she stepped down from judging herself: she’d declare all of them winners, no doubt. She couldn’t pick a favourite.
“Grace, would you like to bring your cookies to the front?”, she eventually prompts, to which Dokkaebi just nods.
Her first batch is beautiful, slightly browned on the outside, a good balance of macadamia nuts and chocolate chips, not too flat but also not too dense either. They’re uniform, all of them the same size and colour. Twitch can tell both judges are impressed. While they’re chewing, she grabs one and tries it herself – and wow.
Okay.
Forget about all that not being able to pick a favourite, this is the best chocolate chip cookie she’s ever eaten. The browned butter gives it a light roast aroma, the brown sugar emphasising this darkish sweetness, and the macadamia nuts lift the taste back up, brighten it a little. It’s delicious. She needs this recipe.
“Amazing”, says Ace, utterly flabbergasted. “These are perfect. I have absolutely nothing negative to say.”
“What a flavour. What a flavour! You have created a miracle, my dear, this is a feast for the senses, utterly divine, if I could choose my last meal on earth right now, it would be this. Never before -”
And while Maestro waxes poetically into the nearest camera, Dokkaebi points to the second, smaller batch she’s presenting. “These are just for you, Ace. I hope you like them.”
The Norwegian eagerly shoves one of the unassuming-looking biscuits into his mouth, likely expecting similar excellence. The longer he chews, the more confused his expression becomes until it flips over into thinly-veiled disgust. With difficulty, he swallows everything and is left grimacing wildly. “An… acquired taste. I’m sure it tastes different to you, but -”
“Oh, I’d never eat this”, she objects, remaining unfailingly pleasant.
Ace blinks at her. “Didn’t you use something traditionally Korean? Or something like that? What was that stuff you showed us?”
“That was just pureed dog food. Merry Christmas!” With that, she grabs the tray with the chocolate chip cookies and walks out the door, only to be greeted with roaring approval in the lounge, the noise deafening for the brief moment before she closes the door behind her.
“I think you deserved that”, Twitch mutters in Ace’s direction, the man staring down at the dog food biscuits in horror and seemingly contemplating his life choices.
“- a poem in baked form”, Maestro finishes his verbose speech and turns back to the two of them. “On to the next one?”
.
They take a short break while Ace brushes his teeth and drinks about a litre of water just to get the taste out of his mouth, and Bandit admits he’s not so sure about wanting to kiss him anymore. Twitch fills Maestro in about what he missed and the Italian laughs so loudly he causes a brief feedback loop and even Mute takes the time to dash into the lounge just to congratulate Dokkaebi.
Twitch does feel a little bad for Ace, all things considered, but he takes it in stride despite his slightly paler face than usual.
“Let’s continue then. Dom, do you want to present your cookies next?”
“Sure.” When he puts his tray down, Twitch instantly knows he won’t need a mistletoe this year. She’s not sure what kind of cookies they are, but she knows a good meringue when she sees one – next to no cracks, shiny on the outside, and when she picks one up, it’s wonderfully light without being sticky.
“They look good”, Ace admits reluctantly.
“Made them especially for you.”
“Forgive me if I’m hesitant to eat them, but the last time I heard that…”
Twitch snorts and is the first to try them. It’s crunchy, lovely and sweet with a hint of almond – probably ground almonds folded into the mixture. And yeah, it’s nice, but… nothing groundbreaking. There’s no twist on it, no personal note she can discern, and it’s certainly no reason to stare motionlessly into space and look like the world just stopped turning. Concerned, she nudges Ace. “You alright?”
He shakes himself out of his stupor and stares at Bandit who’s displaying his trademark smug grin, the one he wears whenever he’s inordinately pleased with himself. “Where did you get this recipe?”
“Remind you of something?” Bandit is positively beaming. “Well, Siv sends her regards. These are her vepsebol.”
Twitch is worried Ace’s eyes are going to fall out of his skull any second now. “You – you talked to my mum?!”
“Yeah, no biggie. She’s absolutely charming. I asked her what your favourite cookie was when you were a kid, and she was kind enough to help me bake it.” No wonder Bandit is exuding self-satisfaction. His grin is contagious and Twitch finds herself smiling along with it. “I told you I was taking this seriously.”
Ace is speechless, for the second time now.
“They are quite good”, Maestro agrees and Twitch considers taking the tray back just so he doesn’t eat them all.
And something happens just then, something shifts in Ace’s expression as he realises the man notorious for playing pranks on everyone, the man said to care about nobody but himself, the very man who’d normally torpedo a happening like this went to the lengths of finding out something this personal about him just so he could present him with cookies from his childhood. No sarcasm, no backhand.
“Do you need a cry?”, she asks him quietly.
“I’m fine”, he replies, a little choked up. “Let’s, let’s just keep going.”
Still radiating smugness, Bandit goes back to his workstation to make space for Sledge.
What looks like plain shortbread turns out to be flavoured with lemon zest and ginger, a delicious combination they all compliment, much to his pride, and Twitch is glad to see the couple back to their usual harmony when Maestro holds yet another speech about how it’s the journey that counts and not the destination, and that he’s so proud of how far Sledge has come.
The implication isn’t lost on her, though. The shortbread is fine, but a little unimpressive.
Kapkan is the only one left and from one peek, Twitch can tell his offering is something else. He’s baked the pryaniki into small slabs and decorated them to perfection, adorned them with simple yet elegant Christmas designs like baubles, stars, a Santa hat and even a delicately feathered fir branch. The royal icing is piped with precision, framing each cookie with a cute ribbon and flooded with white so the colours he’s employed stand out more.
“These look exquisite”, Ace speaks what they’re all thinking. “They’re properly set, and underneath they’re all the same colour.”
Twitch lets out a content hum when the taste spreads on her tongue, a rich, satisfying, warm flavour – there’s all kinds of Christmas-y spices involved and the honey brings it all together. This is exactly the kind of cookie she wants to eat throughout December when it’s cold and wet outside and she needs a little pick-me-up.
The two judges concur with her mental assessment, expressing their enthusiasm vocally to an entirely impassive face, and suddenly it’s time to retreat and choose a winner.
While Maestro and Ace withdraw to a corner of the room to compare the participants’ creations, Twitch joins the four bakers (Dokkaebi begrudgingly returned for the award ceremony) to congratulate them on a job well done.
“I’m just happy with what I made”, Sledge summarises his experience with a sincere nod. “I’ve never spent that much time in the kitchen before and I doubt I’ll do it again, but it was fun.”
Dokkaebi agrees. “Yeah, I’ve already found twenty new recipes I wanna try out. No dog food, though.”
“If they give you the win, I’ll strip for you”, Bandit promises (threatens?) her. “They can’t. You probably made the best cookies, but you bet people will try to feed Ace the most disgusting shit if he lets you get away with that.”
“Do you mean yourself by ‘people’?”, she grins.
“By the way, were you actually trying to win?”, Twitch wants to know from Bandit, who gives her an enigmatic shrug.
“Well. I won’t win the competition I don’t think, but I’ve won something else.” He catches Ace’s gaze across the room and winks at him, earning no discernible reaction. Though Twitch thinks she sees Ace’s cheeks darken a little. Then, something else occurs to her.
“Are you not worried, Maxim?”
The Russian frowns at her question. “Of course not. With Grace disqualified, I’m going to win.”
“But aren’t you worried about the implications?” He’s still not understanding. “You’re known as a fearless hunter. You crush cans with your forehead and open bottles with your eye socket. You have a reputation, you know. Don’t you think being crowned best amateur baker in Rainbow because of your delicate decorations will… undermine that? A little?”
Finally, realisation sets in and Kapkan’s eyes widen. “Oh. Oh no.”
Just then, Maestro and Ace step back into the limelight, carrying a trophy and trying their best to look professional. “It was a difficult decision and I’d like to preface this by saying you’ve all done really well, except for Grace, who can go eat a dick.”
“Fuck off!”, Dokkaebi yells back, chipper. Nobody is paying much attention to an increasingly frantic Kapkan.
“But now we can crown the first victor of the Great Rainbow Bake Off! And the winner is -”
“No! Don’t say it!”
“- Maxim!”
“No!”
“Come over here and accept your trophy.”
Sledge manages to grab the man before he can escape and together with Maestro, they wrestle him in front of the camera, ignoring his cries for help and attempts to break free – Dokkaebi shoves the small trophy into Kapkan’s hands while Echo snaps a few pictures, just in case, and Twitch is somehow not at all surprised this ended in chaos.
To ensure at least their audience experiences a satisfying conclusion, she pulls Mozzie off to the side and smiles into the camera. “I suppose that’s it, thank you all for joining us, it’s been a joy to -”
“Actually, can you stand over here?” Mozzie is focused on something in the distance, motioning for her to step a little to the right and gives her a thumbs up once he’s happy with her position.
“Uh, like I said, it’s been great and I hope we can do this again sometime.” Mozzie is still not looking at her. Without turning, she asks: “Let me guess, Dom and Håvard are making out behind me?”
The cheeky grin is all she needs to know.
“Sounds like a few Christmas miracles happened today. Happy holidays everyone, bye!” And as she waves, Mute lets her know he’s cut the livestream.
That’s it then, the event is over. And as Twitch surveys the room, all the bright smiles and easy laughs, the people trickling in from the next room eager to deliver supportive messages to their favourite participant, hands grabbing cookies and breaking them in half to share them, she affirms that yes. Yes, she’d love to do this again.
