#grepression

[groundfault]

done is better than good

I'm like chronically bad at releasing stuff, it's crazy. I released two awful albums in 2014 and 2015 on SoundCloud (some of the tracks aren't even on there) and then gave up and only posted a few finished songs until A New Dusk. Those old songs on my YouTube channel were often finished a year before they were posted, and most of A New Dusk was done over two years before it came out. Maybe I have some stuff posted earlier that I forgot about. I can't find my old account on house-mixes.com.

I don't know how I'm going to go back and release the few albums' worth of songs from 2015 to 2019, it's just so daunting. Some of them, the ones I wrote in notation software, may be gone forever. I'm constantly doing this to myself.

But whatever I have, I have to put it out. I've been wanting to release "the ground archives" for years now. If my game ever comes out, I'm going to release some of the music I'm remaking for it, namely my Octonia Symphony from 2018/2019. I have to track down the files.

Speaking of which, it's been about six years since the emergence of my distinctive style (which probably started with a Hazbin Hotel cover of all things) which was in turn six years since I started releasing music seriously. I've really plateaued on everything besides tuning knowledge, singing, and determination to release things. My requirement to release an album a year is really helping me.

The way I see it, skill isn't the ability to do things. It's the ability to finish them.

[groundfault]

Here's a really sad mental health awareness post:

If you have a mental illness that belongs in the "scary" category (bipolar, BPD, anything psychotic, addiction to some extent), you can't expect anyone to treat you right when you're having an episode. Even people you trust will hurt you because they're stressed and don't know how to deal with you, and that's not really their fault. You will hurt the people around you, and your remorse won't be enough to fix it. You will be shamed and disciplined for decisions that weren't fully yours. No matter how much help you get, you will be told to get more whenever your symptoms are apparent, as if you haven't even been trying. Sometimes, people will decide that the best option is to just get you away from them. Surprisingly often, they may treat your illness like a moral failing, even if they don't treat less disruptive mental illnesses that way. It's naturally hard to be nice to someone when their disability directly causes toxic behavior. There's no solution to this, it just sucks. It's not right to be bitter about it.